Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 886875

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Gay relationship + SAD(Depression and others...)

Posted by Vincent_QC on March 24, 2009, at 19:57:24

Ho my...I just discover this board...I think I was not paying a lot of attention over the whole babble website since i'm a member of it...

So to begin, I want to told you that I can do a lot of grammaticals errors..i'm not an english speaking guy...I do my best...anyway that's not the point, I just want to be clear on that...

Well, some people already know me for my 'un' famous posts on the medication board...

I.m diagnosticed with social anxiety disorder with a lot of comorbidities like GAD, depression, BDD, panic disorder with agoraphobia and also since a while a lack of motivation and energy and any focus that make my life reduce to nothing...no work, no interest in anything...I only sleep or try to sleep at night, eat and felt guilty because I gain weight and try to go out at night even if I feel scare about that idea...just to continue to have a minimum of exposure time in social situation...Ho I have also a boulimia problem that come and go and a gastric by-pass surgery in 2001 where I go from 445 pounds to 180 since last year...and now 225 because I gain weight on some meds...Anyway...I'm the lucky one who also win the fabulous price of being gay....that's seem that I have everything against me...

So my question is... Someone else here is gay??? And if so, gay + SAD and have also some problems meeting new guys for a future relationship??? I don't meet a new guy since almost 3 years and my sexual life is non-existent...no sex...for a gay guy that's something not normal...because the gay peoples are all a lot turning into sex and ones nights...ME, i'm not like that... just the idea to introduce me to someone else that I don't know, or just the idea to call a guy that I don't know just to talk on the phone and know each other more well make my heart race at the speed of light...

I recently begin to do more Internet and also begin to put my profile online on some gay meeting website...the main problem is that peoples are affraid of me, because of all the mental problems I experience now and also because I don't want to meet them the same week I begin to talk with them... They just think i'm playing with them and that i'm a b*llsh*tt*r but that's not the case...it's just that the last guy I meet in 2005 tols me at the end of the date that I had too many problems in my life and that I was too negative for him and that he will never be able to be with a guy like me...and before I meet him, we was talking on the phone regulary and on the internet everything seemed to be ok...but I meet him and he told me this...I was so down after...I promise to myself that I will never meet a new guy of my life...

Anyway...I don't know why I post such a message like this... Maybe I just want to have some advise...

This guy, who I begin to e-mail him since 2 weeks, really want that I call him since 1 week...but i'm affraid to pick up the phone and call...is it normal??? He seem to be too nice for me, he is more older, have a great job, a lot of money, more education than me, he is A WAY more cute than me, i'm sure he can have all the guys he want...what the hell he want from me??? He seem to not care about my mental state and seem to be too much comprehensive over all my problems and try see my future a lot more positive than how I see it myself...

You know, I'm not like the other gay guys...i'm not a whore...I never was... I had only one real boyfriend, a 10 months relationship, I discover he had an affair with another guy when he was with me so we breakup... I fall in love with another guy but he play wit my heart...I discover that I was maybe too much affective dependant...I was falling in love too fast...now it's seem to be the contrary, it's like I put a lock on my heart and nobody can unlock it...but at the same time, I fear to fall in love again... This new guy don't stay in my city...and I will never be able to trust someone who live not near me because my first relation ship was a disaster and I know that i'm jalous...I will always fear something...at the same time, I also say to myself that I will do like the others gay guys who are often in open couple...mean that they sleep with others guys...and stay in relationship...and in love...even if one if the two guy sleep with another one...I know that sound strange but that's very popular in the gay culture...

You see...that's complicated...no wonder why being gay is for a lot of guys a big problem...can you imagine put mental disease like SAD and depression in the top of it...that's killing me...

Well thanks to just read my message and not judge me...I'm just overstress with that new guy...he is so charming...and I don't know what to do...I don't feel like I have something to give to someone for now...I can even take care of myself...

Thanks for reading....

Vincent ;-)

 

Re: Gay relationship + SAD(Depression and others...) Vincent_QC

Posted by fayeroe on April 4, 2009, at 21:17:28

In reply to Gay relationship + SAD(Depression and others...), posted by Vincent_QC on March 24, 2009, at 19:57:24

I hope that you meet the new guy. You'll never know unless you can talk to him in depth. Just be careful, okay? (Same advice for women who meet men/women on internet) :-) Pat

 

Re: Gay relationship + SAD(Depression and others...) fayeroe

Posted by Vincent_QC on April 5, 2009, at 9:23:10

In reply to Re: Gay relationship + SAD(Depression and others...) Vincent_QC, posted by fayeroe on April 4, 2009, at 21:17:28

> I hope that you meet the new guy. You'll never know unless you can talk to him in depth. Just be careful, okay? (Same advice for women who meet men/women on internet) :-) Pat

Hi Pat ;-)
Well , that's already an old story. The day after I wrote this thread, the guy write to me and treat me of "B*llsh*tt*r" and that's I was makind him loosing his time! Just because I don't call the day he wanted... I explain to him that I hated the phone and other things often, but when I see what the guy was able to do, who didn't know me by the way, and who just write e-mails to me, when I see he was able to treat me like like a b*llsh*tt*r, I just give up...He was probably another gay guy who wanted to go faster (meet + sex) and with affective problems (dependance)...

He also deleted his acccount on facebook, told me it was my fault, that I was responsable of this because he loose any faith on finding an interresting guy on the Internet...things like that...

When I read the e-mail, I was saying to myself "Thanks god, I never call him...what a pain in the *ss it will be after...".

I send a short -email to his "charming" e-mail. I told him that I was very good now with the method "The let go and detachment" (don't know if that exist in english...). Anyway, I write that for me, I had nothing to share with him now and that I never wanted to read another e-mail from him...

It'S a lie to told you that his e-mail didn't affect me, I know that I don't call but I have a disease, social phobia and the phone is a part of my phobia...I hate it!!! I was a lot affected by his e-mail, more than what I was saying to my best friend when I told him the story...

The fact that he make me responsable of the deleted account on facebook and everywhere on the Internet gay411.com website and website like that one, make me think that he was also probably not very stable emotionnaly...I told him that the only one person to blame was him..and I ending the e-mail with a good luck in your life... He do the same on his nasty e-mail before...He wrote something like "Good luck with your treatment, you really need it!!! "... That what I call a several lack of judgement...judgments made by someone who don't know me in real...

Anyway, in my case, I didn't erease my facebook profile, I stay on others websites...when I will feel it's time to move and meet someone I will make it... I just wait for the good person...and that's really hard to find...Someone who will not judge me because I have a social phobia problem with depressive symptoms...and because I are disable of the work...I'm not a piece of sh*t, i'm a human being and I deserve more in life than this...

Yes, I try to apply the let go method with him...but when I read the nasty e-mail, my heart start racing and I do a major panic attack, I had a LOW mood for a couples of days...I was upset because it was like someone who take the right to accuse me of being sick or do it on purpose...and that's not the case...I never ask to be like I am now and the social phobia or the general anxiety or the depression can't diseppear like this...I work hard to improve my state and I don't need someone like this who make all my "rehabs" state impossible...

Hope you understand ...and sorry if I do a lot of mistakes...my english level is not at the top at this moment...too many cognitives problems related to benzos drugs probably...

Have a nice day Pat!!!

Vincent ;-)


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