Psycho-Babble Social Thread 221539

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

maybe i ruining myself

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 17:27:35

how can you tell?
sienna

 

ignore that please

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 18:08:11

In reply to maybe i ruining myself, posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 17:27:35

im chanign my meds my pdoc knows just a little change nothing helps the flashbacks anyway. my mood is fine but i miss sleeping like i rememver sleeping for a long time no waking up all the time. i dont think im braking myself but i wonder all the time. gota go make something hapen today no more watching the world go by.

 

Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna

Posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:18:32

In reply to maybe i ruining myself, posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 17:27:35

You aren't ruining yourself.

The garbage truck called depression* that parks itself squarely in our brains, uninvited, is the source of thoughts like that.

I was just reading through a few of your posts (I'm relatively new here) and I see that you're interested in Wellbutrin, so I thought I would relay my recent experience with said med (I love rhymes).

On March 24 I told my pdoc that I thought I was feeling depressed (well, who wasn't? The war had just started and I had broken a tooth with a silver filling that's probably giving me a new dose of mercury every time I chew on something ).

I originally went to this doctor (who I truly love) in January '03 for an A.D.D. diagnosis. I had been on Wellbutrin for about a year (I started last May after asking my general practitioner to prescribe it)

The pdoc recommended Lexapro (March 24), and I assumed (you know, the old "when you assume you make an ass out of 'u' and 'me') that Lexapro would REPLACE Wellbutrin.

I stopped Wellbutrin cold turkey that day (I might add that I'm one of those people that can go a year on an anti-depressant and think "I don't think this is doing that much" - when in reality, I've gotten so used to feeling better that I get this cocky idea that I can "go it alone").

Okay, so I stayed on Lexapro about five days (I was tired of feeling catatonic and unable to move my *ss out of my chair so I tapered off of it). Example: I knew I had a toothbrush - and teeth - but I didn't feel like I could even get the energy to bring them together - AND I'M ON 40 MG A DAY OF ADDERALL!).

Well, I think I sort of crashed and burned last Wednesday (I won't go into the sordid details). When my husband came home he called in my old Wellbutrin prescription before setting down his briefcase, and then made a point of picking it up before the pharmacy closed (HE was that desperate. Quite frankly, I didn't even give a rat's *ss).

Okay, so, today is "Day 6" back on Wellbutrin.

I went to the pdoc yesterday and he enlightened me to the fact that I was supposed to STAY on the Wellbutrin and add the Lexapro.

Long (boring) story short - YESTERDAY AND TODAY I STARTED FEELING LIKE A HUMAN BEING AGAIN.

Now, I don't want to become the walking/talking poster child for Wellbutrin because I know every drug interacts with every person based on individual chemical make up. However, what I do know is this - Wellbutrin makes a "night and day" difference with me.

Wellbutrin apparently impacts the chemicals that affect motivation. I just looked up the two words "Wellbutrin" and "motivation" and I found this on another message board:

"(with Wellburin) the sense of hopelessness is gone, and in place of it motivation. I feel balanced."

This describes my feelings on Wellbutrin as well. After just six days.

You mentioned hallucinations. I'm sure your doctor must have valid concerns about that, or he/she wouldn't have mentioned it, but speaking from my own experience, I haven't had any hallucinations (not unless you count that big pink easter bunny driving a flying saucer past our house last night). Seriously, I haven't had that problem, at least not in the last year.

Actually, I think Wellbutrin brings back my sense of humor AND it helps me enjoy music again. When I am "dark" (like the theatre on Mondays) I have absolutely no desire to listen to music (which has always been a big part of my life from about age four).

Sienna, I hope you can find the combination of medications that works for you. It seems to be such a delicate balance for all of us. Ultimately, we're really at the mercy of the pdoc, who can tweak at the formula on our behalf.

*or whatever it is that makes the chemicals go awry

 

Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran

Posted by gabbix2 on April 22, 2003, at 18:48:33

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:18:32

Beautifully put, and sound advice I say.
Depression is so much more than crying. I wish that was made more clear. I had no idea that my being a complete failure as a human being wasn't actually a fact, until I found a medication that worked.
It didn't make me think everything I did was wonderful. It enabled me to feel satisfaction in my accomplishments and life doesn't feel like much without that.

 

(A Wellbutrin Story) leeran

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 18:51:38

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:18:32

thats a good sign thanks for writeing what you exerpience. i look perfecly calm ona outside and amillion hillion jillion miles a minite switchign ont eh inside.
i hope welbutrin hels me i talke to the pdoc a little wile ago and gota blessing to cut half a zoloft instead fo the whole things but no changing the risperdal he thinks its my glue. i dont now. i guess for now its one thieng at a time....
i love music too leeran it is the most favourite thing. so muc of it its amazing and art so glad i can hear it. counting my blessings.
thanks for wriitntg me. it really dose helps me a lot. and wellcome to the boartds they are wonerful.

sienna

 

Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) gabbix2

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 18:56:01

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran, posted by gabbix2 on April 22, 2003, at 18:48:33

so true...i hardly cry when im depressed actualy... its so hard i cry from flashbacks somtimes thogugh.
sienna

 

YES, this is what I try to tell my husband gabbix2

Posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:56:24

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran, posted by gabbix2 on April 22, 2003, at 18:48:33

"I had no idea that my being a complete failure as a human being wasn't actually a fact"

Gabbix, what a TOTALLY PROFOUND STATEMENT. If that doesn't sum up depression (or whatever it is) I don't know what does!!!

Anything worthwhile I've accomplished in my life goes in the

"Gone and Forgotten" column

And anything that was wrong, a mistake, a misjudgement, (or just plain stupid), etc. goes in the

"Here to Stay an Eternity (and be obsessed over from every angle)" column

 

so is not just me... (nm) leeran

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 18:57:50

In reply to YES, this is what I try to tell my husband gabbix2, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:56:24

 

Re: (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna

Posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 19:04:06

In reply to (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran, posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 18:51:38

Sienna,

I'm glad I was furiously typing before the "Please Ignore" notice went up.

Your sweet nature is so apparent in your posts. And I bet your creativity is off the top of the charts!

Keep plugging away at it (all of "it" - whatever it is) and thank you so much for the welcome.

Lee

p.s. Regarding music (the tonic to the soul) - my son and husband compare the line-up in my computer music files to listening to BBC radio. From Glenn Miller to AC/DC in a matter of moments (and yes, Dinah, there is a Barry Manilow, and he lives on my hard drive, too - along with the Carpenters and Nine Inch Nails).

 

Re: (A Wellbutrin Story)

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 19:13:26

In reply to Re: (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 19:04:06

hi Lee,

thanks for sayin such nice things to me. i only ment tha ignore post becuase my post didnt make any sence and htat hapens sometimes for me, i cant allways put it in to words ya know. so i try to write somtihing...to get my feeling out but then sometimes i think i shoulda shut up but i cant rite shut up sienna anymore cuz its uncivil hehe,. i am creative but somtimes is way stuck ... is ok. it comes and goes like so many things.

and i like so muhc music to, it is a relase and i can meditate better with it and feel so much more. it makes me feel real.

sienna

 

Re: (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran

Posted by Dinah on April 22, 2003, at 19:34:10

In reply to Re: (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 19:04:06

Chuckle. Ah, yes. The Carpenters too. Honestly though, it's been a while since I enjoyed any music at all apart from the occasional hymn. Something that went away with Luvox and never really came back.

 

Re: maybe i (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 22, 2003, at 21:51:56

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:18:32

wow,what a true story,,
i have been on wellbutrin for 5 months..started to tapper it(to 150)as i added zoloft...
such a bad deal:(
still on 300 wellbutrin..100zoloft..terrified to change things....
eeekkkk
peace
j

 

Question for Sienna

Posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2003, at 22:27:04

In reply to YES, this is what I try to tell my husband gabbix2, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:56:24

Hi Sienna,
I'm glad to see you posting again. When you say you have flashbacks, do you mean from a traumatic even? You don't need to tell me details, I'm just wondering what kind of flashbacks you're having--if it's from one event that keeps re-playing or something else. Thanks.

 

Comment for Leeran

Posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2003, at 22:30:13

In reply to YES, this is what I try to tell my husband gabbix2, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:56:24

"Anything worthwhile I've accomplished in my life goes in the 'Gone and Forgotten' column
And anything that was wrong, a mistake, a misjudgement, (or just plain stupid), etc. goes in the 'Here to Stay an Eternity (and be obsessed over from every angle)' column. "

Just seconding that, really. It is amazing to see the common threads. It almost takes all the originality out of my suffering!

 

JYL . . . did you like Wellbutrin? justyourlaugh

Posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 23:32:17

In reply to Re: maybe i (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran, posted by justyourlaugh on April 22, 2003, at 21:51:56

JYL . . . did you like Wellbutrin?

I wasn't sure if you had trouble with

a) Wellbutrin
b) Zoloft
c) Wellbutrin AND Zoloft

I could search the boards because I know you've probably discussed this before, but I just assembled five cardboard legal boxes and now my daily recommended allowance of motivation has been severely taxed :-)

I know what you mean about being scared to change things, although I guess I didn't feel that way a month ago! I was such a psychotropic virgin until I found these boards (which was the same day I dropped the Wellbutrin in place of the Lexapro).

I'm still marveling at my stupidity.

Perhaps blackboards and chalk would be a welcome decorating addition in psychiatric offices. Maybe that peppy gal from Trading Spaces could get involved. Maybe Vanna could step in and spell it out for me.

 

Re: JYL . . . did you like Wellbutrin?

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 23, 2003, at 7:27:38

In reply to JYL . . . did you like Wellbutrin? justyourlaugh, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 23:32:17

i have had no problems at all with it..
i did when i added topamax to it...
no side effects..
i thought it was doing nothing until i cut the dose to 150mg..and went down hill fast..
zoloft only seems to be slowing me down..which i needed..
hope that helps
peace
j

 

Re: Question for Sienna kara lynne

Posted by sienna on April 23, 2003, at 15:20:53

In reply to Question for Sienna, posted by kara lynne on April 22, 2003, at 22:27:04

hi kara lynne

its hard to say exsactly cuz its so broken in peieces. some is from somthing spescific and some is general terror. but is very scary. is also very disoccating....not sure did that help any...

sienna

 

Re: Question for Sienna

Posted by kara lynne on April 23, 2003, at 21:11:59

In reply to Re: Question for Sienna kara lynne, posted by sienna on April 23, 2003, at 15:20:53

Yes, that helped. I'm sorry you go through such frightening times.

 

Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran

Posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 7:15:12

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) sienna, posted by leeran on April 22, 2003, at 18:18:32

>>The garbage truck called depression* that parks itself squarely in our brains, uninvited, is the source of thoughts like that.

I love this.

 

Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) noa

Posted by leeran on April 24, 2003, at 10:03:08

In reply to Re: maybe i ruining myself (A Wellbutrin Story) leeran, posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 7:15:12

Isn't it great? I sure wish I could claim it. I particularly like it because the author uses the black cloud metaphor, which as always been my name for the demon.

Since I've seen it on numerous websites I'm going to assume that it's okay to copy and paste it here.


5. Most dangerous - your mind speed will increase. Your mind will race at what seems like 200 miles per hour. Depressed people often tell their doctor "I can't get my mind to stop!" The minute you wake up in the morning - it will start up. Your brain will then turn against you. It will reach in your memory and pull out every bad memory it can find - abuse as a child, failed relationships, etc. - anything to make you feel bad and especially guilty. You will be tortured by your own thoughts.

6. As your mind speed picks up, the "garbage truck" will arrive. While the brain is already torturing you with the past, it will create/invent new ideas/thoughts to torture you. In every case of depression, if the depression stays long enough, you will receive the same "garbage" thoughts from your mind. You will be told:

- you are a burden to your family/friends
- you have failed/disappointed your family
- no one really cares about you
- your children would be better raised by someone else
- your family would be better off without you
- your spouse would be better off without you
- you are going crazy and there's no hope
- it would be better if you weren't around
- you would be better off dead
- you should probably kill yourself

If you're depressed - then you already know about the garbage truck. It's almost impossible to explain this part, and the excessive mind speed, to someone who has never been seriously depressed. If your depression goes untreated, this constant "garbage" will totally destroy your self-confidence. Try as you may, you will be unable to control this part of depression.

7. As part of the "garbage truck", your mind will try to make you as uncomfortable as possible. You may be flooded with thoughts of violence (against yourself and others), you'll think you are condemned by God, or you'll think you deserve this condition for some reason. Your garbage will also tell you that if you seek professional help (physician, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc.) that you'll be committed to an institution forever.

8. When depressed, your brain begins running a mental "video tape" of your worst hits/experiences. If married, a mental tape of the marriage is played daily, only focusing on the worst experiences. If you are young, you will suddenly become preoccupied with your upbringing, who got the best gym shoes, the favorite child, the car you never received. Frequent if not constant thoughts and preoccupations about past problems and issues is a common sign of depression.

In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think. In short, depression is a neurochemical reaction to severe and prolonged stress, either suddenly surfacing or gradually creeping up on you over a period of many months. The treatment for this dark cloud is much easier than you think.


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