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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on September 11, 2013, at 12:02:14
I haven't been here in a while, but you guys saved my life in 2003 when my T suddenly up and moved to another state for family reasons. Well, I'm T-less again now, and it hurts just as much as ever.
This time, it's my family's finances that cut off therapy. We've been going into debt gradually for a long time, and my DH and I finally had the talk that resulted in a spending freeze, probably indefinitely.
I'm totally pissed at my DH, because he hasn't worked full time for *years* and makes very little $. He really likes his job, and also has massive insecurity about work, and I think he wants to change for us, but . . . he just doesn't. We talked through our situation about 6 months ago, and I thought he was going to put together a resume and portfolio and start working on making a change. But when we talked the other day, it turns out that that was not his understanding. He has no plans to do any of that. Which pisses me off! But I'm trying to also see how painful it is for him to feel inadequate about work and not know how to change.
I've let him know how pissed I am, but I've also realized that he *can't* just muscle through making work changes like I would. So, to save us, I have to take on more work myself, and cut all but the most essential expenses. Therapy is not essential, apparently. To be fair, also off the list are swimming lessons for the kiddo, new shoes for anyone, ever eating out, and Christmas presents for our extended family. So, truly, we need to start bailing or we're going to sink.
I want to cry and stamp my feet like a kid. It's not fair! I miss my T! Waaaaaah!
- peg
Posted by Phillipa on September 11, 2013, at 18:31:30
In reply to lost my T again, posted by pegasus on September 11, 2013, at 12:02:14
Does your T know all this I imagine he/she does. No way to continue less frequently? Anything less important that you could cut instead? I'm sorry. Phillipa
Posted by Poet on September 12, 2013, at 18:25:39
In reply to lost my T again, posted by pegasus on September 11, 2013, at 12:02:14
Hi Peg,
I'd probably throw myself on the ground and have a full blown temper tantrum screaming "not fair, not fair, not fair."
Could your DH find another part-time job to help make ends meet? I understand massive job insecurity as at the moment I am unemployed, so I get how discouraging the economic situation can be.
Do you think your T would let you come once a month on a reduced pay basis? I know my DH would think therapy isn't essential, but during stressful times it is pretty essential for me.
If you'd like me to send a cyber slap your DH's way, let me know.
Poet
Posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2013, at 13:24:49
In reply to Re: lost my T again » pegasus, posted by Poet on September 12, 2013, at 18:25:39
My DH too, sees my therapist sessions as medically necessary and not up for When We Can Afford It. He has seen what happens when I don't have that level of support on a regular basis.
Sliding scale? Establish a line of credit with your T? I would hate to see you lose that care if it making a big difference in your day to day activities.
PC
(yes, partlycloudy is back in the forecast)
Posted by alexandra_k on September 13, 2013, at 16:47:35
In reply to Re: lost my T again, posted by Partlycloudy on September 13, 2013, at 13:24:49
That is a point about the 'medically necessary' thing.
Is your DH okay? How come you only find out about this now?
Posted by pegasus on September 19, 2013, at 8:33:11
In reply to lost my T again, posted by pegasus on September 11, 2013, at 12:02:14
Holy crap you guys! I was just in the middle of a natural disaster for the last week, and am just now getting back to babble. I'm so sorry to ignore your thoughtful responses!
The night after I posted, I meant to check in and respond, but it started raining so hard I thought we were all going to die! It had already been raining for a couple of days, but then it was like someone started emptying a god-sized bucket of water over us, for about 10 hours. Then more regular rain for a few days. With intense flooding and general wet destruction. I've never seen anything like it!
Anyway, we are fine now, after a lot of muddy and wet hard work. And I really appreciate you all understanding my situation. My DH was a hero during the flood. He's always been excellent in an emergency. I know he *could* get a better job, etc., but somehow even when we talk about it and he agrees, and it seems like there is a plan in place, he just doesn't. This has been going on long enough now, that I'm starting to realize that somehow he *can't*. I can't do it for him (which I totally would if I could), so here we are stuck in this stupid place.
My T offered all kinds of payment plans, but it all comes down to eventually paying him, which I just can't see how I can do. Until I see some way to eventually have more money, I just can't go. I did submit a long-shot claim to my insurance for past therapy, hoping they'll cover some of it. I've done it before with no luck, but I had my T use a different diagnosis this time, so maybe. If that comes in, I'm spending whatever I get on therapy!
During the flood I texted my T to make sure he was ok, and he texted back, which was really reassuring. He's there whenever I can figure out a way. But honestly, we can't pay our grocery and mortgage right now without going into the red. I mentioned to my DH about selling the house and moving somewhere cheaper. I think we need to, if this is where we are financially. But he hates that idea. I'm hoping he hates it enough to find the courage to look for another job. At least we still have a house to sell.
Thanks for your understanding and sympathy. I'm at my wits end with this.
peg
Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2013, at 23:50:03
In reply to apologies, thanks, and updates, posted by pegasus on September 19, 2013, at 8:33:11
Glad to hear that you are okay!
And that your DH came through in the crisis... Sounds like there is a more circumscribed fear around the job... I wonder what he is afraid of? Is there something that he particularly likes about his current job?
I don't know. I... hate change (in some respects). Change is stressful... You have to have your wits about you all the time because you can't fall back on routine. Is it maybe some of that?
Anyway... Glad to hear that you are hanging in there.
Posted by rockerchick46 on November 2, 2013, at 18:30:29
In reply to lost my T again, posted by pegasus on September 11, 2013, at 12:02:14
> I haven't been here in a while, but you guys saved my life in 2003 when my T suddenly up and moved to another state for family reasons. Well, I'm T-less again now, and it hurts just as much as ever.
>
> This time, it's my family's finances that cut off therapy. We've been going into debt gradually for a long time, and my DH and I finally had the talk that resulted in a spending freeze, probably indefinitely.
>
> I'm totally pissed at my DH, because he hasn't worked full time for *years* and makes very little $. He really likes his job, and also has massive insecurity about work, and I think he wants to change for us, but . . . he just doesn't. We talked through our situation about 6 months ago, and I thought he was going to put together a resume and portfolio and start working on making a change. But when we talked the other day, it turns out that that was not his understanding. He has no plans to do any of that. Which pisses me off! But I'm trying to also see how painful it is for him to feel inadequate about work and not know how to change.
>
> I've let him know how pissed I am, but I've also realized that he *can't* just muscle through making work changes like I would. So, to save us, I have to take on more work myself, and cut all but the most essential expenses. Therapy is not essential, apparently. To be fair, also off the list are swimming lessons for the kiddo, new shoes for anyone, ever eating out, and Christmas presents for our extended family. So, truly, we need to start bailing or we're going to sink.
>
> I want to cry and stamp my feet like a kid. It's not fair! I miss my T! Waaaaaah!
>
> - peg
Hi I"m new here. Have you thought of putting yourself on the waiting list of the local hospital's clinic (their therapists take charity care which in our state means if you have less than 5K in the bank you dont pay a thing for therapy, pdoc, inpatient care of any kind or any other hospital bill.)
OR
Having your hubby go on SSD for some kind of condition?
Are you old enough for a reverse mortgage? Or can you refinance the one you have?Can family help with paying for the T??
Just some brainstorming...
also
I used to make $25 an hour cleaning houses and a house is a 3 hour job.. its good extra money tax free.
Tam
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