Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1048672

Shown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:15:30

I...

Am afraid.

I remember reading about how people with a certain condition often deteriorate on admission. Like that is a bad thing. Like you shouldn't admit them, because then you will make them worse.

But then there is this idea that is kind of reactionary to the above line. The idea that people will collapse a little when they are placed in an environment where it is safe for them to collapse. Then... Over time they collect themselves together again (perhaps with a little help) but that refuge from the world was useful. Therapeutic.

There always has been a bit of a fine line for me. Mostly I hang back... Avoid intimacy. Can't / won't do eye contact. Whatever... If people push me too hard to be in the present with them... Then I disintegrate. And then there is nothing they can do. E.g., there aren't any hospital beds. Or they can't see me more frequently. Or, um, actually, they always had planned on immigrating in 6 weeks, or whatever.

So...

She was primed for me last time. The whole interaction... I see now... Fairly structured. Short. Her allowing me to retain certain aspects of control... And still I was raw.

And now a follow up for next week. Whatever that means... She said on the form 'a period of acute treatment'. And the crisis people phone every couple days. To check I'm okay. I think they followed me on the bus... But maybe I'm paranoid. I must be, because I can't see how they figured that logistically, but if there is a predictable cue for switching it is crossing the harbor bridge...

I...

Don't know.

I don't know. Except... It is wise for me not to be vulnerable. Oh yes, indeed. Hard for me not to be without violently kicking people away. Goddammit.

I can't write my thesis in hospital.

?

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:30:58

In reply to new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:15:30

she sounds german. yugoslavia, apparently. been here for 16 years. so her asking if i felt disappointed that i was seen so quickly wasn't language barrier. gutteral. decisive. direct. capable of filling in a form with a suitable balance of legible key words and illegibility while simultaneously passing the listening comprehension check *on the first round*. willing to give me valium rather than seroquel for no other reason than *that it was my preference* thus i'd be more likely to actually utilize it. waved off my starting the speel about how i solemly swore not to abuse it (by only giving me 7 tablets, ha, but at least i won't be getting the DBT-speel). and she followed along how everyone got to be borderline with the introduction of dbt in the region.

this could work...

but... what is 'this' exactly...

?

yeah.

because she *is* here. i need to not get too attached. because she *is* here it is so very much more likely that she will be *isn't* before too long.

if i move across the harbour bridge then i believe i need to start all over again with another team, too. meh.

 

Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 21:15:13

In reply to new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 20:15:30

I'm sorry, Alex, that you're in crisis. I haven't been reading much lately. Was there trouble with the thesis extension?

What is across the harbor bridge? A new program? Or a new apartment?

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:12:02

In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 21:15:13

> I'm sorry, Alex, that you're in crisis. I haven't been reading much lately. Was there trouble with the thesis extension?
>
> What is across the harbor bridge? A new program? Or a new apartment?

My extension went through.
I don't think I'm in crisis.
But I remembered this stuff... I guess it is odd that the CATT team are calling me every couple days...
Maybe that means I am in crisis?
I don't understand.

Across the bridge is the city. A good university with a number of libraries where I can find a quiet refuge to study. Even... Find myself surrounded by people who are engaged in focused study. Which actually (much to my surprise) seems to help me catch their bug. A number of pretty parks with people who are contemplative and reflective. A number of overheard conversations about all kinds of things... People being curious... People who *want to know* who are *trying to figure stuff out*. My gym.

This other side of the bridge...

Is where I live. It is across the road from the university campus where I came to study physio. There is a health science library just across the road. It is all set up for group work. It is next to impossible to find a quiet space to hide yourself in. There aren't really any productive individual workers (I kind of feel sorry for the people who are trying to get their pens in order etc for focused study who really don't seem to understand why they are having so much trouble). You can't study there because there are too many people who don't know how to read. Looking and smiling. There are too many people who refuse to allow you to not participate in looking and smiling. If they smile in your direction and you ignore them (e.g., because you are reading or writing) then they start making noise to catch your attention. The more you ignore them (to not reward them) the more they escalate.

I've had librarians call security on me because they said they 'thought I was asleep' because I wouldn't respond to their noisy shelving efforts to get me to interact with them.

This side of the bridge isn't a 'destination campus'. It is ugly. Most of the academics don't even have individual offices. But then, most of the academics don't have PhD's or the ability to do much aside from look and smile, either.

I need to get far away from here. Because this environment won't let me think, you see. I need to look and smile look and smile look and smile. Otherwise there is clearly something wrong with me and I need to be helped. People will not back off and allow me to think. I'm talking at a very basic level here. For instance, waiting for the bus and someone sits far too close to me on the totally empty bench and starts bouncing up and down when I continue to look away (trying to think) and they escalate... And the urge for me to punch them in the head becomes almost unbearable for me. They are practically tugging on my sleeves for me to pay attention to them... I...

You would need to pay me one hell of a lot than you are right now for me to babysit these f*ck*rs. Most of whom can't pass the comprehension test on round 5... And I'm not talking about the students even. I'm talking about people like... Like the f*ck*ng dean.

OMG.

I need to get away from here...

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:39:25

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:12:02

sigh.

and it isn't that bad anymore... but... something snapped for me. and now i struggle a great deal. i feel... as soon as i get on campus i project AND JUST F*CK*NG BACK RIGHT OFF AND LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE as best i possibly can... i'm just closed. not interested in interaction.

the issue is that the buses come / go from there. i need to walk through half the campus... i need to wait with the students / staff there for the bus. so i get them telling the bus driver to turn the music up and their whole smiling and laughing thing...

and i keep my head down as best i can... and listen to conversations about how 'some people think they are too cool' etc etc etc... and realize that (people often tell me that) i look a lot younger than my actual age. and the fact that i'm dressed kinda like a hobo is IMPORTANT to these people... in ways that aren't so much when you have the capacity to pick up on other cues like... that a person might be thinking (it is this thing that some people do) or reading or actually assess what they have to say on its merits.

i just... it makes me feel so f*ck*ng mad... that they get to call this institution a university and these program degrees and these students get degrees. and it is b*llsh*t is all. these students at the very least need to be taught to follow instructions and allow other people to do stuff that is important. i mean... holy crap. i just... despair.

one of the lecturers... i remember her going on about how they tried to get the medical students across the bridge to come over and interact more with the nurses. she wanted to teach medical students *communication skills* - and thought that her students had better ones, you see. she couldn't figure out why it was that the med students weren't keen. how about she starts teaching her students useful things like to pass teh f*ck*ng scalpal when asked. or perhaps it is about getting the medical students to play the stick the label on the cell game in teams of 10. you have got to be kidding me.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:57:56

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:39:25

which is of course why they are encouraging students on this campus to open up 'inter-professional health' clinics with each other (e.g, physio, podiatry, nursing) that is more along the lines of getting a massage or a hair cut than anything to do with health...

and the surgical and hospital nurses are doing their program at that other university across the bridge (by the teaching hospital).

if only i had have learned this sh*t before moving here...

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by Poet on August 10, 2013, at 13:38:32

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:57:56

Hi Alex,

I hope the new Pdoc sticks around for a long time. Dr. Clueless is originally from Uruguay so her English has a Spanish accent, but she's fluent. It's good that your new Pdoc's isn't hard to understand. Plus she gave you Valium without a lecture.

Here's what I do to avoid conversation: I wear ear plugs and headphones plugged into my Ipod (which isn't turned on, but they don't know that). People seem to not try to engage me in conversation because I'm obviously engrossed in listening to a book or music.

I'm with you on people sitting too close to me. I go to see a movie and there can be 10 people in the whole theatre and somebody will either sit next to me or directly in front of me. Which forces me to move to another seat. I'm really picky where I sit and get there early, so this really gets me angry.

I hope you finish your thesis and can get away from the campus.

Poet

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 22:06:55

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by Poet on August 10, 2013, at 13:38:32

I...
Well, it was predictable, really.
This meeting was all about how to refer me to psychology as quickly as possible, because it won't do for me to get attached, because they are acute service.
She played bad cop while CAT worker played good cop enough to prevent my storming out...

I got another month medical certificate. They want me to get a GP to continue them on from there. So I expect that will be the last time I see either of them.

Psychology... CBT... While I was waiting in the waiting room for the medical certificate (so they could check I wasn't about to storm out and jump off something, one can only suppose) I met the DBT group people. A couple of them seemed nice. They all seemed alright. Young. Like we were when I did DBT over 6 years ago, I guess.

I forgot the terminology... How it becomes a kind of religion.

I was a bit mean to p-doc, I think. Said that I'd take the referral to psychology but it was more for her conscience than anything.

She can't help me. All she can do is prescribe meds and do med follow up. That is all. That is... Just the way it is over here. It is... The way it always was.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 22:11:40

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 22:06:55

I...
My advisor emailed me yesterday. He said there was a student progress meeting today and that since he hadn't heard about the extension he supposed that it hadn't come through. That they were being much stricter on those.

I apologised for not having informed him. Said I had trouble with payments here but sorted at the end of last week.

Told him the stuff I've been reading (I think he will like). I told him... I was scared. Since my mid-term-that-wasn't. That I only thought I should go do something else (medicine, biology, what-the-f*ck-ever) because I didn't think I was any good at philosophy or had anything to contribute.

But that I did want a career.

But that I understand I have work owing. And I'll need to get significantly ahead before I will ever get funded work in the profession. And I understand most of my life will be fighting off the NZ governments attempts to have me work full time at MacDonalds.

I feel vulerable and raw. But, well.

He emailed me back that he is glad the extension went through. So that is something. Something significant. At least that means he doesn't just want me to go away and die. That is something indeed.

And I've got this place.

And things have been pretty quiet at home lately. Which has been wonderful for me. Really. Really very.

I'm going to be okay.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2013, at 1:44:27

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 12, 2013, at 22:11:40

i saw a slogan on the back of a truck today:

'you don't build a reputation on what you are going to do'

it was for printsprint.

getting things done. oh yes, indeed.

maybe it is not about 'what is wrong with me'. maybe it is about 'why aren't i perfect?' in the sense of 'why aren't i the best me i can be?'

life is like a game of cards. you don't choose the cards you are dealt: but there are objective facts about better or worse ways of playing the cards you have got.

so... what holds me back from playing the cards i've got perfectly? and what can i do to change those things?

if i could choose for therapy to be about anything at all... i would choose for it to be about that.

i do have a lot of dread about my writing. sometimes just opening the document. or reading what i've written. most certainly at the thought of sending it to whoever the work is supposed to be for.

apparently a large part of that is that i only get to see the stuff AFTER several rounds of editors have got to it. i don't see it on its first draft. so i think that i have to get it all publishable by myself. but nobody does that all by themself. nobody.

i did get something published. a couple years back. i couldn't bear to read it for the longest time... then i tried... and i couldn't even get through the abstract. it sounded garbled. incomprehansible. like it wasn't even in English. i wondered... if the editors were taking the piss... then a couple reviews... seeing what people thought. what they really thought. it wasn't good. but it wasn't devistating. it was... an invitation for me to do better.

and what is better than that?

(really)

but it concerns me that i couldn't read it for the longest time... without... something psychotic happening.

i read the first third of it just the other day. and it seemed better. alien... but not awful. not terrible. and of course, the editors wouldn't have let that happen.

this stuff...

i need to sort this stuff out...

otherwise... well... how the hell am i going to handle getting this done?

perhaps... the same as everyone else. do what i'm told to do (what my advisor tells me to do) and aside from that... stand back from it. just do what i need to do to get it done.

ugh.

 

Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k

Posted by Partlycloudy on August 17, 2013, at 18:52:01

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 16, 2013, at 1:44:27

Sometimes, instead of thinking about it and almost talking ourselves out of it (because we are so clever, aren't we?) it really is best to just trust that the advice is coming from a reliable, knowledgable source, and it needs our doing. And that is it.
It has happened to me a couple of times I have been willing to trust my therapist enough, and dammit if she doesn't know better than I.
Even her (what seem to be) off hand remarks ring true. She knows me and my situation(s) so very well. We are also oddly connected somehow. Like, she had a bad tumble in her backyard, and at the same time, I blindly missed the top step on a flight of stairs in the dark. Like you do. So we both showed up at the next session really roughed up, but not knowing about the other's injuries.
Weird stuff.
But yeah, when she talk, I listen. Lately more so.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 17, 2013, at 21:19:34

In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on August 17, 2013, at 18:52:01

> Sometimes, instead of thinking about it and almost talking ourselves out of it (because we are so clever, aren't we?) it really is best to just trust that the advice is coming from a reliable, knowledgable source, and it needs our doing. And that is it.
> It has happened to me a couple of times I have been willing to trust my therapist enough, and dammit if she doesn't know better than I.
> Even her (what seem to be) off hand remarks ring true. She knows me and my situation(s) so very well. We are also oddly connected somehow. Like, she had a bad tumble in her backyard, and at the same time, I blindly missed the top step on a flight of stairs in the dark. Like you do. So we both showed up at the next session really roughed up, but not knowing about the other's injuries.
> Weird stuff.
> But yeah, when she talk, I listen. Lately more so.

That is good that you have that.

I suppose I've realized that the reason I got a slamming for my mid-term is because I wasn't appropriately... supplicant...?... to my advisor. I think that is the right word.

I... Thought there was something not good in 'doing what my advisor would have done were he to think on the topic'. But now I see that that is basically the way to get things done. I missed a lot... In starting to read first year textbooks by myself (as I guess, I'm supposed to do) I'm seeing that this, that, and the next thing are *technical terms* with precise, often mathematically defined meanings...

Appropriate humility... I guess partly it is about that. I was supposed to... Not beg him... But work hard to coax him into wanting to help me. Rather than wandering off... Demoralized...

I don't know that I have the temperament for this. Or that I've got it in myself to find the appropriate tone...

Dammit.

I know he used to have no time for mental illness... For people who were afflicted. But then one person who was close turned out to be bi-polar and he saw both how functional that person could be and then how totally destructive that person could be. And so now he does have a conception of people being able to function highly (at times) so as to be worthwhile... But being totally f*ck*ng useless (his words) at other times... And... I think he has a degree of tolerance for that, now. Perhaps he can tolerate me...

He does talk a lot about how one of our advances from teh chimps (our closest living ancestor) is our tolerance to our young. We put up with them being curious (observing and imitating) our antics without... Killing them. He says that a lot. LIke... Like it is pretty f*ck*ng tempting sometimes.

Sigh.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:28:12

In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on August 17, 2013, at 18:52:01

I wish I had that for therapy. and at times, for some kind of life advice more generally.

most of my therapists... have been taught lists of therapy targets such as 'black and white thinking' and 'catastrophizing' and so on. they listen only insofar as they are trying to attach one of those targets to what you have said. then they have the pithy little saying they have been taught to spit back. usually such insightful wisdom as 'that is black and white thinking!' to which i am supposed to... give them an A+?

a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...

people like to say 'rationalization!' to me. they say it like they have caught me stealing cookies from the cookie jar. p-doc (on our second meeting) said that i was 'rationalizing!' when i started trying to tell her why i didn't think cbt was likely to help me. i said... that i was trying to inform her of my experience. because perhaps things have changed in the last 6 years. perhaps it can offer me something different from what i think it is going to be.

she didn't know what to say.

that seems to be what is common to 'rationalizing!' pronouncements.

the idea seems to be that i think too much and it is my thinking that gets me into trouble.

i think the idea is that i have a very reactive nervous system. probably partly genetic (mothers side are all excitable). partly trauma because mother was indeed very unpredictable and hurtful with her excitability. and then... in my efforts to tame my nervous system... cbt taught me to... rationalize things. i mean... what is the alternative? sorry but saying to myself 'oh! i'm rationalizing!' doesn't help me feel calmer or more at peace. maybe it helps some people. i find that f*ck*ng astounding if it helps some people.

i expect it is a case of a excellent therapist (or two or three or a whole bundle of them) who wrote some stuff... and then you get idiots trying to apply it like it is gospel and they f*ck*ng miss the point. i suspect the cbt i've experienced... is a case of that.

people like to think that my thinking is what gets me into trouble. yeah. i'm just full of cognitive distortions and irrationalities. i mean... i keep getting caught on features of faulty logic like paradoxes of material implication and i have trouble grasping two dimensional model logics, that is my problem, totally, for sure.

sense they are making - not.

and when i suggest to them that it is not about failures of logic (which would be good for them, yes, since i am better at logic than them) they are reluctant. they don't like that.

i think... perhaps people in this country are dumber than average. a lot dumber than average...

maybe it is the flouride in the water?
maybe it is fetal alcohol effects from all the binge drinking?

holy sh*t.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:37:22

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:28:12

and then of course my problem is that 'i think i'm smarter than them'. which i do. because i am. it shouldn't matter... they are the ones that insist on it being about smart. they are the ones that insist on it being about logical distortion. then when i try and explain what i mean a little more clearly (because i'm really not that stupid to have said / believed in what they were very quick to jump on as a logical distortion) then i am guilty of rationalizing.

after a while of playing this game.... they can't help me. their words. because... they have done what they have been trained to do. and i'm not appropriately helped. i'm not appropriately appreciative of their efforts.

they never even listened to me.

or if they do...

they just say they don't know what to say... they... catch my mood. they are stuck. and either i end up showing them the way out or we both are stuck there.

they aren't able to... just observe me doing my thing without getting sucked in. without their trying to interfere with my process to fix it (which usually makes things worse). they are just... not very helpful.

and they certainly won't... let me be me.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:41:04

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:37:22

i've realized it is because mostly people around here don't think.

that is why the radio is always blaring. 'getting you through your working day'. people need noise because if there isn't noise they... find themselves not thinking so much as hearing all the past traumatic things that have been said to them. and... most people haven't figured how to stand back from them / how to deal to that.

i... don't have that kind of inner life.

i don't hear things like 'useless' or 'stupid' or whatever... any more. i don't need to counter them... i don't hear them...

i just... wonder about stuff... when i can. when it is quiet and i can think. i do get myself into some tricky positions... it is hard to figure out how to integrate evolutionary biology and sociology (for example). but proclaiming 'rationalizing!' or 'black and white thinking!' doesn't help.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 2:05:37

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 1:41:04

i think it is because...

new zealand is a kind of a gateway into the west. our immigration points system is kinder than most (than aussie, canada, the uk, usa). in particular: we would LOVE for people to come here who can't speak English. We would LOVE to take their money and teach them how to speak English.

so a lot of people come here for 6 months or 1 year to improve their English (by taking a course or just by immersion) which is their entry ticket to aussie or canada or the uk or the usa. a lot decide to stay here for 2 years (citizenship yay!) then board the plane for aussie (can live and work for as long as you like no visa required).

most of the p-docs... are only here for 6 months or a year. most of the p-docs... aren't native english speakers. a lot of the time it is hard to know whether there is miscommunication or whether they are testing appropriatness of emotional responses (e.g., how i was asked whether i was disappointed that they saw me so quickly - i thought she was joking to see if i had appropriate humor but i see now she messed up her words. similarly she wrote 'acute care' for me, but what she meant was that i had been seen by the CAT team which is an acute care service).

in all my years in the service... all of my p-docs have been middle eastern / eastern european... one exception was canadian... he was here for 6 months because of something something about his wife... then they retired to canada.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 2:28:00

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 2:05:37

i think that was what was novel about aussie. my clinicians were native english speakers. i think it made a considerable difference.

i... have tried to trust people the way you speak of pc. and... it has worked out badly. because it has turned out that they misunderstood the situation. they misunderstood my need. whatever... their misunderstanding... has really messed things up one hell of a lot.

now... well... i know i have trust issues. if there is someone who is trustworthy then i still have issues trusting them. but generally speaking... not trusting... results in my being better off than i would be if i trusted. and that is the unfortunate truth.

why co-operate if there isn't anything in it for you?

the lady who runs this place would really like for me to trust her. she takes herself to be a counsellor, you see. she teaches cultural safety aspects of that at the tech, i mean uni, across the road. and she's been doing so for 20 years or something... since long before it even became a university...

and when i tell her that 'i just need a quiet place where i can do my thesis' she puts me in the noisy house because she thinks i'll have a connection to one of the girls who lives there because she used to live in aussie, too. then when i explained about the banging doors she moved me next door... and there wasn't any internet access next door. because she didn't realize that i needed internet access to email my supervisor work or to access library or ... that the internet is a work tool. and it is just... constant, really. which is why i can't trust her. because she does mean well. but she can't be trusted. because she doesn't understand.

the more people here try and show me they understand the more apparent it becomes that they don't understand... i... am not strong enough to devote myself to sorting out their misunderstandings right now. if it were my job i would do it. but it isn't my job and so i... resent it, yeah.

it isn't flattering that people get up when i get up and go to sleep when i go to sleep and leave the house when i leave the house. that they all want to buy the same variety of milk as me and keep it right next to all banged up against mine until (tee hee!) we can't even figure out who's is who's. that as soon as people hear me start the washing machine it is washing machine day and everyones washing is unceremoniously thrown around the washing room as people are in a hurry to get into the machine.

it is...

ugh.

back off people.

 

Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k

Posted by Partlycloudy on August 18, 2013, at 6:55:05

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 2:28:00

You probably know, or I've said it before, that I've never gone to university or had any formal education beyond high school. I don't think I would do well in a group-think situation, where perhaps you are painted with a pretty broad brush. Put into housing that not only is less than ideal, but detrimental to you.

My therapist was born, raised, and trained in California. There are probably as many therapists there as lawyers, which is a good thing. Keeps those with the license on the cutting edge, with an open mind, and my T is good at reading non verbal signals.

My pdoc is also California trained. Really, I live in the worse state for mental health care in the country. Florida attracts no great practioners. I looked very hard and had some incredibly stupid experiences before I ended up with the people I did.

But university and that experience; I missed out on a lot, but I got to do a lot of writing, reading, and observing on my own. I don't think I would have survived the experience.

Keep writing here. I love to read your mind processing this stuff.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by baseball55 on August 18, 2013, at 19:51:34

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by alexandra_k on August 18, 2013, at 2:28:00

It sounds like CBT is not for you. I also couldn't stand it. It felt contrived and not at all personalized. I didn't identify with anything. Have you ever tried dynamic psychotherapy? This is just traditional talk therapy without the couch and daily meetings and other stupidities. You develop a relationship of trust with someone who is supportive and caring but who also prods you to be honest with yourself about yourself.

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 19, 2013, at 0:04:04

In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on August 18, 2013, at 6:55:05

> You probably know, or I've said it before, that I've never gone to university or had any formal education beyond high school.

I didn't know that.

> My therapist was born, raised, and trained in California. There are probably as many therapists there as lawyers, which is a good thing. Keeps those with the license on the cutting edge, with an open mind, and my T is good at reading non verbal signals.

Yes. My last therapist moved to Sydney from New York. I thought he was very good - partly because he read broadly and developed his views over time. Open mind, as you say.

> But university and that experience; I missed out on a lot, but I got to do a lot of writing, reading, and observing on my own. I don't think I would have survived the experience.

Yes.

If you could have gone to University... Or you could go now... What would you study? It doesn't have to be University, actually... If you could learn about anything at all... Painting... A Musical Instrument... Photography... Lawn Bowls... Birding... Anything at all...

Maybe something you were interested in as a kid where someone told you it was a waste of time or you would never be any good... Or perhaps something a bit later or more recent where you maybe told that to yourself...

I don't know what I'd do without my enthusiasms. Well... Actually, yes, I do. I get depressed. Just want things to end / go away. Engage in things to pass the time like mindless computer games...

 

Re: new p-doc

Posted by alexandra_k on August 19, 2013, at 0:05:51

In reply to Re: new p-doc, posted by baseball55 on August 18, 2013, at 19:51:34

Yeah, I've had different kinds...

I'm alright for now. I have here. Maybe I'll get psychology referral and I'll get to go to group... Or maybe I won't.

Whatever.

I'm going to be okay.

One day, when I'm earning, I'll figure something out.


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