Psycho-Babble Social Thread 251516

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2 days, 4 hours

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 7:12:40

I will see my therapist in 2 days, 4 hours.

This is hard. I didn't get to bed until 1 last night because my daughter and her friend came home late. I got up at 5:30 to visit the bathroom and she and her friend were still talking. This really made me angry - she's staying up until all hours and then I try to wake her at noon and she won't get up. So I couldn't go back to sleep, and then my legs started hurting, and then I was hungry so I came downstairs to get some breakfast and found that one of my darling dogs had decorated the carpet for me.

I'm crabby (really?). I want to be taken care of. I want someone to be in control, 'cause I'm sure not. I want to know that I'm not going to just implode and wind up a puddle on the ground.

I'm reading a book by Erikson - my therapist recommended him. Turns out that my therapist did some of his training at a center where Erikson spent a lot of his time. It is interesting and readable.

Dinah, I didn't pick up the phone, but I do miss my old therapist's comfort. I don't miss the pain, however.

I don't know whether to journal or not. Journalling helps me work through things. But I'm afraid that I'll just figure out how bad it really is, and that would be a bad thing. This way I can try to muddle through without thinking about it, and maybe I'll make it to Tuesday Noon.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours

Posted by Tabitha on August 17, 2003, at 11:50:48

In reply to 2 days, 4 hours, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 7:12:40

that's a long time to wait, falls. Can you do anything to comfort yourself in the meantime? how about giving yourself some praise? sometimes that helps me feel better.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » Tabitha

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 12:55:32

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours, posted by Tabitha on August 17, 2003, at 11:50:48

Thanks, Tabitha.

Praise is hard to come by right now. But I did have chocolate cake for breakfast. Maybe I'll have chocolate ice cream for dinner. I have to take my daughter to her dance class in half an hour, I would have time to visit my favorite swings.

Thanks for helping me look in the right direction.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours

Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:53:51

In reply to 2 days, 4 hours, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 7:12:40

Dinah, I didn't pick up the phone,....


Do I get to return the favor? Don't pick up that phone!! ; )

May I ask what book you are reading?

What can't you wait to talk about most in 2 days and (now) 2 hours?

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 16:24:16

In reply to 2 days, 4 hours, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 7:12:40

I'm a big fan of muddling through without thought. And distraction works well.

A puddle on the floor. Yes, that's a good image. I'm always afraid I'll break up like those screensavers do while they change images? I can't explain it well.

And tell that dog of yours to at least save it for the non-carpetted area.

(A lot of that time will be spent in sleep.)

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours Keeping a journal.. » fallsfall

Posted by gabbix2 on August 17, 2003, at 20:52:34

In reply to 2 days, 4 hours, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 7:12:40

Hi, I don't know how serious you were about saying you weren't sure about keeping a

"Because you weren't sure if you wanted to see how bad things are. Well if you weren't being a little off the cuff I'd say, if in doubt, don't DO IT!!

I know for some people its a vert healthy thing. The last few nights however ( I finally stopped)
I've been writing in mine, about a lot of abuse in my past and my current situation, and the anger is unbelievable. And well where do I go with it? I've ended up not sleeping,
because I can't release it.

I could take extra medication but I really don't like the picture of having valid reasons to be angry and then having to medicate myself into passivity. I don't have a phone so I can't call a crisis line.
If I had a therapist, I would definately use the ice cream and swinging distraction maybe blow some bubbles, Remind yourself its "Two more sleeps" Or maybe only one now. And wait it out.

Take care.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » kara lynne

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 20:58:04

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours, posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 15:53:51

I didn't pick up the phone. I wanted to listen to my old therapist's answering machine, but it is probably wiser not to do that.

The book is "The Erik Erikson Reader". The chapters so far have been anthropology, but then it goes into psychology and then history (leaders) and morality. So far it is quite readable. I'm not sure how much will apply to me, but I was just looking for a book that would make me feel connected to my therapist.

2 months ago I left my therapist of 8 1/2 years (and I was super-dependent on her). My new therapist has been on vacation for the last 2 weeks. I have always hated vacations. He has been helping me hold it together through this breakup with my first therapist, so this vacation is particularly hard. I miss my first therapist (but I know better than to go back to her), I don't know my new therapist well enough to carry comfort from him while he's gone. So I'm pretty much on my own.

I did see him 2 weeks ago Monday, he wasn't leaving until Tuesday. So that was helpful. He gave me his cell phone number so I could call him if I needed to (but I really don't want to call him on vacation).

I just called his answering machine and the message is his regular message, not the vacation one. So he is back. Now if I need to call him I'm not interrupting his vacation - that helps.

So I'm not sleeping, I can't think at all, I am having trouble coming up with sentances, I am crabby, I'm afraid I'm doing something wrong even when I'm not, I deleted this post once and had to do it again.

1 1/2 days, 2 hours.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 21:05:04

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 16:24:16

Tomorrow I'll watch "What About Bob" (Is there a way to link to videos?) with one friend, take a walk with another, and go to a support group. That should keep me busy.

I know the kind of screensavers you mean - yes, that is the same idea.

When I leave the dogs home alone, I restrict them to a non-carpeted area. This little trip must have happened between when I went upstairs to go to bed (1AM) and when my daughter came upstairs (sometime before 5:30AM). Usually they stay in my room with me, but I guess I was boring at 1AM.

I think that it will be worth taking extra (prescribed) drugs to be sure that I sleep tonight.

Thanks, Dinah.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours Keeping a journal.. » gabbix2

Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 21:22:15

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours Keeping a journal.. » fallsfall, posted by gabbix2 on August 17, 2003, at 20:52:34

I'm sorry you're feeling rotten, Gabbi. I really wish I could airmail you my therapist. As much as he's gone, it might as well be for a good reason.

If it would help to rant, you know where I am.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 21:33:16

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 21:05:04

Good distress tolerance skills! Planning distractions to fill the day sounds like a great idea. And it sounds like your appointment is for early Tuesday? (I wonder if "What About Bob?" feeds your fear of angering your therapist. I've never seen a therapist get *that* angry with a patient. Maybe you should balance it off with one of the tales of wonder therapists like K-Pax or Ordinary People.)

I've usually cut myself off from all emotions (and had too many forgetting sleeps) at this point in my therapist's absence and am wondering vaguely what on earth I need a therapist for. I spend the first session or two when he's back trying to remember.

I'm sorry you're feeling so rotten. Tuesday should prove a very productive session as you process the experience.

Did it help to hear his message? I can't figure out why the answering machine message is so powerful. Mine made a meditation tape for me that is much longer, but lacks the value of listening to his answering machine message.

 

Re: P.S. Fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 21:36:16

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 21:33:16

I'm sorry for the constant DBT references. I just read the training manual, so I feel like I have a new hammer and all I see are nails. :)

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours Keeping a journal.. » gabbix2

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 22:04:47

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours Keeping a journal.. » fallsfall, posted by gabbix2 on August 17, 2003, at 20:52:34

Thanks, gabbix

Right now the anxiety is fairly unnamed. When I write it becomes clear to me (this is why I do write). I think that I will just wait until I see him. Upsetting the applecart seems unwise right now.

I understand your objection to medicating justifiable emotions. I guess I don't mind so much because I know that I will be able to process them when I see my therapist, so the meds are just a stopgap measure.

I did the swinging and the ice cream today.

Now I'll take my meds so I can sleep. Tonight. Tomorrow night. Tuesday!!!

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 22:06:53

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2003, at 21:33:16

Yeah, his message helped. Mostly because it was different. But he has a wonderful English accent, so it is great all the time.

I like "What about Bob" because my fantasy is to follow my therapist. Driving him crazy is not the main point for me.

Starting to feel a little better. Thanks.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours

Posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 23:07:11

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 17, 2003, at 20:58:04

Awww. You really are having a hard time. What About Bob is so funny-- I think that's a great idea. I've referred to that movie many times.

At least you have a therapist you feel pretty good about (?) and who is helping you get through your relationship with the prior one. I see my therapist Tuesday also, but I'm not feeling so great about him. I am going to tell him how I feel and see how it goes.

I wish we all had 24 hour people. I don't know where they would come from, but I wish we all had them. I REALLY am not doing well alone lately, but that's just how it is right now. It takes time to cultivate friendships and I'm not even up for them. In the meantime I hate having to wait for my appointments with 'professionals' to expect some relief.

...and counting...

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » kara lynne

Posted by fallsfall on August 18, 2003, at 8:49:52

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours , posted by kara lynne on August 17, 2003, at 23:07:11

Thanks, Kara.

I do have friends (one to watch "Bob" with, one to walk the dogs with, one I talked to online yesterday and will see tonight). I've worked hard to cultivate these friends. And they do help. And I'm eternally greatful to them.

But they don't fill the *need*. Because the *need* is pathalogical. Only the therapists can work on the *need*.

26 hours.

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall

Posted by Penny on August 18, 2003, at 9:58:27

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 18, 2003, at 8:49:52

Sorry I didn't post earlier, Fallsfall. I've been offline all weekend...

So, you're entering the homestretch to seeing your therapist. And you managed to not call the old to listen to her message. Way to go!

I personally have discovered I shouldn't journal when I'm feeling really rotten, because it just leads me down a road I should be avoiding. The irrational thoughts start making sense and I spiral deeper. Not a good thing. But when I'm not feeling so bad, it's helpful to me, and sometimes when I am feeling bad, it's helpful to read the parts that I wrote when I was feeling good. Does that make sense?

Chocolate ice cream. Yum.

How old is your daughter? (I'm sure you've said, but I can't remember.)

Yes, tomorrow's session should be a productive one for you. Are you going to mention your thought about calling your former therapist and how you overcame that?

Hoping today's a good day for you.

Take care.
P

 

Re: Thanks. 25 hours » Penny

Posted by fallsfall on August 18, 2003, at 10:03:29

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » fallsfall, posted by Penny on August 18, 2003, at 9:58:27

Usually journalling helps me understand. Right now I am marking time.

My daughter is 15. Oh so 15.

I will tell my therapist about wanting to call my old one. I didn't want to talk to her, just to hear her voice.

25 hours.
Time for "What about Bob"

 

Re: 2 days, 4 hours

Posted by kara lynne on August 18, 2003, at 15:42:43

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours » kara lynne, posted by fallsfall on August 18, 2003, at 8:49:52

Ok, well I will gladly speak for myself here: *I* wish I had people I could call on 24 hours a day, and it would be magically reciprocal with no resentment. Or, I would just take in home round the clock care, at the moment.

But may I say I'm so happy that you have such friendships (it is easy to see why), if, a little envious.

23 hours?

 

Re: He came back from vacation

Posted by fallsfall on August 19, 2003, at 18:52:58

In reply to Re: 2 days, 4 hours, posted by kara lynne on August 18, 2003, at 15:42:43

He did come back and I did get to see him. I was pretty much a wreck, but I think it was a constructive session. Then I had ice cream (black raspberry - I wanted black raspberry sherbet, but not enough to tell her she gave me the wrong kind.) Then I came home and took a nap.

He did make me feel better - he took care of me. Wish I knew how he did that.

Thanks for all your support!!

 

Re: He came back from vacation » fallsfall

Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2003, at 20:27:40

In reply to Re: He came back from vacation, posted by fallsfall on August 19, 2003, at 18:52:58

Oh, I'm so happy for you.

Mine suggested that therapy might be doing more harm than good. We got in a great big fight because he said I wasn't understanding him, and I said he wasn't explaining in a way I could understand. We only got to the DBT idea in the last five minutes.

Oh, and then he seemed taken aback by my accepting his own offer to see me on the Saturday he returned.

I think we made up at the end, but I haven't been so d*mned insecure about our relationship for lo these many years (or it seems like it anyway). Not forever therapy after all, I guess. No such thing.

Because they can change their minds about what's good for us...


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