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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by TexasChic on May 4, 2006, at 20:53:30
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interview! » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on May 4, 2006, at 7:37:16
> Congratulations on both counts!
>
> It is so hard to be dispassionate about a workplace and the people in it (in my experience, anyway). The best and only advice I can give is not to try to prevent how you feel, but just notice it when it happens. Like, "hmm, I start to cry when (whomever it is) makes a critical remark". You're not stuffing down your emotions, and you're not trying to change what you feel or how you react to things.
>
> (This is magic, ok? It's making a world of difference to me, and it's pretty easy. Just try it for a day.)Sounds like good advice! I've kind of figured out what upsets me most has to do with cuteboy. I don't think I would have been upset for so long about the bitchygirls if it weren't for his involvement.
Today I accidently talked to him. He brought me my printouts and they had stuck together. He just looked so funny, saying, "um, something happened here." I just started laughing and said "thanks". I guess that's what you mean about not stuffing down your feelings. Its just not natural for me to be unfriendly or indifferent to people. But I don't want him to think I'm okay with his actions. But I guess if he doesn't get that by now, he doesn't really care much anyway. I'm so ready to get away from that whole work situation.
I was good about avoiding the drama today. I was even nice to bitchygirl, and she actually said "thanks". Actually I'm always nice, it just seemed to be more recognized today.
I go outside at lunch so I don't have to see everyone order in (intentionally leaving me out) and eat it in front of me. One of Coldshoulder's guy friends, who is rumored to have been more than friends with her at one time, always comes out and talks to me at lunch. Hm-m-m.
-T
Posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2006, at 7:12:00
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » ClearSkies, posted by TexasChic on May 4, 2006, at 20:53:30
> I go outside at lunch so I don't have to see everyone order in (intentionally leaving me out) and eat it in front of me.
Do you feel the emotional trap in that sentence?
People group themselves by unnatural means, e.g. the random collection that came to be you and your co-workers, or by other undefined criteria. However it is that this other group has formed, it has formed such that you are not a charter member (it was there before you were). Nor, apparently, are you a potential member. I sense much of your emotion arises from the way you frame the current situation. You aren't a member of that group, yet you keep letting yourself expect to receive member's benefits. That, my dear TC, is entirely up to you.
All the best on your new job opportunities. New job means new people. New groups. New opportunities to try new thinking.
Thumbs up.
Lar
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:12:32
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on May 5, 2006, at 7:12:00
Actually, I was part of the group for several months. The two girls sought me out when I was just fine staying to myself. I mean they would literally say, "Stop being so anti-social and come over and join us". Then one day they abruptly stopped talking to me for no apparent reason. I eventually found out this is a pattern with them, a way of bullying people.
The reason I eat lunch outside is because they like to get everyone except me to order food, and then bring it to the desk right beside me and hand it out. And by everyone I mean everyone in the department, not just their group. They are very childish.
However, I do see what you're saying about setting myself up for failure. After this episode, I doubt I'll ever have a problem with that in concern to making friends at work though. I'm think I'm kind of traumatized from this whole thing.
I'm glad you're back Larry!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:54:06
In reply to Re: I didn't cry today and I've got another interv » Larry Hoover, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:12:32
I've noticed a change in the bitchygirls' behavior for the past couple of days. Remember I said bitchygirl said "Thank you" to me the other day? I've also noticed coldshouldergirl has stopped avoiding the printers when I'm there, which she'd very noticably been doing. Well today they actually asked me if I wanted to order lunch!!! Not only that, but when getting the list together I heard bitchygirl ask the girl making the list, "Did you ask T?" Like all of a sudden, she's all concerned about me!
I don't know how their warped thinking works, but I think its somehow connected to me having interviews. They're always complaining about what a dump our work is and how horrible they treat you, and how they have GOT to get another job. But they never do. But you would think they would be jealous instead of suddenly being friendly. Who knows? I'm so sick of trying to interpret their actions that I don't even care enough to try to find out.
I'm going to go shopping for an interview suit this weekend (wish me luck). I also have to fix up my portfolio. I think the place I'm interviewing at on Monday is much more corporate than any I've been to before, so I'll have to spiff things up.
Its weird how there's all these job opportunities all of a sudden. And at good places too! I wonder if it has to do with the surge in population from the misplaced New Orlean's people. I figured that would make it harder to get a job, but I guess with more consumers comes a need for more products. I don't know, I'm just speculating.
Anyway, I'm glad its the weekend and I get a break from the lunatics. I can't wait to get a new job and start meeting new people! Of course I will be terrified to make friends with any of them, but still, new people are a good thing.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
In reply to Weird, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 21:54:06
I just wanted to let yall know, I don't expect anyone to read all my obsessive posts on this thread. Sometimes posting is just a cathartic thing for me. Not that I don't want responses, I do. But even I don't want to go back and read all those posts! I hope I haven't chased everyone off! ;-)
-T
Posted by verne on May 5, 2006, at 22:20:32
In reply to Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread!, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
I've been following along. I hope you get the new job and it works out for you.
verne
Posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2006, at 22:31:18
In reply to Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread!, posted by TexasChic on May 5, 2006, at 22:02:12
T I'm still here and you're right it's cathartic. Love Phillipa. ps you have my E-mail rant at me anytime.
Posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:07:12
In reply to Re: Wow! I've posted like a mad woman on this thread! » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 5, 2006, at 22:31:18
Thanks Verne, you're so sweet. You too Phillipa.
Well, I've been out shopping all day and FINALLY found a suit for the interview monday. I looked everywhere! I even gave in and went to the mall to check out some department stores, but I just came out of there feeling poor and fat. It actually made me feel like a bout of depression was coming on. But then, on a whim, I stopped at this place by my house and the first one I picked up was perfect! And it has pinstripes so its actually slimming!
I swear, so many things I tried on were just so unflattering! You would think they would know that in the bigger sizes people will want something slimming. Instead they're all boxy and emphasize the hips. I mean really, what size 16 women is going to want something with not even a suggestion of a waist, and the jacket stops right at the hips so there's this vertical line going, look at my hips! Of course I found all these cute little suits that I couldn't fit my big toe in, and at the same place the larger things were hidious, like a skirt with big flowers all over it. Come on! And what is the deal with the pastels??? Everwhere I looked it was like Easter. Gross.
So anyway, I've got that part done. Now I have to work on spiffing up my portfolio.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
In reply to Good stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:07:12
(I felt like my first post was running too long, and was kind of two different subjects, so I split it up. Hence the good stuff, bad stuff.)
Tommorow I'm supposed to meet up with some family members for lunch. My brother is moving to Kentucky and wants to get together one last time. My uncle has a house he can stay in that he'll let him do repairs on in lieu of rent, and he's going to show him how to take care of hogs. Now you've got to realize, we may be southern, but we're city people, so he might as well be going to outer space. But he has had alot of bad things happen at once. His car gave up the ghost, the next day he got fired, and my mom sold my Grandmother's house so he had nowhere to live. It was just one thing after another. So I can see how this is a good opportunity to clear his head and reevaluate his life. He'll be away from all his co-dependent relationships, and maybe will learn that he can rely on himself. Plus he'll be doing entirely physical work, which I don't think he's ever done before, and should be good for him.
The downside is, he's bipolar and doesn't take meds anymore. So I'm kind of worried about him going out there and being so isolated. Plus, of course, he's never been that far away before, and I always worry about him. He's my little brother, and I've always tried to look out for him. So I just don't really know how to feel about the whole thing. I know at some point this will hit me, its just happening so fast right now.
One last thing, I realized my Grandmother's birthday is tuesday. She passed away a year ago in June and its been really hard on me. I realized this as I was driving past her old house, when I was feeling depressed about the whole trying on clothes situation. I think I would have started bawling, but it started raining really hard and I could barely see, so I had to concentrate on driving.
So with that, all the crap at work, the upcoming interview, and my brother moving, I've just got too much sh*t bouncing around in my head!
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 21:32:20
In reply to Bad stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
That is though and I emphathize with you. Think positively about the job and what about if you got a good raise enough to help your brother get someone to help him? Love Phillipa
Posted by milly on May 7, 2006, at 14:35:41
In reply to Bad stuff, posted by TexasChic on May 6, 2006, at 17:27:01
> So with that, all the crap at work, the upcoming interview, and my brother moving, I've just got too much sh*t bouncing around in my head!***I have been following your 'saga' but haven't been too great myself, but i wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you tomorrow for your interview, bet you'll look great and ooze confidence.Sorry it's all a bit much right now ((((TC))))
milly
Posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 20:52:06
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » TexasChic, posted by Phillipa on May 6, 2006, at 21:32:20
> That is though and I emphathize with you. Think positively about the job and what about if you got a good raise enough to help your brother get someone to help him? Love Phillipa
Actually, I'm trying to get out of being the person everyone comes to for money. But I 'am' trying to think positively about the interview, although there's a couple of things I know I'm not strong in. They say you have to type 50 wpm, and I have no idea how fast I type. They also ask for a few programs I don't know, but I do know the other five they ask for. And I can pick up new programs pretty quickly because once you learn one, the rest are usually pretty similiar.
They also ask for 'willingness to work above and beyond regular work hours including late nights, weekends and holidays when needed to achieve goals and meet deadlines'. So I'm like, "oh, great". But to be truthful my last two jobs have been total blow off jobs, so maybe its time to actually make an effort again.
So, I'll let yall know how it goes tomorrow. Thanks for all the support!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 21:25:42
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » TexasChic, posted by milly on May 7, 2006, at 14:35:41
> ***I have been following your 'saga' but haven't been too great myself, but i wanted you to know I'll be thinking about you tomorrow for your interview, bet you'll look great and ooze confidence.Sorry it's all a bit much right now ((((TC))))
> millyThanks milly! I always think people probably aren't reading what I write, so its funny when I hear that they've been following my story. It makes me feel like I'm famous or something. ;-) It also makes me think, my ramblings can't possibly be all that interesting - those poor people.
Thanks for thinking of me tomorrow. When I start to freak out, I'll try to think of that. Someone, somewhere in the universe is thinking of me and hoping I do well. That's actually very reassuring!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 8, 2006, at 18:47:01
In reply to Re: Bad stuff » milly, posted by TexasChic on May 7, 2006, at 21:25:42
This place was awesome, a beautiful building, laid back atmosphere, interesting and challenging subject matter, great benefits. The guy was funny and casual. He said he's not one of those supervisers who knit picks, he cares more about getting it done than how you get it done (I don't know how many times I've wished for that!). He said they have a lot of fun and joke around and best of all, I'd be working with all guys! Wow, I hope I get it! I don't want to get too excited and be disappointed if I don't, but I think its too late for that. He said he would let me find out within the next two weeks. Yea!!!
-T
Posted by wildcardII on May 9, 2006, at 13:58:54
In reply to Wow! I think I just interviewed for my dream job!, posted by TexasChic on May 8, 2006, at 18:47:01
~you have been through hell. i truly hope you get the job and i think the way you are handling things w/ cute or bastard boy is great. forget those snobby b*tches. they aren't worth it.
Posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 20:28:35
In reply to girl! » TexasChic, posted by wildcardII on May 9, 2006, at 13:58:54
Thanks! I appreciate that. The more I ignore the mean ones, the easier it gets. I get more focused on getting through and moving on rather than trying to 'fix' anything - which in this case I think is the right thing to do. I ignore cuteboy unless he speaks directly to me. I feel like I'm SLOWLY pulling away from my feelings for him. Either that or I'm totally fooling myself. I guess only time will tell.
I really really want that job! But even if I don't get it, just knowing that type of job is out there will motivate me to keep trying. But I really really want it!
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:05:12
In reply to Re: girl! » wildcardII, posted by TexasChic on May 9, 2006, at 20:28:35
I just got off the phone with him. I really can't wrap my mind around the fact that he'll be so far away. I feel kind of bad because he's always been real dependent on me, and in the last few years I've kind of been backing off out of self preservation. So now that he's leaving I feel all weird about it.
I'm also worried. He's going to be alone on a farm in the country with no tv or maybe even a phone. I told him he needs to make sure he at least has a dog with him or something (I'm sure my uncle has a few). A pet is the best way to fight off loneliness as far as I'm concerned. Plus, an animal can alert you if somethings not right, like another animal lurking around or something.
I know its also exciting for him. Its a chance to clear his mind and start deciding what he really wants out of life. And he's ready to do whatever it takes. I hope he likes it.
He won't be completely alone, he will have my aunt and uncle, and a couple of cousins living in the same town. They're all a little bit off in one way or another, but I know they'll look out for him.
Its just a weird feeling, none of us have ever been very far away from each other. He should be back in a few weeks though to get some of his stuff. At least that's the tentative plan. Its hard to get a straight answer out of my uncle sometimes.
I guess I'm just feeling melancholy.
-T
Posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
In reply to My brother is leaving tomorrow., posted by TexasChic on May 10, 2006, at 19:05:12
For the past couple of weeks, the bullies have switched their attention back to their previous victim (I'll call her A). Yesterday, bitchygirl flipped her off across the room and and A lost it. She yelled across the room, "How about you come say that to my face!" They went back and forth a couple of times. Everyone was just sitting there with their eyes and mouths wide open, supervisor included (it was very startling).
After work, A approached me to talk since she knows what I've recently gone through. I told her I didn't blame her and if bitchygirl had happened to catch me at the wrong time, I may have lost it too. She said she had talked to our supervisor (who BTW, asked bitchygirl to apologize to no avail) and was going to go to HR. Today she told me she had done that and her complaint was now on file with mine.
I started thinking about everything. I realized that as quickly as the attention had turned from me to A, it could turn back. I also thought about the fact that if I do nothing, I'm allowing her to terrorize future people. So I went to HR and talked to two ladies who worked there. They said the person I really needed to talk to would be in tomorrow, but encouraged me to talk with them. I told them everything, including I was looking for another job, and they were like, "I wouldn't want to work in that environment either!" Then they started talking about how my department was the hardest to keep people in, and this girl could be the reason why! I told them I completely believed that.
So tomorrow I'm going to talk to the other lady, and tell her to make my complaint formal. This will cause bitchygirl to be written up for both complaints. I don't know how many means termination, but it ought to put the fear of God in her. I realize I may get a backlash from the rest of the group, but I really don't have anything to lose at this point.
So wish me luck and courage and positive karma for tomorrow, I'm standing up to a bully.
-T
Posted by wildcardII on May 11, 2006, at 20:56:32
In reply to I'm following through w/standing up to the bully., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
Posted by milly on May 12, 2006, at 15:54:06
In reply to I'm following through w/standing up to the bully., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
Absolutely brilliant TC, you did the right thing and I'm so glad HR was so good with you. i'll be thinking about you tomorrow.
milly
Posted by ClearSkies on May 15, 2006, at 11:05:30
In reply to I'm following through w/standing up to the bully., posted by TexasChic on May 11, 2006, at 20:22:16
Posted by TexasChic on May 15, 2006, at 19:40:56
In reply to Thinking of you today. (nm) » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on May 15, 2006, at 11:05:30
Posted by TexasChic on May 17, 2006, at 19:27:10
In reply to Thanks! But she was out today. So tomorrow... (nm) » ClearSkies, posted by TexasChic on May 15, 2006, at 19:40:56
They finally called bitchygirl to HR today. She was back in 20 minutes in a seemingly good mood. All my supervisor would say was things went well and the atmosphere at work should improve now. I called the HR woman and she said the same adding that bitchygirl said she would watch her attitude. It sounds to me like she got a slap on the wrist and got away with saying she'll do better. Its driving me crazy because I don't know how much was said about me, how it was said, or if she even got wrote up. For some reason the whole thing just made me cry all the way home.
But I realize there's alot more bothering me. I had a very stressful work week that didn't even include bitchygirl. The girl that got mad at me and threw her book in the trash apparently got upset because I was talking to the guy who sits in front of me. They're mortal enemies for some reason or another. This guy is one of the few people I can talk to and trust a little bit. I know nothing about their feud. She just kept griping loudly that we were talking ALL DAY, even going so far as to go tell other people about it (who then told us). The whole thing was stupid because she and her buddies actually do talk all day. This is the first time she even noticed us talking after sitting in the same place for over a year. Yesterday, after bitching about him for a while, she said really loud, "She'll be sorry!" I was like, is that a prediction or a threat?
Then there's brother being gone, the anniversity of my Grandmother's death coming up, getting over cuteboy, weight gain, and I'm sure a bunch more stuff I can't think of right now.
On a positive note, I saw my pdoc today and she gave me a list of T's in my area. I went out driving around and located three of them closeby. One specializes in OCD, which I'm not sure is what I really need, another does biofeedback, which I've forgotten what that was, and the other just said he treats adults, couples, and adolcents. So I guess I'll see how it goes. I just know I need therapy more now than I have in a long time.
Oh, and I managed to get the software loaded that I needed to complete the test the guy gave me to do on the 'dream job' interview. So I'll be working on that for the next few days or so.
So that's it for now. I feel emotionally exhausted. On the way home I just kept thinking, am I crazy? My mom is definitely, my brother has gone over the edge in the last few years in a scary way, and my sister has always been very, very odd. Oh and of course, there's my late, insane father. I don't think I ever had a chance at being normal.
-T
Posted by Phillipa on May 17, 2006, at 22:12:30
In reply to Well finally., posted by TexasChic on May 17, 2006, at 19:27:10
What's normal? Love Phillipa
Posted by ClearSkies on May 18, 2006, at 8:21:51
In reply to Well finally., posted by TexasChic on May 17, 2006, at 19:27:10
I hope that your problems with BG are resolved. I identify so strongly with your experiences at work; my heart goes out to you. It seems like when I've given my "all" to a job, that my emotions have become hopelessly entangled in my efforts to do the best that I can. Separating my emotions - and the sincere wish that Everyone like to work with me - alsways seemed to come down to my pulling myself back from the job as a whole. It hasn't really accomplished what I've wanted it do.
Going to HR and making a formal complaint is a great step. It validates your feelings, in that someone else has done the same thing; and it lets you release some of the hurt you've felt. I really applaud you for doing it.
It might not make a difference in how she (BG) behaves. When I went through a similar experience, the improved behaviour lasted a couple of weeks, and then degenerated back into what I'd known and loathed.
Ultimately, I left that particular job for another, unrelated reason (I got the job that took me to the next step in my work.) I saw my BG in a market a year later, and felt the same dread grip me when I laid eyes on her. I screwed up my courage and said hello, do you remember me?
She said she'd left the company within weeks of my leaving, due to too much job stress and her personal issues. And that she knew that she'd been a horrible person to try to work with, and wished that she could have been nicer, but she hated her job so much, it spilled over in how she dealt with her coworkers.
It really opened up my eyes to the fact that many times, what we experience as difficulties with other people, are not due to us at all. And that many times it's that other person's problems that are being reflected in how they relate to us. This happened to me when I was fairly young (22 years old); but I've learned the same lesson over and over in places I've worked.So I just want to say that I'm impressed with what you've done. And to keep in mind that it's a reminder that this is probably not about you at all, but about BG and her problems.
ClearSkies
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