Psycho-Babble Social Thread 614378

Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I am enraged

Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

My husband always teases me about that. I get angry so calmly.

But right now I'm a roiling churning mass of rage and fury, barely contained beneath a thin veneer of Risperdal induced calm. At night it escapes in dreams and urges. During the day, it leaks out in irritation and indignation, so I apologize if I get snippy.

No particular reason, just general stress I guess. Or more likely the enforced uncertainty about my entire life.

 

Re: I am enraged

Posted by Tanzanite on February 28, 2006, at 18:03:08

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

I have always wondered how to deal with this myself. Don't get me wrong, I am not an angry person all the time. It seems like the medicine just barely keeps me from breaking. I really hope you can find a way to figure out somehow to find a balance. Do you ever find yourself fighting out in like nightmares? I have had that happen. Sending you comforts. Peace
Tanzanite

 

Re: I am enraged Dinah

Posted by sleepygirl on February 28, 2006, at 18:28:11

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

I'm sorry Dinah. I get really angry when I feel frustrated and helpless, and also when dealing with the unknowns. Not knowing if you can hold on to the really important things has got to be tremendously unnerving.
Snippy is fine with me. :-) I'm really good at being snippy. ;-)

 

Re: I am enraged Tanzanite

Posted by sleepygirl on February 28, 2006, at 18:29:34

In reply to Re: I am enraged, posted by Tanzanite on February 28, 2006, at 18:03:08

I yell at people sometimes in my dreams...I really let them know how it is (pretty uncensored)...I'm suprised by how forthright I can be when I'm asleep.

 

Re: I am enraged

Posted by Phillipa on February 28, 2006, at 19:22:43

In reply to Re: I am enraged Tanzanite, posted by sleepygirl on February 28, 2006, at 18:29:34

Fear of the unknown. Fondly Phillipa

 

Re: I am enraged triggery

Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 20:41:06

In reply to Re: I am enraged, posted by Tanzanite on February 28, 2006, at 18:03:08

I can't actually remember too much about the nightmares. I think I try to forget them. I just know I think something like "Boy, I must be angry". Then come the urges to SI that have me tossing and turning.

There's a physical component to it too. I feel edgy and antsy. My foot is going a mile a minute. I feel hyperaroused. My skin feels like it's burning and my clothes are excessively abrasive. I've developed a nasty eye twitch that is fortunately unnoticeable except to me. I'd think it was the nasty sort of hypomania, except that my sleep hours aren't shortened.

The miracle (or the risperdal) of it is that I don't think my family knows anything about it. I'm not even yelling.

 

Re: I am enraged

Posted by Deneb on February 28, 2006, at 20:42:54

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

I'm sending you thoughts of peace and calm.

Here are some amazingly cute images to help calm you. :-)

http://cuteoverload.com/

Deneb

 

Thank you Deneb (nm)

Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 21:12:59

In reply to Re: I am enraged, posted by Deneb on February 28, 2006, at 20:42:54

 

Re: I am enraged Dinah

Posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 22:01:44

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

Dinah,
what kinds of things do you do for stress relief? I know you've probably said before, and I apologize for my bad memory. "They" (the ubiquitous they!) say that exercise does a million wonders for stress...sometimes even better than anti-anxiety medication. I didn't believe it until I started working out and it helped me. I mean, I still NEEDED meds sometimes, but I felt calmer and more in control in between.

Do you get to walk with the doggies? Maybe take longer walks? Jog with the pooches?

Do you meditate?

"They" also always say that if you keep doing the same old thing, you'll keep getting the same old results. I know you might be annoyed at my suggestions (sorry!) but sometimes trying something new makes a world of difference.

anyway, I hope you feel better soon.
take care of yourself.
JenStar

 

Re: I am enraged Dinah

Posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 22:04:56

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

Dinah,
I'm worried to hear that you feel you're barely contained below a veneer of risperdal calm. I *know* that feeling (although I don't take risperdal) -- I get it sometimes too -- it feels like I'm floaing on the thin scum that forms on top of heated milk, and if I move too much, I'll fall through.

But I really do think that you need to try something different. If you can't use your old T b/c he's inaccessible right now (and you "fired" him, so to speak), you need SOMETHING to fill that void. I don't know if it's going to be exercise, a new T, a new diet, more fun with friends, or all of the above. But I really think you need to figure out LIFE-y things to do -- inaddition to the meds -- that can help you manage the calm.

Again, I'm sorry if that sounds very basic and/or lame, becuase I don't mean it to be. I really do believe exercise helps a ton, though.

good luck to you!
JenStar

 

Re: I am enraged JenStar

Posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 23:03:51

In reply to Re: I am enraged Dinah, posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 22:04:56

Exercise might help. But the chances of my doing it are small.

I am trying meditation. Better luck with the old fashioned sort than the lovingkindness one.

I'm sure this will pass. It generally does, as inexplicably as it comes. I just have to ride it out in the meantime.

And b*tch about it, and apologize an awful lot. :)

 

Re: I am enraged Dinah

Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2006, at 9:21:29

In reply to Re: I am enraged JenStar, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 23:03:51

Hi Dinah,
It sounds like a really uncomfortable place to be in right now. Given all your stressors over the last year, I'd say you were entitled to be enraged if you wanted to. But I know that doesn't help the feeling.

I get really really angry/touchy/hair trigger from time to time. I don't want to minimize your experience, but do you think there might be a hormonal component to it? Just before my period, all of my emotions get more intense, but particularly anger and sensitivity to triggers.

Just a thought...I'm glad you know it will pass, and I hope it passes quickly.

In the meantime, take care. If you can find a healthy outlet, go for it! I like to go to a batting cage and hit baseballs. Whack-A-Mole games are fun, too. And I can't tell you how therapeutic it was to throw bundles of old carpet down the basement stairs. My sister and I named each bundle for someone who annoyed us. :-D

Down they go!

Pulling up ground cover I wanted to get rid of in order to make a new flower bed was also very good at reducing my physical experience of anger about something, and helping me clear my mind. If you can find anything like these ideas...Be creative!

Take care,
gg

 

Re: I am enraged gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2006, at 10:27:36

In reply to Re: I am enraged Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2006, at 9:21:29

I like the gardening idea. :) My husband has finally agreed to get someone to do the lawns and beds for the sake of the neighbors and property values, but I have to admit that weeding is good for releasing anger. The trouble is that I'm so far behind at work that I always feel like I at least have to be *trying* to get some work done that the idea of allowing myself to do something that is incompatible with work makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not having or expecting my period right now, plus it's been building on for weeks (I think).

It occurred to me last night that this might be another paradoxical reaction to the Risperdal - like the OCD flareup (which I'm starting to have again). Maybe if I'm not experiencing my feelings day to day they build up to intolerable but untargetted levels under the surface. I up the dose of Risperdal to make it bearable, and it just gets worse. Maybe I need to do what seems counterintuitive. But that means being a pain in the neck to my therapist. :(

But the physical manifestations still make it seem like some sort of physical thing. I've got my hallmark sign of hypomania (except that I'm sleeping fine).

 

Re: I am enraged Dinah

Posted by AuntieMel on March 1, 2006, at 13:21:05

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

Last time I got that way I grabbed a bit stick and beat the sap out of a tree. Over, and over - for about an hour.

It helped.

 

Re: I am enraged

Posted by deirdrehbrt on March 1, 2006, at 13:26:11

In reply to I am enraged, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2006, at 17:49:44

Dinah,
Sorry you're feeling this way right now, but I can relate. Actually, maybe I can't. Yours is being contained beneath the thin veneer. Mine has chomped through that veneer and exploded on the calm of an empty house.
Fortunately, some hundred milligrams of Seroquel last night put it back behind it's hole and covered it up with contact paper. Hopefully, I'll be able to effect a more permanent repair.
My Therapist pointed me back to my DBT workbook. So, I've been trying to do some things to achieve some serenity.
I've tried the following.
1. Burning some good incense. I've got some Balancing cones from Dipper that I like.
2. Music. A song by Libby Roderick called "How Could Anyone". I've one version sung by her, and another sung by Shaina Noll. It's just a refrain sung over a few times that goes

"How could anyone ever tell you
you were anything less than beautiful?
How could anyone ever tell you
You were less than whole?
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?
How deeply you're connected to my soul."

I'm also trying to take time to practice for my friend's ordination. Making myself play music does calm me dow. I get scared because I still want to throw things. I just don't want to throw my instruments and break them.
So far, I've lost a cher's knife, a mouse and some canned goods. The music though seems to help.
Praying for some serenity to come your way...
--Dee

 

Re: I am enraged deirdrehbrt

Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2006, at 15:10:07

In reply to Re: I am enraged, posted by deirdrehbrt on March 1, 2006, at 13:26:11

I'm sorry you're feeling bad, Dee. I hope some of the DBT things help.

I haven't had a good throwing spree for a long time. But the only time I remember doing it, I ended up laughing at myself, which was cathartic in itself. I was busy yelling and throwing when I came to a glass vase full of flowers, and decided that I'd better take the flowers out and throw them but that throwing the vase was going to make just too much of a mess. At which point I dissolved into a laughing fit.

I don't think it's in me to express anger too well. :(

 

Re: I am enraged AuntieMel

Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2006, at 16:03:27

In reply to Re: I am enraged Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on March 1, 2006, at 13:21:05

I think I'd feel sorry for the tree. :( I only feel comfortable hurting myself.

What helps me most is one of my favorite energy releasers, the Big O. I think it can't be underrated for anxiety or anger.

 

Re: And the best cure for a headache (nm) Dinah

Posted by AuntieMel on March 3, 2006, at 10:41:54

In reply to Re: I am enraged AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2006, at 16:03:27

 

Re: And the best cure for a headache AuntieMel

Posted by Dinah on March 3, 2006, at 10:48:29

In reply to Re: And the best cure for a headache (nm) Dinah, posted by AuntieMel on March 3, 2006, at 10:41:54

Not for me, it sometimes gives me one.

But it's pretty good for clearing my sinuses.

I always think back to my early days with my therapist and his cheerful (and obviously rehearsed) suggestion. I honestly think he'd be too embarassed to mention it now he knows me.

 

(((((Dinah))))) (nm) Dinah

Posted by Tamar on March 4, 2006, at 20:25:22

In reply to Re: I am enraged AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2006, at 16:03:27

 

(((((jenstar))))) (nm)

Posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:27:30

In reply to Re: I am enraged Dinah, posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 22:01:44

 

Re: (((((auntiemel))))) (nm)

Posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:27:52

In reply to (((((jenstar))))) (nm), posted by 838 on March 6, 2006, at 0:27:30


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