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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
This is my first post on this board. I find the people here so kind and thoughtful.
I'm 38 and depressed since 19. I cannot work or get out much. Meds have helped briefly in the past, but not for six years. Every day is a struggle.
My psychiatrist seems to patronize me, seeing me as an affable crank rather than a person who can get better. He won't be aggressive with new meds, but instead encourages me to make small social steps which are painful and unhelpful. I try, to please him, and end up in an emotional turmoil that he considers -- somehow -- beneficial for me. I am so worried I will lose his respect I focus on pleasing him out of fear of abandonment, though I wish I had a doc who took me and the hopes for meds seriously.
I feel so alone in my pain.
sorry to ramble.
i send love and support to all who post here. You help me.
Michael
Posted by madwand on November 1, 2003, at 11:36:18
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Michael,
I hear you! There is one [albeit painful] small step that would really benefit you -- seeing another psychiatrist! You don't have to make a break with the old one, at least initially (that would probably make it harder), but I seriously doubt things are going to improve with him/her based on what you said.
It sounds like you have given this route a chance -- it is time to stop suffering. Just my $.02[another] Michael
Posted by kara lynne on November 1, 2003, at 14:23:37
In reply to Re: struggling:need kindness » jmackie, posted by madwand on November 1, 2003, at 11:36:18
Dear Michael,
I agree with madwand on this one. I just wanted to say you articulated your struggle painfully well. It's so easy to get hooked into a place of self-doubt rather than getting what you need. Oh joy: you've faced another day in excruciating discomfort--you *must* be making progress! Don't you just wish for one day these people could feel like we do? Or better yet--a month, a year, an eternity--like we do?At least visit another pdoc for a second opinion. I don't think it could make you feel worse than you do now.
Sorry you're having a rough time of it,
Kara
Posted by Nansun58 on November 1, 2003, at 16:38:38
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Michael, welcome to the post and I hope you find the help that you seek here.
Posted by femlite on November 1, 2003, at 17:04:10
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Hey Michael,
Welcome, I hope you find encouragment here.
I second the "wand" and all others who say, get another opinion. There are lots of docs who believe in the power of medication to ease suffering
best
Posted by Emme on November 2, 2003, at 19:26:54
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Welcome Michael,
I second the others. Get another pdoc, even if just to try out as a second opinion. You need someone who is aggressive with treating your condition, believes in your ability to get well, and who will enter into a partnership with you and make you feel like it's a team effort. They exist. Do not take no for an answer - look till you find one. Are you near a university - ask their student health center who in the community they regard highly. Are you within traveling distance of a major medical center? Check out their department of psychiatry. Call anyone and everyone you can think of for good recommendations. And tell us how it's going.
Best of luck,
Emme
Posted by thistlethorn on November 3, 2003, at 7:55:21
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Dear Michael,
You communicate such warmth and intelligence and, of course, sadness in your post, that I find myself reading it over and over. I want to send you the comfort you're seeking, but I also want you not to be afraid of accepting challenges in your life. I don't know whether the small steps suggested by your psychiatrist or the urgings of the other writers who have contributed to this thread make sense for you, but I'm sure you know that it's necessary for us to risk getting hurt from time to time if our lives are ever going to be meaningful and satisfying. I say this as much for my sake as for yours, for I, too, have endured long stretches of self-imposed punishment and isolation in my life.
As for medications, the ones my psychiatrist prescribes for me have not been a panacea, but they have helped me to function somewhat better than I have in the past. I can maintain a job now and talk to people and cope with my various and peculiar moods and phobias. Perhaps, if you were to consult a psychopharmacologist, you might at least assure yourself that you're doing all you can to receive the proper treatment in that regard.
Take care of yourself, Michael.
tt
Posted by jmackie on November 4, 2003, at 11:18:53
In reply to Re: struggling:need kindness » jmackie, posted by thistlethorn on November 3, 2003, at 7:55:21
thanks for all your thoughtful posts. You encourage me, and I am grateful. I will let you know how things go.
peace.
Posted by Shandra on November 6, 2003, at 11:00:37
In reply to struggling:need kindness, posted by jmackie on November 1, 2003, at 6:10:27
Michael - so sorry to hear of your current struggles, as one who has been through what you express. To feel like you feel is just a living hell, and it is so important to hear that this is not something you have brought upon yourself. There is help available, and I have found this to be a good place to find that support which you need so badly. Keep in mind - you can post here as long and as much as you need to - I know that my tendency is to make that step to reach out to others, then they are supportive, then I feel like I have to go back into my own little private hell and just wait it out til things get better. You need the support WHILE you are going through this - so please don't just 'let us know how things turn out' - let us be here for you WHILE they are hard! That's what we're here for. No expectations that now that you've heard some kind words that you're all better (or should be) - I think most of us agree that we need those kind words and support on an *on-going* basis!
I absolutely second the notion that you need a new doctor. I have seen many different types of helpers- therapists, a psychiatric nurse practitioner who could prescribe meds, a PhD psychologist, an MD, and two psychiatrists. My own advice is that you find a second opinion, but specifically look for someone who *specializes* in "medication management". My experience tells me that a psychiatrist who is qualified to prescribe, and does prescribe, medications is not at all the same thing as a psychiatrist whose main focus is to get you some relief through careful management of your medications. When you find a 'pdoc' who specializes in meds, you may have a better chance of being with someone who truly understands this is not 'in your head' so to speak - it's in your chemistry! My experience was that all the therapy I had and even medications prescribed to me (by doctors etc who were not primarily focused on psychiatric medication) did not help the root problem. Yes, you'll need to put yourself out there socially. Yes, you'll have challenges that you have to get through. But no, you may not have the strength to do all those things until you have a good combination of medications on board to even help you make those first steps without it being simply excruciating. There are psychiatrists and there are psychiatrists - I dumped my first actual psychiatrist because although he prescribed medication for me, he did not truly focus on the ins and outs of how the meds were effecting me. Let's face it - you're not at a therapeutic dose of a medication if it isn't actually therapeutic to you! Once you've found someone who respects you as an individual instead of condescending to you, when you've got someone who really understands what causes this misery and can help balance your chemistry so you stop feeling horrible 24/7, THEN you will be in a position to start making those forays into social and personal challenges. Analogy - a person with a broken leg is going to have to start getting around on their own, but NOT until x-rays are done, there's a cast properly put in place, and there has been a little recoup time. Go easy on yourself if you can, and find someone who can actually help you rather than making you feel somehow you are to blame.
I hope I am not misreading your post - perhaps you don't feel you are to blame, I just know that this was my overriding feeling - that *I* needed to do better. When I found a good psychiatrist, and *he* started working with *me*, then I started being stronger and feeling better about the prospects of making changes in the way I dealt with the challenges in my life. I just felt better. It's possible. Therapy and behavioral/cognitive/emotive therapy is great, but getting your chemistry at least on the right track has to come first, in my humble opinion.
So.... hang in there, and if you can't believe in yourself right now, believe in this community which seems to be telling you to find a more suitable doctor. Things can get better. Please stay in touch DURING the pain, that's when you need the support.
Sending you hope and kindness and strength in these tough times....
This is the end of the thread.
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