![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Happyflower on May 15, 2008, at 11:25:16
I had a wonderful session today, it has been 3 weeks, and I think the break did some good. We didn't get into heavy trauma stuff, but we talked about our relationship mostly and about survivor positives.
But get this, I don't have to ever officially terminate! He is going to work with me on the trauma stuff and on positive ego stuff, however long it takes weekly.
But after that he said he is willing to be like a mentor to me, seeing each other on a much less frequent basis. He will be a mentor T for me, helping me become a good T. I am so happy, I can't discribe how I feel.
He also told me he is 66 and he isn't planning on retiring anytime soon. He has reduced his load over the past year, so he can continue to do a good job.
I told him about me deciding not to do the internship right now, and he though I made a good choice. I will have a chance to do this stuff in the future, but right now, I need to heal myself.
I also told him that sometimes I do things, not to purposely not talk about the hard stuff, but that it does take us off topic. But I said I realize it is hard not to talk about this stuff, because it is exciting even for him , BUT I need to let him not let me make it take it a whole session.
So I am telling him some of my defenses, not conscientiously , but natural ones.
We also talked about how with the economy getting bad with everything costing more, and my DH making a lot less money, I know I will be okay, because I know how to be frugal, I know how to survive. He told me he is happy to hear my view on this on finding a positive out of the negative of being abused. I think I am a little surprised over my positiveness today, maybe I feel better, I exercised today.
But most of all, I don't have to think about termination, I can relax about me getting too attached to him and having to lose him. I can concentrate on me, and not our relationship.
Today I am feeling like I am at the top of the world. ((((my T))))
Posted by Phillipa on May 15, 2008, at 12:20:25
In reply to I'm happy, ((((((my T))))))) My session today, posted by Happyflower on May 15, 2008, at 11:25:16
That's great seems things are going your way. Phillipa
Posted by muffled on May 15, 2008, at 12:49:32
In reply to I'm happy, ((((((my T))))))) My session today, posted by Happyflower on May 15, 2008, at 11:25:16
Posted by twinleaf on May 15, 2008, at 21:09:17
In reply to I'm happy, ((((((my T))))))) My session today, posted by Happyflower on May 15, 2008, at 11:25:16
How wonderful that you have formed a really loving, trusting relationship with your T in the here and now!....AND that you can count on the relationship being there even as you might eventually move into more of a mentor relationship with him. The wonderful bottom line is that you won't ever lose him, but will be able to have a meaningful connection to him in whatever way you need as you grow and change in the future. Who could ask for anything more?
My own T is very similiar to yours. He is the one who once wrote, "the therapist is the patient's fate". When I somehow landed in his office, I didn't know what to expect, but, over the past year, we, too, have built a really good relationship. We don't always talk about the traumas of the past; I've come to really appreciate the value of recognizing, and talking about, the things that are so good about what happens between us in the present- the calm, warmth and understanding in his eyes, the subtle humor, the so steady welcome, the complete acceptance...
He also said that he would "never leave me" (he's 64, so much like yours). Like you, I might often go in feeling distressed and down on myself, but I almost NEVER leave that way!
Posted by Happyflower on May 16, 2008, at 11:02:58
In reply to SO good to hear....., posted by twinleaf on May 15, 2008, at 21:09:17
> How wonderful that you have formed a really loving, trusting relationship with your T in the here and now!....AND that you can count on the relationship being there even as you might eventually move into more of a mentor relationship with him. The wonderful bottom line is that you won't ever lose him, but will be able to have a meaningful connection to him in whatever way you need as you grow and change in the future. Who could ask for anything more?
Twinleaf,
I am surprised myself, it almost makes me cry because it is so tender and so caring, something I don't feel much from others. I have nobody like that in my real life, no parents, no grandparents, and for him to accept that position, means more than he will ever know.
He often tells me about his mentor soul mate who is a T, but a neuro T, they have know each other for years. I can't describe the way I feel when I am with him, so accepting, and it is genuine. I have a lot of respect for him as a T, as a person. He has been so honest with me on how it is to be a T, the mistakes he made, even erotic counter-transference. He is just a human, he is humble, and somehow that just meshes with me and what I need. But yet the respect and admiration goes both ways in us.My last T I felt kept so many things from me, we always butted heads because of his ego. He didn't like being on a pedistal, but yet when I took him off, and thought for myself, it did something to him. He had to be smarter, more witty than me. I saw him as an equal, and that bothered him I think.
He told me that I am a client that T's love to have. I really improve and it is a joy for them to see me grow, I am challenging, I have energy. It is hard for them not get caught up in the excitement.
But one thing he says that is opposite of what your T says, it that he will never say , I won't give up on you. He had a client for 18 years, that he did have to give up on. Quite the story actually, but he learned very much about boundaries and how they are so important not only for the client, but also for the T.
I am glad you have that with your T, if you told me a year ago about it, I wouldn't even get it, but I do now.
He is now supervising a T for their liscense, and I told him that I am glad because we need more experienced and good T's who are not burned out helping young T's. He accepted the compliment, I saw it meant a lot to him I said that, I saw it in his eyes.
Posted by Happyflower on May 16, 2008, at 11:03:58
In reply to Re: I'm happy, ((((((my T))))))) My session today » Happyflower, posted by Phillipa on May 15, 2008, at 12:20:25
Thanks for your support Phillipa, How are you doing?
Posted by twinleaf on May 16, 2008, at 23:11:35
In reply to Re: SO good to hear..... » twinleaf, posted by Happyflower on May 16, 2008, at 11:02:58
I think we are having very similar wonderful experiences. With my analyst, there is a bit less emphasis on verbal interpretations, and quite a bit more on non-verbal communications- trying to read what the other's eyes are saying, and what our body language is saying. At times (these are the best times). a glance will open up a flood of joy and well-being. Anything we say afterwards is much less powerful than the primary experience we have just had. Those don't happen, at least not in full force, very often, but when they do, they are so healing, so powerful, so full of joy and well-being. It's almost impossible to express in words how precious and wonderful they are.
I knew my analyst about nine months before he told me that he would never leave me. This grew out of the warmth and trust which had been growing in our relationship. We have a healthy, warm and often joyful relationship, and one that's getting even better as time goes on. This is by way of explaining his pledge to me. I don't know anything, of course, about your therapist's 18-year commitment to the woman from whom he eventually had to extricate himself, but I can assure you that that situation is nothing like my own. My understanding of what my analyst said is that I will be the one to gradually leave, when I know I'm ready...and, also, that I may never leave completely...like you.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.