Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 908731

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 26, 2009, at 19:48:42

Hello everyone, I am new to this site and new to therapy.
First of all I found some of the posts to be really helpful and insightful, it helps to know that I am not alone to go through some ordeals of first months in therapy ( transference, anxiety, fears etc)

I have a question... I am a woman in my mid twenties and my therapist is also a relatively young and attractive woman. I have developed a slight attraction to her, and lately in past few sessions she wore very short skirts. So short that when she sat down I could see her neatly shaven inner thighs and at one point her underwear. I find that all odd and it desrupts my concentration... not to mention sexual attraction. If tomorrow she comes again in such attire, should I tell her?

Thanks..

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix

Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 20:14:53

In reply to new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by tetrix on July 26, 2009, at 19:48:42

Yes, you should tell her.

I think exactly what you said here would be appropriate.

If she's not aware of how much is visible, she probably should be informed.

If she is, you probably should be concerned.

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by Phillipa on July 26, 2009, at 20:26:51

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 20:14:53

I definitely agree. Phillipa

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 9:26:15

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by Phillipa on July 26, 2009, at 20:26:51

Thanks... I was wondering that perhaps because of the nature of our relationship ( it is pretty mature and level headed) she feels comfortable enough with me...and perhaps by making a comment about her dressing would jeopardize that.. any thoughts on that?

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix

Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 9:38:42

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 9:26:15

> Thanks... I was wondering that perhaps because of the nature of our relationship ( it is pretty mature and level headed) she feels comfortable enough with me...and perhaps by making a comment about her dressing would jeopardize that.. any thoughts on that?
>

Well, in general of course it's more important for you to feel comfortable with her. It isn't the client's job to see to the therapist's comfort. However, I also cherish the fact that my therapist feels comfortable enough to be honest with me on occasion, and I'm careful not to jeopardize something that I consider in my best interests.

However, you aren't this person's only client. If her undies are visible to you they are likely visible to all her clients. Not only is that unintentionally seductive, and not in her client's best interests, but it may not be in her best interests either.

If she's not aware of it, she should be. And while I'd be terribly uncomfortable if someone pointed out that I was exposing myself, I think I'd be less uncomfortable if it came from someone I was comfortable with.

That being said, my therapist has had two split zipper incidents. The first time I told him, and we were both momentarily embarassed. The second time, I let him discover it for himself. I like to think that if he hadn't noticed it by the end of the session, I'd have told him, or called and told him after.

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by Nadezda on July 27, 2009, at 10:36:05

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 9:38:42

That's a tough question, Tetrix. It really depends a lot on how you tell her and how comfortable she is with herself-- and also what her reasons are for wearing the skirt.

It's a sensitive subject-- but given that it;s therapy, you have every reason and right to tell her, because it's having a real impact on you. I personally would be uncomfortable if I could see my T's underwear (if she were a woman--if it were a man, I'd run for the hills asap) and it really is, as Dinah said, pretty seductive and something she really shouldn't be doing-- Actually, she probably needs some supervision if she's done it more than once, imo.

I also would find it highly distracting-- and disturbing. If you can do it in a normal, neutral and calm tone-- great ; if not, there's still no reason not to tell her. But tone is important in these situations, so I'd at least think out beforehand how I wanted to address it.

I was just wondering, how uncomfortable and what degree of attraction do you feel? I would hope you wouldn't get pulled into too attached a connection through her seductiveness-- attachment is fine-- but not all attachments are healthy.

Nadezda

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 12:13:41

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by Nadezda on July 27, 2009, at 10:36:05

Dinah and Nadezda
I appreciate your insightful replies.
I am going to see her today and if this issue comes up again I will try to point it out in a very delicate way ( perhaps a joke and an indicative smile), though it will depend on a situation...
I like her a lot.. i am attracted to her emotionally and a little sexually which i think is normal. Seing her exposed is rather strange.. and she has done it at least four times ( undies were seen only once) but short dresses and skirts leave me wondering whether she is not aware or just became way too comfortable. I cant tell if she dresses the same for other clients. If i was a man I would be very distracted by this.. ( though I wouldnt say anything! lol)
I will let you know how it went... also I am planning on giving her a gift (a book) would that be inappropriate? Thanks!!

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix

Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 13:02:54

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 12:13:41

If you see her on a work day, then what you see is what her other clients see.

Different therapists have different gift policies. I sounded my therapist out before it even entered my mind to give him a gift. I've given him small token gifts on our anniversary a couple of times. I said something like "We were discussing gift giving on Babble. It seems like different therapists have different policies." and he obligingly stated his. This was at least a year or two before it came up between us.

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 21:55:06

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 13:02:54

well she wore pants today... the session however wasnt good at all. She cut me off a few times and it feels like she doesnt understand me at all.

I feel so drained, upset and tired. I was looking forward the whoel week for that hour and when got there couldnt get comfortable enough to open up a little. I feel like dropping out of therapy and just crawl in my bed and stay there

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 22:05:25

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by tetrix on July 27, 2009, at 21:55:06

I know that feeling well. :(

I hope it goes better next session.

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2009, at 23:25:49

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by Dinah on July 27, 2009, at 22:05:25

You know funny how memory works but as reading the replies gone all day I remembered a pdoc who I just could not believe she was not mine but in the same practice. Body was the perfect porno body and she only wore stileto heels mini skirts about four inches long, tight tops, and long swinging hair about 40. Husband was a neurologist. I just could not believe that a pdoc could dress this way distracting to anyone of any sex. Had to add this. Sometimes I just don't get it. And I terribly sorry you session went horribly today. Love Phillipa

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 28, 2009, at 21:04:22

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2009, at 23:25:49

Thank you for your support, it makes me feel a little less lonely in this world.

That stileto heels pdoc put a confused smile on my face...i cant even imagine how she conducts her sessions..

It was so hard to go through the day. So hard to get up tomorrow and do the same thing over again.

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix

Posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2009, at 19:41:36

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question, posted by tetrix on July 28, 2009, at 21:04:22

Sounds like the grocery store. Put things in cart, put things on check out then in bags then in cart then in car then carry bags in house then emply put away and when gone throw away and start all over again. Hope today was better. Phillipa

 

Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question

Posted by tetrix on July 29, 2009, at 20:08:41

In reply to Re: new to therapy, hellos and a question » tetrix, posted by Phillipa on July 29, 2009, at 19:41:36

sitting home, listening to music and feeling so detached. Feel like flying away, thinking about quiting my job, quiting therapy. Thanks for support.. today hasnt been any better though.

would it be normal if I asked my therapist to just hug me. Sometimes it feels to me that one hug would be more theraputic than anything else we do in that room


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.