Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1047956

Shown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I think our father needs hospice care

Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 28, 2013, at 21:53:35

Anyone have experience with hospice care?

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2

Posted by jane d on July 28, 2013, at 23:46:25

In reply to I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 28, 2013, at 21:53:35

> Anyone have experience with hospice care?

Yeah. It wasn't a good experience. The place I dealt with (which supposedly has a good reputation) seemed to feel that their mission was to medicate people into total unconsciousness leading to prompt death. Whether that was what the person wanted or not. It would be an excellent place to go to get around our laws against assisted suicide and as such it provides a useful service. But it was not at all a place to go to get support while you died at your own pace.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2

Posted by jane d on July 28, 2013, at 23:47:33

In reply to I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 28, 2013, at 21:53:35

I'm so sorry.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care

Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2013, at 23:59:54

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2, posted by jane d on July 28, 2013, at 23:47:33

I'm sorry, too. Again, nothing but good experiences from me. And from other people I know. Very accepting and supportive.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care jane d

Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 30, 2013, at 21:52:34

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2, posted by jane d on July 28, 2013, at 23:47:33

Thanks. I would rather he died at his own pace.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care alexandra_k

Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 30, 2013, at 21:53:25

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care, posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2013, at 23:59:54

Thanks, Alex. I'm glad it was a positive experience for you.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care

Posted by Dinah on July 31, 2013, at 7:49:03

In reply to I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 28, 2013, at 21:53:35

I'm sorry, sleepygirl. This has been so hard for you. Have you been able to spend much time with him?

Sadly, my experience was more like Jane's.

In my experience, hospice seemed more about helping people die without pain than about living fully for the time remaining. That's not necessarily a bad thing. If I was in constant pain, I'd be all for hospice. If I was just weak and failing and wanted to spend my remaining time with my family, I'd probably still wish to be involved with hospice, but with major safeguards and a firm understanding up front.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care Dinah

Posted by sleepygirl2 on July 31, 2013, at 23:19:08

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care, posted by Dinah on July 31, 2013, at 7:49:03

I'm ok, just very sad. He lives about 5 hours away by car, where the rest of my family is. I'll have to make some more trips up there now. I don't know how it'll go. Pain management is important because the cancer in the bones causes a lot of pain. Death sucks.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2

Posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 20:40:38

In reply to I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on July 28, 2013, at 21:53:35

> Anyone have experience with hospice care?

Yes, although it was very clear that when he was admitted to hospice he had reached the end of his road. It was all about making him comfortable. He got to eat whatever he wanted, until he was no longer interested.

All treatments has been stopped except for pain management, and that was up to him. I remember at one point he said, "I didn't think it would take this long." And asked if it could be speeded along. The answer was no.

The staff were amazing. So supportive, in any way you might have needed. His wife could have stayed with him the room had she chosen to. But she said it freaked her out.

When he died, I was the person to go hold his body, say good bye, and feel the warmth leave it. It was so sad that his family didn't want to do it. I felt more than an obligation- I felt it made me closer to him. To feel his spirit depart.

I miss my grandparents death, so this was the closest to it. (My father in law at age 87.) he was plumb worn out.

Hospice was invaluable.
I wish you the best experience possible.
Go your own self, and don't give in to family weirdness. You will feel better for it.

PC

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care Partlycloudy

Posted by sleepygirl2 on August 11, 2013, at 20:53:09

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2, posted by Partlycloudy on August 11, 2013, at 20:40:38

Thanks for your response. As it turns out, at this point he will remain in the hospital, and not be transferred to a hospice, as his time is very short.
This is absolutely grueling. Thankfully, emotionally, he's doing relatively well.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2

Posted by Dinah on August 12, 2013, at 3:18:45

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care Partlycloudy, posted by sleepygirl2 on August 11, 2013, at 20:53:09

((( sleepygirl )))

It's so hard to deal with loss of parents. Whether the relationship is good and you'll mourn what you have or the relationship isn't so good and you'll mourn what you never had. Parents can twist us up into tangled up knots.

Take care of yourself.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2

Posted by jane d on August 12, 2013, at 20:21:51

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care Partlycloudy, posted by sleepygirl2 on August 11, 2013, at 20:53:09

I'll second the hope that you take care of yourself as well as you can. Ask for help and support wherever you can. Most people are more willing to give it than we are to ask.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care

Posted by sleepygirl2 on August 14, 2013, at 21:18:17

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care sleepygirl2, posted by jane d on August 12, 2013, at 20:21:51

It's been rough, but I'm managing, exhausted.
Thank you.

 

Re: I think our father needs hospice care

Posted by sleepygirl2 on August 19, 2013, at 0:59:58

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on August 14, 2013, at 21:18:17

I wrote an obituary for him. I tried my best. I'm done with that, but I'm not done writing.

 

(((sleepy girl))) (nm)

Posted by Partlycloudy on August 19, 2013, at 6:36:16

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on August 19, 2013, at 0:59:58

 

((( sleepygirl )))

Posted by Dinah on August 19, 2013, at 7:23:00

In reply to Re: I think our father needs hospice care, posted by sleepygirl2 on August 19, 2013, at 0:59:58

That must have been so difficult. I'm so sorry for this final of losses.

Writing helps sometimes.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.