Psycho-Babble Social Thread 221145

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

i messed up..again...

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 11:27:44

i keep "falling"
i think it would be best if i didnt come into contact with others..
i made such a mess of things here..
i want to hide away..
:(
ihate today,yesterday,day before ...

 

Re: i doubt it

Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2003, at 11:38:31

In reply to i messed up..again..., posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 11:27:44

I haven't seen you mess up, jyl? I always enjoy your obvious caring for others. Please don't hide away.

I know the feeling well though. I feel it often. But a lot of times it has more to do with how I feel than how others feel.

((shannon))

 

Re: i messed up..again... justyourlaugh

Posted by Dreamerz on April 21, 2003, at 11:45:40

In reply to i messed up..again..., posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 11:27:44

> i keep "falling"

We all do.. we try to catch

> i think it would be best if i didnt come into contact with others..

What , and end up a sad case like me..I recommend social

> i made such a mess of things here..
> i want to hide away..

Hiding for me is is great ..I'm an expert..but for you I think it may not wise.

> :(
> ihate today,yesterday,day before ...

I had a few minutes of giggling joy I suspect you've had yours too...

It's your choice..
You know, Dr B has a hoover to clean up mess anyway..

keep paintin..I endeavour endeavour....

 

Re: i messed up..again... Dreamerz

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 12:01:35

In reply to Re: i messed up..again... justyourlaugh, posted by Dreamerz on April 21, 2003, at 11:45:40

i havent painted in months...
i sit around all the paint and white canvas..
i just can do it?
anyway i ment i made such a mess with my drinking and hurting my family..again.
here meaning on this side of the computer.
jyl.

 

Re: i messed up..again... justyourlaugh

Posted by Dreamerz on April 21, 2003, at 12:09:12

In reply to Re: i messed up..again... Dreamerz, posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 12:01:35


Oh...Family...owtchh.
I'm trying to paint..if only I saw a light at the tunnels end.
Anyway painting gets me high..then need meds..
My binge drinking cured me--gave me something to look forward to.
Which is worse?
Meds/drink? I don't know.
Drinking is frowed upon and friendships nil.
Meds= no creative motivation ...What a crap eh.
They say things will get better........
He's hoping..still~just a little.

Sweetness.........

 

Re: i messed up..again...JYL

Posted by whiterabbit on April 21, 2003, at 13:04:49

In reply to Re: i messed up..again... justyourlaugh, posted by Dreamerz on April 21, 2003, at 12:09:12

Girlfriend, I'm an artist too. I've never been organized enough to make a living at it, but I've done some pretty good stuff.

I quit painting for over 2 years because I just
couldn't work up the energy or imagination or focus to complete a canvas. In other words, I was severely depressed. I did amuse myself sometimes by painting little wooden boxes, crafty things that were easier to do than a whole painting, but even those took a very long time to finish because my concentration was so poor.

Eventually many of my bipolar symptoms faded to a tolerable degree with the anti-psychotic Seroquel, but to my dismay, I still had no real desire to be artsy. I thought it was gone for good. The urge to paint did not return until I had been on Paxil for some months, and I realized that it was depression and not Seroquel that was responsible for the creative block.

I'm into medieval times and all things British, so now I'm painting a big portrait of Queen Elizabeth I of England. She's not pretty, but Liz is turning out really well and I'm proud of her.

Have you read "Touched With Fire" by Kaye Redfield Jamison? I love this book, and I'm absolutely convinced that there IS a genetic link between creativity and manic depression. So, despite the shipwreck I've made of my life*, I'm in good company. Jamison lists quite a number of well-known artists, writers and composers who most likely suffered from major mood disorders...
Van Gogh, Michelangelo, Jackson Pollock, Edward Munch, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, Tennessee Williams, Tchaikovsky, Rachmaninoff and, of course, Edgar Allan Poe and Sylvia Plath,
just to name a very few. Tortured souls, all.

Are you taking medication? I never would have made it without medication.
-Gracie

*Someone I think Lee mentioned her "shipwreck of a marriage", I thought that was a great expression. Very accurate.

 

thanks for the kindness whiterabbit

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 13:53:52

In reply to Re: i messed up..again...JYL, posted by whiterabbit on April 21, 2003, at 13:04:49

i think the pity party is over..
taking my own advice..
shaking myself off and begining the first day of the rest of my life..
gracie i am terrified it wont come back..
the need to paint,to express..
j

 

Painting

Posted by whiterabbit on April 22, 2003, at 8:46:41

In reply to Re: i messed up..again... Dreamerz, posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 12:01:35

If you ARE bipolar (and I'm not saying you are),
the desire to paint could return once you hit a manic cycle. If you're suffering through a cycle of depression, these cycles can last anywhere from a few days to a few years. Also, the cycles do not always - or maybe even usually -
alternate between mania and depression and mania and depression in a definate pattern - they can occur in any order, with periods of feeling relatively "normal" (whatever that is) inbetween.

If you suspect that you have bipolar symptoms, there is good information on the disorder at www.nami.org (formally the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill), along with plenty of information on other mood disorders. I've found self-education to be invaluable for dealing with this mess. I've learned a great deal since the last time they turned me loose from the nervous hospital, because I don't want to go back. If you're a reader, "Surviving Manic Depression" (where I got the above information on cycling) by E. Fuller Torrey is helpful.
Hang in there...
Gracie

 

Re: i messed up..again...

Posted by Alara on April 22, 2003, at 8:58:11

In reply to Re: i messed up..again... Dreamerz, posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 12:01:35

> i havent painted in months...
> i sit around all the paint and white canvas..
> i just can do it?
> anyway i ment i made such a mess with my drinking and hurting my family..again.
> here meaning on this side of the computer.
> jyl.
>


JYL (Shannon),

You haven't made a mess at all. I often feel the same on antidepressants: The part of me that hurts is taken away and so I don't need to sing away (as a student opera singer) my hurt.

Creativity vs health... Who are we without the hurt?? It's a difficult, very human dilemma.

I work long hours and therefore don't often post here, but I have read your posts, Shannon, and know that you're moving forward.

Don't give up. I join you in hoping that, somewhere, creative life can meet hope and stability.

Keep at it. :-)

Sincerely,

Alara

 

Re: i messed up..again... Alara

Posted by justyourlaugh on April 22, 2003, at 9:57:52

In reply to Re: i messed up..again..., posted by Alara on April 22, 2003, at 8:58:11

i will move forward...
i will not let this take over..i can slip up,,i am human,,
if i never fell ,how would i know when i got up?
thanks..
its a new day..
peace
j

 

Re: i messed up..again... justyourlaugh

Posted by sienna on April 22, 2003, at 17:26:28

In reply to i messed up..again..., posted by justyourlaugh on April 21, 2003, at 11:27:44

jyl i like you
art makes me cry...but other things.
i sculpurte. used to apaint. im craazeir painting all tha walls.
now is clay an plaster an others
is hard to create and then is not and
there is need for input if you are wanting output.
the movie i shot andy warhol i like the colors
made me want to paint again
also basquiat
painting on the walls just a color feels like a word.
sometimes this all i feel more emotinaonal from somtimes this stuff. and painting or scupting music is interesting a vision of a sound.
im sorry you are not feel good. i bet you dint do any bad things. we always think that but not always is it true reallly. i know i think i made horrible thigns happening to me and i dont quite belive that i didnt do it somhow.
please dont hide if you are up for stay becuz is ok if you are ok but we miss you.
sienna


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