Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 948067

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Leaving therapy - conflict

Posted by brokenpuppet on May 20, 2010, at 18:09:59

hi everyone! i've checked out psycho-babble once in a while and it seems like a nice 'community' of people who help each other and offer understanding and compassion (maybe that's what I'm hoping to get...)

i am very new at this - posting on the big scary internet (full of scary people i have never met ;), the anonymous thing helps a little i guess... i've been impressed by how most posters can be so open and honest and about very difficult and painful subjects.. so i'm gonna have a go and hopefully i can be myself...

i am in the process of leaving therapy, i still have a few sessions left but i've been an emotional wreck for the last few months. it is my decision to leave, i have an opportunity to go overseas for a while (1 year max) and i also felt it was time to fly off on my own. except a part of me is terrified and angry that i never listen to her, that i never asked her if SHE was ready. this is the problem, this huge conflict in myself (nothing new there), but i am trying to make peace, i am trying to make a decision that all parts of myself agree on. it's exhausting and i'm very new at this, sometimes i feel like i'm getting there, other times this self conflict feeds on itself and gets bigger and bigger.

i was wondering if anyone else out there has had similar experiences about leaving therapy or in general, making decisions when feeling conflicted?

i have been with the same therapist for a long time (7 years) and it is very hard and painful to let go. i don't feel like i am completely done in therapy, i would like to come back, maybe in a years time, but maybe see how i do on my own first. strangely enough, ever since i brought up the subject of leaving, i have been doing much better in therapy, been much braver, talked about things i would never have said 1-2 years ago. i started writing more but then i thought maybe i'll expand on it next time i post.

well, i think that's it for my first post... conflict conflict conflict...! maybe you have some stories or insight too


Re: Leaving therapy - conflict

Posted by rnny on May 20, 2010, at 20:38:16

In reply to Leaving therapy - conflict, posted by brokenpuppet on May 20, 2010, at 18:09:59

Hello and welcome!

You are terrified but the good news is that you may have the opportunity to go back and see the T (therapist) after your 'leave of absence'. I saw a T for a long time who retired but during our time together I remember once telling her I needed some time off, and she said that OK. That therapy doesn't have to be one long trainride from beginning to end with no stops in between. I was getting sick of needing a T at that time and resented someone who although was my T was otherwise a perfect stranger and here I was depending on them for my life so to speak!

Talk to your T about the possibility of coming back. Do some focus work on that. Talk about this maybe being a 'leave of absence' vs. permanent termination. If you have the thought that you still have a soft place to fall, that might help you with this new trial period in your life.

Good luck. One thing I have learned in therapy (I found another one after the earlier mentioned retired) is that therapy is not supposed to be forever. A good therapist gets us to stand on our own two feet without them. For some that takes longer and for some it can be done in a short period of time. One is not better than the other. I am someone with alot of issues and so therapy is something I feel I need. I kind of feel I may need it for life, but who knows?

Talk to your T about how you would go about seeing her again in the future. You can even ask her for some names of T's in the event she has retired or moved. I am not suggesting those things are going to happen but for example if she no longer takes your insurance or is no longer on a sliding scale. Whatever the case may be. Talk about all the possibilities.

I am a very detailed oriented person so the more facts I have the better. But do what works for you.

Good luck.


Re: Leaving therapy - conflict brokenpuppet

Posted by Verloren on May 20, 2010, at 21:13:52

In reply to Leaving therapy - conflict, posted by brokenpuppet on May 20, 2010, at 18:09:59

Hello Brokenpuppet and welcome to babble.

In my experience, I have found babble to be a great (and lifesaving at times)community.

Admittedly, I'm more open on babble than even with my T. That's probably not good, but I'm a work in progress.

I have a horrible time with decision-making when I'm conflicted. The only thing that's been able to help a bit is making a pros and cons list, or a best case and worst case scenario list.

Seeing the cons written down plainly, helps me to not over-embellish them in my mind.

7 years is a long time. It is interesting how toward then end, things get easier to reveal. I found that myself with my ex T.

Support groups such as babble may help you while you are abroad. Also, I find that keeping a diary as if I'm telling my T what's going on has been a nice coping mechanism for me in between sessions.

take care



Re: Leaving therapy - conflict

Posted by brokenpuppet on May 20, 2010, at 22:01:57

In reply to Re: Leaving therapy - conflict, posted by rnny on May 20, 2010, at 20:38:16

thank you both for your kind words! i didn't expect any replies that quickly! it gives me hope that maybe this forum (and the people here) will help me during my flying solo period.
i think that's a good point to focus on the coming back, and plan on how that would go. i've spoken to her more vaguely about it and i got the impression that i can come back whenever i need to, but i think i was a bit resistant to it and was thinking that i will feel like a failure if i come back too soon... silly i know, why do i make things even harder or myself!?

yes, i've been going through a pros and cons list but i think sometimes its the irrational part of me that just needs me to listen. but all of those things together, rational and irrational come into making decisions...

thanks again and hope to 'talk' some more in the future!


Re: Leaving therapy - conflict brokenpuppet

Posted by deerock on May 25, 2010, at 13:22:44

In reply to Re: Leaving therapy - conflict, posted by brokenpuppet on May 20, 2010, at 22:01:57

one thing to keep in mind-
you dont need your T to heal. there are many paths towards healing and while your T may be helpful, other T's or other methods may be helpful too.

this was good for me to hear when i term'd my T.

im still seeing how it works out.

she was the best T i ever had and i had several. but i came to the conclusion that what i was trying to resolve was something that was deep deep inside me and something that i was likely never going to totally fix and i was better off trying to find a way to resolve it and live with it with less hands on help than i was getting from my T. it was too painful to rely on her so heavily.


Re: Leaving therapy - conflict deerock

Posted by brokenpuppet on May 25, 2010, at 14:16:25

In reply to Re: Leaving therapy - conflict brokenpuppet, posted by deerock on May 25, 2010, at 13:22:44

thanks, deerock, hope it works out for you! you sound like you are in a stable place. it really helps to know that there are other people out there going through similar things and doing ok.
i know what you mean about being painful relying on your T so much, it's something that i have often been in denial about...


Re: Leaving therapy - conflict brokenpuppet

Posted by deerock on May 25, 2010, at 15:13:26

In reply to Re: Leaving therapy - conflict deerock, posted by brokenpuppet on May 25, 2010, at 14:16:25

just want to point out that the relying on the T so much is part of healing. it was necessary for me for a while. maybe it will be again in the future. who knows. thanks for your note. all best.

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