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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 11 to 35 of 35. Go back in thread:
Posted by kara lynne on November 5, 2003, at 0:51:42
In reply to Re: problems with my boyfriend » sienna, posted by octopusprime on November 5, 2003, at 0:13:05
I just read this and saw that octo and I addressed the exact same sentence in opposite ways. I want to clarify, because I don't mean you should rely on passive aggressive behavior--I didn't get the feeling that you were. My thought was that if you had already tried to talk to him directly and it wasn't working, maybe a little action would be a good thing. I don't think it has to be seen as passive aggressive, but it might speak to him in a way that words haven't. Even if you say you're just taking some time for yourself it's true, and it might create a non pressured way for him to respond in his own right. Sometimes things just need a chance to cool down, you both can try to integrate your thoughts.
Maybe he will respond, maybe he won't--that remains to be seen. But it might still help you feel better about yourself, just to be away from a source that temporarily seems to be shut down.
You deserve kindness.
I hope you feel better soon. Please let us know how you're doing.
Love Kara
Posted by sienna on November 5, 2003, at 14:05:35
In reply to Just to clarify, posted by kara lynne on November 5, 2003, at 0:51:42
I understand what you are saying. I think it would be good for us to spend a little time apart or i guess maybe just send less time together for a while. im usually not passive aggressive so i think it will be ok, but ill make sure to be careful not to be.
i really appreciate all of your feedback. =)
Sienna
Posted by kara lynne on November 5, 2003, at 15:24:06
In reply to Thanks you guys..., posted by sienna on November 5, 2003, at 14:05:35
Hope you're feeling better. How did things go yesterday--did you get some time alone?
Also---no judgement from me regarding anything you do. I have committed most all greivous relationship errors known to mankind.
Hope to hear from you when you're up to it, sienna.
Posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 13:30:51
In reply to Re: Thanks you guys..., posted by kara lynne on November 5, 2003, at 15:24:06
but i guess that is better than continuing to live like this....
still im very sad.
sienna
Posted by Dinah on November 7, 2003, at 13:34:49
In reply to I think we are going to break up..., posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 13:30:51
Of course you're sad...
Posted by kara lynne on November 7, 2003, at 15:42:42
In reply to Re: I'm sorry. :( » sienna, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2003, at 13:34:49
Dear Sienna,
I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well. Did you actually have the break up conversation or is it a feeling? Remember, even if you do separate--if there is something strong enough to keep you together you will find it again. Otherwise you can begin to heal from something that is causing you so much pain. It takes a lot, but it's possible. Luckily you didn't make the mistake I did of moving in with him first--that made it a lot harder.You'll make it through--if I did anyone can. Please write if you want to.
Love,
Kara
Posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 18:50:49
In reply to Re: I'm sorry. :( » sienna, posted by Dinah on November 7, 2003, at 13:34:49
Thanks Dinah.
I will hang out with some friends tonite though, that should help some.
Sienna
Posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 18:54:56
In reply to Sienna, posted by kara lynne on November 7, 2003, at 15:42:42
We talked about it, but didnt make any decision, just that we will think for a few days and stay away from each other. but he is as snappy and mean as ever. Time might make him feel better but I need to see an actual behaviour change or Im done. So I said wed give it some time, but deep inside, I dont think it will be enough. Im just so sad because it is such a uturn from his usual self. Oh well.
No sense wasting time with someone who is being mean. Right? Or should I give him a chance to fix himself? If he changed, Id love to stick around, but i dont want to drag this out its just goign to hurt more.
Sienna
Posted by kara lynne on November 7, 2003, at 22:37:07
In reply to Re: Sienna » kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 18:54:56
-I need to see an actual behaviour change or Im done-
That's the smartest move you could make. Take it from someone who stuck around waiting for someone to change, listening to meaningless words--for years. And I have nothing to show for it except a further delay in finding something better for me.
I'm not saying he won't change--anything is possible. That is, if it's something he wants for himself. If he does then great-- you guys can take another shot at working it out. But in the meantime you haven't given yourself up for something that or may not happen. He will ultimately respect you a lot more for that.
I know it's heartbreaking, especially when he's acting so different than usual. Do you have any idea what happened--could he be using drugs or something? Not that it makes any difference; the end result is still that you have to take care of yourself in the situation.
Try to take it a day at a time. For me, to consider never talking to my ex again was too painful. Take the first step and spend some time by yourself to start building the muscle again. Anyway, snappy and mean is not fun to be around, and more painful in the end than breaking up. It's just that you have to feel worse before you feel better, but you will feel better. If you stay with a man who is mean to you, you will never feel better.
Please let me know how you're doing, when you feel like it.
I'm thinking of you,
Kara
Posted by Dinah on November 8, 2003, at 13:37:44
In reply to Re: I'm sorry. :( » Dinah, posted by sienna on November 7, 2003, at 18:50:49
If he's under a lot of stress right now, could you encourage him to go to work out a few times a week. My husband was doing it for a while and it made a big difference. Now he's slacked off, and I'm ready to divorce him.
If it's a recent change it might be worth a shot.
Posted by kara lynne on November 9, 2003, at 15:24:25
In reply to Re: Just a thought » sienna, posted by Dinah on November 8, 2003, at 13:37:44
Ok I admit it. I'm scanning this thread hoping there will be a post from you telling us how you're doing...
Posted by sienna on November 9, 2003, at 17:27:07
In reply to sienna...., posted by kara lynne on November 9, 2003, at 15:24:25
im sorry. i guess i just feel so crappy i dont know what to write. im just so angry at him for ruining it by being mean to me. it could have been great, there is no good reason why it couldnt be that way, but he is being awful, and thats it.
but whats really funny is while i was out trying to get some retail therapy, (i figure if i want to meet people i cant really hide at home might as well try to go shopping even if i cant really buy anything), but anyway, i got a huge crush on the shoe salesguy and later he came and found me and gave me his card hehe in case i wanted the shoes, and then later this other guy stopped me and said i was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
Man the stars are doing some wierd things right now. My life is definitely being shaken up right now. Please for the love of God let somethigh good come out of this.
tring to keep my sense of humour,
Sienna
Posted by kara lynne on November 9, 2003, at 23:21:01
In reply to hi Kara lynne and Dinah too » kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 9, 2003, at 17:27:07
"this other guy stopped me and said i was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen."
Wow! That must have cheered you up! I'm glad people are reminding you how beautiful you are. You'll do just fine.
Especially with humor.
Posted by sienna on November 10, 2003, at 23:09:33
In reply to Re: hi Kara lynne and Dinah too, posted by kara lynne on November 9, 2003, at 23:21:01
Lets hope so. i have always had such a good sense of humour, but i feel so jaded.
how are you feeling?Sienna
Posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 1:48:07
In reply to Re: hi Kara lynne and Dinah too » kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 10, 2003, at 23:09:33
I know--sometimes I wonder how it is that I still have a sense of humor. But it's placed precariously close to my sense of impending doom, so I better be careful.
I'm icky and pms and eating too many starchy foods late at night. My ex leaves me messages about the stray cat that he's befriending--and then tacks on a one liner at the end of them about how 'severely' he misses me.
I guess this means that I am somewhere in importance above nothing, but slightly below a stray cat.
How are things with you?
Posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 1:55:36
In reply to Re: hi Kara lynne and Dinah too, posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 1:48:07
Oh, and I think David Byrne could really help me too! (I just saw that, too funny girl...)
Posted by sienna on November 11, 2003, at 18:36:24
In reply to Re: hi Kara lynne and Dinah too, posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 1:48:07
ugh im sorry about that. my bf would never express that much emotion (the part about misisng severely). hes just not that emotionally available.
im ok i guess. a little lonely and tired, but
i guess im ok. i wish it would stay lighter later.
i feel like winter wiill never end. oh wait thats
right it just started haha. oh hell maybe i should get one of those SAD lites or somehting.later alligator
sienna
Posted by sienna on November 11, 2003, at 18:37:15
In reply to Re: hi Kara lynne and Dinah too, posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 1:55:36
yeah hes one of my favorites. the box set comes out next week. =)
Posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 18:57:50
In reply to david byrne » kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 11, 2003, at 18:37:15
and?????? How is the boy behaving?? Any more cute salesmen?
Posted by sienna on November 11, 2003, at 19:03:13
In reply to Re: david byrne, posted by kara lynne on November 11, 2003, at 18:57:50
hehe which one? the cat in the lap? hes behaving fine. purring even.
oh you meant *that* boy. he was fine yesterday. nothing bad happened i guess.
ill see him tomorrow. we'll see what happens.
too bad i love him so much. i didnt call the shoe guy. felt too much like cheating. but maybe i will just tell him about my friends dj nite.hmm, how are YOU doing?
Sienna
Posted by kara lynne on November 12, 2003, at 1:10:22
In reply to Re: david byrne, posted by sienna on November 11, 2003, at 19:03:13
I endured a family dinner. My brother brought a friend; a groupie that grew up in Topanga. Typical california girl, but I couldn't dislike her. She was beautiful and happy and bursting through the seams with life force. I went in the bathroom and cried.
Not that I want to have seen The Rolling Stones 18 times. But it seems like you have to be from another planet to be that happy. Either that or have very rich parents, or be very physically beautiful--which she is--which may afford someone an entirely different kind of life.
And I actually felt ok about myself when I left the house, after I'd changed my clothes five times and checked in the mirror another 15. But sitting through dinner all I could feel like was a psychiatric patient.
Posted by sienna on November 12, 2003, at 18:24:50
hi there,
wow you are such a good writer. didya know that?
im sorry things suck sometimes. i think the grass is often greener though...i wish i were beautiful, but then sometimes its better to be average. well, i guess i dont know ive never been beautiful maybe it would be better.
im nonsensical today. i know what you mean about feeling like a mental patient. i accidentally got sent to the hospital a while back for hallucinating something and going to the ER for some meds, tod them what i hallucinated next thing im on a 72 hold in a hospital with no decent veggie food to eat and nothing to read but a Readers digest from 1987.
oops I digress...what made you go to the bathroom and cry? did you feel better after? sometimes i love to cry. its the only time I feel totally human. even though its painful. or something is wrong with me maybe...
anyhhoo how are ya now?
Sienna
you posted:
I endured a family dinner. My brother brought a friend; a groupie that grew up in Topanga. Typical california girl, but I couldn't dislike her. She was beautiful and happy and bursting through the seams with life force. I went in the bathroom and cried.
Not that I want to have seen The Rolling Stones 18 times. But it seems like you have to be from another planet to be that happy. Either that or have very rich parents, or be very physically beautiful--which she is--which may afford someone an entirely different kind of life.
And I actually felt ok about myself when I left the house, after I'd changed my clothes five times and checked in the mirror another 15. But sitting through dinner all I could feel like was a psychiatric patient.
Posted by kara lynne on November 12, 2003, at 20:32:29
In reply to kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 12, 2003, at 18:24:50
You can't fool me---especially after someone stopped you to tell you you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life. In fact I almost ammended my post to include that I know beautiful women suffer too.
I can't tell you exactly why I went in the bathroom and cried. I felt myself disappearing in comparison to her; felt despair as she was talking about having kids someday, she's so young and un-broken, with so much life ahead of her. My brother was acting his emotional age and carrying on private conversations with her--leaving me and my parents just sitting there in our deadness. So then I could feel the ages of conflict between us as well. I wanted to have a family of my own to go home to, or something to do that I felt passionate about. But all I had to think about yesterday was adjusting my psych meds.
When I went to the bathroom I prayed to be filled with something other than sadness. It did make me feel better, it was the truest moment of the evening.
Posted by kara lynne on November 12, 2003, at 20:34:41
In reply to kara lynne, posted by sienna on November 12, 2003, at 18:24:50
...72 hour hold in a hospital with no decent veggie food to eat and nothing to read but a Readers digest from 1987.....
that could make anyone mental.
Posted by sienna on November 13, 2003, at 10:17:38
In reply to Re: kara lynne, posted by kara lynne on November 12, 2003, at 20:32:29
hi there,
i wanna write more, but im late and gotta get to the coffee. ill be back though
sienna
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