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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Twinleaf on May 5, 2012, at 12:22:49
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » Twinleaf, posted by Dinah on May 5, 2012, at 10:58:04
One thing my analyst emphasizes a lot is my becoming more aware of when I am angry - either at him or someone else who is important. It is quite stressful to experience such uncomfortable feelings more, but I have found it to be very well worth it in terms of general well-being. Fully experiencing the negative feelings seems to clear the way for stronger positive feelings later on. Not too easy, though!
It's nice to hear about your mother's intelligence and strength - that sounds like who she really is.
Posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 13:12:45
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2012, at 10:44:15
Posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 14:00:13
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2012, at 10:44:15
Consider my suggestion for a map, and perhaps even frame it and hang it on her wall for her...
Hoarders need to know what they are up against in case of fire... My WWII pilot friend, put a ladder attached to outside of his bedroom with plumber's tape just as a precaution...
He's embarrassed to let anybody see his lifestyle and his doorbell doesn't have a button, so he has a short stick of pipe folks use to bang on a "pipe" that goes through the wall into the kitchen to make a hell of a racket...
One time 4 or 5 years back when he didn't answer the "pipe" nor his telephone, some neighbor friends used his ladder to see if he was still moving... He opened his bedroom to see what all the ruckus was...
That one turned out OK... He doesn't drink or smoke, but he is a "textbook" case for Gambler's Anonymous... His daughter sends him money every month; guess where that goes... Yep, Texas Holdem and Puy Gow...
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 14:00:38
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by Dinah on May 3, 2012, at 10:44:15
Consider my suggestion for a map, and perhaps even frame it and hang it on her wall for her...
Hoarders need to know what they are up against in case of fire... My WWII pilot friend, put a ladder attached to outside of his bedroom with plumber's tape just as a precaution...
He's embarrassed to let anybody see his lifestyle and his doorbell doesn't have a button, so he has a short stick of pipe folks use to bang on a "pipe" that goes through the wall into the kitchen to make a hell of a racket...
One time 4 or 5 years back when he didn't answer the "pipe" nor his telephone, some neighbor friends used his ladder to see if he was still moving... He opened his bedroom to see what all the ruckus was...
That one turned out OK... He doesn't drink or smoke, but he is a "textbook" case for Gambler's Anonymous... His daughter sends him money every month; guess where that goes... Yep, Texas Holdem and Puy Gow...
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 14:04:17
In reply to »Dinah» My mother is a hoarder, posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 14:00:38
Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2012, at 9:07:06
In reply to »Dinah» My mother is a hoarder, posted by 64bowtie on May 5, 2012, at 14:00:13
Perhaps she should arrange for food deliveries instead.
I had a cold the latter part of the week. After sleeping the weekend through I'm feeling better physically and emotionally. Nothing like a cold reset.
I have to deal with the situation later today though, and my level of tension will likely climb.
Posted by 64bowtie on May 7, 2012, at 16:21:46
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » Dinah, posted by sigismund on May 3, 2012, at 22:10:28
Definitely a different world, however, its best to stay in tune with your surrondings... True, today is a "throw away society", but in the mid 80s, I remember a better test of value was proffered by a Realtor acquaintance who said that every Christmas holiday time, he would go through his garage and throw out to the curb any box that hadn't been opened since last Christmas, mercilessly... He claimed that his family couldn't remember what was in the boxes he threw out, so no tears, no jeers...
In my storage, however, I still have 2 or 3 boxes from my first business I closed in 1985, that I just keep dragging around... This post is beginning to haunt me...
I had another acquaintance who suggested that when I closed that business, that I could have saved money, time and trouble by locking the doors and walking away... At the time we were talking in 1990, that felt repulsive to me; not so much so today, and in this economy; or is it wisdom that is just now dawning on me...
Hmmmmmmmm......
Rod
Posted by 64bowtie on May 7, 2012, at 18:23:39
In reply to Re: » 64bowtie, posted by Dinah on May 7, 2012, at 9:07:06
<<<Dinah>>>,
She's lucky to have you as a daughter... Sounds like she would be meeting the meals delivery guy in the yard, though...Rod
Posted by sigismund on May 7, 2012, at 18:26:53
In reply to »Sigismund» Definitely a different world, posted by 64bowtie on May 7, 2012, at 16:21:46
Walking away from the hologram seems like a good idea.
Posted by emmanuel98 on May 7, 2012, at 19:36:13
In reply to »Sigismund» Definitely a different world, posted by 64bowtie on May 7, 2012, at 16:21:46
> In my storage, however, I still have 2 or 3 boxes from my first business I closed in 1985, that I just keep dragging around... This post is beginning to haunt me...
>
I moved two years ago. My husband and I had three storage spaces filled with stuff. When we moved, my husband wanted to take everything with us, but I said, we've been living here for 13 years and have barely looked at all this. We don't need it. I called this "getridofit,com" place and they just took everthing away. Not cheap, but worth it. Now, we keep nothing in storage, though we have a lot of storage. If I haven't looked at something in two years, I don't need it and out it goes.OTOH, I took 3 years off of teaching and thought I was done with that, got rid of all my old notes, tests, books. Then I went back to teaching and kicked myself for getting rid of stuff.
Posted by 64bowtie on May 7, 2012, at 23:41:53
In reply to Re:, posted by emmanuel98 on May 7, 2012, at 19:36:13
Believe me, I know the feeling... Much of this stuff has to do with timing...
Posted by pegasus on May 9, 2012, at 10:59:29
In reply to My mother is a hoarder, posted by Dinah on April 30, 2012, at 18:20:49
I just got back into town after spending time with my folks, and found this thread, which is so right on target for me. My parents are not extreme hoarders, but I think they're thematic hoarders. They have every horizontal surface covered with stacks of books several feet high. They have a basement that sounds like your mom's house, with the stacks being made of books. There are bookcases on the stairway filled with dusty books that no one has ever opened. It drives me crazy. There are, for example, dozens of dictionaries for various foreign languages. How many German-English dictionaries does one need?
I can hardly stand to be in their house, although they don't seem to think there is anything amiss. When my dad picked me up from the airport, he couldn't put my luggage in the trunk, because it was full of books. The backseat was also full of books, except for a little space carved out specially for me to sit.
I think my dad is worse than my mom. She loves books, but she seems to read most of the books she buys. He'll go to Goodwill and buy cartons of books, which I can't imagine that he'll ever read. But he thinks he will. He told me last week that now that he's 82, he is realizing that he may never read all of his books. What!?!? He thought he would actually *read* all of those? No one could read them all, if all they did during their lifetime was read!
I think it's what makes me a neatnik. I can't stand clutter, and I am almost compulsive about keeping things organized. I see it as a psychological defense that is maybe no longer needed.
Sigh. I dread the day they try to move out of that house, and we have to go through all of that stuff. I'd pay some serious money to have someone else clear the place out. Although, it does tug at my heart to know that it would mean that I'd never uncover my mom's wedding dress, for example, or childhood mementos that I'm sure are in there somewhere, etc.
Anyway, I guess I'm just saying what others have said: you're not alone, and it *is* really hard.
- P
Posted by jane d on May 9, 2012, at 14:30:32
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by pegasus on May 9, 2012, at 10:59:29
Do your parents have access to and use the internet?
I and many of my family had (and loved) homes that were like libraries. The point was never to read every book there - it was to have at your fingertips a book on any given subject that you suddenly wanted to know about. You could say we were web surfers before there was a web.
The internet has made some of this unnecessary. For instance I no longer keep those foreign language dictionaries. The internet is so much better for that.
I do understand your dread. I was the one who had to move all my fathers books and I still ache just thinking about it even though I love books myself. But you don't have to do that. If that time comes you can make arrangements for someone to remove just the books. With any luck they might even pay you for them. Then you can focus on just those things that have sentimental meaning to you.
Posted by Dinah on May 9, 2012, at 20:05:12
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by pegasus on May 9, 2012, at 10:59:29
My mother's main hoarding theme is word related. When it was just books, I had some sympathy. I too have the strong desire to learn *everything*. Well, at least everything that interests me at all.
I think my uncle has expanded her range, so to speak. She was always fond of clutter, but I think it's possibly only since he came that she is filling her house with non-word related actual trash (as opposed to useless clutter).
I know there's a hoarder in me waiting to come out if I'm not vigilant. I do tend to have way too much stuff. But I'm pretty good at periodically purging what hasn't been used in recent memory. Plus I value space nearly as much as I value stuff.
Thank heavens for Kindle. :)
Posted by Phillipa on May 9, 2012, at 20:51:13
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2012, at 20:05:12
Or my Nook ereader love it. Phillipa
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 9, 2012, at 21:24:52
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by jane d on May 9, 2012, at 14:30:32
The Internet and this digital age allows us to save a lit of space, books, CDs, movies and tv shows, without taking up physical space. It's a wonderful thing. I was in the library the other day though, thinking about how books on shelves are on their way out, and I had a sense of nostalgia about the Dewey decimal system and card catalogs.
So much change in this lifetime...
Posted by sleepygirl2 on May 9, 2012, at 21:31:30
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2012, at 20:05:12
I was an overzealous book collector for a while, so I have A LOT of books. I've stopped acquiring them (or not nearly as much as I used to).
I like to think I own access to lots of knowledge, that it's always there for me. Eventually, I started to sell some on half.com. If you are so inclined, it's a good site to check out.
I "over-collect" other things.
My father has hoarding tendencies too.
Posted by emmanuel98 on May 10, 2012, at 19:11:36
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by pegasus on May 9, 2012, at 10:59:29
That's one of the things my husband and I hoarded before we moved -- books, books and more books. Getting rid of them, especially all my favorite novels, was painful. But I realized, that's what they have libraries for. If I want to read Jane Eyre for the third time, I can just go to the library. My (former) town (to which I still have a library card) has two libraries with great selections of books.
> I just got back into town after spending time with my folks, and found this thread, which is so right on target for me. My parents are not extreme hoarders, but I think they're thematic hoarders. They have every horizontal surface covered with stacks of books several feet high. They have a basement that sounds like your mom's house, with the stacks being made of books. There are bookcases on the stairway filled with dusty books that no one has ever opened. It drives me crazy. There are, for example, dozens of dictionaries for various foreign languages. How many German-English dictionaries does one need?
>
> I can hardly stand to be in their house, although they don't seem to think there is anything amiss. When my dad picked me up from the airport, he couldn't put my luggage in the trunk, because it was full of books. The backseat was also full of books, except for a little space carved out specially for me to sit.
>
> I think my dad is worse than my mom. She loves books, but she seems to read most of the books she buys. He'll go to Goodwill and buy cartons of books, which I can't imagine that he'll ever read. But he thinks he will. He told me last week that now that he's 82, he is realizing that he may never read all of his books. What!?!? He thought he would actually *read* all of those? No one could read them all, if all they did during their lifetime was read!
>
> I think it's what makes me a neatnik. I can't stand clutter, and I am almost compulsive about keeping things organized. I see it as a psychological defense that is maybe no longer needed.
>
> Sigh. I dread the day they try to move out of that house, and we have to go through all of that stuff. I'd pay some serious money to have someone else clear the place out. Although, it does tug at my heart to know that it would mean that I'd never uncover my mom's wedding dress, for example, or childhood mementos that I'm sure are in there somewhere, etc.
>
> Anyway, I guess I'm just saying what others have said: you're not alone, and it *is* really hard.
>
> - P
>
Posted by emmanuel98 on May 10, 2012, at 19:13:38
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by jane d on May 9, 2012, at 14:30:32
Also, there is google books. I re-read Madame Bovary on google.
> Do your parents have access to and use the internet?
>
> I and many of my family had (and loved) homes that were like libraries. The point was never to read every book there - it was to have at your fingertips a book on any given subject that you suddenly wanted to know about. You could say we were web surfers before there was a web.
>
> The internet has made some of this unnecessary. For instance I no longer keep those foreign language dictionaries. The internet is so much better for that.
>
> I do understand your dread. I was the one who had to move all my fathers books and I still ache just thinking about it even though I love books myself. But you don't have to do that. If that time comes you can make arrangements for someone to remove just the books. With any luck they might even pay you for them. Then you can focus on just those things that have sentimental meaning to you.
Posted by Phillipa on May 10, 2012, at 20:35:56
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by emmanuel98 on May 10, 2012, at 19:13:38
Get an ereader my choice is the new back lit Nook that was just released. Reviews are fantastic and tried it in store. Some like kindle. I prefer the Nook have the one without light now. I tried the color version took back next day as so bright it kept me awake and got the black & white. Accessing libraries is done at home also. Fabulous invention. Phillipa
Posted by pegasus on May 14, 2012, at 9:47:01
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by Dinah on May 9, 2012, at 20:05:12
I really think I have zero hoarding tendencies. I'm constantly trying to clear out any hint of clutter. I'm pretty sure that's not just denial, although I'm sure it's a way of coping with growing up in a home where I had to fight for space to live.
I'm guessing that if my mom weren't around, my dad might easily expand to other topics. He doesn't seem to see anything wrong with the stacks of dusty books blocking the stairway, and taking over every table/shelf/unused floor space. I mean, he has books stacked behind the sofa, and doesn't find that problematic at all.
- Peg
Posted by pegasus on May 14, 2012, at 9:51:14
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder » pegasus, posted by jane d on May 9, 2012, at 14:30:32
Yeah, I love the internet's ability to reduce clutter in my home. Although my parents, who are internet savvy, don't seem to think that's any reason to curtail their clutter collections. My mom would enjoy an ebook, I'm sure (and I do love my kindle), but I know my dad wouldn't see any reason to give up his stacks. The vast majority of his books are probably out of print, which may be part of why he thinks he needs to hoard them. But, honestly, who wants an out-of-print edition of a dictionary? Besides my dad, I mean.
It's not a logical thing.
- P
Posted by Dinah on May 14, 2012, at 10:45:45
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by pegasus on May 14, 2012, at 9:47:01
Well, at least they're *behind* the sofa. If you can still discern a sofa, it can't be too bad. :)
Posted by muffled on June 5, 2012, at 16:34:28
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by Dinah on May 14, 2012, at 10:45:45
That hoarders show was awful.
What a load of CRAP that show was.
It was only about freakin torturing people fer chrissakes.
My H is a hoarder, so he has his own room and if it fiulls up....too bad.
He knew it was me and the kids, or, his crap was gonna go.
So when he NOT around, I sort and toss ALOT. Cuz if he around, he get SO agitated.
See, on the show, they ask the hoarders to sort alla their stuff in a matter of DAYS??? This is freakin TORTURE for them.
My mind is to just take the obvo crap out when hoarder not there..
Don't let the hoarder watch, but let them know its that or nothing.
If the hoarder is obvo insane to point of being unsafe to self or others, then proly they should be sectioned.
Cuz it a bad unsafe mental illness that mindfucks the people that goto live with it too.
Sorry you in that situation Dinah.
Let your Ma pick. You or her crap, if she picks her crap, then let her go, cuz obvo she don't care nuff bout you. Too far gone.
Walk away :(
Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2012, at 20:46:13
In reply to Re: My mother is a hoarder, posted by muffled on June 5, 2012, at 16:34:28
My mother would not do well with any sort of ultimatum. Her middle name is "contrary".
It's good that you've got a workable arrangement with your husband and understand the anxiety he feels. TV shows usually try to show a simple answer, don't they?
This is the end of the thread.
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