Psycho-Babble Social Thread 8285

Shown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

When to turn your back

Posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

hi all,
I'm going to say some somewhat obnoxious things now. I've read a few things on this board lately that makes me believe that some of the folks here have less control over themselves than they should. A very good friend of mine has bipolar disorder and she often acts out, doing outrageous things like using illegal drugs, getting drunk and behaving in anti-social manners in public places. I wish that I had turned my back on her a few days after i met her and figured out that she was often out of control. It has been contrary to my ethos to be overly discriminatory towards folks who are for whatever reason socially outcasted. This is easy when the person has an obvious handicap, but less easy when the person's handicap is a tendency towards mania.
I know that she isn't constitutionally able to moderate her behavior. But its taken its toll on me (for four years), and I am swearing to myself that I will be more of a judgemental jerk in the future, for my own well being. Just because I have experienced major depressive episodes doesn't mean that I have to accept anyone just because I can tell they have a mental illness. Its just too costly to my own welfare.
Andy

 

Re: When to turn your back

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 15:47:02

In reply to When to turn your back, posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

Andy
I think you make a good point. Just because mental illness can have the symptom of disturbing our personalities doesn't mean that all our vices are due to the illness.

I've attributed alot of my father's behaviour to his illness; however after having his brother, my uncle, stay over for a couple weeks and seeing the same "social laziness," I haven't been as tolerant.

Just because a loved one or very close friend has a mental illness it doesn't mean that we have to tip-toe around them, though we should show the same empathy when discussing personal attributes as we would want if in the same situation.

BEST WISHES
Willow

 

Re: When to turn your back » Andy123

Posted by lissa on July 29, 2001, at 15:53:32

In reply to When to turn your back, posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

> There is a difference between being a "judgmental jerk" and telling your friend her behavior makes you feel uneasy. Have you tried telling her you don't always feel comfortable with her behavior? Does she get the point?

 

Re: When to turn your back

Posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 16:34:05

In reply to Re: When to turn your back » Andy123, posted by lissa on July 29, 2001, at 15:53:32

One of my oldest, dearest friends is currently ignoring me, and maybe he will forever, and this breaks my heart. it's been breaking my heart for 6 months now. he simply cannot handle me. i feel banished; i also feel that i've learned my lesson to consciously temper my behavior around him.

he took care of me a lot when i was being wild and not having him anymore breaks me everyday.

sar

 

however...

Posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 16:36:14

In reply to Re: When to turn your back, posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 16:34:05

i forgot to add this, i understand and respect what you are saying. help when you can, but when it cuts into you, i think it is acceptable to withdraw.

it does make me very sad tho, sitting on the other side of the fence.

sar

 

Re: When to turn your back

Posted by mila on July 29, 2001, at 18:04:47

In reply to When to turn your back, posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

Andy,

you are either a friend to a person or not. choose once. otherwise it sucks when someone is friendly with you only if you 'behave'. When i see someone dear to me to go through an episode, I feel compassion. You seem to feel rejection, or disgust.

lucky for us there are several friendship styles/levels to choose from. whatever you like, just be consistent. would it be easier for you to start seeing such people as acquaintances, instead of 'friends'? this way you won't have to characterize yourself as obnoxious/judgmental either.

mila

 

Re: When to turn your back

Posted by dreamer on July 29, 2001, at 19:19:17

In reply to When to turn your back, posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

Just to add some people find difficulty getting correct meds can take a long time.
In UK you have to get to the extreme to get seen.

Fortunately now I keep out of others way but in the past left chaos behind but the ill persons reality is warped and may reach out to loved ones in a destructive way for help.

It tests your love/compassion for someone whether you stay or leave.


 

Re: When to turn your back

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 20:28:16

In reply to Re: When to turn your back, posted by dreamer on July 29, 2001, at 19:19:17

Well my spouse just called me a lazy ...
I can't recall his exact words. Just to turn the tables, I wonder how much abuse a person with a mood disorder has to take.

I don't know if you guys can tell by my posts but I think my marriage is kinda kaputz. Has anybody else found them selves single after a lifetime of being part of a couple.

guess that should be a new thread.

Bewildered Willow

 

Re: When to turn your back » Willow

Posted by Kingfish on July 30, 2001, at 16:07:13

In reply to Re: When to turn your back, posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 20:28:16

Willow:

I think that should be a new thread, and a good one.

- K.

 

Re: When to turn your back » Andy123

Posted by Kingfish on July 30, 2001, at 16:13:20

In reply to When to turn your back, posted by Andy123 on July 29, 2001, at 15:07:19

Andy:

It's a bold question, and not obnoxious at all. I ended a friendship when in college because it was taking too much of a toll on me. However, I have also been the "wild" one, the one who has to apologize because of manic episodes and odd behavior. Or sometimes just odd behavior, not due to manic episodes at all.

I think that Mila is very correct, as always. :) You simply must make a choice. You cannot be a friend only when someone "behaves" - you are not embracing the complete person then. My new friends almost all know that I am "Bipolar" and they either accepted that early on, or they left. I have lost some old friends over this. I do not blame them, and I am glad they did not stay in a false sense.

Good luck - you must take care of yourselse.

- K.


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