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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 0:32:48
I just get these bouts of sadness, seemingly out of nowhere. I can't really tie it to events or thoughts, it's just there. It's nearly overwhelming. I don't know what to do except to keep breathing so my abdomen doesn't clench up. I wish it would stop. I went to a movie but it just put it off for 2 hours, now it's here waiting for me at home.
Posted by Penny on August 21, 2003, at 7:27:25
In reply to Overwhelming sadness, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 0:32:48
I can certainly relate.
Do you have a 'toolkit' for things get like this? A friend of mine worked with her therapist to create a toolkit and I'm working on mine - essentially, it's just things that you enjoy doing when you're not depressed, overwhelmed, in the Pit, and you literally put things in a box or bag and keep them where you can see them so when you start feeling really bad you can just grab it instead of having to look for something to do. Because I know, for me, when I'm feeling like that, I usually end up thinking suicidal thoughts and not being able to function at all. My toolkit will contain things like a coloring book and crayons, my paint supplies, perhaps a book of affirmations or on thought changing (though that's usually the last thing I want to look at) and something almost totally mindless, like word search puzzles.
Distraction is the key - your going to a movie was a good thing, even though you said it only postponed how you were feeling for a couple of hours, as you know, this will pass as it has done in the past, so postponing is about all you can do right now. Try to be kind to yourself, try to distract yourself (can you rent some movies? are you able to read? do you like to paint?), and try very hard to give this time. It will pass.
Thinking of you.
P
Posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 9:46:53
In reply to Overwhelming sadness, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 0:32:48
Hi,
I think Penny's ideas were wonderful! I'd never heard of a toolkit idea. I've had those terrible bouts of sadness, too, where every second of every day brings nothing but pain. I feel for you....and hope you can get out of it soon.
One thing that helped me was to do nothing but watch hysterical comedies on TV. (When I'm sad like that, I don't feel like doing anything). You could tape a bunch back-to-back that you know just send you into fits of laughter. Or rent another movie from the video store that's funny.
Just bombard yourself with happy/funny/sunny/smilely. It never made me really happy, but it would get a giggle out of me now and then, and when I could laugh, I knew I'd be OK.
Good luck. :-)
S.
Posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 10:45:33
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness » Tabitha, posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 9:46:53
Thanks Penny and SusanJ for the ideas. I do like painting, and I have a couple new sets of markers, and a new pad of drawing paper.. hmmm.
The sadness lump is still there this morning. Maybe it's psychological stuff. It seems like my friend's phonecall brought up feelings about my lifelong inability to form nurturing relationships with men, all the way back to dad of course. Quitting the job, breaking off the friendship with the ex-boyfriend, the recent disappointment with the male friend, plus some difficulty hiring help with my home repairs... suddenly some thoughts are coming up that I'll NEVER get support and love from males. I've failed. Picked wrong, or don't know how to get my needs met by them, or something. I think I'll do some journaling.
Posted by Phil on August 21, 2003, at 12:44:31
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 10:45:33
Tabitha, All I can add is that you have company. Overwhelming sadness is the perfect description. Maybe it's major, major depression coming through in shorter time periods. I don't know if that makes sense but it feels that way to me.
It is so bloody hard to make it through the day right now. When I get to this point, nothing interests me, except your post, of course.
I hope it passes soon for both of us...Phil
Posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 19:11:04
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness » Tabitha, posted by Phil on August 21, 2003, at 12:44:31
Thanks Phil for your note. Seeing your name makes me think of drums and Ho-hos, which if I weren't so depressed would be a cheerful thought.
Ugh, I feel even worse today. Not sadness, just plain old yucky cr*p dead depressed lethargy and black thoughts. Ugh! I'm cleaning out my junk, trying to purge for a garage sale. Going through old stuff is the most depressing thing on earth, but being surrounded by old unused junk is depressing too... so I just continue. Every single item I come across seems to bring up some painful memory. You'd think it would feel good to clean out, but it isn't feeling good at all.I think I'll take a walk.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:15:35
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 10:45:33
> plus some difficulty hiring help with my home repairs...
Whooo, boy. I'm with you on that one (about five or six projects going on right now.) Make sure you get insurance. Oh, and everyone is unreliable, never on time (except to pick up checks), messes it up, leaves it half finished, and doesn't clean up after themselves. It *is* a whole lot like relationships come to think of it.
> suddenly some thoughts are coming up that I'll NEVER get support and love from males. I've failed. Picked wrong, or don't know how to get my needs met by them, or something. I think I'll do some journaling.
Funny, that's what I've been thinking too, since my therapist just set our therapy back at least a year. Unless of course, he decided that therapy *is* bad for me in which case... Oh well. Anyway, husband, father, bosses, therapists, workmen.... Well, wait... Most of my female relationships have been the same....
Might I suggest Fawlty Towers or Blackadder? I was horrified to find myself laughing my head off at Fawlty Towers the day my dog died (back when I only had one dog at a time).
And hot baths with letting the water run over your hands.
And realizing that the person who will meet your needs best is that sad eyed but lovely woman in the mirror. Take care of her, and she'll take better care of you.
Cyberhugs, and a cup of cybercocoa to you. (Yes, I know it's hot, but cybercocoa always helps calibrate you to exactly the right temperature).
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:18:17
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:15:35
Are you allowed pets? A good dog gives lots of unconditional (as long as you feed them) love and support. And if you don't want to go through the whole puppy training process, we got our absolutely wonderful and perfectly supportive shepherd when she was older and her "mom" had to move to a nursing home.
Posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 21:45:49
In reply to Re: Oh, and Tabitha?, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 20:18:17
Thanks for your kind words. I don't know how you can stand multiple projects with contractors at a time. Well, on second thought maybe that would spread the irritation around!
I think the depression is lifting a little. I've nearly cleaned out a whole room-- the junk room, so by definition it contained the most junk. I've been all sad about having all these memories boxed up-- I create these little knick knack archives that are boxed away, sort of from phases of my life. Then I think.. gee nobody will ever see this stuff but me, and I don't have any children or nieces/nephews or anyone to inherit this stuff.. then I get depressed about the thought of strangers going thru it all after I'm dead. So.. I decided to set it all free (well most of it) -- ebay or garage sale or charity. Maybe some other oddball or kid will find strange enjoyment from it.
Regarding dogs.. I have this weird effect on dogs. They either don't react to me at all, like I'm invisible, or else they growl and bark. I do the downturned hand greeting thing like you're supposed to, but dogs just don't like me! On the other hand, strange cats are constantly running up to greet me. I just don't have the dog vibe.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 22:20:53
In reply to Re: Oh, and Tabitha? » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 21:45:49
I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.
Going through sentimental keepsakes is always a bit bittersweet and melancholy. You're worried that no one will be there for your "stuff" to go to. I'm worried about the opposite. I've got "Throw away without opening in the event of my death" all over lots of stuff. One is the binder I used to bring to therapy (got some odd looks in the waiting room). There are some things you just would never want your children seeing. My word, if I think about it any more, I'll end up with nothing but empty rooms. :)
It sounds as if you're keeping busy and productive in your sabbatical.
A lot of the contractor stuff feeds on itself. We started one project in the backyard, which required that another one be done, which really pointed out that something else needed to be done, etc.
My newest brainstorm is that since we just had dirt and grass added, I should dig a trench around the entire garden area and fill it with cement. That way I can just run the lawnmower along the cement and the grass won't grow into the garden. My mother did it in her front yard and it makes the garden look so neat and tidy. It's invisible behind the grass, so it doesn't look concretey. And it makes the weekly yardwork easier. My husband thinks I'm hypomanic and is threatening dire measures if I start such an ambitious project with several work deadlines looming.
Posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 23:50:44
In reply to Re: Oh, and Tabitha?, posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 22:20:53
don't even remind me of the journals.. I've got dozens of them. Plus a pile of letters I wrote to people then deemed them too crazy to mail. I refuse to even think about their fate after my death. Maybe before then I'll have a big bonfire.
The concrete moat sounds like a great idea.... until you decide to move the garden border. I had a little rock wall around my garden, but of course it was a nightmare to trim the grass around the rocks, so I took them out. Now it's just a ragged mess. But-- after the roofing and stucco and painting... professional landscaping! My goal is to be grass-free, some sort of combo of rocks and bark with plants.
Posted by Dinah on August 21, 2003, at 23:56:23
In reply to Re: Oh, and Tabitha? » Dinah, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 23:50:44
May you be blessed with a better and more reliable landscaper than I have. :(
We got a house with a big backyard for the dogs. Well, now I've only got a few and they're old. I now wish I had a teensy tiny backyard.
We had to tear up the existing jungle back there, and my new plan is to just have a few plants and mostly easily mowed grass. And all the plants have to earn their keep by providing pleasant smells at some time during the year. With my luck all my choices will smell at once, and the stench of competing plants will bring the neighbors to my door.
Posted by Phil on August 22, 2003, at 6:57:19
In reply to Re: Overwhelming sadness, posted by Tabitha on August 21, 2003, at 19:11:04
Tabitha, I'm treading water but it ain't easy. BTW, the drums and Ho-hos are still here. Same drums, many, many new Ho-hos. You're welcome to come to Austin and we'll see who can screw up their blood sugar the worst.
Talk to you later..
Phil
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