Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 908593

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:04:47

i think they have been talking about me. or maybe he has been reading here. probably the former. things that weren't so clear to him before have become clear. we have a regular time on mondays now. and he said he wouldn't make a promise that he couldn't keep but that he was looking into the possibility of another time becoming available in another month or so, too. so things are ticking along, i guess.

it is kind of hard because i don't want to guilt trip him or anything like that. guess we are looking at moving on from here. i did fall apart because i felt abandoned, though. pathetic, huh. can't function when i don't feel like someone is there for me. hospital was helpful because it felt like the doctors there were there for me during that time. helped hold things together and get me working etc.

it is kind of worrying how dependent i am. worrying especially since i need to be fairly mobile and with each move there really is no guarantee. guess i just need to have some kind of faith that someone will pull through for me wherever i go. that never used to be the case but i guess i've learned a lot now about what sorts of things to say or do to increase the probability of that happening. learned (in some respects) how to be a 'good patient'. one can't present with 'abandonment falling apart' instead it needs to be something like 'flashbacks and fear that i'll hurt myself in a dissociative state'. one needs ones symptoms to morph into something currently accepted as 'legitimate'. though they were sympathetic to what was going on, i guess (though the registrar was having a little bit of a hard time, i think). i don't know. guess i just have to have faith. there isn't anything else to be done.

cleaning up my computer today. trying to compile a list of all the dissertation related stuff i've done. big integration / merger coming up and then i get to see what i have to work with. will be heartbreaking leaving a lot of it out but i guess there isn't much else to be done. i'd really like to have a full draft out in 6 months. then 6 months of negotiating with supervisor / panel and rewriting / editing etc. trying to get out more publications if possible...

i can't even remember what we talked about last week. early childhood stuff, i guess. have the narrative all sorted out because i've told it so many times. doesn't feel real now. know a lot of it isn't terribly related to reality (i'm really bad with locating what happened to a particular year). talking about moving, i guess. moving schools and how i have a hard time fitting in to new social groups etc.

for as long as i get postdocs / research funding in philosophy i'll stay put. once that runs out (as it most probably will) then the plan is to go to medical school. i think that the latter will be financially feasible but guess i should look into it a little more. the chair of my committee thinks it is a wonderful idea (terrific - i'll need a reference from him at some point). he is trying to encourage me to stay in Australia, though. i guess i'll have to look into whatever benefits citizenship might confer. still think this particular place in NZ is my best bet... but should look into it more, i guess. ticking along... still feel... fragile. but i guess that is life (mine anyway). constant. how long can it take a mac to secure empty 18.000 items? jeepers... back to it...

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:15:21

In reply to back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:04:47

oh. and i brought some tracksuit pants and sneakers and have an appointment with the campus gym to work out a circuit program on wednesday. they have yoga / pilates classes but they seem to be in addition to the regular stuff (with additional fees). i'll look into that, though. seems to be the best low impact option. i think the regular classes they run are mostly high impact. though there seems to be this rave dance / aerobic one which might be fun and i might be able to lessen the impact on the exercises.

my supervisor told me about this p-doc who he knows who substituted cigarettes for gum. she buys the greatest strength gum and chops it up into little pieces and chews a bit of gum when she would normally have a cigarette. i'm thinking... that might actually work for me. i have no plans to give up nicotene and i like to choose when to have a dose (so patches aren't optimal) but the gum strategy... might actually work since chewing is something to do and i can do it as often as i smoke... so... going to buy some gum this week too and give that a shot.

fragile... but things are coming together, i think. even had a haircut yesterday which i absolutely hate (hence leave it for half a year then need to get a few inches cut to remove the worst of the split ends). lets see if i can get better at this self care stuff... sigh. i think... i'm actually... getting better. or at least just starting to enact plans for it... next up: dentist, optometrist, and i need to get to a plastic surgeon to remove this benign cyst (ugh ugh UGH). sigh... getting there... of course there are financial constraints, too... but kinda have the money for this kinda stuff right now and actually doing it so that is kinda good... i guess...

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:53:30

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:15:21

i guess the thing is that they are problems of the living. it is hard for me. radical mental adjustment. i'm used to life being a way station on the road to death.

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Phillipa on July 26, 2009, at 13:23:55

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:53:30

Alex I liked your second post it sounded encouraging. Love Phillipa

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 13:48:28

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:53:30

That sounds great, Alex.

I'm glad you gave your therapist a chance, and that he's being a good-enough therapist to you right now.

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 13:49:21

In reply to back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:04:47

Is there any posting on Students right now? I know lots of people at Babble have been through, or are going through, that process.

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Deneb on July 26, 2009, at 20:31:00

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 26, 2009, at 0:15:21

> my supervisor told me about this p-doc who he knows who substituted cigarettes for gum. she buys the greatest strength gum and chops it up into little pieces and chews a bit of gum when she would normally have a cigarette. i'm thinking... that might actually work for me. i have no plans to give up nicotene and i like to choose when to have a dose (so patches aren't optimal) but the gum strategy... might actually work since chewing is something to do and i can do it as often as i smoke... so... going to buy some gum this week too and give that a shot.

That's a great idea Alex. Why do you need to chop up the pieces? They are meant to be chewed whole. You don't chew them like normal gum. You chew it a bit to soften it up, hold it between your cheeks or under your tongue for a while (until the tingly weird taste/sensation goes away) and then you chew it again and hold it between your gums again and repeat until all the nicotine is gone, which takes about 30 mins. I think the gum is a lot healthier than smoking.

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 7:24:45

In reply to Re: back to it alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on July 26, 2009, at 20:31:00

> Why do you need to chop up the pieces?

Because I'm used to smoking 25 or 30 cigarettes a day. REPLACING smoking with gum means I'll need 25 or 30 pieces of gum. So I guess that means I'll need to chop the strongest strength gum into about 6 pieces.

> You chew it a bit to soften it up, hold it between your cheeks or under your tongue for a while (until the tingly weird taste/sensation goes away) and then you chew it again and hold it between your gums again and repeat until all the nicotine is gone, which takes about 30 mins.

Yeah, but that isn't any good for REPLACING smoking with gum. I didn't know that was how you were supposed to chew it but I had some on the plane. Person next to me was annoying and I got satisfaction from nibbling it lightly vs really crunching on it. Same way I got satisfaction from having a puff vs really toking down smoke. A tiny piece of gum... About 5 minutes of chewing / getting the saliva down, I figure. Smoking REPLACEMENT. I wonder why people really don't seem to have thought of this (except for this p-doc that my supervisor knows).

> I think the gum is a lot healthier than smoking.

There is some controversy... But it is fairly much looking like nicotene might actually be about as good for you as caffine (which is to say it protects against some things, positively assists with some things, and has some negatives for some people). I figure... It is pretty good for me and I have no desire at all to stop using nicotine. It is just inhaling SMOKE that is so bad.

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 7:25:15

In reply to Re: back to it alexandra_k, posted by Phillipa on July 26, 2009, at 13:23:55

Thanks Phillipa.

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 7:29:36

In reply to Re: back to it alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on July 26, 2009, at 13:48:28

Yeah, he's being good enough. Taking some time to get back into the swing of things with him, but I guess we are getting there.

My dissertation writing is going okay. There are a bunch of people around here at around the same stage as me (most of my friends) so I'm feeling pretty supported in that.

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Deneb on July 27, 2009, at 19:42:12

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 7:24:45

> > Why do you need to chop up the pieces?
>
> Because I'm used to smoking 25 or 30 cigarettes a day. REPLACING smoking with gum means I'll need 25 or 30 pieces of gum. So I guess that means I'll need to chop the strongest strength gum into about 6 pieces.

Oh OK. I see now. That makes sense.

>
> > You chew it a bit to soften it up, hold it between your cheeks or under your tongue for a while (until the tingly weird taste/sensation goes away) and then you chew it again and hold it between your gums again and repeat until all the nicotine is gone, which takes about 30 mins.
>
> Yeah, but that isn't any good for REPLACING smoking with gum. I didn't know that was how you were supposed to chew it but I had some on the plane. Person next to me was annoying and I got satisfaction from nibbling it lightly vs really crunching on it. Same way I got satisfaction from having a puff vs really toking down smoke. A tiny piece of gum... About 5 minutes of chewing / getting the saliva down, I figure. Smoking REPLACEMENT. I wonder why people really don't seem to have thought of this (except for this p-doc that my supervisor knows).

Actually I think it might be better to try to not swallow much of your saliva. The way nicotine is absorbed into the bloodstream is sublingally. I think I read that the acid in your stomach makes it so you don't absorb the nicotine. Instead of the nicotine going into your bloodstream it tends to give you stomach problems if you swallow the nicotine. On my package I have it tells me not to drink juice while chewing, because the acid interferes with absorption.

>
> > I think the gum is a lot healthier than smoking.
>
> There is some controversy... But it is fairly much looking like nicotene might actually be about as good for you as caffine (which is to say it protects against some things, positively assists with some things, and has some negatives for some people). I figure... It is pretty good for me and I have no desire at all to stop using nicotine. It is just inhaling SMOKE that is so bad.

Yeah inhaling smoke is definitely bad. Have you ever thought of vaporing tobacco? Vaporizing is a much healthier way. I would go with the gum pieces though because it is tough to vaporize everywhere you go. You need the right equipment. There are also electronic cigarettes that just give you nicotine. You can smoke electronic cigarettes anywhere. They are expensive though.

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 20:36:24

In reply to Re: back to it alexandra_k, posted by Deneb on July 27, 2009, at 19:42:12

> Actually I think it might be better to try to not swallow much of your saliva. The way nicotine is absorbed into the bloodstream is sublingally. I think I read that the acid in your stomach makes it so you don't absorb the nicotine. Instead of the nicotine going into your bloodstream it tends to give you stomach problems if you swallow the nicotine. On my package I have it tells me not to drink juice while chewing, because the acid interferes with absorption.

Yeah, that makes sense. Hold it under your tongue like an LSD tab.

> Have you ever thought of vaporing tobacco? Vaporizing is a much healthier way.

> There are also electronic cigarettes that just give you nicotine.

Nah. It would become a topic of conversation everywhere I went. Think gum is the way.

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2009, at 22:49:27

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 27, 2009, at 20:36:24

Alex I'm sure the others know but may I ask what you did decide to be a pdoc, therapist, philosopher? Love Phillipa

 

Re: back to it

Posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2009, at 10:40:34

In reply to Re: back to it alexandra_k, posted by Phillipa on July 27, 2009, at 22:49:27

> Alex I'm sure the others know but may I ask what you did decide to be a pdoc, therapist, philosopher? Love Phillipa

Well... As long as the philosophy research funding keeps rolling along I'll stick with that. Once that runs out then I'll hit medical school and... See what happens. Currently I'm thinking (in order of priority) neurosurgery, neurology, psychiatry (in decreasingly hard areas to 'match' / gain a place to specialize in). Not sure what might take my fancy, but that is my current thought at any rate. Basically to aim to make my philosophy research feasible with (ultimately) 2 days of seeing patients / surgery and outpatient follow up and better access to health research funding (rather than teaching undergrads for at least two days a week to fund my philosophy research).

 

Re: back to it alexandra_k

Posted by Phillipa on July 28, 2009, at 19:30:01

In reply to Re: back to it, posted by alexandra_k on July 28, 2009, at 10:40:34

Alex you're an amazingly talented and hard working person. You will make it no doubt of it. Love Phillipa


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