Psycho-Babble Social Thread 395335

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How do I bring this up?

Posted by sdjeff on September 26, 2004, at 14:49:01

Hello, fellow Babblers. It's been a while.

Lately, I've managed to find a girlfriend after 5 years of nothing. She knows about my illness, the fact I only work part time at a gas station and that I will not be working soon (once my SSDI starts) and going to school. She also knows I live with my parents. I'm 26. She has been a single mom since 17. She is very independent.

Anyway, our reationship is very good. Our communication is very good. Our kids get along really well. However there are a couple of things. She smokes and swears around her daughter a lot. This is the only kink in our relationship. I don't do that around my daughter. Our kids are together often. I'm not sure how to bring this up in a diplomatic way. Any suggestions?

TIA

 

Re: How do I bring this up?

Posted by DJB on September 27, 2004, at 17:36:45

In reply to How do I bring this up?, posted by sdjeff on September 26, 2004, at 14:49:01

No easy way. Have you noticed behavior changes in your daughter or behavior in her daughter that you don't want to see in yours? Is this a big enough issue to do real damage to your relationship? These are not habits I want to see in my son but I have been guilty of swearing around him at times. You could just ask if she has had any difficulties with her daughter regarding these habits. Because she may not view them as inappropriate behaviors. If it is something she doesn't want her daughter doing then she may be open to compromise in this area. Then again you could start by asking her if there are habits you have that she would like you to change.

It almost sounds like because she is accepting "all of your stuff" that you are concerned you don't have as much right to ask for compromises in other areas.

 

Re: How do I bring this up? sdjeff

Posted by gardenergirl on September 29, 2004, at 23:13:01

In reply to How do I bring this up?, posted by sdjeff on September 26, 2004, at 14:49:01

Jeff,
Nice to see you on the boards. I wish I had an answer for you. My aunt and uncle whom I love dearly are very heavy smokers. I worry about their health. I suppose if you ask her about her smoking from a genuine and honestly curious place, it might be okay. But this is a tough situation. I wish I had more to say.

Be well,
gg


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