Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 962645

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Pigs must be flying

Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 19:35:22

I'm actually talking to my therapist about cutting down to once a week, and I feel ok about it.

Of course, he's way too clever to so much as agree that it might be a good thing. He knows me too well to think that would be a helpful thing.

Many times when it's time for therapy, I find myself thinking of ways I'd rather spend the time and money. I always figure that's a good indication that it might be time.

I haven't actually done it yet. I hate change.

(Note to the fates: It's not that I want this decision made for me. It's a decision I want to make because it's what I want to do, not because anything happened to me, anyone in my family, my therapist, my therapist's family, the city, the country, the world.)

 

Re: Pigs must be flying Dinah

Posted by annierose on September 17, 2010, at 7:54:19

In reply to Pigs must be flying, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 19:35:22

Well there is one great thing about most therapists, you can cut back to once a week, then change your mind if you feel it's not working for you. I found cutting back to twice a week felt freeing in the sense that I had more flexibilty on that day ... instead of having 1/2 day off, I now had the entire day off. [There is a huge road contruction project underway that interferes with my commute to therapy ... I now have to leave 45 minutes before my appointment making it a giant pain]

I think you should continue to talk about it and see if it still feels like the right thing to do. I add that third appointment back about once a month - and it feels so good when I do.

You can always give it a go - a trial period - and then decide. I even asked my t to hold my standing appointment while I tested the waters and she did.

 

Re: Pigs must be flying annierose

Posted by Dinah on September 17, 2010, at 8:11:00

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying Dinah, posted by annierose on September 17, 2010, at 7:54:19

That would solve part of my reluctance. I've been afraid to ask him not to schedule anyone permanently in my timeslot for a month or so. I had to wait a while to get that prime Tuesday am slot. Hmmmm....

There is one thing I'm worried about. When I was young, one way I coped was to turn away from people and invest emotionally in my dogs. I think perhaps I'm doing the same thing. Preferring dog therapy to therapy. My therapist was so proud of turning me to people more.

It's not that I actually believe in the unconditional love of dogs. It's more that an emotional investment in dogs pays off more reliably than an emotional investment in people.

(I was just thinking the other day that it had been a while since I saw you here. How are you doing?)

 

Re: Pigs must be flying

Posted by emmanuel98 on September 17, 2010, at 20:15:30

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying annierose, posted by Dinah on September 17, 2010, at 8:11:00

Wow. I can't imangine seeing a T more than once a week. My T refused to see me more than once a week even when I wanted to go to twice a week. He felt I would get too dependent on him and not utilize my own relationships with my daughter, husband and friends to get stronger. I can't evne imagine seeing a T 2-3 times per week.

 

Re: Pigs must be flying Dinah

Posted by annierose on September 18, 2010, at 7:37:03

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying annierose, posted by Dinah on September 17, 2010, at 8:11:00

I sent you a babblemail

 

Re: Pigs must be flying

Posted by vwoolf on September 18, 2010, at 8:40:52

In reply to Pigs must be flying, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 19:35:22

From my experience it sort of goes backwards and forwards until you find a comfortable level - for a while. Sometimes it's the old level reconfirmed, sometimes a new one. I remember it always felt like it was going to be the end of the world until things balanced themselves out to the right place. And only you can know what that is. I'm glad your t is not trying to push you in any direction.

I remember the night before I ended therapy I dreamed that I was trying to escape from prison and my t was one of the prison guards. But she was actually on my side and was trying to help me get away. In the dream I thought she was going to escape with me, but at the last minute the doors slammed behind me and she was trapped inside.

 

Re: Pigs must be flying emmanuel98

Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2010, at 13:11:12

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying, posted by emmanuel98 on September 17, 2010, at 20:15:30

I suppose each client, and each therapist, is different. For me twice a week therapy was far more effective and stabilizing than once a week therapy. I have difficulty, and still have difficulty, holding people in my mind.

It's an entirely different experience. In once a week therapy, so much of the time is spent in catch up, filling him in on what's going on in my life, getting reaquainted. Twice a week therapy is seamless and allows a different level of therapy to occur.

 

Re: Pigs must be flying annierose

Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2010, at 13:15:32

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying Dinah, posted by annierose on September 18, 2010, at 7:37:03

I asked him about not filling my time permanently for a month, so I wouldn't have that fear when I tried this. Thank you for that suggestion, it helped a lot.

He also said that if I want to see him twice a week (or more) when things got churned up in my life, that would be fine. It didn't have to be a final forever decision.

The man knows me well. He wouldn't dream of encouraging me to do this. :)

It's not going to be effective next week though. We spent the session talking about some less growth-related reasons I might have for doing this. I acknowledge the truth of them, and I'll think about them before I see him next.

 

Re: Pigs must be flying vwoolf

Posted by Dinah on September 18, 2010, at 13:19:57

In reply to Re: Pigs must be flying, posted by vwoolf on September 18, 2010, at 8:40:52

That's a telling dream! I rarely remember my dreams. Last night, I spent a long time preparing a meal that I realized within a few bites was not going to be good for my diabetes. Sure enough, I fell asleep very early and slept deeply. Even so, I kept waking up thinking "I'm really NOT ok. I'm really NOT ok."

I think I really am.

 

My goodness, Dinah!

Posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 15:38:34

In reply to Pigs must be flying, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 19:35:22

As a long-time reader and poster I can scarcely believe it! I remember so many years when you said it would not only never happen, but that even mentioning it in session would be out of the question! I've been out of circulation (i.e. blocked), for most of the past 57 weeks and so may have missed important developments. Are there some important positive changes that you have shared here, and that you might mention again? I would love to hear, but, in any event, I think it's just wonderful how far you've come. I hope you will share details of what this phase of therapy is like if you decide to proceed with it now. Even if you don't, I would love to know what the experience of *beginning* to think about endings is like- if it changes your relationship or the kinds of things you talk about,,,.

 

Re: Welcome Back twinleaf

Posted by annierose on September 18, 2010, at 21:58:12

In reply to My goodness, Dinah!, posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 15:38:34

Good to see your name here again!

 

Re: Welcome Back

Posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 23:00:28

In reply to Re: Welcome Back twinleaf, posted by annierose on September 18, 2010, at 21:58:12

Thank you for the warm welcome, Annierose, It's nice to see you too!

 

yes, I'm also happy to see you back, twinleaf! (nm)

Posted by softheprairie on September 19, 2010, at 3:08:44

In reply to My goodness, Dinah!, posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 15:38:34

 

Re: yes, I'm also happy to see you back, twinleaf!

Posted by twinleaf on September 19, 2010, at 9:18:44

In reply to yes, I'm also happy to see you back, twinleaf! (nm), posted by softheprairie on September 19, 2010, at 3:08:44

Thank you, softheprairie. It's good to see you too. It looks like we need to try and get the posting up.

 

Re: My goodness, Dinah! twinleaf

Posted by Dinah on September 19, 2010, at 9:33:52

In reply to My goodness, Dinah!, posted by twinleaf on September 18, 2010, at 15:38:34

It's good to see you back!

I'm not sure there were any huge positive steps. Certainly I'm doing better and handling things better, though I still spin off the tracks occasionally. I've got a medication regimen that makes me feel pretty confident that I won't feel *too* bad. I seldom felt the need to call him between sessions, and when I did I frequently didn't call him anyway. Because while there are some times he can be helpful, there are many other times that he just can't. I did better when he was on vacation, and instead of feeling sad that I wouldn't be seeing him, I felt sort of relieved that I didn't have to drive all the way down there.

I'm sure that's all some sort of growth. But in the end, it felt like boredom. As you probably remember, I didn't exactly idealize him. But in recent times, our relationship has become more equal. He self discloses more. I'm not sure if that's a therapeutic strategy or just because there wasn't enough material to fill the session. At any rate, it sort of broke some bond in our relationship to have us sitting more person to person than therapist to client. To be fair to him, it wasn't a huge shift, just a small one. But the small one changed the power differential.

I'm afraid that going from twice a week to once a week effectively dooms my therapy, because I'm just not that good at holding on to things. I'll likely forget who he is to me emotionally. It just doesn't scare me as much as it once did.

Nothing terribly profound there, I suppose.

How have you been doing?

 

WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again (nm) twinleaf

Posted by Free on September 19, 2010, at 10:17:55

In reply to Re: yes, I'm also happy to see you back, twinleaf!, posted by twinleaf on September 19, 2010, at 9:18:44

 

Re: My goodness, Dinah!

Posted by twinleaf on September 19, 2010, at 10:56:48

In reply to Re: My goodness, Dinah! twinleaf, posted by Dinah on September 19, 2010, at 9:33:52

So nice to hear what has been happening. As I was reading what you wrote, it sounded a bit like a teenager trying her wings. In my memories of your postings from past years, it was more like a child clinging FIRMLY to her therapist. You were just not going to be dislodged! You must have gotten what you really needed from him. As I go along, I'm starting to think that we may not even know when or how we re getting what we need. Maybe it's more unconscious than not.

Most of the depression that I had lifted several years ago, soon after I went to the "new" analyst. Now, we are doing, really, what you have been doing- dealing with attachment issues. We have slowly changed the nature of the therapy, so that it is less verbal.We spend more time in silence, with him looking at me with his penetrating eyes, while I look, look away, then look again. Just like a baby.It's as if I am finding and losing myself in his glance and his mind over and over. I know I haven't explained this well, because it sounds silly. But it's everything: terrifying, painful, comforting, blissful. So many strong feelings come up, and we talk about those (endlessly). After about a year of this I noticed a shange over last summer's vacation. I did not miss him, whereas I missed him so much in previous years that I couldn't have fun. That sounds like you. We don't actually plan to do things the way I described, we just allow it to happen when it comes up.It's easy to overlook.

"Keeping the therapeutic frame" can get more difficult when you have gone to someone for a long time, as you have said.. I've seen my analyst when he has had personal loses and illness. But, although he is basically warm and friendly, he never engages in small talk, and invariably greets me with a calm silence which is focussed on me. So far, this seems to have kept us on the right track

My analyst talks about terminating when we are able to "internalize" the therpist. I always thought I would be consciously aware of doing that. But perhaps not?

 

Re: WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again

Posted by twinleaf on September 19, 2010, at 11:14:22

In reply to WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again (nm) twinleaf, posted by Free on September 19, 2010, at 10:17:55

Thank you, Free. It's good to see you too.

 

Re: WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again twinleaf

Posted by floatingbridge on October 7, 2010, at 3:43:09

In reply to Re: WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again, posted by twinleaf on September 19, 2010, at 11:14:22

Wow. I didn't know. Thanks for coming back :)

 

Re: WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again floatingbridge

Posted by twinleaf on October 7, 2010, at 15:54:11

In reply to Re: WelcomeBack after 57wks,good to see ur posts again twinleaf, posted by floatingbridge on October 7, 2010, at 3:43:09

Thank you, Floating. I'm not sure how long I'll manage to stay. (Administration October 3, "Being blocked again")


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