Psycho-Babble Social Thread 220984

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Re: Worried noa

Posted by ayuda on April 20, 2003, at 21:54:42

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

Go with your heart -- if it is telling you that you need to be there, GO. Leave everything else behind and be there with them. Things may turn out better than you think, but err on the side of love. You are your brothers are wonderful for caring so much and taking care of your parents, they must be pretty darn good parents!

 

Re: Worried noa

Posted by Dinah on April 20, 2003, at 23:21:52

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

It's an awful time for parents and children when the roles start to reverse. I don't blame you for not feeling ready. :( And it sounds as if you've got a good relationship with your parents.

If it feels right to you to go, then you should. I'm sure your brothers and father, and of course your mother, could use some support.

But don't be too pessimistic, Noa. Sometimes what you fear is true, but sometimes it isn't. My father was in terrible shape about two years ago. For a year or so after, I was sure that he wouldn't make it much longer. He had had a series of TIA's and shingles and peripheral neuropathy, along with unspecified liver problems and spinal stenosis (sp?). His face was grey and haggard, he couldn't hold a pen to write without curling his fingers with his other hand, and his left leg was dead weight. But now he is doing so much better. He's walking a bit around the house, can write again, and has some color. I never ever thought he could get again to this point. I don't think his doctors did either.

I'm sending my most positive thoughts to you that your parents are just going through a rough patch like my dad was. And lots of warm thoughts for you as well.

 

Re: Worried noa

Posted by Janelle on April 21, 2003, at 0:09:02

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

Noa, my heart goes out to you and I can relate to what you're going through because both of MY parents are ill, each with a different type of cancer.

My mother is in REEEEEAL bad shape - she had a lumpectomy, was told she's *clean* but it left her weak, tired, slow, sad, and miserable. My younger sister and I think she has gone into a situational depression.

My sister encouraged her to get a referral for a pdoc tomorrow and see about getting on an a-d short term.

My mother has always been the STRONGEST most INDEPENDENT person I know and to see her as a shadow of her former self (she also cannot drive for the moment) is bugging me out.

G-d bless you noa, and keep me/us posted.

 

Sending more prayers your way. (nm)

Posted by kara lynne on April 21, 2003, at 0:29:51

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

 

Re: Worried

Posted by whiterabbit on April 21, 2003, at 0:38:25

In reply to Re: Worried noa, posted by Janelle on April 21, 2003, at 0:09:02

Your parents are lucky to have your devotion. You won't regret any time that you spend with them now, so bon voyage!
Prayers for all-
Gracie

 

Re: to Noa ((((((((Noa))))))))))) (nm)

Posted by coral on April 21, 2003, at 3:43:02

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

 

Re: Worried noa

Posted by NikkiT2 on April 21, 2003, at 8:37:24

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

You and your parents are very much in my thoughts hun... Wish there was more I could do.

*hugs*

Nikki xx

 

: Worried..blessings and hope to you and your mom (nm)

Posted by lostsailor on April 21, 2003, at 9:18:53

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

 

Re: THANK YOU to everyone!

Posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 13:06:49

In reply to : Worried..blessings and hope to you and your mom (nm), posted by lostsailor on April 21, 2003, at 9:18:53

Thank you for all that support. It really helps.

I bought a ticket last night to fly there today, but after speaking with my Mom this morning, I am not going there today. I'll take it day by day (I purposely got a ticket that is transferable).

What helped me feel it would be ok to not go today is that my mom said she is having her friend go into the doc meeting with her. And I suggested her friend take notes, and she liked that idea.

The appointment is with this doc who does some kind of new procedure on osteoporosis vertebrae fractures. But he usually does them in the lumbar region and my mom's fractures are apparently higher up. She is having an MRI this morning and then meeting with the doc later in the day.

I'll take it day by day.

Meanwhile, the repair guy came to look at the washing machine. FIrst he called to say I had to bail all the water out of it. I had assumed these guys have pumps or syphons or somthing. So I bailed, and bailed and bailed until I couldn't bail any more and then soaked up about 5 towels trying to get the water from under the agitator. In the end he didn't do much that really required the water to have been out of there. He had a hunch it was a switch and he tested it and he was right. So he is ordering the switch and has to come back later in the week to change the switch. Luckily it is still covered under warranty--yay.

Now I'm lumpy and tired and cold and not getting much done, tho there is a lot to do. I can't decide if I'm starting to feel effects of the lowered effexor dose, or is it all the stress, etc. I don't think I will be able to know for sure for a while.

I'm really glad my brother is going to visit parents tomorrow. I think it also means a lot to my other brother that he is going.

 

Re: THANK YOU to everyone! noa

Posted by leeran on April 21, 2003, at 13:43:20

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone!, posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 13:06:49

Noa,

First of all, I wanted to let you know that my thoughts/prayers are with you and your mother (and your dad and brother as well). My father had by-pass surgery a couple of years ago and I didn't know if I should go/when I should go/etc.

My mother kept telling me it would be a waste to come and just sit for hours in the hospital, then she said it would be silly to come while he was in therapy. Then, all of a sudden ("sudden" on my end - not hers, I'm sure) he seemed to take a real turn for the better.

It's so hard living away from parents when they are elderly. I'm an only child and I find myself constantly torn on this subject.

At least you now have a game plan and you're ready at a moment's notice, which must be a big relief!

You mentioned:
I can't decide if I'm starting to feel effects of the lowered effexor dose, or is it all the stress, etc.

I have this anecdote to relay.

About a month ago (right after the war started) I had an appointment with my pdoc and told him I thought I was feeling depressed (and I was). He suggested Lexapro and I immediately abandoned my Wellbutrin (cold turkey) and the last month has been nothing short of hellish.

I realized just the other day (from something else someone said here on the boards) that I may have mistaken stress/sadness over the war (and a broken tooth) as the deepening (or return) of my depression.

When I read what you said about Effexor the same thought crossed my mind. You're under a lot of stress right now. Let's face it, bailing water out of a washing machine is enough to send the Good Humor man over the edge, but then you have the more important issues with your mother at play as well. And I don't know about you, but general unrest in the real world can leave me feeling a few octaves lower than "normal" (ahhhh, that dreaded word) as well (kind of a backdrop to my personal pain).

I wonder if AD's don't make us feel so much better (compared to the state we were in when we started them) that it ends up being more difficult to recognize the "normal" effects of stress. I know that I'm always so afraid of "slipping back" that I'm probably more sensitive to dark feelings (I call it my dark cloud) than I've ever been in the past.

Just thought I would pass all that along with my good wishes for you and your family. Sorry to go off a bit on a tangent!

Lee

P.S. In the end, it all comes out in the "wash." (Slap me for this bad pun but I couldn't resist and I thought it might give you a teeny grin on a soggy Monday)

"Go on and hit her! Slap her!" - Steel Magnolias


 

On bailing noa

Posted by whiterabbit on April 21, 2003, at 14:07:34

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone!, posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 13:06:49

Hope it doesn't happen again but if it does, you can siphon out the water yourself, it's easy. Get a flexible tube (piece of old garden hose or something)long enough to reach from the bottom of the washing machine to a bucket on the floor. Stick the whole tube inside to fill it up completely with water, than plug one end of the hose with your thumb. Lift this end out of the water and place it in the bucket. When you remove your thumb, the water will siphon itself out (the bucket has to be lower than the container you are siphoning from).
-Gracie the Fishtank Owner

 

Re: THANK YOU to everyone! noa

Posted by Fi on April 21, 2003, at 14:58:16

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone!, posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 13:06:49

I'm so pleased that your Mum is doing the right thing without you having to be there. I know the feeling (elderly parents hundreds of miles away too). And the complete lack of control about when they have crises and whether or not its a time your life is stressful and you are OK. Do take lots of care of yourself.

I dont know what the set up is over there, but here anaesthetists (anesthesiologists?) sometime run specialised pain clinics, along with a team of other relevant profs. So there may be other approaches apart from the patches, if the surgery isnt an option. Not necessarily always taking away the pain, unfortunately, but also ways of coping with it.

But basically wanted to say sympathies and take care. Sorry irregular board reader so didnt reply sooner, tho of course others have.

Fi

 

Re: Just got here, sorry noa

Posted by Greg on April 21, 2003, at 15:07:33

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone!, posted by noa on April 21, 2003, at 13:06:49

Sorry that Moms not doing any better (I don't have one of my own, so I hope you don't mind if I adopt yours). At least you have your ticket and if you decide you need to go, you're on your way. And if I know you, you're already packed. I can only imagine the stress you're under and I'll just keep telling you to take deep breaths and do what your heart tells you. If you feel like you need to be there, then go.

If all else fails, you can come see me? My wife and kids deserted me for three days to go visit her Mom up north. I thought, "Cool, I'll have the house to myself and all that peace and quiet!" They hadn't been gone two hours and I was already bored to tears and missing them like crazy... Oh well, guess my days of being alone are over.

Please keep us informed on the status of your Mom, and you, OK?

Sending you a hug,
Greg


 

Re: Worried {{{{{{{{{NOA}}}}}}}}

Posted by tina on April 21, 2003, at 20:17:13

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

thoughts, prayers and strength are with you and mom and dad Noa. I'll be keeping you all in my heart.
tina

 

Re: THANK YOU to everyone! leeran

Posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:35:53

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone! noa, posted by leeran on April 21, 2003, at 13:43:20

Thank you for the support, and for this wonderful line:

>Let's face it, bailing water out of a washing machine is enough to send the Good Humor man over the edge

(Smiling)

 

Re: On bailing whiterabbit

Posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:38:38

In reply to On bailing noa, posted by whiterabbit on April 21, 2003, at 14:07:34

Thanks! I was thinking about something like that although I wasn't sure exactly how to do it. But I didn't have any tubing handy, except the tube from my CPAP and I didn't want to muck that up with the scuzzy old laundry water.

I guess a piece of tubing from the hardware store isn't a bad thing to have around the house.

Thanks.

 

Re: THANK YOU to everyone! Fi

Posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:51:59

In reply to Re: THANK YOU to everyone! noa, posted by Fi on April 21, 2003, at 14:58:16

Thank you, Fi.

It turned out, though, that although her friend took her to the MRI and then to the internist for consult on pain meds, when it came to the appointment with the procedure doc, which was at the hospital, my Dad showed up unexpectedly, according to my mom's friend. So, he went into the meeting instead of the friend, who waited in the waiting room. I dunno, I think there are some tensions between Mom and her friend. Friend told me last night that my mom has been an "angry lady" in recent years and that friend has had to kind of watch her step with her. Oh well. So, my dad, who doesn't hear well, and my mom, who at that point was kind of high on hydrocodone, did this consult. When I spoke with mom last night she said to me, "You know, I'm not a doddering old fool!" I said, "I know you're not, but at the moment, I know you are taking some heavy duty pain medications and I know that they can affect alertness".

My brother isn't trusting my parents at all that they are telling the truth. When I talk to my mom, she sounds really quite reasonable, like she understood the risks and benefits of the procedure. In a conversation last night, my sister in law had told me she questions what kind of informed consent she could give in the medicated state she was in. But Mom actually quoted me the statistics the doc had given her--the procedure has an 85% success rate overall, and a 1% rate of risk of harm from leaking out and putting pressure on the spinal chord/nerves and causing more pain, but that this group of docs has done 150 of these procedures over the past 2 years and have never had this problem occur. Sounds pretty lucid, doesn't it?

I have to do some research on this procedure. I asked mom to ask the doc for the name of it, although I bet I can find out with a little net surfing.

Anyway, my other brother is going there today for a few days, and my plans are to go Thursday or Friday, possibly overlapping with him so all three of us can have a conversation with parents.

Thank you for the support. It is greatly appreciated and helpful.

 

Re: Just got here, sorry Greg

Posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:54:49

In reply to Re: Just got here, sorry noa, posted by Greg on April 21, 2003, at 15:07:33

Thank you Greg. See my post to Fi for an update.

Hah--you think I was already packed? That would be uncharacteristic of me. But you've given me an idea--maybe I'll do something out of character and pack up today for Friday.

Did you have your weeked outing alone with your wife? Hope you had a good time.

Now they've left you alone. Does this mean you can do all the things you like to do but annoy them?

Enjoy. (and take care that you don't deafen your whole neighborhood with the loud rock music!)

 

Re: Worried {{{{{{{{{NOA}}}}}}}} tina

Posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:55:25

In reply to Re: Worried {{{{{{{{{NOA}}}}}}}}, posted by tina on April 21, 2003, at 20:17:13

Tina, Thank you so much! It means a lot.

 

On surgery - Noa

Posted by whiterabbit on April 22, 2003, at 9:42:25

In reply to Re: Worried {{{{{{{{{NOA}}}}}}}} tina, posted by noa on April 22, 2003, at 8:55:25

It sounds like your mom knows what she is doing. I've been in the orthopedic profession for many years (I'm not really familiar with the procedure she's having although I've seen it on x-rays...I believe it's a fairly new procedure, but DON'T think of it as "new", think of it as state-of-the-art) and in my unexpert opinion, surgery is the way to go.

Your mom has a painful condition where the thoracic vertabrae start to crumble and collapse.
She is almost certainly past the point where she can be helped by medication to stimulate bone growth. Orthopedists recommend surgery when a patient's quality of life has deteriorated because of frequent or constant pain, and this may be the reason that her friend thinks your mom has been kindy of surly. Who wouldn't be?

This operation will help relieve her pain and make it possible for her to function without such strong pain medication. It's a good thing.

I know it's hard not to be anxious. The night before my son went in for a relatively simply knee operation to repair a torn meniscus, I sat up all night frozen with fear even though I knew it was dumb. You can't help it.

She'll be fine, Noa. She'll be more than fine...once she heals from the surgery, her quality of life will be greatly improved.
God bless-
Gracie

 

Re: Worried noa

Posted by shar on April 22, 2003, at 18:30:24

In reply to Worried, posted by noa on April 20, 2003, at 21:25:23

Noa,
Another time-lagged reply. It's Tuesday now, and I hope that you are in a better place with respect to knowing what all is going on and what your plan is.

I will be thinking of you and sending healing thoughts to your mom.

Take care.
Shar

 

another prayer- noa

Posted by judy1 on April 23, 2003, at 23:41:19

In reply to Re: Worried noa, posted by shar on April 22, 2003, at 18:30:24

just wanted to add my prayers for your Mom's health to improve. It must be horribly stressful for you and I hope you decide to go and be there with your parents. every day is precious with family, but I think you already know that. best wishes-judy

 

Re: Update and other stuff

Posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:29:29

In reply to another prayer- noa, posted by judy1 on April 23, 2003, at 23:41:19

Thank you all for all the support. As I said, it really helps.

The update is that my mom seems to be doing better in that she is tolerating the pain meds she is now taking. The best one for pain relief, was hydrocodone, but she was completely out of it when taking that. Now, believe it or not, she is back to the tylenol with codeine, which is what she had thought had set off her vomiting blood! She now thinks that maybe her stomach had been worn down by all the ibuprofen she had taken, which was a LOT, before getting the tylenol with codeine scrip.

So, she is a bit groggy, but able to be awake more and sounded much better on the phone. Still in a bit of pain, but obviously more tolerable, since she was able to be sitting up and having a conversation with me.

My brother is there and I will go either this afternoon or tomorrow morning (I'd like to overlap with my brother, but it is looking more and more likely that I won't be ready to go today, oh well).

I got some info on the web about the procedure (vertebroplasty) and sent it to my dad and my siblings. It is pretty amazing what they can do. There is also a newer procedure called kyphoplasty which not only seals up the fracture but first, using a balloon, actually un-collapses the vertebra close to its normal height, helping to prevent deformity. I don't know if mom can have kyphoplasty--she'd have to ask her doc about it. I sent her the info, so hopefully she will ask. She already has a lot of deformity (her back is bent) and I don't know if that affects her candidacy for the kyphoplasty. Well, at least she can have the vertebroplasty, which will stop the pain.

Still have the unanswered question as to why, after 6+ years of Fosomax and no fractures (she had already had a lot of fractures before Fosomax was available), she is suddenly having fractures again. But that has to wait for her osteo doc to come back from vacation.

Geez, in all of this, with worrying about them, I have to admit that I have also started some egocentric worrying about me--all the things that will deteriorate as I age, too.

While I'm on my hypochondriacal theme here, I have this confession: ever since David Bloom (NBC reporter) died of an embolism, I have been having occasional worries about that. It happens suddenly to people in great apparent health and physical shape and here I am overweight, unexercised, often sedentary, etc. etc. so how do I know if it might happen to me? I especially think about this on those "hermit" days when I sit at my computer playing inane games and going on line, because I go into a kind of "trance" and hours go by with me sitting in one position, which has got to be bad for circulation!

Ok, obsessive rant is over.

My father did his stress test but no results yet. My brother emailed me to say that Dad has returned to his gym (before the heart "event") he was at the gym 5 days a week--cycling, walking and swimming--pretty darn good for an 82 year old guy, no?), and that one day this week, he did a mile on the treadmill but felt light headed afterwards. I only hope that he will make good decisions like, if you are lightheaded after doing a mile, maybe you should do LESS next time! Don't worry, I won't say it to him that way (my other brother--the one who is local to them--would, though, and maybe even more forcefully and with high volume in his voice, LOL).

On another note, washing machine guy is coming back today to install the new part which arrived in the mail yesterady. YAY!! So hopefully, by later today, I'll be able to do laundry here. (Again, I laugh, because this makes me sound like the "Queen for a Day" contestant!).

Thanks again for all the support! You guys are great!

 

Re: Update and other stuff-PS

Posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:41:28

In reply to Re: Update and other stuff, posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:29:29

PS-- I realized that I didn't even mention the whole work thing. Maybe it is a good sign--I forgot about it for a few minutes!

I go back to work on Monday. Dreading it, for sure. I had a dream that the friend/colleague who is being let go, did not show up for two days. Then, in the dream, at the end of the work day, I decided not to drive home but to walk, and then decided not to walk, but to run. I started running and it was very positive. It was nearly effortless. I was aware that I was running just because it was enjoyable. I felt light and fleet and this sort of confidence that my feet can take me somewhere rather fast. It was a very long way to commute, though, on foot like that, but I was not tiring at all, and was going fast at a an easy jog. I think it was like each gait was long, a little like flying, but not. Like I was just so light on my feet that each gait was like an airy leap forward. Mind you, all the language I'm using to describe it is happening now. In the dream, it was just a kinesthetic experience.

It was such a hopeful feeling. But I don't know what to do with that. In contrast, I feel pretty stuck about the whole job thing. Maybe it was a wish dream.

I do feel stuck. I haven't pursued any other job leads yet. I have decided I cannot just leave my job right now. It is too big a risk. What I could do is sign a contract for another year, and then start early to pursue other leads for when the contract expires.

I also still need to figure out if I'm going to say or write something about how they handled this mess. I think I will, but I've not been mulling over the wording in the past few days. I had been finding myself composing in my head just before sleep, etc. But now I'm thinking about it less. Of course, going back on Monday is going to be hard--won't be able to ignore the mess as I have during my little vacation.

Yesterday I did get out (morning after the running dream---I think it helped!) and went to a botanical garden. It was so beautiful. I couldn't believe how many different kinds of orchids they had! I also walked a lot yesterday and that felt good.

 

New Job

Posted by whiterabbit on April 24, 2003, at 8:10:59

In reply to Re: Update and other stuff-PS, posted by noa on April 24, 2003, at 6:41:28

Noa - I understand about feeling "stuck" at your job - boy, do I! But I think you made the right decision - to stay with it for awhile. You're already stressed out about your mom, so it's probably not the right time to be making big life changes. We have to be really careful about how much we put on our plates.
-Gracie


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