Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 393889

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Re: Help, Dinah

Posted by susan47 on April 25, 2007, at 18:45:44

In reply to Re: Help, Dinah Susan47, posted by Dinah on March 19, 2005, at 8:59:31

It's been a very long time since anyone posted on this thread. I was reading over some of it. I'm almost through my dependency, I think. I'll probably always want to be loved and respected and cared about by that individual T .. even using the term "T" now instead of "therapist", or even "psychologist", seems extremely intimate, somehow. Like the way I call him by his initials sometimes instead of using his actual real name. I think we set it up this way, using that type of euphemism (is that what it's called? What's a euphemism? Eu-phem. You, Femme.
Hmh.
I'm just thinking how accurate Dinah was. It's funny but looking back at things, the thick of things, when I was in it I never actually saw it exactly for what it was, I just went blindly along on my feelings and my head, what my head and my gut knew but my conscious just couldn't absorb, I think I was too involved in survival. I wish every patient could know what can happen and Why, and I wish therapists would understand how important it is to have control but Kind control at all times. And never to reject a patient, never-bloody-never do that; I think if T's have to do that to a somewhat normal person, there's something wrong with the T's training or something else is going on, because there's no way a patient should have to be vulnerable to having this powerful emotional stuff sneak up on him or her. It's just plain unethical, when they know what they know.
Sigh.
If my ex-T ever did anything like reject me ever again I would have to scramble so hard to exist, again.

 

Re: Help, Dinah susan47

Posted by Dinah on April 27, 2007, at 22:25:19

In reply to Re: Help, Dinah, posted by susan47 on April 25, 2007, at 18:45:44

I think yes, training would be a good thing. I'm sorry you felt as hurt as you did.

Now that some time has passed do you find the pain is getting less?

 

Less Pain Dinah

Posted by susan47 on April 28, 2007, at 21:25:57

In reply to Re: Help, Dinah susan47, posted by Dinah on April 27, 2007, at 22:25:19

"I'm sorry you felt as hurt as you did" sounds like a platitude, although I'm sure you're a very good person and would never wish to give the impression that you're judgmental. I'm sure you're very tolerant and kind.
What I heard you say, Dinah, was that I'm being judged for what happened with my ex-t.
I believe that dependence isn't something we can always predict; I also believe that we all respond in ways reflective of our past environments. We all take damage different ways, we all have different histories and pasts.
Therapists are supposed to help people, not to make it worse, and certainly not to stand blindly by and watch people deteriorate, and not do anything about it.
Therapists are supposed to be healers. They call themselves doctors.
I know no one is perfect. I work with doctors. I know.
But human decency will never go out of fashion.

 

Re: Less Pain susan47

Posted by Dinah on April 28, 2007, at 22:53:48

In reply to Less Pain Dinah, posted by susan47 on April 28, 2007, at 21:25:57

I'm sorry you heard that. That isn't what I was trying to say at all. But clearly I don't understand. I apologize.

 

It's Okay Dinah

Posted by susan47 on April 29, 2007, at 10:42:28

In reply to Re: Less Pain susan47, posted by Dinah on April 28, 2007, at 22:53:48

I am still very sensitive about the whole issue.

 

Re: M. Scott Peck?? Is this an exorcism BBS?

Posted by Tarzan on August 22, 2007, at 12:20:49

In reply to Re: M. Scott Peck?? Is this an exorcism BBS?, posted by Crackers on September 11, 2006, at 2:11:24

I have benefited greatly from his books. Particularly The road less traveled and Further along the road less traveled. Please don't be turned off by Scott Peck if all you know about him is what you have read in this topic. He defines evil, laziness and other things very diferently than what you may be use to. I suggest reading the first few pages of the road less traveled. It should give you a good idea of weather you should or should not read the rest of the book. We are all on different journeys, but for me, Scott Peck jumpstarted my personal never ending growth towards maturity. It may be worth your time to read the first few pages of the road less traveled and then go from there.

 

Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books

Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 19:47:51

In reply to Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Dinah on September 22, 2004, at 20:15:16

Whoops. I haven't been at all good about keeping this thread current.

But I really do have a question. I've devoured all my psychology books of the type I like best. Interesting case studies. Things like:

"The Mummy at the Dining Room Table"

"The Love Bug and Other Tales of Psychotherapy"

"The Man with the Beautiful Voice"

"The Taboo Scarf and Other Tales of Therapy"

"Schopenhauer's Porcupines"

"The Fifty-Minute Hour"

"Moments of Engagement"

"The Luckiest Girl in the World"

and of course

"Every Day Gets a Little Closer"

"Love's Executioner"

"Momma and the Meaning of Life"

I've just finished "Delivering Doctor Amelia" which wasn't a collection so much as an entire book about one case. I didn't have strong feelings about it one way or another.

 

Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books

Posted by Daisym on May 16, 2008, at 21:39:24

In reply to Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 19:47:51

I loved that book! I've read it three times - but it speaks to me pretty directly on a lot of levels.

If you haven't read "Attachment in Psychotherapy" - I think you might like it. It has many case examples and talks a lot about why it works best when a client is attached and how all that looks like.

I just went to a presentation today on a psychological approach to Colic - it was really interesting.

 

Useful books- Dinah and Daisy

Posted by twinleaf on May 16, 2008, at 22:32:54

In reply to Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Daisym on May 16, 2008, at 21:39:24

This has been a long-running thread with a lot of excellent book recommendations. I've read several- all very good, and just ordered the book on attachment which Daisy recommended. Thank you both!

 

Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books Daisym

Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 23:06:34

In reply to Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Daisym on May 16, 2008, at 21:39:24

"Delivering Doctor Amelia" is the one you're speaking of?

I might try rereading it. It was the first book I read on my Kindle and getting used to the format might have distracted me. What was it that spoke to you?

I think maybe the psychologist didn't remind me very much of my own. Or maybe his mixed feelings towards his client made me feel uncomfortable.

Thanks for the recommendation. I really need some more books. I've read the others so often. And attachment is one of my favorite topics.

 

Re: Useful books- Dinah and Daisy twinleaf

Posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 23:12:02

In reply to Useful books- Dinah and Daisy, posted by twinleaf on May 16, 2008, at 22:32:54

It was a thread I really enjoyed.

Also the thread where we read "In Session: The Bond Between Women and Their Therapists" as a group. We never did finish that book... Well, not as a group anyway.

 

In Session... Dinah

Posted by twinleaf on May 16, 2008, at 23:28:12

In reply to Re: Useful books- Dinah and Daisy twinleaf, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 23:12:02

No, we never did. But it was still extremely interesting.

 

Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone'

Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 22, 2008, at 10:35:32

In reply to Re: double double quotes TofuEmmy, posted by Dr. Bob on January 5, 2005, at 23:50:36

by Peter Rutter

I believe this is a book which should be read by EVERY mental health are provider.

My situation is that my t has "sexualized" our relationship; of course I know I should leave, but not ready for that.

This stuff is a HUGE problem, but no one talks about it too much. When the book was written, according to the author (10 years ago or more); there was NOTHING on the subject of erotic feelings, a t sexualizing a relationship, not to mention having sex with a client.

The silence is still deafening as to what goes on behind closed doors.

 

Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone' - Amazon link

Posted by 10derHeart on May 22, 2008, at 17:45:59

In reply to Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone', posted by sassyfrancesca on May 22, 2008, at 10:35:32

"Sex in the Forbidden Zone"

 

Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone' sassyfrancesca

Posted by susan47 on May 23, 2008, at 0:02:58

In reply to Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone', posted by sassyfrancesca on May 22, 2008, at 10:35:32

How did your T sexualize your relationship?
I wish you healing.

 

Re: How my T 'sexualized' our relationship

Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 23, 2008, at 7:37:36

In reply to Re: 'Sex in the Forbidden Zone' sassyfrancesca, posted by susan47 on May 23, 2008, at 0:02:58

Hi, Susan: Well, it is an excruciatingly loooong story. I have been with him for 5 years.

It is sexual innuendo, and also touching (no sex)......I could write a book on what he has said and done.

We both attended he same American Counseling Associations' conference in Hawaii a few months ago; he saw me 5 times, but didn't say anything (silly rules),BUT he attended the Opening Dance party, and spent a half an hour looking for me (said he would have danced with me!)...I was shocked he told me that.

A few of the things he has said: "If I were not married, I would probably go for it." You are in my heart and in my head" I am a fantastic kisser; I can go all night long." There are 100's of sexual innuendo/comments.

The miracle is NOT that I haven't acted on my feelings, but I haven't in SPITE of what he has said and done...to lead me on.

He is in a terrible struggle with himself, and has dragged me into it. He is supposed to do his "work" invisibly, etc.

Sassy

 

Right now I'm reading

Posted by Dinah on June 3, 2008, at 13:37:57

In reply to Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Dinah on May 16, 2008, at 19:47:51

"The Therapeutic Use of Self" by Val Wosket.

In some ways, the book mildly annoys me. I think some of her interpretations of what's going on with her clients could stand some counterpoints.

For example, she used a feedback form and discovered that clients often come in and not discuss what they really needed to talk about. Instead they bring up superficial issues in order to avoid talking about what's bothering them. Her solution was to ask whether this was something they needed to talk to her about today, or if they thought they could handle this themselves. She thinks that the frequent answers that they can handle it themselves means that this is a good strategy. I'm thinking it more likely deflates the clients and makes them think this isn't something they should bring to therapy. Or at least that's how I would feel. And there are other things like that, where her interpretations seem rather convenient.

But I am loving this book because it really captures what it is that I'm asking from my therapist. It really captures the essence of being present in the moment. I've bookmarked several passages.

So this seems like the right book for the right time for me at this moment.

 

Re: Right now I'm reading

Posted by Daisym on June 4, 2008, at 1:19:10

In reply to Right now I'm reading, posted by Dinah on June 3, 2008, at 13:37:57

I just finished "Love and death in Psychotherapy." -- I pretty much hated it. It was a required reading book but I'm going to suggest that they replace it with "A General Theory of Love."

I think what I objected to the most was the author's use of "false" love and "real" love - both on the part of the client and the therapist. He really has a problem with any bending of the theraputic frame - definitely NOT attachment theory and technique. He thinks it is seductive to allow a client to make a schedule change due to that client's need. To be fair, he holds the therapist to the same standard.

His writing is thick and hard to wade through. The back cover cracked me up - something about "clear and concise" and for anyone who wanted new ideas to deal with this "most distressing" event (love that is). Even his statistics show that he goes against what most therapist believe.

The one piece that was interesting was the discussion of death anxiety and how it rarely gets talked about but is often a layer in discussions.

I wouldn't recommend the book though. One piece was not enough...

 

Re: Right now I'm reading Daisym

Posted by Dinah on June 4, 2008, at 9:11:15

In reply to Re: Right now I'm reading, posted by Daisym on June 4, 2008, at 1:19:10

Ugh. I'm pretty sure I'd hate that one too. I can't believe it's required reading. I can't even imagine thinking schedule changes are seductive.

I don't particularly care for my Friday time. I think part of the reason my therapist and I run into problems is that it's too late in the day and he's tired - especially on a Friday. When he's relaxed and in a good humor it can be great. But when he's not, it really shows by two on Fridays.

But I accept it with no more than the occasional request that he let me know if a more congenial time opens up on a consistent basis.

During the summer, my schedule changes due to summer vacation from my son's school. I just can't do two on Fridays. I couldn't even imagine a therapist who thought temporarily adjusting times for the summer was seductive.

That's just odd.

I have "A General Theory of Love" on my Kindle. I'm hoping I'll have an easier time reading it when I try again. Maybe I should skip the first chapter?

 

Re: Right now I'm reading

Posted by Nadezda on June 4, 2008, at 10:11:34

In reply to Re: Right now I'm reading Daisym, posted by Dinah on June 4, 2008, at 9:11:15

I didn't like it at all-- for one thing, it wasn't interesting. It was written, as I recall, in this kind of overly simple style, as if to make it really really easy-- a style I never like.

And then it didn't say much. As for false love, and the therapeutic frame--- I don't agree with that-- so I would have liked it less if I'd gotten that far.

I read a few chapters way back when we were all going to read it. Anyone remember that plan?

Anyone want to read something? preferably that we want to read? that's really informative, or engaging-- or both?

I would--

Nadezda

 

Re: Right now I'm reading Nadezda

Posted by Daisym on June 5, 2008, at 0:34:32

In reply to Re: Right now I'm reading, posted by Nadezda on June 4, 2008, at 10:11:34

I was wondering if we wanted to attempt a journaling book together. I'm just starting to read, "Writing Cures" and it is a very modern discussion of all kinds of writing for counseling. It has a section about online writing - both counseling done completely online and text messages/emails between therapist and clients. It might be interesting to see if we agree since online and writing, is "our" speciality...if I can be so bold to say.

Otherwise, I'll just post about the book a bit.

I'm glad you've revived the book thread. :)

 

Re: Right now I'm reading

Posted by Nadezda on June 5, 2008, at 10:40:37

In reply to Re: Right now I'm reading Nadezda, posted by Daisym on June 5, 2008, at 0:34:32

That sounds great. I've order the book. The idea of journaling sounds perfect for me right now, because I'm rethinking a lot of things; a place to keep my thoughts on a lot of things my T and other people are saying, that I'd like to think about, would help me remember the most important idea that come up.

The book should come in a few days. I'm glad you'll be writing online too.

Nadezda

 

Walking in This World- journalling

Posted by llurpsienoodle on June 6, 2008, at 10:21:56

In reply to Re: Right now I'm reading, posted by Nadezda on June 5, 2008, at 10:40:37

Hi Daisym, Nadezda,

I've been working my way through the book by Julia Cameron "Walking in this World". She has a number of practical exercises for developing and nurturing our creative selves.

At the heart of the book is the method of "morning pages" 3 uncensored, unfiltered, stream-of-consciousness pages of whatever drivel comes to mind at 6am or whenever normal people get up.

Sadly, Cameron comments on the nature of psychotherapy, and displays her naive understanding of the psychotherapeutic process. She places her method and the psychotherapeutic method at opposite ends of the spectrum for healing oneself.

Still though, the exercise has helped me get energy to take on more tasks and to play with my beads, starting my own little business. That much I give her credit for. I didn't even tell my T about the jewelry business until this week!

I'll take a peek at the book you recommended, Daisy. Thanks much!

-Ll

 

Re: Walking in This World- journalling llurpsienoodle

Posted by DAisym on June 6, 2008, at 19:27:10

In reply to Walking in This World- journalling, posted by llurpsienoodle on June 6, 2008, at 10:21:56

I'll look at the book - I'm always looking for other perspectives.

I do wonder, though, if some of these writers have either had a bad experience or no experience with therapy, or if it is a marketing "thing" to place their technique or theory away from psychotherapy. Almost like a "you can heal yourself - don't spend any money except on this!" kind of a banner. I don't know.

What I also have been thinking about is how everyone who writes - who truly falls in love with writing and sees writing as essential, writes about writing. I do it - I write...and then I write about writing. And there are a million books and articles about the value, joy and healing of writing. A book I read a long time ago was "Writers on Therapy" - which a very interesting exercise to read and then try to dublicate.

Like I don't have enough other things to do. :)

 

Re: Useful psychology and psychotherapy books

Posted by Dinah on April 17, 2009, at 12:56:46

In reply to Useful psychology and psychotherapy books, posted by Dinah on September 22, 2004, at 20:15:16

I've let this thread get lost in the archives. :(

It's not strictly a psychology book, but I've been listening to a bunch of Stephen White books lately. The protagonist is a psychotherapist, and he talks a bit about his feelings about his fictional patients, and how he thinks about therapy.

I find it more than a bit unsettling, and my therapist will probably get a bit of suspiciousness fallout from it.


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