Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 795105

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Getting over a crappy relationship- need advice

Posted by Jimmyboy on November 14, 2007, at 18:12:07

I have never posted over on this part of the site, but I am going through a hard time with a recent break-up.

The girl was the was beautiful girl I have ever seen ( on the outside), fun, wild, crazy, wealthy, appeared to be a real free spirit. Everyone notices her whereever she goes, people just can not be drawn to her. After a few months I quit my job in Illinois as a contractor and moved to another state to be with her.

Immediately began seeing behind her facade, the petty, materialistic and psychologically messed up person that she really was and realized I had made a major mistake.. I tried to stick it out, but it got to where the sight of her made me ill. She was so beautiful and everyon ethat met her thought she was the most amazing person they had ever met. Eventually I went back home for awhile and I caught her lying to me about another man ( whether or not they actually had an affair is up to debated, but there was several weeks of lying to my face involved.)

So I stayed home, didn;t want to have anything to do with her, until she also decided she wanted things over.. now all of a sudden, I am practically obsessed with her and want to call her all the time and "be around" her, evvven though logically I know this is a major dead-end and bad for me.

Why would I all of a sudden want to be with her agian after all of this? Is it my ego, sadness at losing something familiar? Also, any tips on getting over this and moving on would be helpful..


Sorry the post was so long, but just getting it out was helpful to me.

Thanks

JB

 

Re: Getting over a crappy relationship- need advic Jimmyboy

Posted by ClearSkies on November 15, 2007, at 15:39:53

In reply to Getting over a crappy relationship- need advice, posted by Jimmyboy on November 14, 2007, at 18:12:07

I think that in leaving a bad relationship behind, it's inevitable to have feelings of regret and to even want to have another chance at making repairs. Maybe this time we can be more resilient, maybe this time they will be different, maybe we both have learned our lessons, etc.

I think that part of this is romancing our past, though you certainly make it sound like something you wouldn't want to repeat. So what would make a return to this relationship different for you? What element has changed so that you would be happier with her? Perhaps ask yourself these questions and you'll see what it is you're being drawn to.

ClearSkies
(nice to meet you, BTW!)

 

Re: Getting over a crappy relationship- need advic ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on November 17, 2007, at 12:49:40

In reply to Re: Getting over a crappy relationship- need advic Jimmyboy, posted by ClearSkies on November 15, 2007, at 15:39:53

Like right now my 21 year marriage when I had my kids looks so much better than this one as he will not accept the fact I can't keep up with him he's younger. I warned him. And it makes me feel so helpless. First husband would have the share memories but then the cheating again. So I guess it's this or nothing. Phillipa

 

Re: Getting over a crappy relationship- need advic

Posted by the hobbit on April 8, 2008, at 19:46:59

In reply to Re: Getting over a crappy relationship- need advic ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on November 17, 2007, at 12:49:40

I went through this myself, I broke up with a good person because I saw no future for she and I. I went through a period of regret. I then met another woman who has been my wife and best friend now for almost 15 years. I don't care how beautiful this girl is that you're talking about, if spending the next 20, 30, or 40 years with her would drive you out of your mind, a few months of grief is a small price to pay! If she is grievingly self centered, she wont have a happy long term relationship (let alone marriage) with any man. She will likely have a LONG string of breakups, followed by a lonely life when she is old and her looks have faded. Pray for her and wish her well; she may have a tough road ahead of her.


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