Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 905684

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would this be inappropriate?

Posted by catlady on July 8, 2009, at 19:49:06

I have been working with a new therapist for almost two years. I really like her. We are both around the same age. I am 46 and she is around 44. It was hard at first getting used to that because sometimes I feel inferior to her because she is younger and seems to have her life together and also all the other therapists I had were like mother figures. Anyway we have come a long way and got a good thing going.

What I was wondering is if you guys think it would be OK to ask her why she isn't married. I'm not married either for a lot of reasons such as low self esteem, trauma issues, social anxiety etc. I think if I knew I could relate to her better. Also to be honest I am wondering for my own curiosity because to me she seems like she has it all together. She is pretty, smart, thin, friendly, warm etc.

I don't want to invade her personal boundaries though. I know all about therapy boundaries. I don't feel comfortable with people asking me why I am not married, so I don't think she would like it either but I really would like to know especially because that is something we were talking about last week. I am also kind of afraid of her response maybe because she would say that is personal or something and then I would feel ashamed or bothered for asking her.

I saw her today and wanted to ask her but I didn't because I have a lot of other things going on, but I am still wondering if I should ask her or not.

Please let me know what you think.

 

Re: would this be inappropriate? catlady

Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2009, at 21:06:10

In reply to would this be inappropriate?, posted by catlady on July 8, 2009, at 19:49:06

First did she say she wasn't married? And after that if when people ask you you don't like it so she could also feel that way. I'd wait for an opening that leads into that. Phillipa

 

Re: would this be inappropriate?

Posted by Sigismund on July 8, 2009, at 21:09:58

In reply to would this be inappropriate?, posted by catlady on July 8, 2009, at 19:49:06

It is entirely normal for patients to wish to invade the personal boundaries of their therapists, and the therapist I had would have had no problem with it, though of course she would not have answered my question.

You have concluded she is not married because of a lack of a ring?
I suppose that would be indicative.

 

Re: would this be inappropriate? Sigismund

Posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2009, at 21:30:44

In reply to Re: would this be inappropriate?, posted by Sigismund on July 8, 2009, at 21:09:58

Sigi here lots of professionals chose not to wear rings. First thought I also had. Love PJ

 

Re: would this be inappropriate?

Posted by Dinah on July 8, 2009, at 21:32:13

In reply to would this be inappropriate?, posted by catlady on July 8, 2009, at 19:49:06

I tend to ask things sideways, with room for him to not answer if he doesn't wish to. Like with his vacation. I'll probably say something like "I was wondering where you'll be vacationing. Is that one of those questions I'm not supposed to ask?"

Then he'll say that I can ask anything I like, and it's up to him to decide how to answer. Then since he's not a blank slate type therapist he'd likely answer.

I think you can ask anything. She might or might not answer, but the asking isn't shameful. At the least it's an expression of your thinking about her as a person. There's nothing wrong with that.

My therapist would probably be open about answering anything that would generally be disclosed in casual conversation. Marital status is definitely one of those things.

He'd likely want to know why I'm asking though. Or why I'm asking at this moment.


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