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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
Have I ever mentioned that my family is insane?
Not long after my Grandmother passed away, I had a conversation with my Mom about what she was going to do in the future. Grandmother left her the house, but its pretty rundown and more trouble than its worth. I told her I thought she should sell the house and use the money for her retirement (which she doesn't really have much of).
Well, one week after what I thought was a casual conversation, she had a buyer and told us it was sold. All of us have years worth of crap stored in the attic, so we were kind of freaked out. After going around and around with her (my Mom is what I think is ADD and is difficult to understand sometimes) I finally figured out it wasn't actually sold. I asked her to at least let us know before she signed anything. She said of course.
About a week later she told me she had sold the house (for real this time). I tried to get it out of her when we had to be out, only to get that the guy vaguely told her she can take as much time as she wants.
My brother has been living there since he and his wife broke up. He's bi-polar, and trying to find himself. It seems as if he's going through a mid-life crisis. I know it's time for him to take responsibility for himself, but suddenly being without a home was something he wasn't prepared for.
So a week or so later the buyer guy stops by unnanounced with an electrition and went upstairs where my brother lives. My brother works at a CD store and he and his co-workers have gotten into the habit of leaving sticky notes to each other with random things written on them, the weirder the better. He has been collecting them and putting them on his bedroom wall. The guy saw this along with his cluttered living area (yes, just like me) and apparently got scared or something. He asked my mom if she thought my brother would do anything to the house! He then told them they needed to be out of the house in 3 days.
So, here we are trying to get everything out of the house by Wendesday. I went over there after work today and went through all of my boxes my brother had graciously brought downstairs for me. My Mom is like, can we take your car and go out to eat? I'm like, Mom, I have to get up at 4AM tommorow, I'm doing what I can and going home. I hate that I felt a little guilty about saying this. I had to reminded myself that no matter what kind of mess my Mom may have gotten into, I DO have the right to take care of myself and prepare for work tommorrow.
In addition to all this, I'm dealing with the fact that this is the only home I've ever had and now I have to say goodbye. Plus, its saying goodbye to Grandmother which I've had a really hard time doing. I just can't imagine not having that touchstone anymore.
Anyway, I haven't told anyone IRL about this, but I figured I could share it here.
I'm tired and I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore.
-T
Posted by Deneb on February 27, 2006, at 20:55:23
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
Can you tell the buyer that it's just not possible to get everything out of the house in three days? I mean, if it's not possible, it just isn't.
I think it's great that you're helping your Mom out like this, but you deserve some time to get ready for work and to relax. Be assertive. Just continue to repeat that you cannot help out between X and Y time in a calm manner. Maybe try that with the buyer too. Just repeat that you cannot have the house cleared out in 3 days, but need 5 instead or something.
It's always sad to leave a house you've known and give it up to a stranger, but what's done is done. I hope you get a chance to say goodbye.
Deneb
Posted by Tanzanite on February 27, 2006, at 20:59:43
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
OH my gosh. I would be stressed out too. Sounds like a big mess and a very emotional ordeal to have to go through. I am sorry about your loss and hope you and your family will be ok.
Peace
Tanzanite
Posted by lynn971 on February 27, 2006, at 22:08:38
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
(((Texas)))
My family is a little off too. Make sure you get your stuff out of the attic.
Peace,
Lynn
Posted by Larry Hoover on February 27, 2006, at 22:13:37
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
> Have I ever mentioned that my family is insane?
Sounds like you need a big old BearHug ®.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TC}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Lar
Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2006, at 22:23:28
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
Family can be the biggest source of stress.
All you can do is your best. I think you did the right thing in drawing what boundaries you could.
I'm sorry about your grandmother.
Posted by wildcard11 on February 28, 2006, at 4:34:11
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
you're right~you have every right to take care of you too. i had to learn to tell my 'insane' family no so i understand. you will feel better after some of the pressure is taken off so hang on girl, i know you'll make it. (*(*(*TC*)*)*) i'm here if you need me!
Posted by ClearSkies on February 28, 2006, at 6:50:10
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
TC, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. When my dad died, the hardest part for me, beyond the sadness of losing my father, was the going through the contents of the house; pulling apart the tangible memories and taking them away.
If it had been possible to just close the place up and come back later, I know I would have done that. But it all happened in a hurry, and it did provoke the rekindling of old spats between siblings. It was a really upsetting time.I think that you're doing really well at keeping yourself safe here. And I think that you'll enjoy having your old stuff with you - kind of like making your own home complete. Don't know if that makes sense, but when I had to do it, I got some comfort at having my childhood things with me and not in my dad's home any more.
(((TC)))
ClearSkies
Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2006, at 19:13:28
In reply to Re: I'm sad and kind of stressed » TexasChic, posted by ClearSkies on February 28, 2006, at 6:50:10
Can't you take a few days off of work? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on March 1, 2006, at 18:33:59
In reply to Re: I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2006, at 19:13:28
Yesterday I took a half day of vacation and spent the whole day at the house, not getting home until after midnight. I called in to work today. I won't get paid but it won't count against me either because its the beginning of the month, I just can't be late for the rest of the month.
I stayed in bed all day. I felt like I was mentally tired as well as physically. My car is still full of my stuff stacked almost to the ceiling. I'm going to have to unload it sometime today.
When I got there yesterday it was pure chaos. My brother told me it had been crazy all day. My Uncle and a few cousins were over to help. My Uncle had a big moving truck that they had already loaded most of the furniture in by the time I got there. He's driving it all back to Kentucky where he lives. I was kind of upset because there were a few things that were mine. But they said he was just taking everything for now (for lack of any better ideas) and we could get what we wanted back later. How that's going to work I don't know. I had no way of getting those things of mine to my place anyway.
I was very grateful for my cousins and Uncle's help. My Mom was getting all bitchy with them out of frusteration and I had to remind her that they were helping us out of the goodness of their hearts and she should be grateful (my immediate family has a tendency to be very self involved). She acted better after that. Its funny, whenever we need help the most, its the relatives that are the most shunned that show up every time. They've been in jail and have ongoing drug and alcohol problems, but they'll drop everything to be there if you need it. I think my Mom may have finally seen this for the first time in her life. She usually just looks down her nose at them.
Last night I started to get upset a few times thinking that it would be the last time I'd be in that house. But everything was too frantic to dwell on it. Today I keep thinking there must be things I've forgotten. But I guess it's better this way rather than being long and drawn out.
I'm doing okay over all. I'm trying not to get too down. Its just kind of overwhelming. The biggest feeling other than the grief over Grandmother is the feeling of just floating around with no anchor. That house has been where I've gone when I had no where else to go (my Mom is in a small one room apt now). I'm glad to be taking care of myself, but I can't help but realize there's no safety net anymore.
Well I guess I'll start unloading the car before it gets dark. Thanks again for all the support.
-T
Posted by Damos on March 2, 2006, at 15:25:19
In reply to I'm sad and kind of stressed, posted by TexasChic on February 27, 2006, at 20:42:28
PHEW!!!! For a minute there I was worried that it was because I hadn't called for a second date ;-)
Seriously though TC, I'm sorry, that kinda stuff is hard in all sorts of ways. Glad you're managing to get through it as best you can.
Damos
Posted by TexasChic on March 2, 2006, at 20:42:59
In reply to Re: I'm sad and kind of stressed » TexasChic, posted by Damos on March 2, 2006, at 15:25:19
... not calling and all. What's the deal with that anyway? Care to enlighten some women with your secret male knowledge?
;-)
-T
Posted by TexasChic on March 2, 2006, at 21:11:11
In reply to Thanks everyone, posted by TexasChic on March 1, 2006, at 18:33:59
I now have my computer desk and chair put together and in use! It was hard, but I finally did it. With the end tables I got from Grandmother's, its starting to look like a real place now. I don't know how to explain what all this has to do with independence and taking care of myself, I guess just that its finally looking like a grownup place. I've never really had that before. I don't think I could ever express this to people IRL. I don't want anyone to know how screwed up I really am, even if I'm making progress.
BTW, its my birthday today. Everyone at work forgot at first. But when they finally remembered, they all pinned money to my shirt. Guilt makes for good money! Ha, ha!
Strange my Mom didn't call. She usually does. I'm okay though. Birthdays have never really been a big deal to me. Me and my co-workers are supposed to get together to celebrate later when everyone isn't sick (the flu has been going around).
Also, when my cousins who helped us move found out it was my b-day, they insisted I come to a cook out they had planned on Saturday and they would make it my b-day party. These people are so white trash and crazy, but I love it. I guess because there never seems to be any judgement passed on anyone with them. Everyone is just accepted as they are. When I say white trash, I don't mean that negatively, that's just the only way I can think to describe them.
Today at work I told everyone I was going to start saying I'm 26 since no one ever seems to believe I'm my age - 36. Yes I'm bragging. I think I'm entitled to brag a little on my b-day. Cute boy said before you know it, he'll be older than me. He was really sweet today. When I said something about being old he said, that's not old, it just means you have more experience. I was like, "Hey baby, I'll show you all the experience you want!" Of course, that was only in my head. I had to bite my tongue though.
-T
Posted by LegWarmers on March 2, 2006, at 21:54:16
In reply to Baby steps, posted by TexasChic on March 2, 2006, at 21:11:11
Im sorry you have been going through such a stressful time lately but it sounds like you are handling it well. (((TC)))
>When I said something about being old he said, that's not old, it just means you have more experience. I was like, "Hey baby, I'll show you all the experience you want!" Of course, that was only in my head. I had to bite my tongue though
haha ; )
Posted by Larry Hoover on March 2, 2006, at 22:51:45
In reply to Baby steps, posted by TexasChic on March 2, 2006, at 21:11:11
Posted by Phillipa on March 2, 2006, at 23:18:22
In reply to Happy Birthday, TC!!!! (nm) » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on March 2, 2006, at 22:51:45
Happy Happy Birthday Crazy Chic!!!!Cute Boy is sure missing out on a gem. Love Phillipa
Posted by Phillipa on March 2, 2006, at 23:19:54
In reply to Happy Birthday, TC!!!! (nm) » TexasChic, posted by Larry Hoover on March 2, 2006, at 22:51:45
OOPS!!!!!I meant Texas Chic. I was thinking about myself then crazy me. Love Phillipa
Posted by TexasChic on March 3, 2006, at 20:37:36
In reply to Re: Happy Birthday, TC!!!!, posted by Phillipa on March 2, 2006, at 23:19:54
This is the end of the thread.
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