Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 905117

Shown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

looking for support

Posted by crootie on July 5, 2009, at 16:38:07

been in therapy 15 months - just wanted to lose some weight - 15 months later seem unable to manage without constantly needing to have contact with my therapist, but giving myself a hard time about being so needy. Tried to leave last week, but ended up feeling just as bad. I used to be a capable person, now a 3 year old in an adult's body. If anyone can tell me how long this might last - I would be grateful? Read loads of stuff but nowhere does it say how long this takes, or what is 'normal for therapy' - it's such a private thing that you don't know whether what you are experiencing is similar to what others have expereinced - and your therapist just validates everything - I don't think there is a single thing I could tell her which she wouldn't say was reasonable because of my circumstances.
Thanks for reading this.

 

Re: looking for support » crootie

Posted by muffled on July 5, 2009, at 23:50:06

In reply to looking for support, posted by crootie on July 5, 2009, at 16:38:07

Uggghhh. Attachment stuff.
Gotta hate it...
But nears I know, is by working thru this stuff, we can resolve some of our messed up attachment issues...
Sigh...it CAN take years, though some seem to progress faster.
If you feel your T is trustworthy, then I think its REALLY good to talk bout this to her.
Oh, I reread your post.
I think this attachment you have is not unreasonable and in fact is normal.
But I still hate it myself when I feel that way!
But it has gotten easier for me, so proly will for you too.
I'm not here much at this Babble, cuz I have problems w/this place, but I pop by to see wassup from time to time. Didn't want to leave you hanging w/no answer is all.
Take care.
M

 

Re: looking for support » crootie

Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2009, at 7:33:34

In reply to looking for support, posted by crootie on July 5, 2009, at 16:38:07

Have you read "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists" ? It was so immensely helpful to me in normalizing my feelings toward my therapist.

I can't say I've gotten to the other side completely even after all this time. I don't need him so much on a day to day basis, but I still get hysterical at the thought of quitting.

Have you tried telling your therapist you would like to have a serious conversation about this, that doesn't hinge on validating your feelings? Validation might well be part of it, because what she really thinks might be validating to you. But maybe it could expand a bit from that to how she foresees your therapy going?

 

Re: looking for support » crootie

Posted by Cal on July 6, 2009, at 9:37:21

In reply to looking for support, posted by crootie on July 5, 2009, at 16:38:07

Crootie, I've been in therapy yrs and still have a need for it. Recovering happens in a spiral never in a straight line. At times my eating or other coping mechanisms has got worse as I get nearer and nearer to my pain. But then some times I see I am much better at coping with an area of my life that before had baffled me. I've known people who've been in therapy for yrs, its not a bad thing to take time. Be good to yourself and allow yourself to be.

Best Wishes

 

Re: looking for support

Posted by crootie on July 6, 2009, at 10:42:02

In reply to Re: looking for support » crootie, posted by Cal on July 6, 2009, at 9:37:21

thanks for messages - can't tell you how much it means just to have had responses so quickly. I have spoken with T about attachment issues - and I am able to be quite vulnerable with her - but come away and beat myself up really badly about being so needy and pathetic and so determine not to be so needy the next time. When our sessions are over I feel good for a couple of hours if I am lucky - and then the self criticism comes in - that this is all very self indulgent and you just need to pull yourself together, that you are a grown woman and shouldn't need to expereince the things that you want to when you are in the session - and more to the point why can't the T be more available between sessions - why have I got to ask for everything all the time - if she knows that I am struggling with a very small part of me why doesn't she look out for that small part of me outside the therapy sessions - it wouldn't take much to check I am ok - but I know that I am supposed to take responsibility for all this stuff - what 3 year old was ever able to take responsibility for herself!!

 

Re: looking for support » crootie

Posted by Cal on July 7, 2009, at 6:49:16

In reply to Re: looking for support, posted by crootie on July 6, 2009, at 10:42:02

You ask why must you ask for things all of the time? I think if our T's were to step in and make suggestions as to what we need and when we need them, it would take away your chance to become autonomous to individualize. I know I can email my T between sessions and often times dream how much I would like T to email me out of the blue to ask how I am doing, but I know that isn't really what I need, that would just suggest unconsciously that there must be something serious/dangerously wrong with me that T needs to do that. Her remaining calm and unperturbed by me helps me put my emotions into place, if T feels I can make it between sessions then I learn also that I can make it between sessions.


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