Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 837505

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He wants a 3some...

Posted by ladydeath220 on July 1, 2008, at 15:07:34

dating for 3 years. he mentioned a 3some. he says that just sex is not intimate, but kissing is. i disagree. i could never handle seeing him even touching another woman. i believe 3somes ruin relationships. am i wrong? i am just sick over this whole thing.

 

Re: He wants a 3some...

Posted by fleeting flutterby on July 1, 2008, at 15:56:31

In reply to He wants a 3some..., posted by ladydeath220 on July 1, 2008, at 15:07:34

> dating for 3 years. he mentioned a 3some. he says that just sex is not intimate, but kissing is. i disagree. i could never handle seeing him even touching another woman. i believe 3somes ruin relationships. am i wrong? i am just sick over this whole thing.<

Well, this is my opinion-- if he knows you are not for a 3some and still pressures you, then I would say one of two things:

1)-- I'll agree with a 3some as long as I get to have two men first!

or

2)-- If I'm not good enough for you on my own then you surely are NOT good enough for me.

Some couples are accepting of 3somes and some are not. I would not ever agree to it but that is me and my own mind. If you don't want to you should stand your ground-- if he is worth it-- he'll stand beside you.

all the best to you,
flutterby-mandy

 

Re: He wants a 3some... fleeting flutterby

Posted by fayeroe on July 1, 2008, at 16:13:00

In reply to Re: He wants a 3some..., posted by fleeting flutterby on July 1, 2008, at 15:56:31

> > dating for 3 years. he mentioned a 3some. he says that just sex is not intimate, but kissing is. i disagree. i could never handle seeing him even touching another woman. i believe 3somes ruin relationships. am i wrong? i am just sick over this whole thing.<
>
> Well, this is my opinion-- if he knows you are not for a 3some and still pressures you, then I would say one of two things:
>
> 1)-- I'll agree with a 3some as long as I get to have two men first!
>
> or
>
> 2)-- If I'm not good enough for you on my own then you surely are NOT good enough for me.
>
> Some couples are accepting of 3somes and some are not. I would not ever agree to it but that is me and my own mind. If you don't want to you should stand your ground-- if he is worth it-- he'll stand beside you.
>
> all the best to you,
> flutterby-mandy
>

yup, tell him that before he brings another female into your bedroom, you get to have two men...alone, without him. see how that goes over...:-)

i wouldn't even consider the idea, myself. disease, possibility of violence, etc. plus, as far as i'm concerned just the wanting someone else in your bed is the death blow to a healthy relationship.
>

 

Re: He wants a 3some...

Posted by ladydeath220 on July 2, 2008, at 17:27:08

In reply to Re: He wants a 3some... fleeting flutterby, posted by fayeroe on July 1, 2008, at 16:13:00

thanks you very very much. i have to agree with every thing you guys are saying....
he compared trying the 3some with us as curious as 'gee i wonder what tomato juice taste like'.
i will never let compromise my morals for a man or anyone. everyone has their boundries and this just happens to be one of mine.
thanks again...

 

Re: He wants a 3some... ladydeath220

Posted by nfc on July 3, 2008, at 7:36:17

In reply to Re: He wants a 3some..., posted by ladydeath220 on July 2, 2008, at 17:27:08

way to go! be firm in what you want and feel which is no no no (3x, pun intended :D ) being firm to your man will teach him a thing or 2. previous posters gave excellent advice as you're being firm will show what kind of guy he turns out to be. there was this article i stumbled upon on yahoo and sed for those who do give in to their man's wishes of 3somes often cross a line they can never go back. it mentioned that it can also get ugly - jealousy, violence plus others i forgot about. he's just trying to push his needs on you while neglecting to respect your feelings on the matter. take care n wish you the best.

nfc

 

Re: He wants a 3some...

Posted by Sigismund on July 4, 2008, at 1:42:51

In reply to Re: He wants a 3some... ladydeath220, posted by nfc on July 3, 2008, at 7:36:17

I liked those suggestions.

You could say 'I love you too much to want to be jealous, so we should try two men first.'

 

Re: He wants a 3some...

Posted by caraher on July 5, 2008, at 15:10:59

In reply to Re: He wants a 3some..., posted by ladydeath220 on July 2, 2008, at 17:27:08

How insistent has he been? On one hand, if he casually remarked that the threesome is something he'd like to try, you said no and that was the end of it, you probably need not worry.

On the other hand, if he keeps coming back to it, I think that's a real red flag. I actually disagree with the idea of proposing you and two guys to throw it back in his face. Sure, there might be some satisfaction in revealing a double standard, but I think the real issue is his willingness to respect your perfectly reasonable needs. (Plus you never know - if it really is "gee i wonder what tomato juice taste like" he might take you up on the offer, and that's doesn't sound like what you want!)

(Lengthy, ranting aside... what is it with bad food-related analogies and sex? Why is it like "gee i wonder what tomato juice taste like" and not, say, "gee I wonder what it feels like to take someone's life?" I know of a guy who defended his sleeping around to his girlfriend by comparing it to his feelings about pizza and lobster - "Sure, I hanker for a greasy slice of pizza sometimes, but lobster is definitely my favorite and I'd choose it over pizza anyday. And you're lobster." (paraphrased - but the foods are the actual examples) I'm sure there's nothing more flattering than being likened to a marine crustacean! And I'm disgusted by "why buy the cow if you're giving away milk for free?" as sage advice for abstinence. Is sex really such a one-sided transaction in which the woman's value lies in her "production?")

Anyway, if he can't hear and respect your wishes that's a huge problem... and the solution is not to "give in!"

 

if it feels good, do it.. ladydeath220

Posted by karen_kay on July 23, 2008, at 16:32:24

In reply to He wants a 3some..., posted by ladydeath220 on July 1, 2008, at 15:07:34

my mother taught me that. yeah, she's somethign else. good for you for sticking to your own personal values. but, (gosh, not to sound like the babble slut or anything, and yeah, i've slept with many of them here :) oh, i'm jsut kiddin :)... if he was just asking, as something he'd liketo try, trusts you enough to try it with, maybe that says something more than the idea you've got in your head, you know? (i hope this isn't coming out the right way, and i'm not a hippie with free love, idealogy going on :)...

anywhooo, i hope he isn't pressuring you, but the thought that he might want to share something different and add some spice (which can be a good thing, you know?) says a lot more than the actual deed and doing it.

i too am a firm believer in 'sex means nothing and kissing means a whole lot' and no, i'm not pretty woman either :)

gosh, i hope i don't have that blasted poster regret, you know? and i reaaaaly hope you don't think i'm trying to persuade you ro anything. i'm not. jsut trying to get you to look at it a different way.

take care hun. and again, good for you for sticking to your guns.

tata!
kk

 

Re: if it feels good, do it..

Posted by caraher on July 23, 2008, at 21:55:04

In reply to if it feels good, do it.. ladydeath220, posted by karen_kay on July 23, 2008, at 16:32:24

Karen does make a good point... he brought it up, told you what he wanted. I guess I'm contrasting that with what a story regarding what a friend's boyfriend said.

The boyfriend's (male) friend was coming over with a girlfriend, not the same girlfriend as on a previous visit - he's juggling them and didn't want anyone to spill the beans. My friend was most disturbed by her boyfriend's comment that if he were in that spot he'd just get invite both girls over and get them drunk... (he has a rather... colorful?... past)

So whatever else the proposal was, at least he was up front about everything...


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