Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1012461

Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

Even when I am not real depressed and wanting to die, I still don't want to live. I'm nearing 40, I've tried almost every drug. I've read all the self-help book, counseling, etc. I want to enjoy something. I hate the question about "what are your hobbies/ what do you like to do?" I will make myself do things. I'm sick of making myself do things. I have friends, I don't have kids, I get myself to make it through a full-time job.
One option is helping people. On the other hand, I have too much sympathy and it makes me feel like life sucks even more.
The other option is love. But that doesn't feel like it's enough in my life to outway everything else.
I am no longer religious. That is out of the question. No comments please on god.
And my hope is minimal. ECT, transcranial, meds mostly make me worse, and I don't know what else to try.
So if you have hated life for 30 years, and most likely will continue that way, and to have your body start to go downhill, what makes it worth it?

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy

Posted by sleepygirl2 on March 5, 2012, at 22:23:07

In reply to Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

The good moments.
Quiet moments. When I feel safe for a while.
When I know I have good friends.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by papillon2 on March 6, 2012, at 1:17:49

In reply to Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

> So if you have hated life for 30 years, and most likely will continue that way, and to have your body start to go downhill, what makes it worth it?

For me, it's having a special connection with a dog.

My dog keeps me tethered to earth.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by papillon2 on March 6, 2012, at 1:23:35

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by papillon2 on March 6, 2012, at 1:17:49

It is as if there is an invisible leash.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2012, at 8:32:36

In reply to Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

I think Papillon has a point.

*When* I am grateful to be alive, it has something to do with engagement, with loving more than being loved. Dogs are very satisfying to engage with.

The right dog, anyway. They aren't washing machines.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by Phillipa on March 6, 2012, at 10:03:50

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by Dinah on March 6, 2012, at 8:32:36

Keep wishing for a good day. Few and far between but when the come. Ask yourself the same question at almost 66. Then it really gets hard. Phillipa

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by emmanuel98 on March 6, 2012, at 18:47:56

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by Phillipa on March 6, 2012, at 10:03:50

Husband, daughter, friends, students, p-doc and therapist, nice home, two kittens, AA meetings and friends. A lot actually. My body isn't what it was (I'm mid-50s), but I still exercise and walk and do things without pain. I'm in pretty good shape. My husband is nearing 60 and is in excellent shape. Not what he was at 30, but still biking and lifting weights. My p-doc is 72 and still runs and lifts weights and is very active and engaged.

There are always things to be grateful for. Sometimes I have to remind myself though, because I can get sucked down into horrible, dark moods.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy

Posted by Beckett on March 6, 2012, at 22:58:18

In reply to Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

Sometimes I don't know. I am grateful for the very few people with whom I can discuss such ambivalence without drama. My therapist is one. We have some interesting conversations. Such conversations feel very real, and I feel less alone. I feel more real.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy

Posted by SLS on March 11, 2012, at 14:58:53

In reply to Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 5, 2012, at 19:24:43

> Even when I am not real depressed and wanting to die, I still don't want to live.


I am not so scared of death as I am of never having lived.

> I'm nearing 40,

For me, age 36 was my first mid-life crisis as I knew I was fast approaching 40. I went through a second mid-life crisis at age 50. Now, at age 52, I am totally pissed off, but I feel young again.

> I've tried almost every drug.

The word "almost" can be a source of hope.

> I want to enjoy something. I hate the question about "what are your hobbies/ what do you like to do?" I will make myself do things. I'm sick of making myself do things.

I know. Everything is a push, even recreational activities. Social gatherings are always uncomfortable for me. There is never anything that I feel like doing. Push, push, push. It is fatiguing and demoralizing.

> I am no longer religious. That is out of the question. No comments please on god.

I am not religious either. Are you at all spiritual?

> So if you have hated life for 30 years, and most likely will continue that way, and to have your body start to go downhill, what makes it worth it?

For me, it is uncertainty that helps me maintain hope.

My depression is one of the most severe kinds. I am what is sometimes called a "flat-liner". In my untreated baseline state, I sit motionless and stare into space for hours on end. It is an unwelcome effort to go to the bathroom. There is too much more to list, but I'm sure you get the idea.

My current treatment is producing an improvement in depression. It is a significant improvement, but I am not even half of the way towards remission. I am excited and optimistic. However, everything is still a push. I don't yet know what it is like to look forward to doing things. I am also short on energy, so pushing is still necessary, even for things I would otherwise enjoy.

You seem to suffer from anhedonia. You have no sense of pleasure or reward. Nothing ever feels "good". This is made worse by your feeling demoralized by the very real frustration and sadness that are the result of your refractory suffering and the devastation that depression has
had on your life. There is no relief in sight. Anhedonia is always sapping the pleasure out of life. There is nothing attractive about continuing to live this way. The only thing that is at all attractive is the end of suffering. But how do you achieve this without resorting to autoeuthanasia?

Uncertainty. You are still young, believe it or not. I would love to be in my thirties again. You cannot be certain that there exists no treatment that will work in your lifetime. You cannot guarantee that the very next treatment you try won't work. You cannot be certain that there will be no wonderful changes in your personal life.

You have some decisions to make. It is a matter of perception and attitude. These are the first few questions that I asked myself.

1. Continue living or choose death?
2. Live a positive and constructive life or choose to capitulate to negativism and defeat.
3. Use all of what little I have to work with to suck as much positive experience out of life or be a passive passenger in life and watch your time run out.

Anyway, that's how my mind works.

It looks as though I am continuing to improve. Hopefully, I will achieve remission within a year. Even a 50% improvement will allow me to seek employment and begin working. I am only now able to start living. My life finally begins at age 52. I can honestly say that it was worth the wait.

I hope you find a justification for living one more day. I hope that you find in this day sufficient reason for wanting to live yet one more.

Anhedonia and uncertainty antagonize each other in a tug-of-war. For you, I hope uncertainty wins.


- Scott

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alchemy on March 12, 2012, at 10:17:55

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy, posted by SLS on March 11, 2012, at 14:58:53

thank you again scott. i needed that.
how long have you had to deal with yours?
yes, even when i'm not as depressed, always anhedonia. but that creates an annoying confict because i go crazy not doing anything, and even if it is too hard to do anything, there may not be anything to push myself to do. time goes sooo slow. sometimes i wish i could just be a bum and not make me stir-crazy. even for part of the day.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by tetrix on March 14, 2012, at 23:30:50

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy, posted by Beckett on March 6, 2012, at 22:58:18

Art - Classical music, live theatre, plays, books
Chagall's paintings, Russian museum

Science - wonders of this world, quantum physics

Travel - blue quiet of the ocean, the smell of autumn forest, ancient streets of Jerusalem, architectural intricacies and styles of houses in Paris, widness and wildreness of Russia

Food - grilled greek octopus, lamb with mint jelly, crepes with salmon roe, baguettes with camambert, a gladd of great pinot noir with a fillet mignon encrusted in blue cheese, hand made pasta with truffles

Myself - my thoughts, feelings, awe of nature, reaction of people, meditation in yoga, long walks from campus on sherbrooke street, my love for fine perfumes and delicate silk. My rich cultural heritage and unique experiences that make me who I am, my connection to my people and my deep love for them, my appreciation for my history and the history of my people..

so many things

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alchemy on March 15, 2012, at 13:41:02

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by tetrix on March 14, 2012, at 23:30:50

Thanks for responding, but I still don't get it.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alchemy

Posted by SLS on March 15, 2012, at 16:01:19

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 15, 2012, at 13:41:02

> Thanks for responding, but I still don't get it.

You can't get it if your brain doesn't allow you to feel it.


- Scott

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by sigismund on March 17, 2012, at 17:01:47

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alchemy on March 15, 2012, at 13:41:02

In places like Columbia and Russia people have been quite keen to talk about the human condition.

There is no imperative to conform to the habits of a civilisation.

Gratitude is a pleasant emotion to feel. Blake said 'Gratitude is heaven itself'. Perhaps one implication could be that like heaven we can not expect to see too much of it?

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:40:54

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by sigismund on March 17, 2012, at 17:01:47

test

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:52:08

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:40:54

started with the gym. i got a real kick out of lifting a little more weight than last time. partly the feeling that i'd accomplished something partly the endorphins. mostly the endorphins, i think.

they say that athletes don't have a higher pain threshold than non-athletes (it isn't that they don't feel pain that other people do) it is that they have higher pain tolerance than non-athletes. whereas the fibromyalgia person complains that it hurts to walk the athlete runs with broken bones. don't think that sh*t don't hurt.

why?

endorphins. adrenalin. you don't get those from sitting on yer butt. you don't get the neurological adaptations to doing the work from sitting on yer butt.

most mornings i'm excited to get to the gym and hopefully do better than before even though those times are fewer and further between now. i like the feeling (endorphins etc) that i get from that.

i enrolled in a course... i can be a personal trainer at the end of it (though that is not saying much) but we learn about anatomy / physiology / sport and exercise science / training methods etc. i'm getting a kick out of the other people in the course at the moment. never would have thunk i'd fit in with athletes... learning how to be a fighter girl at the moment with learning no gi bjj and hopefully some boxing...

i found this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLLS8j9ait8

there is quite a few parts to it if you follow it to its youtube home... that rosie chick kinda inspires me... mma is where she finds her moment. something that makes her feel present and vibrant and alive. anima. something that gets you feeling like you take up space and its okay to take up space. here. i. am. weightlifting makes me feel like that. like i can (like it is okay to - celebrated in fact for me to try / succeed in...) moving the universe.

i'm feeling happier with my body than ever before. comfortable. accepting. flirtier because of it. enjoying other people more because of that, i think. lots of people contact with the course and lots of flirting with little intent behind it. it just makes life kinda nice, you know? like people are happy to see / be around / touch me and i'm happy to see / be around / touch them and we are all working towards being better athletes and doing stuff together tires us out and makes us happy...

and life is good for me right now.

phd on hold...

but thats what i'm finding in life for now, anyway.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?

Posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:56:04

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:52:08

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSxxajrTO5w

ah. here we go. wakes you up and makes you feel alive, that does.

 

Re: Why are people grateful to be alive? alexandra_k

Posted by Phillipa on March 24, 2012, at 21:09:41

In reply to Re: Why are people grateful to be alive?, posted by alexandra_k on March 24, 2012, at 15:52:08

Alex it's truly good to see you happy and still working out. You have come a long way. So what to the phd if you are happy that is what counts. First buddy here for me. Phillipa


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