![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
Hi,
I need some urgent advice.
An old friend is getting married.
Her partner has suffered from clinical depression for many years. Not a problem.However, I have discovered he is also seeking help for anger management, resentment and envy.
They both have similar careers but she is shooting way ahead of him.She only knows about the depression, not the anger and envy. Is this a situation to cause concern?
Thanks for any advice.
Posted by manic666 on May 7, 2009, at 7:51:54
In reply to Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
she has clinical depression no problem????? , i think you should refraze that, she has a big problem, and a even a bigger one with her boyfriend envy a resentment issuies, she is climbing the job ladder faster than him. i could not think of a worse relationship . i will end in tears
Posted by Barney on May 7, 2009, at 8:41:39
In reply to Re: Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by manic666 on May 7, 2009, at 7:51:54
"she has clinical depression no problem????? "
No, HE suffers from clinical depression.
Posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 19:26:24
In reply to Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
Some people feel that depression is not part of the normal human condition, but without doubt envy is, which doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
When you think of it there is surprisingly little help offered for envy.
Maybe if people felt they were OK as they are they would feel less of it?
Posted by Barney on May 14, 2009, at 8:57:39
In reply to Re: Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Sigismund on May 13, 2009, at 19:26:24
What are the likely consequences of this mix of mental health problems?
Is the most important question.
Posted by Sigismund on May 14, 2009, at 21:05:52
In reply to Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
I don't see how someone with depression would *not* feel envy since the distinguishing feature of depression is alienation/separateness/being at the bottom of the well, and in such a state it is only natural to envy those outside the prison of the self.
Who can say how anything will end up?
Most things end badly, though of course some end much more badly than others.
Posted by Barney on May 15, 2009, at 5:57:04
In reply to Re: Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Sigismund on May 14, 2009, at 21:05:52
When a husband and wife are in the same profession, and one leaves the other in the dust, and he suffers from envy, resentment and anger...
Not a happy future, whether he suffers from depression or not, and possibly a dangerous one.
Posted by garnet71 on May 15, 2009, at 21:08:05
In reply to Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
Barney, i'm just going to say what I feel; my immediate reaction.....if this isn't okay, I'm sorry....I can't help but sense the person is YOU and not the friend..forgive me if I'm wrong...
Leaving out that information is a total deal breaker, imo. If I was the wife/fiance, he'd be dust if I found this out indirectly..from stumbling upon a copy of the bill, heresay, whatever..
.In my personal belief system, people are entitled to secrets, they can own many things about their past..nothign says they have to disclose.I personally prefer more openness and revelation, but know realistically this doesn't always happen, is not always possible, or that others don't succumb for fear of adverse consequences or rejection of the other. I think our societial influences encourage lying and nondisclosure; this does not sit well with me, as I am the disclosing type...
But anger managemetn history might effect the other person-the wife. The future wife is entitled to this information. And she's probably going to find out sooner or later. It's not much different than say if the husband had AIDS; it has the propensity to affect the relationship and should be fully disclosed, now better than later. Otherwise, much distrust will result; the prospects are gloomy.
Context could be important too-did this person enter anger management therapy as ordered by the court, or own his own? Either way he's screwed. If it was ordered by the court, if a former gf or wife was hypothetically the initiator/plantiff, it could be attributed to her lying in court, for example. And I know this happens w/divorce-child custody cases...if he was forced to do it based on lies by the woman, it could be positive; however, if he was forced to do it based on say hypothetical violence or another matter, the trust could be severely damanged. If he entered anger therapy on his own, that would seem more positive. In any case, if he is not honest, he will be screwed....possibly amplified by whichever context from above is applicable.
I'd reconsider the disclosure. Of course, the longer he waits, the worse it will be...about the job envy thing...that's just a periphial matter. It's going to manifest in other ways, undoubtedly.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Relationships | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.