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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by mmealltalk on May 21, 2010, at 8:30:51
There have been three enexpected breaks in the last year in my treatment as a result of family deaths and illness, all on t part and she has gone above and beyond to communicate with me during these terrible times in her life. This week she ca an appt an hour early as she needed emergency dental surgery, which was fine, butbin the end I flipped out. I depend on her so much and I really needed her help while she was not working. I spoke to her on the phone last nite and she seemed so angry telling me that if I needed another level of care we should look into it. That dvestated me and I apologizEd for being so insensitive when I know she does so much for me. Anyway we left off with her nice and understanding but I feel awful. Why am I so selfish and dependenton her? I hate this.
Mel
Posted by Dinah on May 21, 2010, at 9:04:28
In reply to i fear my t hates me, posted by mmealltalk on May 21, 2010, at 8:30:51
I'm sure she doesn't hate you.
I'm on my way out the door, but I just wanted to tell you that I leaned rather a lot on my therapist during and after Katrina, when he was having as much or more stress than I was. At one point he was rather abrupt with me. We still occasionally discuss that conversation.
But it wasn't about me. It was about his stress. He barely remembers it now.
Dental surgery is no fun, as I know from experience. Her impatience was very likely about how bad she felt, not how she feels about you.
You left on a good note, and things will be back to normal I'm sure when you see her.
Posted by rnny on May 21, 2010, at 16:21:07
In reply to i fear my t hates me, posted by mmealltalk on May 21, 2010, at 8:30:51
She's missing sessions left and right and then has the nerve to sound angry on the phone blaming you...the "victim" for needing a higher level of care? That is her projection of her own guilt for not providing you with even basic, fundamental care at the moment. You don't need a higher level of care based on these circumstances, these facts. She is not providing adequate service right now--no continuity-- and YOU have every right to be the angry one, not her. Tell her you have taken her suggestion that you need a higher level of care under advisement and you agree. Therefore there will be no need for the two of you to be in further touch. And find somebody else! With all the T's out there, you don't have to take this.
>>>I spoke to her on the phone last nite and she seemed so angry telling me that if I needed another level of care we should look into it. That dvestated me and I apologizEd for being so insensitive when I know she does so much for me.<<<
Posted by Annierose on May 21, 2010, at 21:02:48
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me, posted by rnny on May 21, 2010, at 16:21:07
runy --- without the knowledge of their long term relationship, I wish you weren't so critical of her predicament. Therapists are people, they are human and have human failings and things happen ... with them, to them and with their lives.
I know you wish/want a perfect therapist for yourself and for him/her to say the perfect thing at every turn. But I do not think that is possible. I consider myself a professional at my job and I make mistakes. I apologize, I learn from them, and I try not to make the same mistake twice.
So when mmealtalk's therapist's spouse died, she shouldn't take time for herself to heal her broken heart? If her tooth erupts and she is in pain, isn't she permitted to have emergency appointment? Mmealtalk is disappointed from all the interruptions to her therapy. As I would be. She understands the reasons, but the hurt remains.
Mealtalk - I agree 100% with Dinah. Your t was talking from a place of pain - of post dental procedure. Those are no fun at all. I'm sure she will be more herself at your next appointment. Hang in there until you see her again.
Posted by emmanuel98 on May 21, 2010, at 21:32:46
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me » rnny, posted by Annierose on May 21, 2010, at 21:02:48
I agree that things happen in T's lives which make them unavailable to us. But I wonder whether, given her unavailability, your T could have had someone covering for her.
Posted by Daisym on May 21, 2010, at 22:28:38
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me, posted by emmanuel98 on May 21, 2010, at 21:32:46
I think the poster did say that the therapist had gone above and beyond in her attempts to communicate so she may have offered a sub. It is my experience that most clients don't want another therapist.
I think we all have to check in with ourselves about our own feelings towards therapist and our need for them to be perfect. There does seem to be someone what of a consistent angry tone around here lately - "dump her now!" when a therapist messes up. The relationship is usually more complicated than that.
Posted by rnny on May 22, 2010, at 0:24:12
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me » rnny, posted by Annierose on May 21, 2010, at 21:02:48
I don't view this board as a forum to pick and choose who I "agree" with. I see it as a place to offer a response to something I see posted, period. If the poster wants to reply to my commentary and give their feedback, their's would be important to me. But as far as onlookers and bystanders, I am not here to win friends and influence people.
Posted by Annierose on May 22, 2010, at 8:32:12
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me, posted by rnny on May 22, 2010, at 0:24:12
Obviously
Posted by rnny on May 22, 2010, at 11:17:29
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me » rnny, posted by Annierose on May 22, 2010, at 8:32:12
Annierose, it cheapens this board to enagage in personal insults or inuendos...even those of the most subtle kind. This board is seen and used by alot of people around the world. I won't engage in replying to your "obviously". But I would like you to know that I am not here to insult or be insulted. That is not the purpose of the board. If you find my feedback to be not of your liking, do not read my posts. That would simplify things for you. I want to help others here and hopefully get help when I need it. When I said I am not here to win friends or influence people by the bystanders or onlookers I meant that I can't come to a board where there are literally hundreds of members and be concerned that my replies are going to be accepted by everyone. As stated in another post, what matters is how my response influences the person I am trying to 'help'. I do want to be sensitive to those around me but this is not group therapy and so while we all need to strive to be civil with one another, the goals of this group are not to establish relationships with one another in a therapeutic way as you do in say, group therapy. Hence, there will be times when different people join the board and you don't like their style. If that is the case, no need to correct the person. Dr. Bob will do that. If you don't like my posts, responses, etc. just forward them to the administrator (Dr. Bob) for review. But let's not use the board to injure each other, even in subtle ways. Have a great weekend.
Posted by Dinah on May 24, 2010, at 10:32:29
In reply to i fear my t hates me, posted by mmealltalk on May 21, 2010, at 8:30:51
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 25, 2010, at 15:53:14
In reply to Re: i fear my t hates me, posted by rnny on May 22, 2010, at 11:17:29
> I am not here to insult or be insulted.
Please don't post anything that could lead others to feel accused (for example, of having insulted you).
But please don't take this personally, either, this doesn't mean I don't like you or think you're a bad person, and I'm sorry if this hurts you.
Annierose, I'm also sorry if you felt hurt.
> If you don't like my posts, responses, etc. just forward them to the administrator (Dr. Bob) for review.
And if you feel insulted, or injured, you can do that, too.
More information about posting policies and tips on alternative ways to express oneself, including a link to a nice post by Dinah on I-statements, are in the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#enforce> If you find my feedback to be not of your liking, do not read my posts. That would simplify things for you. I want to help others here and hopefully get help when I need it. When I said I am not here to win friends or influence people by the bystanders or onlookers I meant that I can't come to a board where there are literally hundreds of members and be concerned that my replies are going to be accepted by everyone. As stated in another post, what matters is how my response influences the person I am trying to 'help'. I do want to be sensitive to those around me but this is not group therapy ... Hence, there will be times when different people join the board and you don't like their style.
>
> rnny> I think we all have to check in with ourselves about our own feelings towards therapist and our need for them to be perfect. There does seem to be someone what of a consistent angry tone around here lately - "dump her now!" when a therapist messes up. The relationship is usually more complicated than that.
>
> DaisymI agree, it's up to each poster to decide whom they interact with. Sometimes interacting with others may be frustrating, staying civil may be a challenge, and new skills may be required. If the poster's open to developing new skills (that may not be why they came in the first place), that's another way in which they can be supported by other posters.
Also, there are also two sides to every coin. Someone could stay with a therapist who isn't helping -- or dump a therapist who is.
Bob
Posted by rnny on May 25, 2010, at 20:43:59
In reply to Re: please be civil » rnny, posted by Dr. Bob on May 25, 2010, at 15:53:14
I am sorry Dr. Bob, but I don't think I can abide by the rule of not posting something that could make someone feel accused of insulting me because there are going to be times when I feel insulted and I need to convey that. In the real world there is no Dr. Bob to jump in and tell people how to act and I would feel more comfortable on a board where people can work things out for themselves instead of relying on you to come to the rescue. You are not always on the money when you intervene and have at times sounded as though you were taking sides instead of really trying to negotiate a change in the tone of a thread. It might be bumpy, but I am going to venture out on my own and see if I can go it alone without the benefits of the psychobabble psychology board. Thank you to anyone who helped me and goodbye to those I may have helped. It's a cool board that I will miss.
Posted by Dr. Bob on May 28, 2010, at 17:06:29
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by rnny on May 25, 2010, at 20:43:59
> there are going to be times when I feel insulted and I need to convey that.
Saying you *feel* insulted is different than saying you *were* insulted. It could also lead others to feel accused of having insulted you, but it's more of an I-statement.
> It might be bumpy, but I am going to venture out on my own and see if I can go it alone without the benefits of the psychobabble psychology board. Thank you to anyone who helped me and goodbye to those I may have helped. It's a cool board that I will miss.
Best wishes -- and feel free to change your mind if it turns out to be too bumpy.
Bob
Posted by brokenpuppet on May 28, 2010, at 19:02:28
In reply to Re: please be civil, posted by rnny on May 25, 2010, at 20:43:59
>It might be bumpy, but I am going to venture out on my own and see if I can go it alone without the benefits of the psychobabble psychology board. Thank you to anyone who helped me and goodbye to those I may have helped. It's a cool board that I will miss.
i'm new here but from what i've seen so far you offer insightful posts and a different point of view, which i think is very valuable. thank you and best of luck in your journey!
This is the end of the thread.
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