Psycho-Babble Social Thread 8211

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Re: Come on girls ... » Willow

Posted by kazoo on July 29, 2001, at 2:15:56

In reply to Re: Come on girls ..., posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 0:16:55

> Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?
^^^^^^^^^

Try Bellevue, NYC ...

kaz

 

Re: Come on girls ...

Posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 3:33:30

In reply to Re: Come on girls ... » Willow, posted by kazoo on July 29, 2001, at 2:15:56

a johnny depp who kisses and fucks and writes as passionately as he destroys hotel rooms

he would know good wine.

he would hold me crying without asking.

let me put my feet on the dashboard.

call me by my first and middle name at once (as i was known 'til age 8 or 9)

know that "i'm just resting my eyes" means "i'm falling dead asleep"

would go shopping with me for clothes

would discuss with me what were taboo topics: if i wanted to discuss ffriendship or shopping problems i'd have to put my hand down his pants; if he wanted to discuss sports or cars he'd have to put his down mine

his armpits would smell so good i'd put my nose in them and tell him not to shower

he'd be noble: opening doors and pulling out chairs (i'm southern, yo)

never fall asleep right after sex

let me fall asleep right after sex

be attentive to holidays (birthday, Valentines, Christmas)

smoke (as I do)

not judge my drug/alcohol habits

not have smelly feet

not wear too much cologne

*never* flirt with other women

idealize me even tho i don't desrve it.

 

Re: Come on girls ... » Willow

Posted by AKC on July 29, 2001, at 5:15:19

In reply to Come on girls ..., posted by Willow on July 28, 2001, at 23:44:44

I know you did, Willow. However, I have never been in a relationship. I don't trust people enough to let them get that close to me. So I don't really know what to expect, except what I see in the movies. So while I was being sarcastic, in some since I was being serious. I want someone who is sexy, and appears intelligent. While money isn't everything, for this person so highly in debt right now, it would be a bonus! < grin >

Sex -- have never really had that sober - so that thought scares me. It isn't an issue right now. The effexor and/or seroquel has cut off any sex drive I have. But some day it may come back. Especially if it is Meg Ryan. Huge < grin >

But most of all, I want desperately for someone who would hold me on my bad days.

Your resident hounddog.

 

Almost perfect ... » sar

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 10:59:38

In reply to Re: Come on girls ..., posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 3:33:30


>
> call me by my first and middle name at once (as i was known 'til age 8 or 9)

My first name was very common around fellow countrymen, so I guess I was called by both too. My initials for the two were S.K., hence me liking your name.

Love your dream man!

Willow

 

And what ... » kazoo

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 11:55:22

In reply to Re: Come on girls ... » Willow, posted by kazoo on July 29, 2001, at 2:15:56

is in Bellevue, NYC that would interest me?

Willow


 

Re: Come on girls ... » Willow

Posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 14:40:48

In reply to Re: Come on girls ..., posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 0:16:55

>
> >
> > kind, horny, and very devoted.
> >
> > children and dogs can't get enough of him.
> >
> > excellent story teller, tells me fairy tells, each time something new, i have never heard of before.
> >
> Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?

Yes, that's me!!

Glenn

 

Are you being honest? (np) » Glenn Fagelson

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 15:16:18

In reply to Re: Come on girls ... » Willow, posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 14:40:48

> >
> > >
> > > kind, horny, and very devoted.
> > >
> > > children and dogs can't get enough of him.
> > >
> > > excellent story teller, tells me fairy tells, each time something new, i have never heard of before.
> > >
> > Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?
>
> Yes, that's me!!
>
> Glenn

 

Re: Come on girls ... » kazoo

Posted by lissa on July 29, 2001, at 15:40:20

In reply to Re: Come on girls ... » Willow, posted by kazoo on July 29, 2001, at 2:15:56

> > Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?
> ^^^^^^^^^
>
> Try Bellevue, NYC ...

Okay, okay. I put on my little red dress and went over there this afternoon to see if there were any men around with fairy tales to tell. There were. And they liked my legs. Only, they were convinced I was the next messiah in female form, which made them treat me real nice and all -- but all I really want is a man who will love me for who I am -- so I had to cross them off my list.

Bellevue! Got any other ideas?

lissa

 

Re: Come on girls ...

Posted by lissa on July 29, 2001, at 16:11:01

In reply to Re: Come on girls ... » kazoo, posted by lissa on July 29, 2001, at 15:40:20

> > > Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?
> > ^^^^^^^^^
> >
> > Try Bellevue, NYC ...

> Bellevue! Got any other ideas?

sorry, that was a little inappropriate.

 

Re: Are you being honest? (np) » Willow

Posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 20:46:10

In reply to Are you being honest? (np) » Glenn Fagelson, posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 15:16:18

> > >
> > > >
> > > > kind, horny, and very devoted.
> > > >
> > > > children and dogs can't get enough of him.
> > > >
> > > > excellent story teller, tells me fairy tells, each time something new, i have never heard of before.
> > > >
> > > Okay, now is it reasonable to expect to find this type of man?
> >
> > Yes, that's me!!
> >
> > Glenn

Dear Willow,

I was sort of half kidding; it's all me
except the storyteller; I am a pretty good
storyteller, but I am definitely not in the
outstanding category.

Glenn

 

Re: Come on girls ...

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 20:49:14

In reply to Come on girls ..., posted by Willow on July 28, 2001, at 23:44:44

My reason for asking is that things haven't been too well here on the home front. I find I keep make concessions but don't want to no more. I'm jealous (but still happy for my friends) when I see them with their partner, out enjoying things.

My guy has been extremely bitter since winter. And for some reason I felt this may be coming, but still was stunned to hear him say he wants out. The problem is with money & children, but gees that's our life.

He's always me me me. Tonight before he left he said he wasn't leaving with nothing. Again him, what about the rest of us here. Maybe he too was expecting a "June Cleaver."

Well let him lick his own dick for awhile and I bet he'll change his tune!!?

Burning Willow


 

Glenn you still out there ...

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 20:55:16

In reply to Re: Are you being honest? (np) » Willow, posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 20:46:10

I could use some brotherly advice. My spouse isn't big into the kid things. What are the chances of him being happy living with three and a spouse who enjoys them??

My meaning we went to the beach this evening. So the house is scattered with stuff from our earlier trip this week, the first one we've gone on.

He likes the guy things. I try to sound interested and don't complain when he goes, but frankly I'm at a point too that I don't give a sh** anymore.

From a male perspective whats wrong with this picture besides the point about me being as fed-up as he is.

Willow

 

Re: Glenn you still out there ...

Posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 21:51:26

In reply to Glenn you still out there ..., posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 20:55:16

> I could use some brotherly advice. My spouse isn't big into the kid things. What are the chances of him being happy living with three and a spouse who enjoys them??
>
> My meaning we went to the beach this evening. So the house is scattered with stuff from our earlier trip this week, the first one we've gone on.
>
> He likes the guy things. I try to sound interested and don't complain when he goes, but frankly I'm at a point too that I don't give a sh** anymore.
>
> From a male perspective whats wrong with this picture besides the point about me being as fed-up as he is.
>
> Willow

Hi Willow,

Just so I can give you a good male
perspective, could you please give
me some real examples as to what you
mean by "kid things" and "guy things".
In other words, what exactly is your
husband doing that bothers you and
what things does he not like about
the kids. Also, do the kids gravitate
toward him? Do they like their father?

Glenn

 

Re: Glenn you still out there ...

Posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 21:57:01

In reply to Re: Glenn you still out there ..., posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 21:51:26

I mean like going to the beach, playing ball, wiping noses, on and on.

He'll do the basics, everyday stuff, but he's not really emotionally involved.

I guess I'll just ride it out and see where the cards fall.

Thanks
Willow

 

Re: Glenn you still out there ... » Willow

Posted by Glenn Fagelson on July 29, 2001, at 22:14:36

In reply to Re: Glenn you still out there ..., posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 21:57:01

> I mean like going to the beach, playing ball, wiping noses, on and on.
>
> He'll do the basics, everyday stuff, but he's not really emotionally involved.
>
> I guess I'll just ride it out and see where the cards fall.
>
> Thanks
> Willow

Here is my male perspective: It doesn't
sound like you or your kids are getting
needs met from your husband. If this is
correct, then I feel very sad.

Glenn


 

Re: Almost perfect ...

Posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 23:09:47

In reply to Almost perfect ... » sar, posted by Willow on July 29, 2001, at 10:59:38

but he idealizes only me, so don't love him too much! as i said, straying eyes are a no-go...

:)

sar--- > my initials. is there anyone who calls you S____K____ anymore?

 

Re: Almost perfect ...

Posted by Roo on July 30, 2001, at 8:33:56

In reply to Re: Almost perfect ..., posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 23:09:47

My perfect man (or I could be open to the right
woman) would make me laugh my ass off...deep
belly laughter...we would also have good sex, of
course...he would adore and support me, emotionally.

turn offs: anal retentive about cleanliness.

 

Re: Almost perfect ...

Posted by Simcha on July 30, 2001, at 8:45:03

In reply to Re: Almost perfect ..., posted by Roo on July 30, 2001, at 8:33:56

Gentle, honest, caring, generous, understanding, intelligent, creative, and deeply spiritual.

(Ok so cute and moderately horny wouldn't hurt but I'd rather have all of the above than have only cute and horny. Just speaking from personal experience.) ;-)

> My perfect man (or I could be open to the right
> woman) would make me laugh my ass off...deep
> belly laughter...we would also have good sex, of
> course...he would adore and support me, emotionally.
>
> turn offs: anal retentive about cleanliness.

 

Re: Almost perfect ...

Posted by Willow on July 30, 2001, at 10:11:30

In reply to Re: Almost perfect ..., posted by sar on July 29, 2001, at 23:09:47


> sar--- > my initials. is there anyone who calls you S____K____ anymore?

Family back home! When I introduce myself to a finn I'm S K. When I find a man who'll whisper it just right in my ear at the right time I'll become his slave.

Gees I need to get off these sex crazed drugs!

Whispering Willow

ps i was just asking for "brotherly" advice


 

Above for SAR ^^ plus ...

Posted by Willow on July 30, 2001, at 10:13:31

In reply to Re: Almost perfect ..., posted by Simcha on July 30, 2001, at 8:45:03

So SK aren't your initials?

 

Re: Above for SAR ^^ plus ...

Posted by sar on July 30, 2001, at 13:21:28

In reply to Above for SAR ^^ plus ..., posted by Willow on July 30, 2001, at 10:13:31

> So SK aren't your initials?

no, my initials are SAR.

When I visit my dad's relatives in the deep south, they call me S__ A__. it makes me feel realler.

when i was little, i had a visualization for everyone's name depending on how it sounded and what the person reminded me of, etc. My brother was a piece of chicken, "Dad" was a black leather shoe, "Mom," a glass of milk, my sister a feather...and i was a mirror covered in pink steam that someone had drawn a smiley face on.

i was a pretty weird kid.

 

Re: SAR -are you synesthesic ? » sar

Posted by dreamer on July 30, 2001, at 13:28:53

In reply to Re: Above for SAR ^^ plus ..., posted by sar on July 30, 2001, at 13:21:28

> when i was little, i had a visualization for everyone's name depending on how it sounded and what the person reminded me of, etc. My brother was a piece of chicken, "Dad" was a black leather shoe, "Mom," a glass of milk, my sister a feather...and i was a mirror covered in pink steam that someone had drawn a smiley face on.
>
> i was a pretty weird kid.

Forgive spelling [synethesic/sinesthesic???]but u sound as if u have synesthesia .Look it up on net.

 

Re: What do you expect from a spouse?

Posted by susan C on July 30, 2001, at 13:29:00

In reply to What do you expect from a spouse?, posted by Willow on July 28, 2001, at 19:18:36

> If you could imagine a perfect spouse, what would they be like? (Well near perfect.)
I think mine is perfect, except he tells me stories I ve heard before, or when we see other people, I hear the same stories. I would really appreciate it if he would do what he promised, like clean the bathroom, pick up and put his dishes in the dishwasher, wash the dishes wen they need to be, clean up after himself when he does a project. As he once said when he was a carpenter, they dont pay me $20 hour to clean up after myself.

When he told me the other day he was in love with a coworker. We have shared these things before, but not like this. She invited us to dinner, to meet me, what kind of person would live with this person for so long and put up with him for so long. I haven't seen him get so cleaned up, in an ironed shirt, bought flowers, hunted for the address, in a long time. He has never accepted an invite before, said it was because of me. I have been very ill for a long time and he supports me, trys to make me laugh, worries about me. He has coffee with this person every day, she is intelligent and has a house she is fixing up on the water and has a partner she is exasperated with and shares this with him... I told him, several days after he first shared with me that he was in love with her, that if he was in love with her, he could leave me. To just do it. I think about it now and I cry. I wish I could be better. He deserves better. Do people some times not know what they are about to do, or what they said, or what they really want to do? I think he is in love with her. That he is devoted to me and will not leave me, but if I wasn't around he would be with her. Something has changed and I dont trust me anymore, I dont trust that I can do enough, that when he says he loves me that he really does. I always thought I was the only one in his life. Now, he spends more time talking to this person, than he does with me, each day. They share more in common each day, than I do with 30 years gone, one kid gone and an independent 17 year old. I talk more to son than to father.

Oh, this question got me going. I am going to send it before I think aobut it anymore. Any observations appreciated.

 

Re: Synesthesia - spelling - [np] » dreamer

Posted by dreamer on July 30, 2001, at 13:34:41

In reply to Re: SAR -are you synesthesic ? » sar, posted by dreamer on July 30, 2001, at 13:28:53

> > when i was little, i had a visualization for everyone's name depending on how it sounded and what the person reminded me of, etc. My brother was a piece of chicken, "Dad" was a black leather shoe, "Mom," a glass of milk, my sister a feather...and i was a mirror covered in pink steam that someone had drawn a smiley face on.
> >
> > i was a pretty weird kid.
>
> Forgive spelling [synethesic/sinesthesic???]but u sound as if u have synesthesia .Look it up on net.

 

Re: What do you expect from a spouse? Susan

Posted by mila on July 30, 2001, at 14:26:41

In reply to Re: What do you expect from a spouse?, posted by susan C on July 30, 2001, at 13:29:00

Susan,

a similar thing happened to me in my marriage. It really broke my heart, but then filled me with determination to get better and keep my husband to myself.

being a wife is larger than being a lover. but winning his heart, his passion, enfatuation back is a separate task which is not that difficult to achieve, especially for a wife who knows her husband like no one else.

do not give up, Susan. you do not need this heavy stress in your life today.

i also offered him to leave first, but then I realized that I myself promised him myself 20 years ago that I will be with him till death do us part. That is what he expects from ME as a spouse. First, I thought that reality shattered my fairy tale marriage, and couldn't continue to be married to this different person anymore. then i discoreved that reality is a very powerful source of changes to the better. He was larger than life for me before. Now I am my own person and my marriage is stronger than ever. instead of little nobody married to a King, we are a royal couple today, if I may use a fairy tale language here without being smiled upon.

I told him that what he was doing was unacceptable, wrong. We had many long talks and slowly started to piece out lives back together. Of course, trust is an issue afterwards and has to be talked about separately. Now we both sigh with relief that the whole story of his betrayal and my illness is behind us. My illness had an incredible toll on him, especially in the later stages when I developed an acute social anxiety and major depression. He needed some time to heal his sort of PTST afterwards.

love
mila


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