Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 962553

Shown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by Jacintha on September 15, 2010, at 22:39:43

This is my first post so I'm not really sure what to say but the title sums it up fairly well.

I've been waiting ages to see a therapist and I got a few appointments and the upshot was she can't do anything for me. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do now.

I've been left with no real help and no other options for help.

Has anyone been in this situation before? I really have no idea what to do?

Thanks for reading.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha

Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 7:33:13

In reply to Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 15, 2010, at 22:39:43

It's honest, I suppose. There are other therapists, who have different degrees of ability. I'd look for someone else, and be clear in your initial call what you're looking for.

Did she say why she didn't feel she could help you?

I can't quite imagine my therapist ever saying that, although I myself have concluded he can't help me in something from time to time.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 3:50:42

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha, posted by Dinah on September 16, 2010, at 7:33:13

Thank you so much for answering.

Unfortunately finding someone else isn't an option. She's the only therapist available to me.

I'm not 100% clear on why exactly she can't help me because I'm still waiting on her to send her report to the psychiatrist (who referred me to her),and in my experience what doctors will say to you and what they say to others doctors doesn't always match.

What she said to me was that she felt it would make me worse and she went on about the whole do no harm thing and that she couldn't "in good conscience take me on as a patient".

It didn't really surprise me completely that she said it would make me worse because in the past the different therapists/counsellors I've seen has always made me worse. They'd always tell me that I just wasn't trying hard enough or I didn't want to improve or that I wasn't ready etc. That aggravated me no end because I knew it wasn't true and I'd be giving it my all. It was sort of nice for someone to finally say to me it's not that you don't want it or you won't try this just isn't right for you.

The general gist to me seemed to be that for therapy to work you need to be able to do like x,y,z..., but you're not capable of that so it's not going to work, instead it'll just stress me out even more since I'm being asked to do something I'm not capable of.

But all that just leaves me with nowhere else to turn to.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by pegasus on September 17, 2010, at 10:05:03

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 3:50:42

Wow, I've never heard anyone mention particular skills or attributes that a person would need to have in order to benefit from therapy. Now you have me very curious about what exactly your T thinks you need to be able to do that you can't do, in order to be an acceptable therapy candidate.

My guess it that there may be some therapist out there that could/would help you, but that perhaps this particular therapist cannot. I would tend to think that if a therapist does not think they can help you, then they probably won't be very helpful to you.

I know it may not be possible or wise, but if you would like to share more details about why this is the only T available to you, and what the x,y,z that she thinks you need to be able to do are, we might be able to offer more appropriate suggestions and/or support.

I'm so sorry that you are in this place. It sounds extremely discouraging.

- P

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha

Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 17, 2010, at 14:04:32

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 3:50:42

A good therapist will refer you to someone who CAN help you. Why is this the only therapist avaiable to you? Those t's who said those things to you (you weren't trying hard, etc.....); that is terrible; they obviously weren't well trained.

Hugs Sassy

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 14:13:06

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by pegasus on September 17, 2010, at 10:05:03

> I know it may not be possible or wise, but if you would like to share more details about why this is the only T available to you, and what the x,y,z that she thinks you need to be able to do are, we might be able to offer more appropriate suggestions and/or support.


The way the system works where I am means she's the only person available to me. Where I am you get a referral to the psychiatric services and they'll refer for ever else they think is appropriate. She's their only therapist and it was a 3 year wait to see her.

I can't afford to use any private ones. I have been to see people privately in the past but it wasn't helpful. There's also various free/cheaper services but the general consensus from them is that I need more help then they can offer.

The sort of things I need to be able to do are keep a conversation, describe emotions or identify them, set goals.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by violette on September 20, 2010, at 7:12:41

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 14:13:06

Jacintha,

That sounds awful...is there a university near you-sometimes you can get a therapist to treat you free/reduced cost from university training programs. They may not be experienced, but they'd be heavily supervised by someone with alot of experience...hopefully that's an option for you. i'd look up the psychology/psychiatry dept. at a uni, and call or email the program director. Good luck!

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha

Posted by pegasus on September 20, 2010, at 12:03:53

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 14:13:06

Interesting. Do you agree that you are not able to carry on a conversation?

I'm not so worried about not being able to describe or identify emotions, or set goals. Plenty of people receiving good therapy have a hard time with those. Most good therapists will help you with those things. In fact, it could reasonably be seen as part of a T's job.

But if you truly cannot converse, for some reason, well, I can imagine that that could make a lot of types of therapy very difficult. Can you comment further on the problem with keeping a conversation?

It sounds like you have considered and explored other options, and you really do only have this one person to go to. I'm very sorry about that. Do you have the possibility of asking her to work with you anyway, to see if maybe you can change her mind? Or has she already terminated you?

- P

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by vwoolf on September 20, 2010, at 12:18:13

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha, posted by pegasus on September 20, 2010, at 12:03:53

Have you considered online therapy? I have recently started working via skype with a therapist who is half way round the world from me, and after a little bit of awkwardness during the first few sessions, it now feels much deeper and more intense than my more regular face to face therapy was.

 

skype vwoolf

Posted by twinleaf on September 20, 2010, at 19:24:33

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by vwoolf on September 20, 2010, at 12:18:13

My analyst is one of the first therapists to participate in a teaching program between the US and Chine using skype. He has mentioned his concern that intimacy might be difficult to achieve because of the use of video, and, in his case, language limitations. It's wonderful to hear that genuine intimacy can be achieved so quickly.

It seems like it would be a great option for people living in areas where there is little to no choice of therapists. I have no idea how one finds therapists who use skype.

 

Re: skype twinleaf

Posted by vwoolf on September 21, 2010, at 10:16:11

In reply to skype vwoolf, posted by twinleaf on September 20, 2010, at 19:24:33

There is an international society for mental health online that I think Dr Bob is involved with. Perhaps they would have details of therapists who work online and who subscribe to a specific code of ethics for online work? Their website might be a good starting point.

A lot of the analysts I know are starting to work via skype where necessary, even though some of them are still struggling with the technology and prefer face to face. The psychoanalysts who work with the couch (Freudians ) seem to be more reluctant to do online work - perhaps it's more difficult to have a virtual couch. What orientation is your analyst? Do you work on the couch? How often do you see him?

 

Re: skype vwoolf

Posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 13:03:22

In reply to Re: skype twinleaf, posted by vwoolf on September 21, 2010, at 10:16:11

He has a couch, which has fresh pillow-protectors on it. I don't know how much use it is getting nowadays, though. I go four days a week, but I sit up. Seeing him is extremely important to me, as are all of the non-verbal aspects of the relationship. I have a big deficit in the earliest experiences with my mother.

He is in his sixties, and so trained traditionally. He has been steadily moving towards a nore interactive, attachment-focussed therapy. He seems comfortable with it, and I think he is very good at it.

 

Re: skype

Posted by violette on September 21, 2010, at 13:53:47

In reply to Re: skype vwoolf, posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 13:03:22

Hi Twinleaf,

I'm curious-does insurance pay for 4 x week sessions? I'm currently in psychodynamic therapy once a week, but sometimes i think i'd benefit from more frequent sessions.

Of course everyone's insurance is different, but i'm wondering how that works with psychoanalysis.

> He is in his sixties, and so trained traditionally. He has been steadily moving towards a nore interactive, attachment-focussed therapy. He seems comfortable with it, and I think he is very good at it.

Same with my therapist..and the relational-attachment focus is helping me tremendously.

Thanks

 

Re: skype vwoolf

Posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 14:18:00

In reply to Re: skype, posted by violette on September 21, 2010, at 13:53:47

In the US, where I am. insurers have been paying less and less over the last 25 years. Psychotherapy and psychoanalysis are treated as if they are the same in terms of payment. Each private insurer is slightly different in what they reimburse; mine, Blue Cross, pays for one session a week for a maximum of 50 sessions a year. Other plans might pay more; many pay less. Even though it's difficult, I find I benefit so much from going frequently that I've been able to work it out financially so far. I feel that what has helped is not insight, but rather the experiences of intimacy, and rupture and repair happening over and over. They seem to work beneath the surface, don't you think?

Thanks for the info on finding a skype therapist!

 

Re: skype

Posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 14:19:47

In reply to Re: skype, posted by violette on September 21, 2010, at 13:53:47

last post was for violette and vwoolf

 

Re: skype vwoolf

Posted by violette on September 22, 2010, at 7:52:43

In reply to Re: skype vwoolf, posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 14:18:00

Thanks Twinleaf. I shouldn't have assumed you were in the states when i asked...so that's one major insurance company that doesn't consider the treatment plan or type-instead, the number of sessions is all that matters. It would cost me over $4000 a month for that! Hey if i was rich I'd do it.

Yes, i agree, it definitely works 'beneath the surface'. In addition to the things you pointed out, working with transference is tremendously helpful (though related to what you had said).

The big difference betweeen this and other therapies I had done, aside from focusing on the relationship and transference, is that it forces emotions to the surface. I'm an intellectualizer and rationalizer...other therapists only reinforced this, and i ended up worse than before. I find it nearly impossible to do this in psychoanalytic therapy. If i start to do it, my therapist always has some way of stopping my attempts...Which allows the re-experiencing and repair to take place.

 

Re: skype twinleaf

Posted by vwoolf on September 22, 2010, at 9:09:37

In reply to Re: skype vwoolf, posted by twinleaf on September 21, 2010, at 13:03:22

I also always sat up with my ex-analyst. I tried to lie down on the couch a few times, but I found myself swivelling around to see what she was getting up to all the time, so I eventually gave up. I think my early wounding is too great. It seems that all the latest research in terms of attachment theory and neuropsychology keeps demonstrating the importance of eye contact between mother and infant, which is reproduced in the analytic relationship in people who have early wounding. Where the wounding has happened at a later developmental stage, the couch remains a valid tool, I am told.

 

Re: skype vwoolf

Posted by vwoolf on September 22, 2010, at 9:26:25

In reply to Re: skype vwoolf, posted by violette on September 22, 2010, at 7:52:43

Yes, the underwater currents, the things that happen beneath the surface, are what interest me, are what touch the truth of who I am. The rational stuff, the interpretations, often feel like just more ways of fooling myself, more tricks that my mind plays on me, more lies.

 

Re: skype vwoolf

Posted by twinleaf on September 23, 2010, at 16:58:22

In reply to Re: skype twinleaf, posted by vwoolf on September 22, 2010, at 9:09:37

I'm told that, too, but my analyst says almost everyone has a mixture of "dyadic" and "triadic" difficulties, and needs to start with the "being with another" phase.. He wants people with the earlier difficulties to sit up, but does use the couch for people who are working on later issues (age 3 plus).I'll know I'm making progress if he invites me to lie down!

He said that some analysts using skype for traditional analysis have the camera placed behind the head of the patient, who is lying down on the couch. He laughed and shook his head, saying "more Freudian than Freud!". He does supervision but no therapy via skype in China. He really seems to enjoy it.

 

Re: skype twinleaf

Posted by vwoolf on September 24, 2010, at 3:45:06

In reply to Re: skype vwoolf, posted by twinleaf on September 23, 2010, at 16:58:22

I've been laughing at this for the last couple of hours, but actually I can't really make head or tail of how it works.

1. Does the analysand put a webcam at the top of her couch at home facing her feet (which is the image she would normally see when lying on the couch, but is not what the analyst would normally see from his position behind the couch - and after all this is the image that will be transmitted to him and that he will see and work with on his computer screen), or does the analysand place the webcam facing where the analyst would normally sit (so that he would see himself, but actually not, because there would be no-one irl behind the couch in the analysand's home).

2. Would the analyst place his webcam on the end of the couch facing himself, so that the analysand sees his image on her screen (and that is surely wrong), or would he turn it towards the empty couch (and she would then have the most disconcerting sensation of not being there at all)?

Please let me know. I am very amused and curious.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha

Posted by vwoolf on September 24, 2010, at 3:53:21

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me, posted by Jacintha on September 17, 2010, at 14:13:06

I'm really sorry, Jacintha, we seem to have hijacked your thread. Perhaps we should start a separate one to do with skype?

I do hope you manage to find a solution to the problem of finding a therapist. But perhaps a forum like this can offer an intermediate place, where you can start having conversations with people online about real issues that may seem enormous to you right now but that we all share in some way? You might find it helpful.

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me

Posted by wittgensteinz on September 24, 2010, at 7:41:32

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha, posted by vwoolf on September 24, 2010, at 3:53:21

Jacintha,

I suppose the obvious question I want to ask is whether the therapist advised what might well help you?

If psychotherapy isn't appropriate (and maybe this is temporary - maybe first something else is needed to stabilise you?), there are many other forms of treatment i.e. pharmacotherapy (meds), group interventions, practical support (housing, work - social work), group activities (skills training, recreation). The availability of these kinds of services will depend on where you live and where your particular difficulties lie. Are you aiming to relieve symtoms, improve function or to learn to live with the symptoms, whatever they may be? (This is a question posed for you to answer for yourself rather than me being nosy and expecting an answer).

Maybe it's good to have an in depth discussion with your psychiatrist and maybe even with this therapist to get a full understanding of where you stand and what they think. Not that what they think is necessarily the be all and end all - at the end of the day, you have to decide for yourself what would be best. Even if there are no other options for therapy in your area, there are sites where you can find on-line/telephone therapists, and forums like this where you can share with others who understand. There are also support groups out there in real life where you can make contacts and hopefully get some good advice/contacts.

Witti

 

Re: Therapist says she can't help me vwoolf

Posted by twinleaf on September 24, 2010, at 10:30:58

In reply to Re: Therapist says she can't help me Jacintha, posted by vwoolf on September 24, 2010, at 3:53:21

I also apologize for the hijacking, I do hope you find a way to get therapy that really helps.

The way he described it, the patient at home places the webcam on a table at the head of her couch. She turns it on and lies down, so the camera films the top if her head, the front of her body and her feet - just what an analyst in the room would see. HE, meanwhile is thousands of miles away, a disembodied voice who is recorded but not filmed. We both thought it was funny too - a combination of the ultra new and an extreme version of Freud's desire not to be stared at.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.