Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1011105

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love and therapy

Posted by emmanuel98 on February 21, 2012, at 18:56:18

I have been feeling for some time that I need to gradually break away from my p-doc. I have been seeing him for 7 years and now see him every other week, since I mostly do therapy with this DBT social worker (who is wonderful). I told him that I had been talking to the SW about this (I see her weekly) and she said I still need this. I told him I thought of him like a father and still felt this need for the relationship. He said he gives me unconditional love like a parent, but eventually, I need to learn to give that to myself. He said you didn't just have problems with your father and now you are getting unconditional love from two people -- me and the SW.

I can't tell you how moved I was by this. He has never said this before -- has talked about unconditional "positive regard" as they say in the psych textbooks, but not love. It's like he said he truly loves me. I felt so grateful and happy afterwards.

 

Re: love and therapy emmanuel98

Posted by Solstice on February 21, 2012, at 20:25:35

In reply to love and therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 21, 2012, at 18:56:18

> I have been feeling for some time that I need to gradually break away from my p-doc. I have been seeing him for 7 years and now see him every other week, since I mostly do therapy with this DBT social worker (who is wonderful). I told him that I had been talking to the SW about this (I see her weekly) and she said I still need this. I told him I thought of him like a father and still felt this need for the relationship. He said he gives me unconditional love like a parent, but eventually, I need to learn to give that to myself. He said you didn't just have problems with your father and now you are getting unconditional love from two people -- me and the SW.
>
> I can't tell you how moved I was by this. He has never said this before -- has talked about unconditional "positive regard" as they say in the psych textbooks, but not love. It's like he said he truly loves me. I felt so grateful and happy afterwards.


This is really beautiful. My therapist has never said the words "I love you," but I feel very loved and cared for within the relationship. I believe I matter. I believe that during times of my deterioration, I have been held in my therapist's mind. It doesn't feel like romantic love, and I've never had trouble with that issue. It does feel somewhat like parental love. Maybe there's something about the commitment a therapist makes to the profession - to 'the code' of it - that is kind of parental. A reasonably decent parent is incapable of thinking in terms of being able to dump or get rid of their role as a parent. Likewise, a good therapist feels 'bound' do their client's well-being. My therapist's commitment in tending to and sustaining what we call my 'tether' is what feels like love to me. Therapeutic love... that's what he has for you.. and it's warm and safe, like a cocoon.

Solstice

 

Re: love and therapy

Posted by Deneb on February 21, 2012, at 21:26:01

In reply to Re: love and therapy emmanuel98, posted by Solstice on February 21, 2012, at 20:25:35

I think my pdoc loves me. I've been seeing her for about 10 years now. She feels like a 2nd mom to me. She's the non-judgmental non crazy mom lol. I kind of feel almost ready to leave now. I'm growing up.

 

Re: love and therapy Deneb

Posted by sleepygirl2 on February 21, 2012, at 22:01:29

In reply to Re: love and therapy, posted by Deneb on February 21, 2012, at 21:26:01

awwww....((((Deneb))))

 

Re: love and therapy

Posted by emmanuel98 on February 22, 2012, at 19:32:49

In reply to Re: love and therapy emmanuel98, posted by Solstice on February 21, 2012, at 20:25:35

He's never said I love you either, though I've told him I love him, usually with tears in my eyes. But he has said, I don't love you in the same way and there's a way in which I love you too. It's just I have such a hard time with trusting unconditional love. I got stuck, because of my incompetent parents, at Erickson's trust vs. mistrust stage -- i.e, the first stage of development, toddlers and infants.

> This is really beautiful. My therapist has never said the words "I love you," but I feel very loved and cared for within the relationship. I believe I matter. I believe that during times of my deterioration, I have been held in my therapist's mind. It doesn't feel like romantic love, and I've never had trouble with that issue. It does feel somewhat like parental love. Maybe there's something about the commitment a therapist makes to the profession - to 'the code' of it - that is kind of parental. A reasonably decent parent is incapable of thinking in terms of being able to dump or get rid of their role as a parent. Likewise, a good therapist feels 'bound' do their client's well-being. My therapist's commitment in tending to and sustaining what we call my 'tether' is what feels like love to me. Therapeutic love... that's what he has for you.. and it's warm and safe, like a cocoon.
>
> Solstice

 

Re: love and therapy emmanuel98

Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2012, at 10:53:12

In reply to love and therapy, posted by emmanuel98 on February 21, 2012, at 18:56:18

I'm so glad he said that. Those are the special moments in therapy, and perhaps the most healing moments.

:)


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