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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 299. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by coral on October 30, 2000, at 10:07:37
This website might be of interest. It includes a message board of people who have "depressed" loved ones. www.depressionfallout.com
My husband says that the depression doesn't impact him, except that it hurts him to see me in pain, and he's very supportive (I KNOW it's causing him problems.) The battle I struggle with is that fine balance between "taking care of me" and simultaneously realizing the difficulties he may be experiencing. He and I have identified one pattern - when I'm feeling good, he gets to release some of his stress/anxiety by sharing with me. Depression is such a damnedable consumptive disorder, voracious in its appetites, and I must never lose sight of the fact that it's gnawing on TWO victims. My husband is on the menu, too, not just me.
Posted by CarolAnn on October 31, 2000, at 10:15:30
In reply to Our Significant Others, posted by coral on October 30, 2000, at 10:07:37
I totally relate to your post. Sometimes, I feel so guilty about my husband coming home from a 10 hr work day, only to have to deal with cleaning the kitchen, and getting dinner for himself and our toddler. I know and have told him that he is the only reason I have been able to stand firm against the desire for suicide. I worry every day that I am not giving my daughter all she needs to grow up healthy, though I do put every speck of energy I have into meeting her needs, it just leaves all the more in the way of housework for my husband to deal with. I constantly pray to God to end my depression, if not for my sake, then at least for my husband's and child's sake.
In a book I'm reading, the author talks about aging and the fear of death, I thought about how from the first time I seriously considered suicide, I have not viewed death as something to fear. The fact is, if I was having a heart attack or something, my only worry would be all the trouble and difficulty it would cause my family! CarolAnn
Posted by coral on November 1, 2000, at 7:56:48
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others » coral, posted by CarolAnn on October 31, 2000, at 10:15:30
Dear CarolAnn,
This is absolutely none of my business so please feel free to tell me to take a hike. One comment you made has been haunting me, "I know and have told him that he is the only reason I have been able to stand firm against the desire for suicide." I'm not questioning your sincerity or the guilt you're feeling, but doesn't that statement put pressure on your husband? It seems that you're expressing your appreciation for him, his understanding, what he does. Could you express the same thing by telling him of your appreciation, and that you draw strength from him, knowing the two of you are in this fight together?
One of my problems is a wicked little game of "What if . . ." What if you do decide to commit suicide? Family members feel guilt and wouldn't your statement increase his guilt? What if you get in a car wreck, and he's left to wonder if you did it on purpose and he had failed you? As I said, it's a wicked little game. I know my husband's participation in my recovery is very important to me, and helps me more than I can express. In my first depressive episode (very serious...), the guilt-meister kicked in and I thought he'd be better off without me. During this episode (much less severe...), I still am occassionally racked with guilt - God, he's doing so much, he deserves so much more, ... what a lodestone I must be for him....you get the idea. Then, I coldly and firmly realize that the guilt isn't doing either one of us any good. The facts are; he's staying with me because he chooses to, I'm fighting to get well because I want to get well, and the guilt hurts that, and dampens our times of celebration.
Maybe it's just me but I don't want to be responsible for someone else's life.
Again, it's none of my business.... just my thoughts.On your thoughts about fear of death, I felt exactly the same way and I don't fear death. However, I found myself in the ER with tachycardia and was stunned with my own profound desire to live. Shocked the blazes out of me.
I'd like to know your thoughts.
Coral
Posted by Racer on November 1, 2000, at 22:25:11
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others, posted by coral on November 1, 2000, at 7:56:48
> On your thoughts about fear of death, I felt exactly the same way and I don't fear death. However, I found myself in the ER with tachycardia and was stunned with my own profound desire to live. Shocked the blazes out of me.
>
> I'd like to know your thoughts.
>
> CoralYou know, Coral, I had an epiphany about that some years ago:
I lost the man I had always known I would one day marry -- the only man my mother ever said she'd accept as a son-in-law, as it happens. We'd grown up together, he was my first crush, etc.
He was killed in an accident, diving. It was beyond devastating.
What came into my mind was that the fear which always kept me from doing dangerous things was based on my unhappiness. He was able to take the risks involved in the diving because he was happy, content, and able to experience life in the moment -- rather than feeling as though his life was on hold because he was miserable.
Since then, I've made more efforts to live now, rather than later. Not always successfully, but it has changed my views a lot. Some dangerous things I've left off: I never rode a motorcycle again, sold mine eventually. I don't jump as high as I used to. I no longer get on the real bad actors, no more 'riding the bucks out' for anyone. I've learned the joys of lunging the bucks out, first!
But I've also learned to feel the times when I'm terrified because there's something left unfinished in my life. Times when something is unsaid, and making me frightened of the world. I try to say or do what needs to be done at those times.
I'm not explaining that well, but it does help me. I hope somewhere in there you can find the meaning, and that it helps you!
Posted by CarolAnn on November 2, 2000, at 9:11:23
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others, posted by coral on November 1, 2000, at 7:56:48
Hi Coral,
I think I sort of over-stated the situation when I wrote that I "told my husband" the suicide comment. I didn't mean that as dramatically as it sounded. More along the lines of saying things like, "what would I do without you?" and "I'm so lucky to have you for a husband". There have been times when he was worried that I might actually kill myself, but he knows enough about depression to know that it has nothing to do with him personally or with his attributes as a husband. Luckily, I haven't been that low for a long time now, and he mostly just has to come home to a messy house. Do you have days where you just literally CANNOT get off the couch or out of bed? It sounds so ridiculous, and yet it happens. I do make every effort to banish guilt. I know it only makes things worse. I know objectively that I am doing the very best I can with what God gave me, and I also know that aside from my depression, I am a very good wife and mother. After six yrs of marriage, my husband still loves me deeply, and my daughter is a happy, well-behaved, sweet natured, two yr old. I guess I haven't done so badly...
Lately, my problem has been more anxiety than depression and I realized that I have always had an incredible 'fear' of the future, but I'm not afraid for myself, I'm afraid for the people I love, especially my daughter. I've never had the ability to "live in the present", I was always busy rewriting the past or imagining the future. It's hard to enjoy the present when that unexplanable feeling of dread washes over you. Do you have anything like this going on?
Be well! CarolAnn
Posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 13:48:08
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others » coral, posted by CarolAnn on November 2, 2000, at 9:11:23
Dear CarolAnn,
Thank you for not being offended at my last post.
Yes, when I'm depressed (two episodes), the couch with a comfortable, soft blanket is my cave and I don't move. During the first depressive episode which ended six years ago, lasted three and a half years, I literally was a lump and if my husband hadn't brought me food, I would've starved to death. He refers to my "lump person" days. Right now, I'm on the healing side of a two-month'ish depression and strung several weeks where bathing, moving, eating, were almost beyond my abilities.
What happens for me is this void of time. I LOST two months. Gone. If I had to testify what I did, I could not do so in good conscience. It's just a black void.
As far as rewriting the past or fearing the future, no . . . when the depression beast is here, I'm too consumed with making it through the present moment (which seems endless) to even THINK about the past or present. Did you see the movie Ground Hog Day? It's like that... living the same day over and over again, without all of the wonderful improvements Bill Murray made.
What is your diagnosis?
I am feeling marvelous right now and hope it continues. May your day be great, too! :)
Coral
Posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 14:41:19
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others, posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 13:48:08
>
> I am feeling marvelous right now and hope it continues. May your day be great, too! :)
>
oh that we could bottle some of it and save it for a "lumpy" day.
Posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 15:33:20
In reply to Re: Our Significant Others, posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 14:41:19
I just had a flash of the possibility of millions of lumps out there right now...worldwide.
It's like "Invasion Of The Lump People".
I guess it would be the first instance where the invaders, rather than conquering, just go lay around all over the place.
I'm pretty used up now. This post took alot out of me. I'm going back to bed, make a lump and to try to remember why I got up in the first place.
B Lump
Posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 17:20:45
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 15:33:20
> I just had a flash of the possibility of millions of lumps out there right now...worldwide.
>
> It's like "Invasion Of The Lump People".
>
> I guess it would be the first instance where the invaders, rather than conquering, just go lay around all over the place.
>
> I'm pretty used up now. This post took alot out of me. I'm going back to bed, make a lump and to try to remember why I got up in the first place.
>
> B Lump
Posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 17:23:13
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 15:33:20
Oh!!! My husband is now taking claim for a new diagnosis - Lumpism!!!
Thanks to all for the humor!!!! Laughter is so wonderful. Thank you.
While there are times that the depression beast has everything painted so black that nothing gets through, humor is such a wonderful coping mechanism. It's also a way to relieve mutual stress caused by depression (oh, boy.... what could be done with THAT line LOL). Language also evolves as a means of a short-cut. If I'm truly just going to take a nap, I can say to my husband "I'm going to nap and I'm not lumping." During the god-awful times, I can warn him that I'm a lump person and heading for my cave. While he doesn't suffer from depression, on a bad day, he'll say to me, "I'm a lump today," and that gives me an opportunity to coddle him.
To Noa, humor is one way of bottling a little bit of marvelous - the key for me is to remember to uncork it. - The book Anguished English always strikes my funnybone, and it's even been helpful during black times as well as breaking the onset of an anxiety attack.May we all have marvelous days!
Coral
Posted by noa on November 2, 2000, at 18:37:12
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 17:23:13
Anguished English is a hoot, it's true.
Apropos of humor as a good coping strategy--Steve Allen, who passed away this week, addressed that in his autobiography. His childhood was fairly difficult, but he used his gift of humor to cope and move past it.
Posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 18:42:43
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 17:23:13
> Oh!!! My husband is now taking claim for a new diagnosis - Lumpism!!!
Well, and deservedly so I would say. It's a very impressive piece of coinage. Hmmm, I suppose that would make us all "Lumpites"! Or would it be "Lumpians" or "Lumptonians"? Ask your husband what the proper designation for us should be.
I must say about the only upside to bein' a Lumpite I've seen so far is that it is extremely energy-efficient. You couldn't power a hearing-aid off the juice I've produced this week. It seems the most remarkable of all the lumpistic byproducts.
Folks like us should probably have our own web site like www.lumpites.org, but of course being lumpastic as we are, none of us would ever get around to visiting it.
Keep smilin',
B the Lumpite
Posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 19:12:35
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » coral, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 18:42:43
My husband says Lumptonians as it has a much more regal sound to it!!!!
We should start designing our flag . . .
And, our own anthem . . .
Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light,
what so proudly we wail as we haven't slept all night,uhhh, I KNOW there's more to that song....
:)
Coral
Posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 19:40:44
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 19:12:35
...the Lord said, "let there be Lumptonians and let us make them in our own image, both male and female." And it was so!
And the Lord looked upon them and said, "Holy crap!! Sorry guys, my AD musta' kicked me into another manic episode." And the Lord and all the Lumptonians started getting depressed.
On the seventh day, the Lord and all the Lumptonians, crawled on couches, pulled covers over their heads and napped all day; refusing to answer phone calls from friends and families.
(excerpt from the Book of Lumps, Chapter One, Verses five, six and seven)
From the Lumptonian formerly known as B the Lumpite
Posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 23:36:56
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by coral on November 2, 2000, at 19:12:35
> And, our own anthem...
>
> Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light,
> what so proudly we wail as we haven't slept all night,
>
> uhhh, I KNOW there's more to that song....
> Coral"Whose slack jaws and blank stares, induced serious fright,
O'er the noise of our thoughts which were silently screaming?
And the eyeballs' red glare, the rat's nest of hair,
Gave proof through the night that our baggage was still there:
Oh, say! does that scar-mangled banter yet rave
O'er the land of the EDs and the home of the lumpatonic?"Well, it ain't perfect, but it's a start.
B
Posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 4:05:53
In reply to Re: Lumpology 101: And on the sixth day..., posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 19:40:44
> ...the Lord said, "let there be Lumptonians and let us make them in our own image, both male and female." And it was so!
>
> And the Lord looked upon them and said, "Holy crap!! Sorry guys, my AD musta' kicked me into another manic episode." And the Lord and all the Lumptonians started getting depressed.
>
> On the seventh day, the Lord and all the Lumptonians, crawled on couches, pulled covers over their heads and napped all day; refusing to answer phone calls from friends and families.
>
> (excerpt from the Book of Lumps, Chapter One, Verses five, six and seven)
>
> From the Lumptonian formerly known as B the Lumpite
Posted by Christina on November 3, 2000, at 7:45:57
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » coral, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 23:36:56
> > And, our own anthem...
> >
> > Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light,
> > what so proudly we wail as we haven't slept all night,
> >
> > uhhh, I KNOW there's more to that song....
> > Coral
>
> "Whose slack jaws and blank stares, induced serious fright,
> O'er the noise of our thoughts which were silently screaming?
> And the eyeballs' red glare, the rat's nest of hair,
> Gave proof through the night that our baggage was still there:
> Oh, say! does that scar-mangled banter yet rave
> O'er the land of the EDs and the home of the lumpatonic?"
>
> Well, it ain't perfect, but it's a start.
>
> B
Posted by noa on November 3, 2000, at 9:20:21
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » coral, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 23:36:56
> > And, our own anthem...
> >
> > Oh, say can you see by the dawn's early light,
> > what so proudly we wail as we haven't slept all night,
> >
> > uhhh, I KNOW there's more to that song....
> > Coral
>
> "Whose slack jaws and blank stares, induced serious fright,
> O'er the noise of our thoughts which were silently screaming?
> And the eyeballs' red glare, the rat's nest of hair,
> Gave proof through the night that our baggage was still there:
> Oh, say! does that scar-mangled banter yet rave
> O'er the land of the EDs and the home of the lumpatonic?"
>
> Well, it ain't perfect, but it's a start.
>
> B
Posted by Racer on November 3, 2000, at 12:33:49
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » coral, posted by B Day on November 2, 2000, at 23:36:56
Are you the Messiah for our new religion? I would volunteer, but not if it means getting off the sofa. My voices told me to save France, but I couldn't be bothered. I feel guilty about it...
Sorry, a little too ditzy today, peroxide poisoning, even though I'm trying to get back to red from my days as a blonde...
My SO calls it "pupating", since I roll up in a quilt with only my nose and a little of my eyes showing! My ex called me SlugWoman, because I'd move about that fast. I like being able to tell them that I'm suffering Lumpism! Thanks!
On the other hand, I kinda like the idea of Pupating. These days things are better for me, in part because I can eat REAL FOOD! (I was so poor before moving in with my SO that I lived on Malt-O-Meal and peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches) Now I tell him that I'm pupating, and when he sees me next I'll be a beautiful butterfly!
How's that? Let's switch from Lumping to Pupating, since when we emerge from our crysalis' we'll be lovely butterflies?
Posted by B Day on November 3, 2000, at 14:56:37
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » B Day, posted by Racer on November 3, 2000, at 12:33:49
> Are you the Messiah for our new religion? I would volunteer, but not if it means getting off the sofa.
Nah-h, that job's up for grabs and I ain't the messianic type so you can be the one if you want. That person would have to be the embodiment of all that is Lumptonian (and so naturally would never have to get off the sofa). That person would have to shoulder the responsibility of not being (responsible). I imagine it would be a pretty good gig and just imagine the wealth of prestige and power it would bring one! We certainly could use a messiah to look up to, from wherever we're laying.
Anyway, there's a lot of other stuff that needs to be done if we're going to be a self-determined people. Coral says we need a flag and I suppose we oughta' have some sort of bill of rights and a constitutional draft if anybody(s) feels up to it. Frankly, I'm amazed we got as far as we did on our anthem (The Scar-Mangled Banter).
> My voices told me to save France, but I couldn't be bothered. I feel guilty about it...
>Oh, don't beat yourself up too bad. After all, it was only the French.
> Sorry, a little too ditzy today, peroxide poisoning, even though I'm trying to get back to red from my days as a blonde...
>If you got red hair, flaunt it. I don't know much about emotional disorders, but I know about red hair on women.
> My SO calls it "pupating", since I roll up in a quilt with only my nose and a little of my eyes showing! My ex called me SlugWoman, because I'd move about that fast. I like being able to tell them that I'm suffering Lumpism! Thanks!
>
> On the other hand, I kinda like the idea of Pupating. These days things are better for me, in part because I can eat REAL FOOD! (I was so poor before moving in with my SO that I lived on Malt-O-Meal and peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches) Now I tell him that I'm pupating, and when he sees me next I'll be a beautiful butterfly!
>Ahh-h! It seems that you've discovered another wonderful branch on the lumpatonic tree...one with little pupating Lumatonians hangin' on it.
> How's that? Let's switch from Lumping to Pupating, since when we emerge from our crysalis' we'll be lovely butterflies?
I like the idea of pupating also. I'm gonna' try to keep that thought, except I got a feelin when my AD kicks in a couple of weeks from now, I'm going to emerge from my crysalis, leave our beloved motherland Lumptonia and fly north to neighboring Hypomania. Unfortunately, if that happens, I ain't gonna be no butterfly.
B the Pupating Lumptonian
Posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 15:37:12
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps!, posted by B Day on November 3, 2000, at 14:56:37
Dear B,
Since you know the terrain of both Lumptonia and Hypomania, I nominate you as our ambassador. Just think, you only have to work half the time. LOL
The Lumptonia tree has a few branches; pupating, metamorphosizing, hibernating, statis, budding. Certainly there must be more.
My nomination for our national food is chocolate.
What are nominations for our national animal? Oppossum? Chamelion? Three-toed sloth? Zebra?
Posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 15:48:44
In reply to Re: Significant Lumps! » B Day, posted by Racer on November 3, 2000, at 12:33:49
Dear Racer,
You've defined the one of the major characteristics of Lumptonians . . . "I roll up in a quilt with only my nose and a little of my eyes showing!" I do exactly the same thing!
You know, we could have the Lumptonian Olympics - events might include "Couching", "Coccooning". Of course, all entries would be submitted by videotape (we don't have to leave the couch to compete). Maybe Ambassador B could get some judges from Hypomania but getting them to sit still long enough to view the tapes might be a problem.
There's just so much to do . . . planning, organizing, contacting, mailing lists, prizes, uhh... maybe tomorrow.
Right now, I'm in training for Cuddling
Coral
Posted by B Day on November 3, 2000, at 16:19:59
In reply to Re: Ambassador B, posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 15:37:12
> Dear B,
>
> Since you know the terrain of both Lumptonia and Hypomania, I nominate you as our ambassador. Just think, you only have to work half the time. LOL
>
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-hahhh! My dream job considering my only real duties in Hypomania will be to insure that the Bipolar gene pool flourishes.Well, I'm both honored and near speechless (which may be a first) and so on behalf of myself, I suppose I will accept the nomination, as long as it doesn't involve gettin' off the couch, takin' a shower, getting dressed or other similarly impossible feats.
(and I thought I'd never amount to anything)
Of course, I could never bear the burden of this office alone. I will need an Executive Assistant; one to whom the Lumptonian way is as second nature as say...nappin'.
Therefore, as my first official function as Ambassador of Lumptonia I would like to nominate you, Coral to be my Ambassadorial Assistant. I could sing the praises all day long how you and your husband found this land and first discovered Lumpism, but that is story for the ages. So if you are interested in the position and it's ok with your hubby (and won't interfere with your other duties, such as chocolate-eating), I hope you will accept.
> The Lumptonia tree has a few branches; pupating, metamorphosizing, hibernating, statis, budding. Certainly there must be more.
>The mysteries of it all. I've never been more proud. Indeed, ours is a society made of richly woven fabric. (I'm trying to think of stuff to say that sounds ambassadorial)
> My nomination for our national food is chocolate.
>I'd say that's pretty much a hands-down winner there. I second the nomination. Excellent work!
> What are nominations for our national animal? Oppossum? Chamelion? Three-toed sloth? Zebra?
...and our national bird? Albatross? Ostrich? Crow? Bat? We need some input and brainstormin' here. Maybe my Subsyndromal Epilepsy will fire up!?
Ambassador B the Pupating Lumptonian
Posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 17:40:09
In reply to Re: Ambassador B » coral, posted by B Day on November 3, 2000, at 16:19:59
Dear Mr. B Ambassador,
YEs, I accept the position (that of course is the one on the couch.)
My husband says he decrees the national animal to be the turtle, since the turtle takes its couch anywhere on a moment's notice.
Coral
Posted by B Day on November 3, 2000, at 19:42:05
In reply to Re: The animal is . . . ., posted by coral on November 3, 2000, at 17:40:09
> Dear Mr. B Ambassador,
>
> YEs, I accept the position (that of course is the one on the couch.)
>Through these misty eyes, let me say you honor all Lumptonia with your choice! You are a symbol of our hopeful nation and an inspiration to pupating chocolate-eaters everywhere.
(drum roll)...and now (pregnant pause) I would like to graciously welcome you to the Office Of The Ambassador where I've no doubt but that you will prove to be a most cherished asset! (how's all that for flowery rhetoric?)
> My husband says he decrees the national animal to be the turtle, since the turtle takes its couch anywhere on a moment's notice.
A turtle! What an excellent choice. I'm tellin' ya, that man of yours just impresses me more all the time.
>
> CoralIt has been a memorable and glorious, but mostly a long day for the Ambassador. All this excitement has exhausted me and yet my work is not done. I still have to push the submit and confirm buttons on this post. If I had a long stick, I could have done it from bed.
Mr. B, Ambassador of Lumptonia
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