Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 907516

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 15:21:05

if you feel like saying "you really f***** up" is that OK in therapy? I always change it to things like "you really messed up". simply because i don't think cursing at someone is my ideal for me. however if i feel like saying "f***** up" should i be true to myself? i would also like to ask if a therapist would take that kind of language to heart and possibly reject you as a client. i would like to say sometimes "you are a f****** idiot" but change it to more civilized language and am really torn about what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable TO A THERAPIST. Any idea?

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions » friesandcoke

Posted by sunnydays on July 19, 2009, at 15:58:53

In reply to cursing in therapy sessions, posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 15:21:05

I can't speak for your therapist, but I think my therapist would jump for joy if I cursed at him... anger is one of the things I tend to avoid, and he always gets this "I'm trying to hide that I'm really happy" look when I get angry at him. He sees it as such progress that it is sometimes annoying...

I think your therapist would probably be ok with it, but why not just ask? Ask, what would you do if I cursed towards you? I could see some people having a boundary around that but other people being perfectly fine with it, so I think you'd have to ask.

sunnydays

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by Sigismund on July 19, 2009, at 16:24:12

In reply to cursing in therapy sessions, posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 15:21:05

It would be OK I think, but from what you say it would not be OK with you.

You can either do it and regret it or fail to do it and regret that.

Which feels worse?

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions » Sigismund

Posted by Sigismund on July 19, 2009, at 16:28:20

In reply to Re: cursing in therapy sessions, posted by Sigismund on July 19, 2009, at 16:24:12

Which is another way of saying that you sound as if you might like yourself better if you didn't.

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions » friesandcoke

Posted by obsidian on July 19, 2009, at 17:05:32

In reply to cursing in therapy sessions, posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 15:21:05

I curse in therapy sessions, but I haven't done it when addressing something related to my T...hmmm, interesting question

cursing is funny, it happens when you don't care about being politically correct and demure, and it has an intensity, sometimes a real honesty in it

but I wonder if you can ask your T

people have different levels of comfort with cursing, my mother for instance thinks it is the most deplorable thing in the world..interesting considering the amount of hostility she can communicate
I curse fairly regularly, people are often surprised when they hear it from me...I guess I give off a different vibe
I say what the f*ck! give it a try ;-)

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 19, 2009, at 19:56:23

In reply to cursing in therapy sessions, posted by friesandcoke on July 19, 2009, at 15:21:05

You know, this is interesting. The first, I don't know, maybe as long as 10 years, I was afraid to be mad at my T. Since then, I've gotten mad at her pretty regularly and expressed it accordingly. A couple of times that's meant saying the big F*ck you to her. What she says to me when I apologize later is that it's okay to be mad at her, but it's not okay to be mean. So I try not to cross that line now.

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by annierose on July 19, 2009, at 20:30:38

In reply to Re: cursing in therapy sessions, posted by TherapyGirl on July 19, 2009, at 19:56:23

I have used bad language in therapy. Sometimes about others .. sometimes about my therapist. I know I said "F*ck you" once. She did not get angry per se, but she did tell me that it wasn't pleasant being on the receiving end of my anger. So in her own way, she let me know that this isn't the way to properly communicate my feelings when I am upset.

That being said ... I still swear now and then about other people or situations.

This conversation makes me smile. When I went off to college, I was in shock hearing people's language. I grew up in a home that never swore. I think I knew if I did, I would be in big time trouble with my dad and mom. One of my house mates swore ALL the time ... happy, sad, indifferent, she swore. I was so shocked and stunned. But by the second year, I easily began using one of those words because they held less meaning to me.

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by Dinah on July 20, 2009, at 8:06:11

In reply to Re: cursing in therapy sessions, posted by annierose on July 19, 2009, at 20:30:38

I've cursed *at* him once or twice. Only once in a really bad way. I recently told him he was really stupid sometimes, which is at least as impolite as cursing.

When I first started seeing him, he cursed occasionally and easily. But after a while he stopped, and now rarely curses and usually seems self conscious when he does. I've always thought that he deliberately cursed at the beginning to indicate he was open to that kind of communication. But as any good therapist does, he modified his vocabulary to match mine. Or possibly he just likes cursing, and stopped when our relationship took on parent/child overtones.

I curse occasionally. Seldom enough that when I do, he perks up his ears to show understanding that what I'm saying must be emotionally charged.

Outside the therapy room I curse often enough to fill the curse cup regularly, and lead to some nice curse cup donations. I do it less often lately, usually computer related.

 

Re: cursing in therapy sessions

Posted by onceupon on July 23, 2009, at 21:52:51

In reply to Re: cursing in therapy sessions, posted by Dinah on July 20, 2009, at 8:06:11

Hmm, I've never cursed *at* my therapist, but I have cursed *to* her - about other things. But then again, I'm admittedly terrified to show any anger at her, so there's that.

friesandcoke, you mentioned wanting to be true to yourself. So it seems like you have the sense that to NOT curse would be disingenuous. It also seems like, if you were in a therapy relationship in which you felt comfortable discussing the relationship, this dynamic would be good fodder for conversation. I'm sorry you've had such difficult experiences with this therapist.


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