Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 907117

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

**trigger?** talking about fantasies in T

Posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 17:23:26

I don't know if this is a trigger post or not, so I just put one up there. I don't go into detail or anything, but it might be for someone.

Today, unexpectedly I ended up talking with my T about my sexual fantasies. I think that there is something very bad and wrong about them, and it took me a while to just tell him the general content of my fantasies. When I would say things like, "You have to still be there when I say this," by saying, "Absolutely, whatever it is, I'll be here." He really emphasized the whatever.

I managed to tell him. And then he talked a lot about how normal it was and how it was perfectly fine. And he asked was this what I was referring to earlier when I said I thought I was a bad person? I said yes. And he said it wasn't bad at all. He said that he's heard all sorts of fantasies that people have, and he actually told me some general things about them, I think to tell me that whatever it is I think about, it's not weird.

He asked me some questions to get a little more specific (I was very general to begin with). Thankfully they were all yes or no. I'm not sure I could have said anything besides that. And he said he wants to talk about this more (eeeek!). He actually said, "I'm looking forward to talking about this more." He said that he thinks I have a lot of thoughts that I judge myself harshly about, and that with talking about this, we could figure it out.

I'm so embarrassed that I talked about this. And I'm scared he's going to think differently about me now and that he won't care about me anymore. And I don't think that's true, but I'm not sure. I emailed him, so hopefully he'll email me back tomorrow (I don't expect he'll get it today, but maybe tomorrow).

Uggh. I know this will help in the long term, but in the short term it's soooo anxiety-provoking and scary.

sunnydays

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by obsidian on July 16, 2009, at 18:25:00

In reply to **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T, posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 17:23:26

good for you for being brave :-)
it won't kill you after all...despite the feeling that it might. I haven't been able to do that yet.

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T obsidian

Posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 21:25:07

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays, posted by obsidian on July 16, 2009, at 18:25:00

I wasn't intending to at all today, but the subject came up that there are some things I hold onto and never tell anyone. And then I was scared to talk about it, but all of a sudden the fear went away, and I just said it. I could feel that my T would be ok with it. I think he was smiling after I said it (hard to tell with hands over the face, but I glanced through my fingers once and I think he was smiling). I think he likes it when I talk about hard stuff. Probably because it's important. And it is important.

I wonder why I chose the first session when he came back from being gone for three weeks to dive into that can of worms?

sunnydays

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by obsidian on July 16, 2009, at 21:48:22

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T obsidian, posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 21:25:07

hhhmmm...good question :-)

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by sassyfrancesca on July 17, 2009, at 10:41:17

In reply to **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T, posted by sunnydays on July 16, 2009, at 17:23:26

If you knew the conversations my t and I had had......wow.....it took me a long time (a natural progression)....because I fell in love with my t five years ago.

I wrote him (classy, elegant) erotic poetry, and told him the dreams I had about him.

We even discussed his erection at one point; actually it was something someone wrote about that subject (on psychobabble), and I showed it to him, and that opened up the door to that conversation!

ALL of our feelings are real. They aren't right or wrong, and should be honored.

Hugs, Sassy

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sassyfrancesca

Posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2009, at 12:00:01

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays, posted by sassyfrancesca on July 17, 2009, at 10:41:17

Oh... I don't have fantasies *about* T at all... that's not what I meant. That would scare me to death. He's definitely a father figure to me. Just my fantasies in general. I have trouble believing that thoughts just *are*...

sunnydays

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by Dinah on July 17, 2009, at 12:48:04

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sassyfrancesca, posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2009, at 12:00:01

I've had a couple of those sessions. I think literally two.

Every once in a while, it comes up peripherally and he'll ask me something. I'll tell him that I nearly died telling him once, and if he's forgotten he'll just have to stay unenlightened.

It really really is one of the hardest things ever to talk about. Congratulations on reaching that level of trust! And extra congratulations if you're willing to revisit the topic.

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T Dinah

Posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2009, at 13:04:43

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays, posted by Dinah on July 17, 2009, at 12:48:04

Thanks Dinah. I feel very out of it today and every once in a while I get very young and upset feeling. It's definitely tough.

sunnydays

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2009, at 17:22:50

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T Dinah, posted by sunnydays on July 17, 2009, at 13:04:43

Hi all,
I don't know if this just isn't a very interesting subject to people or maybe I'm just not going into enough specifics to make it interesting. My T replied to my email and said he doesn't think of me differently. He said that I'm opening up and talking about things I've been reluctant to talk about.

It's kind of a relief to hear that he doesn't think of me differently. Because I was so scared that he would (and am still having a kind of hard time believing that).

sunnydays

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by antigua3 on July 19, 2009, at 11:15:06

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2009, at 17:22:50

I've had trouble with this lately with my pdoc. I had to tell him about a flashback I was so worried that he would think "worse" of me, although I can't imagine how he could think any worse of me after all the negative, horrible stuff I've thrown his way!

But this time was different, and he kept saying, "Why would I think any differently of you?" again and again, and after I told him, he promised he didn't feel differently. I'm not sure I believe him, but that's about me and not him.

So, I understand how you feel. It comes from within us, though, that shameful feeling and we have to let it out, and often when we do, the shame loses its strength.

Sounds like you were very brave.
antigua

 

Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays

Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2009, at 15:03:24

In reply to Re: **trigger?** talking about fantasies in T sunnydays, posted by sunnydays on July 18, 2009, at 17:22:50

I think it's more that there aren't many people around posting, Sunny.

I was really scared too, when I told my therapist. It's such an intimate and scary thing to share. I think I pulled my hair in front of my face when I told him.

He never has in any way indicated that he thinks less of me. I sometimes suspect that's just because he forgets, but for whatever reason, I've never had reason to feel sorry I told him. Therapists hear so much. They probably need to be the most nonjudgmental people around. Although... I suppose I want his being ok with what I told him to be more than a blanket lack of judgment. I suppose I wanted him to see all of who I am and accept it all. He certainly has not given me any reason to believe he doesn't.

I'm sure it will be the same with your therapist. You've known him a long time, and he has always proved trustworthy.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.