Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 828957

Shown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I feel like a total loser

Posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 19:27:44

I have a friend who I just called and her mom was like hold on I'll get her. And there was a long pause and then her mom said she was in her room working on a school project and that she was "sure she'd call me back." I just feel like a total loser because I think she's avoiding me and I feel like a bad person when I think about what she thinks about me. I don't know. It's complicated. She's really quiet and doesn't talk much. I share more of my feelings than she shares of hers. We haven't hung out in 2 months. I am just wondering where our friendship stands...I don't think she wants to talk to me and that makes me feel bad.

 

Re: I feel like a total loser

Posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 19:34:28

In reply to I feel like a total loser, posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 19:27:44

Angela,

One option, is try to talk to her to see if if there is a misunderstanding.

Seriously, she doesn't sound like a good enough friend for you, what you discribe isn't how friends treat each other if they are friends.

You can do much better and you deserve it.

I know it hurts, but sometimes you are better off with people who treat you like this. (((Angela)))

 

Re: I feel like a total loser

Posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 19:37:11

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser, posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 19:34:28

Opps, I meant better off without people who treat you like this.

No you are not the loser, she it, because I know how sweet of a person you are.

 

Re: I feel like a total loser

Posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 20:00:15

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser, posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 19:34:28

Thanks Happyflower. we talk online sometimes, like through myspace. But I have this feeling like she is only talking to me so that I'll hang out with her when she's lonely. Maybe I'm wrong. I have been known to be paranoid.

i'm not going to make anymore contact with her unless she contacts me. When she does contact me, I feel like...I'm so willing to talk to her. But she isn't like that with me. Why do I let myself get trampled and possibly used by her?

Last year she went on a camping trip with my whole family and when we got back, a few weeks later, I called her and she told me she didn't want to be friends anymore. Then one day I emailed her and said I missed her and we started talking again. But I haven't really gotten over that she said that to me.

Happyflower, thank you again. (((happyflower)))

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2

Posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 20:40:33

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser, posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 20:00:15

Hi Angela,

I had a friend like this too, I was always her support when she was having problems, but when I needed help, she really wasn't there for me. This was a childhood friend that we shared many things together from the 4th grade. I still have nightmares of her not wanting to be my friend, but somebody else's. We made up after high school, but I feel into the same trap, I supported her through her marriage problems, etc. but when it was time to pick out my wedding dress, she didn't have the time, stuff like that, when my daughter was in the hospital, she was too busy to support me.

Eventually I cut things off when she can celled( again) our get together we had planned with our spouses , at the last minute.
Since then I have met people who were mutual friends and supporters, and it makes a huge difference. Some people just know how to use others, and not be a mutual friend. Good luck Angela.

 

Re: I feel like a total loser

Posted by Phillipa on May 13, 2008, at 21:09:32

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2, posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 20:40:33

Could also be she's a bit like me and sometimes a lot actually hate to talk on the phone. Phillipa

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » Happyflower

Posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 21:16:15

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2, posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 20:40:33

Happyflower, thank you for sharing your story with me. Sometimes I think it's hard to see the bad in the people you want to be your friends. Like when I wrote my first post, I was just feeling hurt and didn't realize she was not a good friend. Well, maybe I realized it but didn't want to admit it. It feels good to admit it and move on.

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2

Posted by Happyflower on May 13, 2008, at 21:41:45

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Happyflower, posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 21:16:15

Good for you, Angela, I wish I was able to put it behind me, I mostly have, but sometimes those dreams bring it back. It really hurt that her baby girl was born on my birthday after we stopped talking.

But remember it is okay to grieve the loss of the friendship for what you wanted it to be.

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2

Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 14, 2008, at 5:19:24

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Happyflower, posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 21:16:15

Angela,
Around these parts we know you to be a very kind and generous person. We know the you that is sweet, and trying hard to be a better person.

Sometimes other people don't allow us to be at our best. They force us to sink beneath our level of what we are comfortable with. That's one interpretation of the situation.

The other interpretation is that she is holding you back in someway, from finding a real friend. I remember recently that you "opened up" to a woman you knew (side note: cat is drinking from her bowl, not the toilet YAY!) and that she was reciprocating. This is a scary thing to do- to go out on a limb. In many ways it's easier to stick with an established relationship, even once it becomes dysfunctional.

Is this the same person (the one that you opened up to?)that you are currently posting about? Maybe it is actually more comfortable sticking with someone who reinforces you own self-belief that you are socially inept. (that's a very distorted belief, by the way. You have many social graces, and you would make a good friend, from what I've seen on this forum and in bchat).

Maybe a little more history here- are you someone who finds it easy to forgive? or think you forgave? Often when a friend hurts us we pretend we forgive, just because it seems easier at the time. Deep down inside, we harbor a grudge, especially if the hurt was never acknowledged by the other party.

Several possible dynamics going on here. My main point, however, is that you have extended the olive branch, and you are worthy of being a wonderful friend. It is her issues, not yours that prevent that friendship from (re) blossoming

((((angela))))

sorry you're feeling so rotten. Anti-loser!
-Ll

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » llurpsienoodle

Posted by Angela2 on May 14, 2008, at 7:28:21

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 14, 2008, at 5:19:24

> Angela,
> Around these parts we know you to be a very kind and generous person. We know the you that is sweet, and trying hard to be a better person.
>

thank you for the compliments Llurpsie, you rule. I am humbled.

> Sometimes other people don't allow us to be at our best. They force us to sink beneath our level of what we are comfortable with. That's one interpretation of the situation.
>
> The other interpretation is that she is holding you back in someway, from finding a real friend. I remember recently that you "opened up" to a woman you knew (side note: cat is drinking from her bowl, not the toilet YAY!) and that she was reciprocating. This is a scary thing to do- to go out on a limb. In many ways it's easier to stick with an established relationship, even once it becomes dysfunctional.

I do feel like I'm sometimes grasping for old friends because I don't get out as much as I would like. Yay for kitties not drinking from the toilet!
>
> Is this the same person (the one that you opened up to?)that you are currently posting about? Maybe it is actually more comfortable sticking with someone who reinforces you own self-belief that you are socially inept. (that's a very distorted belief, by the way. You have many social graces, and you would make a good friend, from what I've seen on this forum and in bchat).
>

Nope, this is not the same person. I dunno if she makes me feel inept. But I do feel like I'm weird and annoying when I'm with her sometimes.I dunno. Wow Llurps , thank you!!((((Llurpsie))))

> Maybe a little more history here- are you someone who finds it easy to forgive? or think you forgave? Often when a friend hurts us we pretend we forgive, just because it seems easier at the time. Deep down inside, we harbor a grudge, especially if the hurt was never acknowledged by the other party.

I do sometimes find it easy to forgive. Especially if that person acts interested in being my friend for the time being.

>
> Several possible dynamics going on here. My main point, however, is that you have extended the olive branch, and you are worthy of being a wonderful friend. It is her issues, not yours that prevent that friendship from (re) blossoming

Thanks Llurpsie. you made me feel a lot better. You roooool!!!!!!!!!!!!


>
> ((((angela))))
>
> sorry you're feeling so rotten. Anti-loser!
> -Ll

 

Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2

Posted by Poet on May 14, 2008, at 10:44:24

In reply to I feel like a total loser, posted by Angela2 on May 13, 2008, at 19:27:44

Hi Angela,

I don't think you're a loser. Maybe your friend has some issues she's dealing with that have nothing to do with you. I'd give her some time to call you back and if she doesn't there is still no reason to blame yourself. I've had friends come and go over the years, some I have no idea as to why they just plain stopped calling me, but I know I'm not to blame.

Poet

 

Re: I feel like a total loser

Posted by Angela2 on May 14, 2008, at 13:16:50

In reply to Re: I feel like a total loser » Angela2, posted by Poet on May 14, 2008, at 10:44:24

> Hi Angela,
>
> I don't think you're a loser. Maybe your friend has some issues she's dealing with that have nothing to do with you. I'd give her some time to call you back and if she doesn't there is still no reason to blame yourself. I've had friends come and go over the years, some I have no idea as to why they just plain stopped calling me, but I know I'm not to blame.
>
> Poet

Thank you Poet. That is a good way to look at it. I've had friends, I have friends, i will have friends whether they're the same ones or diferent ones. Bla sometimes I just feel lonely.


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