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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 31. Go back in thread:
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on March 2, 2006, at 17:44:32
I don't see anything wrong with it at all.
I used to love Davy Jones, and then I loved Bob Crane. I felt really bad about that. Like I shouldn't have loved Bob because that wasn't fair to Davy. I filled my diary with page after page after page of how I loved Bob. I had a paper parrot on the door to my room that said "Bob-bob-bob-bobby". I imagined how it would be to kiss him. (I even wrapped my arms around myself and pretended to kiss him. Shhh. Don't tell.) I thought I just couldn't live because I couldn't be with him. He was, alas, married. And the same age as my father.
But then! Oh joy of joys! He came to town with his play "Beginner's Luck". I was sooooo excited. I had heard on Tattletales that he was a breast man. Well, I didn't have much in the way of breasts back then, but I bought the lowest cut dress they made for thirteen year old girls. On the day of the exciting event, we made our way to The Beverly, which was a supper club. I laughed. I cried. After it was over, he announced he'd be signing autographs in the lounge area. I thought I would die. I really did. I stood in line, making sure I was near the back so that I could prolong the moment as long as possible. Then. There he was. Maybe a bit older than I had pictured, but with that roguish twinkle in his eye and that heart melting grin. Sigh. I went up to him, and held out my program to be autographed. Then my father said "My daughter's in love with you. Could you give her a kiss?" And he did. Right on my lips. Can you believe it? I thought I'd just die right there on the spot. I'm not sure I've even washed those lips since.
Towards the end of the run, I went to see him again. And would you believe? He remembered me!!!!! Me! Dinah X! This time he gave me a kiss without even being prompted. My mother had brought along her instamatic, but the darn thing wouldn't go off properly. Well, you may not know this about Bob, being the youngster you are, but he had rather a thing for cameras. And he and some other nice theatergoers helped my mom, and finally we got one picture. Me, me myself, and Bob Crane. I've got it blown up poster size and it's hung up on the inside of the closet in my study. My heart still pitter patters a bit as I look into those roguishly twinkling eyes and heart melting smile. Right there with his arm around me. Yes me.
Sadly, Bob was bludgeoned to death a few years later, June 29, 1978, with a camera tripod. And one of the books of pornographic photos he liked to take was missing. Police think this hobby may have had something to do with his death, and a friend of his was tried but acquitted. When my dear friend called to tell me the news, I was devastated. My diary entry that day was a long explanation to myself of how my love came to die in such a way. I wore at least a token piece of black every day for a month.
I think I love him still. I still remember his lips on mine. I bought all the Hogan's Heroes DVD's as soon as they are released. I'm waiting for the last season. I've heard tell that his son was going to release a book that I wouldn't particularly mind having, except that it would feel like a gross invasion of his privacy. And I wouldn't do that to Bob. Ever.
My therapist knows all about this. I brought in my diary from those years, for other reasons mostly, but I gave it to him to read, and when he laughed till he cried, I knew he had come across my heartfelt grief at Bob's death. Which was a bit insensitive of him, don't you think? I guess a sixteen year old girl trying to explain why a man was interested in pornography was a bit... Well, I didn't know much of the ways of the world.
But to make a long story short, my therapist didn't think that there was anything wrong with my loving Bob Crane with all my heart and soul. He's even seen the picture of the two of us together. He thinks I looked so happy, and that he had roguishly twinkling eyes and a heart melting grin.
I met my husband the year after Bob died. I guess that's just as well, as I might not have fallen in love with him while my heart belonged to another.
Now in THAT case, my therapist would have probably thought there was something very very wrong.
Not mine of course. I framed mine and put it somewhere safe, which probably means I'll never find it again. :(
http://www.historyforsale.com/html/prodetails.asp?documentid=266663&start=8&page=1629
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 20:22:51
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33
I got a bit carried away and told the story the way I used to (except I left the part out about my friend who went with me). Anyway, in telling the story the way I used to, it may have sounded like I was making light of death. And I really wasn't. That's just the way I talked back then, and I forgot to edit it as Babbler Dinah.
Posted by JenStar on March 2, 2006, at 20:41:11
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33
I think it's a beautiful story! I laughed too, but not in a "mean" way. More in a "Oh my gosh, I get it" kind of way. It was funny in a poignant, commiserating kind of way. I'm glad you have such a fun memory.
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:36:47
In reply to Sorry Dr. Bob, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 20:22:51
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:38:01
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah, posted by JenStar on March 2, 2006, at 20:41:11
Yes, it is, isn't it. It's one of my more cherished memories.
(Would you believe I've found the blasted parrot, but I still can't find the autographed program?)
Posted by Deneb on March 2, 2006, at 21:46:34
In reply to Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course), posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:36:47
Wow! That's so cool to have your pic taken with a celebrity!
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:53:09
In reply to Re: Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course), posted by Deneb on March 2, 2006, at 21:46:34
Well, celebrity alone wouldn't impress me. There are so many of them, you know.
But this was *Bob Crane*. The man I had an absolutely enormous crush on.
Posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2006, at 23:49:04
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33
My goodness Dinah, what a story. And you tell it so well. Wasn't there a movie about his life recently?
Posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2006, at 23:50:55
In reply to Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course), posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:36:47
Aw darn, you blocked out your face! But I can still tell you were a beautiful young girl.
Posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 23:58:45
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2006, at 23:49:04
Yeah. I can hardly bear to watch it. Although Greg Kinnear was a good choice. He's got the same style.
Lol. The purpose behind that dress was to give the illusion that I had a figure. He came back a few years later, shortly before his death, and I saw the play a third time. That time I wore a turquoise dress, and the low cut had something to reveal. :)
But he was still a perfect gentleman. (He didn't remember me, of course, that time.)
Three programs, three autographs, and I can't even find one. :((
I love the story, I used to tell it all the time.
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 1:05:19
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Tabitha, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 23:58:45
I found *all 3*!!!!
And my name can be clearly read!!
I'm so excited. I'm going to make sure I bring them on any future evacuations.
I had forgotten that I'd taken it out of the frame and enshrined it properly in an album with some other very important Bob Crane memorabilia.
I feel so much better now.
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 1:08:04
In reply to Eeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 1:05:19
That's the one thing I didn't like about being Happy Dinah. I talked a lot, giggled, and squealed. :P
Posted by Racer on March 3, 2006, at 15:39:22
In reply to Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course), posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 21:36:47
I get a message saying you haven't enabled public viewing. I'm not the public. The public is a great beast.
I am Racer. I want to see.
{pout}
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 16:47:40
In reply to WAAAHHHH!!! I can't see it! » Dinah, posted by Racer on March 3, 2006, at 15:39:22
When I found my autograph, I saw written in pencil in shaking thirteen year old handwring "And he kissed me." I remember writing that as soon as I got home.
lol.
This has brought back good memories for me.
I put it back up. So you should be able to see.
Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 16:48:36
In reply to Sorry :) Thought everyone had seen » Racer, posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 16:47:40
Nope. Wait. I was 12 1/2, not thirteen.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 3, 2006, at 17:04:31
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on March 2, 2006, at 17:44:32
OK, sorry.. I shouldn't have used the word "current".
Deneb, you do accept that I know stuff about BPD? One thing I do *really* know is that attachment issues can be very strong, and ultimately very painful.. When the object of your attachment doesn't live up to your ideals you can end up so very very hurt.
This is why I think you really do need to discuss this with your Pdoc. She needs to be able to understand your feelings for Dr Bob incase you get badly hurt by them in the future.
Does she know about PB and your attachment to PB? It worries that if she doesn't, you wouldn't be able to explain how important it is to you should it upset in the future. You have posted some posts recently abouthow you wouldn't be able to survive another block, and that even the thought of it happening has had you in tears. Again, I think feelings of this kind of strength are something your pdoc really does need to be aware of.
I guess saying it made me uncomfortable when you post your declarations of love for Dr Bob was the wrong word to use. It does unsettle me though, as I worry about you getting hurt by it.
I'm sorry if this opinion isn't popular..
I would really reccomend reading "I hate you don't leave me" as a book to understanding more about BPD, especially attachment and black and white thinking... Its not sugar coated, and quite blunt in places, but helped me *hugely*.
We do care about you Deneb, and just don't want you to hurt.
Nikki
Posted by Deneb on March 3, 2006, at 17:42:51
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by NikkiT2 on March 3, 2006, at 17:04:31
> OK, sorry.. I shouldn't have used the word "current".
>
> Deneb, you do accept that I know stuff about BPD?I'm sure you know lots of stuff about BPD. I'm still not 100% sure whether or not I really have BPD. It's really hard to know because nothing bad happened to me as a child. Seriously. No abuse, no nothing. There was some yelling, but I don't even remember being punished for anything.
>One thing I do *really* know is that attachment issues can be very strong, and ultimately very painful.. When the object of your attachment doesn't live up to your ideals you can end up so very very hurt.
I have major problems with attachment. I don't attach to people. I think maybe it's because my Mom didn't provide me with a feeling of security when I was little. Even with my ex boyfriend, I don't think I ever really loved or cared about him at all. I left him just like that and I broke his heart. He was my only boyfriend ever.
I also don't have any close friends...none at all. I just don't attach to people. I attach to "things"....like a stuffed toy or a hamster.
I think my attachment to Dr. Bob falls into the category as "things" I'm attached to.
The only reason why I'm attached to him is because he doesn't interact with me. If one day he just started talking to me like a regular person, I don't think I would be attached anymore.
This is why I don't think I would be hurt by being attached to Dr. Bob. So far Dr. Bob has ignored me on almost everything and I don't not like him because of it.
>
> This is why I think you really do need to discuss this with your Pdoc. She needs to be able to understand your feelings for Dr Bob incase you get badly hurt by them in the future.I forget whether or not my pdoc knows that I "love" Dr. Bob, so I'll mention it.
> Does she know about PB and your attachment to PB? It worries that if she doesn't, you wouldn't be able to explain how important it is to you should it upset in the future. You have posted some posts recently abouthow you wouldn't be able to survive another block, and that even the thought of it happening has had you in tears. Again, I think feelings of this kind of strength are something your pdoc really does need to be aware of.
My pdoc knows...oh yes, she knows alright. She was there when I got my first block. That was the most devastating thing that ever happened to me...even more than Hammie dying. She saw me crying, she heard my death threats, she knew about me buying a rope. She cut the session down to about 5 mins that day instead of the usual 45 mins. I don't know why she did that...maybe she didn't want to see me in such a state.
> I would really reccomend reading "I hate you don't leave me" as a book to understanding more about BPD, especially attachment and black and white thinking... Its not sugar coated, and quite blunt in places, but helped me *hugely*.
Thanks for the recommendation. I will check to see if it's in the library one of these days.
Deneb
Posted by Phillipa on March 3, 2006, at 20:57:17
In reply to Re: Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course) » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on March 2, 2006, at 23:50:55
Tabitha same thing I was going to say. Love Phillipa
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 2:52:57
In reply to Re: Here's THE pic of me and Bob (Crane of course) » Tabitha, posted by Phillipa on March 3, 2006, at 20:57:17
Well, it's not like I haven't already given away my true identity to any number of people who would know who I was, just by telling the story.
But I thought I'd make a token effort to protect my privacy.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 4, 2006, at 12:13:54
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » NikkiT2, posted by Deneb on March 3, 2006, at 17:42:51
Not *everyone* who has BPD has an abusive or bad history. I don't. My life was perfectly normal really. The "experts" I know in the UK estimate about 30% of cases of of amore genetic nature, not from childhood traumas.
And, while you may not accept you have BPD, to me, you exihibit the signs *very* clearly indeed. Attaching to inanimate objects is something that is very common in BPD. Though I may be married and share my bed with my husband every night, I also sleep with my teddy bear! We're off on holiday next week, and the teddy will ofcourse also be coming.
I am trying to help here Deneb.. Why not see if you can get the book this week, not "one of these days". Believe me, its all alot easier to deal with once you understand it more.
Nikki
Posted by Tamar on March 4, 2006, at 20:52:14
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on March 2, 2006, at 19:08:33
Dinah! Dinah, Dinah. Bob Crane kissed you! What an experience!
I saw the photo and you look beautiful. I’m sure you would look even more beautiful if I could see your face (though I understand that hiding it preserves your anonymity).
In the past you’ve said here that you’re plain. How can you say that? How can you put yourself down physically? OMG, Bob Crane *kissed* you! I’m not a man, but I’m a (sometime) gay woman and I can tell you categorically I would never kiss someone who wasn’t attractive.
Wow. Bob Crane *kissed* you. And not only that, he remembered you the next time. And then he was taken from you in a horrible crime. How appalling. And your therapist laughed till he cried when he read your feelings about it… well, I hope he was laughing near you rather than at you.
You sound much more like emotional Dinah in this post. Risperdal can’t mask everything! And your grief at Bob’s death was a very real grief. No wonder you still love him. You never had the chance to say goodbye. You never had the chance to ‘outgrow’ him. What a terrible experience to be kissed by a man who was later murdered, and all the time you were an emotionally vulnerable teenager. That would be hard enough as an adult, with a stack of complex adult relationships in your history. But to be a teenager, with no experience of the complexities of adult love… well, it’s appalling.
It sounds to me as if this was a man who demonstrated love to you, who showed you affection. And then things got complicated because it turned out he was into pornography and someone murdered him. Maybe it’s just me, but I think that’s terribly difficult to live with. My first teenage crush was on a concert pianist who died very young and although I’d never met him and he died of natural causes I felt an intense grief for him. To be kissed by a man who turns out to be something you hadn’t quite imagined… well, it’s not easy at all. I hope your therapist was appropriately compassionate after he’d cried with laughter at your teenage attempts to understand how you lost your love.
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 21:01:10
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah, posted by Tamar on March 4, 2006, at 20:52:14
(I quit taking the Risperdal early this week.)
My therapist wasn't insensitive about it. It was sort of embarassing, what I wrote. Very naive and very young and very silly.
It *was* quite a shock, and very hard to reconcile the man I "loved" with the revelations that trickled out after his death. Even by the time I watched "Auto-Focus" there were still things that I hadn't known and that made me sadder still.
But to me, to the girl in the lobby with the bright red cheeks, he was all that he should be. He was a kind and generous gentleman. With an excellent memory. And yummy lips. :)
Posted by 10derHeart on March 4, 2006, at 23:20:24
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Tamar, posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 21:01:10
You do realize all this will have me silently humming the Hogan's Heroes theme in my head for goodness knows how long?! ;-)Mr. Crane did always look rather yummy in that role, I must agree. Loved that jacket, I did :-)
For me, first it was Robert Conrad as Jim West...I mean, his (leather?) pants alone....!!!! And then he'd smile....{sits down, feeling faint}
Don't even get me started on Leonard Nimoy.
(I *know* he's technically an elderly man now, but he still looks wonderful - to me )Fun memories :-)
Posted by Dinah on March 4, 2006, at 23:23:27
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on March 4, 2006, at 23:20:24
I'm afraid I'm going to have to reveal extreme ignorance and ask if you could expound a bit on Jim West. If it's not too much to ask of you. ;)
Posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:26:43
In reply to Re: Dr. Bob, where would be a good place to... » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on March 4, 2006, at 23:20:24
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
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