Psycho-Babble Social Thread 14512

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Where are you Marie1

Posted by mair on November 29, 2001, at 7:17:24

Are you lurking? Are you okay? Are you still pdoc-less or did you work things out with your ex-pdoc?

Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1

Posted by Marie1 on December 1, 2001, at 9:22:46

In reply to Where are you Marie1, posted by mair on November 29, 2001, at 7:17:24

Hi, Mair.
I'm still around, just busier than usual. Thanks for wondering, though.
I'm still pdoc-less; probably will stay that way. We just moved into a new house and can use all the disposable income we can get our hands on. Oh, the exhorbitant cost of window coverings! :-) and now with the horror (sorry) of Christmas upon us! It's no fun for me anymore. I always get caught up in worrying that everyone else's Christmas is perfect, and trying to make it so just about kills me, or kills the joy of the season.
How are you doing? I know you have a husband and kids, right? Is Christmas a trial for you, too? I hate being this way, but can't wait for it to all be over.
Since I'm no longer seeing my pdoc, the motivation of proving to him I could go 6 mnths without drinking is gone. Went out with my husband last night and proceeded to get trashed. As a result I feel like crap today - physically and mentally. I don't think I like drinking; it's not worth how I feel today. Dec. 24th will have been 6 mnths. Oh well...
Let me know how you are.

Marie

> Are you lurking? Are you okay? Are you still pdoc-less or did you work things out with your ex-pdoc?
>
> Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1

Posted by Mair on December 1, 2001, at 21:55:12

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Marie1 on December 1, 2001, at 9:22:46

>
Marie - I'm glad you're ok, sort of. I've cured the problem of window coverings by living far enough out in the country that i don't need them. If someone's peeping in the window, they've gone to some effort to put themselves somewhere where they could see something. It makes visitors damn uncomfortable (no shades) and makes it tough to sleep in, but it's now what I'm used to.

I pretty much fall apart every year between Thanksgiving and Xmas. The day after Thanksgiving, my local store was piping in George Winston's piece "December" and all the Xmas trees and wreaths were being put out to sell. I'm never ready - I can never quite get into the swing of things as quickly as I need to. I'm always busier than i want to be at work, so I don't have the time to shop etc, and I invariably get sick. My family arrives in droves which puts my husband in a funk, which makes me very anxious. I would love to make xmas a simpler less costly occasion, but that feels like it would take more effort and thought and certainly more cooperation from my family. I just feel like we throw money at it (the money part always makes me feel a little nervous) and it's so much more stressful than i want it to be. I think I try too hard for perfect to and feel too much like I'm responsible for everyone else's Xmas too. It doesn't help that I've had some sort of depressive relapse around this time of year pretty much what seems like every year for the last tons of years. It's like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and if i think about it enough, for sure it will. Does any of this sound familiar?

 

Re: Where are you Marie1

Posted by Greg A. on December 2, 2001, at 0:28:15

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Marie1 on December 1, 2001, at 9:22:46

Hi Marie,

Good to see you post again. New houses, Christmas, and alcohol. Three things close to me. I have trouble with them all.

Greg

 

Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair

Posted by Marie1 on December 2, 2001, at 8:15:09

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Mair on December 1, 2001, at 21:55:12

Mair,
"Sound familiar?" ?? If I didn't know better, I would swear I wrote your post!
Christmas has gotten so out of hand; everyone's expectations are so artificially pumped, especially my kids, and I don't want them to be disappointed, especially in the gift department. Maybe because I feel guilty for other things? I don't know... I remember the anti-climax of Christmas when I was a kid, and have come to think that's a natural reaction. Yet I don't want my kids to feel that way. My family is scattered all over the east coast, so we invariably travel, and that adds to the stress. Or if I'm hosting, and we're home, that's even worse. And then my sister, who has one daughter, roughly my youngest daughter's age, really goes nuts with presents for her daughter, which causes some resentment. We'll be at their house this year, and I'm not packing up the "Santa" gifts, so there can't be any comparison.
This year is especially very sad for me; I lost my older brother this past summer (he was 48), and that still hurts incredibly. We were the two oldest, so in some ways, we shared a bond that I don't have with my other sibs (there are 4 left living; we lost another brother in 1997). My husband told me he's worried that I might "get sick" (our euphemism for my bouts of major depression) this Christmas. But as long as I keep taking my meds and try not to think too much, I'll be all right. I'm sorry you apparently feel the same way I do about the holidays. There has to be a better way, doesn't there?
On a lighter note, our new house in on the outer perimeter of a golf course, and I have actually woken up to see men searching for their golf balls right outside my window! So, for me, window coverings are imperative!
Take care of yourself.

Marie

> >
> Marie - I'm glad you're ok, sort of. I've cured the problem of window coverings by living far enough out in the country that i don't need them. If someone's peeping in the window, they've gone to some effort to put themselves somewhere where they could see something. It makes visitors damn uncomfortable (no shades) and makes it tough to sleep in, but it's now what I'm used to.
>
> I pretty much fall apart every year between Thanksgiving and Xmas. The day after Thanksgiving, my local store was piping in George Winston's piece "December" and all the Xmas trees and wreaths were being put out to sell. I'm never ready - I can never quite get into the swing of things as quickly as I need to. I'm always busier than i want to be at work, so I don't have the time to shop etc, and I invariably get sick. My family arrives in droves which puts my husband in a funk, which makes me very anxious. I would love to make xmas a simpler less costly occasion, but that feels like it would take more effort and thought and certainly more cooperation from my family. I just feel like we throw money at it (the money part always makes me feel a little nervous) and it's so much more stressful than i want it to be. I think I try too hard for perfect to and feel too much like I'm responsible for everyone else's Xmas too. It doesn't help that I've had some sort of depressive relapse around this time of year pretty much what seems like every year for the last tons of years. It's like i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop and if i think about it enough, for sure it will. Does any of this sound familiar?

 

Re: Where are you Marie1 Greg A.

Posted by Marie1 on December 2, 2001, at 8:19:28

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Greg A. on December 2, 2001, at 0:28:15

You know, Greg, for as long as I can remember, Christmas and alcohol go together. I'm going to try to change that this year.
Have you moved recently too?

Marie


> Hi Marie,
>
> Good to see you post again. New houses, Christmas, and alcohol. Three things close to me. I have trouble with them all.
>
> Greg

 

Re: Where are you Marie1

Posted by Mair on December 2, 2001, at 14:16:22

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair, posted by Marie1 on December 2, 2001, at 8:15:09

>
> > >
Marie - I felt bad about my post last night after I wrote it because it sounded in retrospect like just so much whining. I don't drink alot because I can't hold my liquour at all, particularly with AD meds, but I did have some wine last night.

I think my kids sound older than yours. Mine are teenagers, and mostly want clothing that they don't really need. It's hard to buy for them because when I'm shopping with them and pick something out for them to try on it's invariably "gross" or "ugly." It undermines any confidence I might have to pick something out they'll like. My husband was remarking the other day that he missed buying toys (ie playing with them himself). I think toys are a little easier than clothes although maybe it's just the grass is greener syndrome.

That's awful about your brother. I have 4 siblings and have been amazingly untouched by the horror of premature death. My brothers both float out a day or 2 before xmas and get whatever they need to for their wives. They make it seem so simple. My sisters are very organized, packages are beautifully wrapped and anything mailed actually arrives before Xmas. They do all the travelliing and seemingly with less stress than I have just getting my house ready, although i know it probably stresses them out too in different ways.

I think you have to find ways not to care as much if someone seems disappointed.

BTW - I love living out in the country usually, but my spouse is defiinitely holding out for the day when he, too, can live on the peripheral edge of a golf course.

How old are your children?

Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair

Posted by Marie1 on December 3, 2001, at 11:39:13

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Mair on December 2, 2001, at 14:16:22

Hi Mair,
Really, sounds like we have a lot in common. I have 2 daughters - 17 & 11. I can't buy clothes for my 17 year old either. She's a somewhat moody, stubborn, opinionated kid. Always has been. When I tried to dress her for pre-school, it was a battle every morning and I finally gave up. I like to buy her clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch - she hates them and refuses to wear them. But if she finds something EXACTLY THE SAME from, say, Goodwill, she loves it. This kid is gifted; she was tested at 160 in 2nd grade. But she is her own worst enemy. She's barely graduating from high school this year, she pierced her tongue, took off to New Orleans for a week with some friends for a little "vacation" (without permission, of course).
I used to think my 11 yr. old was the opposite of her sister, but she's getting moodier too. At least she'll still wear the clothes I buy her, although she still prefers toys.
I'm recently unemployed, so I'm at home through this season, which definitely makes it easier. Do you mind telling me what you do?

Marie

> >
> > > >
> Marie - I felt bad about my post last night after I wrote it because it sounded in retrospect like just so much whining. I don't drink alot because I can't hold my liquour at all, particularly with AD meds, but I did have some wine last night.
>
> I think my kids sound older than yours. Mine are teenagers, and mostly want clothing that they don't really need. It's hard to buy for them because when I'm shopping with them and pick something out for them to try on it's invariably "gross" or "ugly." It undermines any confidence I might have to pick something out they'll like. My husband was remarking the other day that he missed buying toys (ie playing with them himself). I think toys are a little easier than clothes although maybe it's just the grass is greener syndrome.
>
> That's awful about your brother. I have 4 siblings and have been amazingly untouched by the horror of premature death. My brothers both float out a day or 2 before xmas and get whatever they need to for their wives. They make it seem so simple. My sisters are very organized, packages are beautifully wrapped and anything mailed actually arrives before Xmas. They do all the travelliing and seemingly with less stress than I have just getting my house ready, although i know it probably stresses them out too in different ways.
>
> I think you have to find ways not to care as much if someone seems disappointed.
>
> BTW - I love living out in the country usually, but my spouse is defiinitely holding out for the day when he, too, can live on the peripheral edge of a golf course.
>
> How old are your children?
>
> Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1

Posted by Mair on December 4, 2001, at 22:22:27

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair, posted by Marie1 on December 3, 2001, at 11:39:13

Marie - I tried to post yesterday, but managed to lose my message entirely.

I have a 13 year old daughter, and 16 year old son. My daughter has recently started to get moodier, and it's been particularly tough for my husband because they've always enjoyed one another alot. She's always been the house sunshine, and has provided a wonderful counterbalance to my son's occasional mmodiness and sulleness. It's always good to have at least one acting civilly at all times.

I admire you for being able to deal with A&F, my least favorite store. The ones I have been to are horribly understaffed and earsplittingly loud. There's one employee standing by the mere 2 or 3 dressing rooms for the whole store, key in hand, trying to hold back the droves of people waiting. Woe be to the person who wants to hold onto a dressing room while checking out a different size or color. The other employee is the only person manning the cash register. Another drove of people waits forever for the privilege of spending alot of money for ok clothing. The corporate attitude seems to be that they're doing you a wonderful favor by taking your money. Jeesh they even sell(!!!) catalogs to show off their models. My thing now is that I wait outside while my daughter shops there. She comes and gets me if there's anything that she can convince me to buy.

If you have an 11 year old, you must hang out in Limited Too and Claires. I can't believe that there was a time when i was blissfully ignorant of such stores.

Why did you move? Did this involve a different school for the kids? In my other life i try to practice law.

Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair

Posted by Marie1 on December 5, 2001, at 7:14:04

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1, posted by Mair on December 4, 2001, at 22:22:27

Mair,
Losing a post - one in which you have poured out your heart or dispensed crtical, life-saving advice is a major drag! Somehow, what you type the second time never sounds as literate as it did first time around.
Sorry about your experiences with A & F. I hate the kind of store you described and try to avoid them at all cost. Actually, I try to avoid shopping with no.1 daughter as much as possible. In fact, I've found the undertaking of shopping with her to be a useful threat for my spouse. You know, when you say in total exasperation "It's YOUR turn to take her!" He'll do just about anything to avoid that so called bonding experience.
Why did we move? Good question. We've had to move often for my husband's job, you'd think we'd be happy to just stay in one place for once. The fact is, I got a bug up my ... er, I just wanted to move - ostensibly because our house was too small. Actually, I was bored. But once I got everyone rallied around, my enthusiasm waned but I couldn't stop the snowball. My husband was totally jazzed on the idea eventually (he dislikes change, but once I talk him into it, it's like it was his idea all along), and the kids thought it was a good idea for reasons of their own. Yes, they've had to change schools, but that hasn't been a bad thing. And I like it that the vice principal doesn't yet have our phone number on speed dial :-)! This is a more rural area, and seems to be more laid back. The kind of place where total strangers say hello to you in passing - which can feel kind of strange at first! But we aren't so far away that we don't go back to our old home all the time.
So what part of the country do you hail from?

Marie


> Marie - I tried to post yesterday, but managed to lose my message entirely.
>
> I have a 13 year old daughter, and 16 year old son. My daughter has recently started to get moodier, and it's been particularly tough for my husband because they've always enjoyed one another alot. She's always been the house sunshine, and has provided a wonderful counterbalance to my son's occasional mmodiness and sulleness. It's always good to have at least one acting civilly at all times.
>
> I admire you for being able to deal with A&F, my least favorite store. The ones I have been to are horribly understaffed and earsplittingly loud. There's one employee standing by the mere 2 or 3 dressing rooms for the whole store, key in hand, trying to hold back the droves of people waiting. Woe be to the person who wants to hold onto a dressing room while checking out a different size or color. The other employee is the only person manning the cash register. Another drove of people waits forever for the privilege of spending alot of money for ok clothing. The corporate attitude seems to be that they're doing you a wonderful favor by taking your money. Jeesh they even sell(!!!) catalogs to show off their models. My thing now is that I wait outside while my daughter shops there. She comes and gets me if there's anything that she can convince me to buy.
>
> If you have an 11 year old, you must hang out in Limited Too and Claires. I can't believe that there was a time when i was blissfully ignorant of such stores.
>
> Why did you move? Did this involve a different school for the kids? In my other life i try to practice law.
>
> Mair

 

Re: Where are you Marie1 Marie1

Posted by mair on December 5, 2001, at 8:20:22

In reply to Re: Where are you Marie1 Mair, posted by Marie1 on December 5, 2001, at 7:14:04

> Marie - your description of shopping with your daughter gave me a real chuckle. My son is awful to shop with but it happens so infrequently since he usually just refuses to go. Until a year ago or so I used to think shopping with my daughter was fun since she has generally been so companionable. Now I think it's a special hell reserved for undeserving mothers of middle-school girls. She is capable of shopping for hours without making a single decision other than that she looks too fat (in my view she's pretty much of a stick) or the colors wrong, or it doesn't fit, or the pants are too short or the shirt is too short. I'm merely scratching the surface of complaints here. However, the amount of time she spends trying to pick out a piece of closing pales in comparison to the amount of time trying to select a $6 necklace at Claires or Afterthoughts, among 20 necklaces that look remarkably the same.

When my kids scatter in two different directions to events that require parental participation, my husband and I frequently argue over which of us has ended up with the short end of the stick. If I go with my son, I don't have to go shopping but conversation will be difficult and I may have to listen to alot of obscenity laden rap music. A typical verbal exchange with my son involves him asking me or my husband a question , us giving a thoughtful answer, and him spending the next 5 minutes telling us why our answer was wrong and indeed, totally ridiculous. I don't get quite so much of that yet with my daughter, but then I have to listen to alot of NSync music, which is painful in its own way.

I live in New England, in an area rural enough that the nearest decent mall is about one and a half hours away. I think we're all headed there this weekend, including my son who will be there only if we make him go. Should be fun.

Mair


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