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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Emme on September 25, 2004, at 12:48:31
"Structure for creating a reservoir!"
"Stuff leash laws demand we take care of!"
"Disease carrying rodents with long tails!"Man have I been a complete "female canine" lately. I have not been nice to people. I've been agitated and edgy and I've been kind of unpleasant to be around. How do I deal with the fact that I can be like this? Do you all feel ashamed and disturbed if you get like that? Even if it's partly due to a mood disorder. What do I do with this feeling?
I think I'm depressed *and* I'm deeply sad. Why can't I enjoy the ride on Planet X?
Emme
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 25, 2004, at 14:59:53
In reply to me mad at me, posted by Emme on September 25, 2004, at 12:48:31
If I could I would hold you in my ample arms and tell you:
"you are safe and wonderful. breathe it in. You can relax into the knowledge that you are loved. Inhale deeply."
I have had that feeling and it's very disturbing. I talk to my friends, therapist and try to cope till it subsides. I forget to breathe....
I actually hold my breath....
why, I don't know.
But I do.
So I invite you to breathe.
I am happy when I haven't said anything conflictual to any one. but if I have, the shame is piled on top of the original anxiety.
Not much fun.
But when the mood departs, I scratch my head and wonder why I was so upset. New mood. New feelings. Moving on.
gosh try not to be harsh with yourself.
Love chatting with you.
Jai
Posted by octopusprime on September 25, 2004, at 16:48:52
In reply to me mad at me, posted by Emme on September 25, 2004, at 12:48:31
sweet pea:
i so strongly identify with your post. i too feel ashamed when i am nasty for no reason at all.
i feel much better now with this medication. there is some solace in the fact that it's chemical. some of it is due to my abrasive nature.
do you have people that love you no matter what? or at least tolerate you, and you tolerate them in return?
i would prescribe to you at least one (1) good time, taken as needed, with the non-judgemental person/people.
failing that, i would prescribe to you at least one (1) good book or movie, taken as needed.
failing that, i would prescribe to you at least one (1) good night's sleep, taken as needed.
emme have you been getting enough rest and fun? it sounds overly simplistic. but a long walk in the woods, a hot bath, a good night's sleep, a nice long talk with a friend might help you alter perspectives a bit.
this too shall pass. try not to be too hard on yourself.
Posted by just plain jane on September 25, 2004, at 20:20:26
In reply to me mad at me, posted by Emme on September 25, 2004, at 12:48:31
>>Man have I been a complete "female canine" lately. I have not been nice to people. I've been agitated and edgy and I've been kind of unpleasant to be around.
-- 's OK. You know it and don't particularly like it and that's waaaaaay more introspective and concerned than most "normal" (shallow) people.
>>How do I deal with the fact that I can be like this?
-- Ride it out... ? Come here and talk about it like you are/have and get support from the good people here.
>>Do you all feel ashamed and disturbed if you get like that?
-- For a minute or two, or a day or so... but then I remember what female dogs many people are just in the course of their lives and they're PROUD of it and think it's cool. And I remind myself that I am a good, loving person caught in a crappy moment (day, etc).
And if I don't remember on my own I talk with someone who will raise cain with me and remind me.
>>Even if it's partly due to a mood disorder.
-- Nope. Again, a mood disorder is a much more valid reason than just being beachy because I can.
>>What do I do with this feeling?
-- Dunno about you, but I try and use it to remind and empower me to do battle with it next time around.
>>I think I'm depressed *and* I'm deeply sad.
-- Probably. I feel very sad for you and yet I am glad for you, that you would come here and share this so we could maybe help. I hope you recover quickly.
>>Why can't I enjoy the ride on Planet X?
-- I pray that you learn how.
here, I will share my smile... :)
just plain
jane
Posted by Emme on September 26, 2004, at 8:29:17
In reply to Re: me mad at me, posted by Jai Narayan on September 25, 2004, at 14:59:53
> If I could I would hold you in my ample arms and tell you:
> "you are safe and wonderful. breathe it in. You can relax into the knowledge that you are loved. Inhale deeply."Thanks. That's sweet and soothing.
> I have had that feeling and it's very disturbing. I talk to my friends, therapist and try to cope till it subsides. I forget to breathe....
> I actually hold my breath....
> why, I don't know.I had a friend once who used to tell us when we were worried: "Don't forget to breathe." I think he had a point.
> But when the mood departs, I scratch my head and wonder why I was so upset. New mood. New feelings. Moving on.
> gosh try not to be harsh with yourself.I'm trying. Old habits die hard.
> Love chatting with you.
Me too. I mean it's nice chatting with *you*, though maybe I need nicer chats with myself too.
Emme
Posted by Emme on September 26, 2004, at 8:49:43
In reply to Re: me mad at me, posted by octopusprime on September 25, 2004, at 16:48:52
> sweet pea:
>
> i so strongly identify with your post. i too feel ashamed when i am nasty for no reason at all.From your post and Jai's, I guess I'm not the only one who gets like this. It's so easy to put myself on a guilt trip.
> i feel much better now with this medication. there is some solace in the fact that it's chemical. some of it is due to my abrasive nature.
It's good that you feel better. I think some of my irritability is set off by meds that need tweaking and some may be my mood slipping just out of general worry. I need to try harder to keep my inner witch under wraps.
> do you have people that love you no matter what? or at least tolerate you, and you tolerate them in return?
A few. I've always been lucky to have not just a few close friends but a whole bunch of longtime friends who I considered pretty close. In the last few years I find myself withdrawing from them one by one. This is in part b/c they move on with their lives and I'm stalled and it's just too painful to be looking in on their lives. Now, I've been not working for too long and needing to get things going and failing and I'm ashamed of my situation and don't want to talk about it. So I don't call or write to a lot of them. I keep telling myself I will someday if I have a husband and house and child and better moods and stop hurting so much.
But I talk to a few of them semi-regularly and I have a couple of local friends I visit with. One of my oldest friends just randomly sent me a CD that I received yesterday. Sweet guy.
> i would prescribe to you at least one (1) good time, taken as needed, with the non-judgemental person/people.Okay, done. Not talking about personal things, but we went out to enjoy the nice day.
> failing that, i would prescribe to you at least one (1) good book or movie, taken as needed.Oaky, tried it. My movie picks ended up being weird, but at least distracting.
> emme have you been getting enough rest and fun? it sounds overly simplistic.I try. They don't seem to be restorative enough.
> but a long walk in the woods, a hot bath, a good night's sleep, a nice long talk with a friend might help you alter perspectives a bit.
You mean my perspective isn't the one correct one in the universe? :)
Emme
Posted by Emme on September 26, 2004, at 8:53:27
In reply to Re: me mad at me » Emme, posted by just plain jane on September 25, 2004, at 20:20:26
> >>How do I deal with the fact that I can be like this?
>
> -- Ride it out... ? Come here and talk about it like you are/have and get support from the good people here.
>
> >>Do you all feel ashamed and disturbed if you get like that?
>
> -- For a minute or two, or a day or so... but then I remember what female dogs many people are just in the course of their lives and they're PROUD of it and think it's cool.You have a point.
> And if I don't remember on my own I talk with someone who will raise cain with me and remind me.
>
> >>Even if it's partly due to a mood disorder.
>
> -- Nope. Again, a mood disorder is a much more valid reason than just being beachy because I can.> >>I think I'm depressed *and* I'm deeply sad.
>
> -I hope you recover quickly.Thanks.
> >>Why can't I enjoy the ride on Planet X?
>
> -- I pray that you learn how.
>
> here, I will share my smile... :)Thanks. It's a very nice smile. :) Much appreciated.
Emme
Posted by Susan47 on September 26, 2004, at 9:56:28
In reply to Re: me mad at me » just plain jane, posted by Emme on September 26, 2004, at 8:53:27
Men do the same thing y'know only we don't label them quite as easily, or with such volatile language (that IS in the dictionary, BTW). Don't be hard on yourself when you feel this way, we all feel this way OIAW. Sometimes more than that. (((Emme)))
Posted by octopusprime on September 26, 2004, at 11:30:43
In reply to Bitch? Why not?, posted by Susan47 on September 26, 2004, at 9:56:28
well there are some situations where this kind of behaviour is adaptive and useful - at work, dealing with small children, and dogs. for example:
* "no your mom gave you that money to buy your brother a present, you may not have stickers"
* "where is product X. i need product X to do my work. how are we going to fix it."
* "what you are telling me is unrealistic. come back and talk to me when you've got something i can really work with"
* "my back hurts. i need a new chair and i don't care about the money situation"
* there's no conversation with the dog since he is deaf but i did grab him by the scruff of the neck and hold him there (which annoyed him to no end) to stop him from growling when i was brushing him. bad dog!so bad dog! bad kid! bad co-worker! bad boss! NO! stop. something is wrong, something needs fixing. say what you want assertively. that's drawing boundaries and strong adaptive behaviour. it's depressing that women get labelled for acting this way but they do.
i had a bad time at being edgy and irritable a few months ago. things that i used to take as a funny joke weren't funny any more. i felt frustrated all the time. i wanted to throw things, i did throw things (a computer mouse at a coworker when he did a misplaced attempt at humour). screaming fits when things went wrong. "sorry i pulled the plug by accident but this place is a f*cking sh*t show and if you weren't running wires all over the d*mn hallway maybe this wouldn't have happened. i don't want to hear this sh*t. don't blame me!". swearing at automated phone systems. slamming the phone down (on automated systems). and that constant dread, the fear, the feelings will be back to overwhelm me today, i don't want to get up today, i hate my job, i hate my life.
so then you get a reputation. don't f*ck with her. she's cranky. she's a b*tch. and people, rightly so, start to respect you less when you fly off the handle at little to no provocation.
this is why i say, Emme, tweak the meds. i do feel so much better since i did that. my b*tchiness is now contained in areas where it's adaptive and less where it's off the handle and not adaptive. and i do hope you continue to call your friends. i know it's hard. but people like to enjoy nice days together. maybe if the weather holds out you'll have a few in a row.
Posted by just plain jane on September 26, 2004, at 16:37:24
In reply to Re: Bitch? Why not? » Susan47, posted by octopusprime on September 26, 2004, at 11:30:43
Susan, my dear, I LOVE your style!!!!
LMAO as I read.
Sounds a lot like me when I was in the "real" working world.
Now I am a certified disabled nutcase and can just kinda blow things off and people walk WAAAY around me just in case and my my my my my it is FUNNY!!!
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