Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 827826

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Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T

Posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 19:36:21

:-(
Kinda sucks.
But we both in agreement that she cannot "meet all my therapy needs"(her words).
Hmmm.
Pretty much sucks ALOT.
She's good and stable.
'Cept (LOL Dinah!!!) all them holidays of hers!!!!!
Yup, I'd recommend her.
So I got my free 20 min session to meet w/new DD T on Mon. Didn't like the first one.
This one seems quite educated and has written articals and does lectures and stuff re: DD.
So I s'pose she know her stuff.
I wrote down what I wish to communicate to her, and questions I want to ask her so I'll be ready.
Manoman, this shows how FAR I HAVE progressed in T. Its took me bout 2 YEARS to talk to oldT!!!
So we shall see how it goes....
I plan to have no attachment. I wanto keep this short. I just want info.
Then I figger i have learned all I can and I DONE w/T.
PHEW!
Ha.
M

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled

Posted by llurpsienoodle on May 7, 2008, at 19:56:05

In reply to Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 19:36:21

it HAD occured to me. I just forgot to post about it because I wasn't sure ...

my head is SO foggypoo

muffled, this could be a very exciting time in your life. I enjoyed interviewing T's, as nervewracking as it is...

((((((mufflie)))))))
come chat?
-Ll

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T

Posted by Phillipa on May 7, 2008, at 20:48:13

In reply to Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled, posted by llurpsienoodle on May 7, 2008, at 19:56:05

Muffled that' great. Good going. Phillipa

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled

Posted by LadyBug on May 7, 2008, at 22:28:55

In reply to Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 19:36:21

(((((((muffled)))))))
Part of me feels bad for you and part of me is happy for you that you are moving on. I know your old T took way to many vacations. I know how that feels.
I wish you well on your search.
I wish none of us needed T!!!!!
Good luck!!!!!!!!!
Let us know!
LadyBug

 

Arrrrggghhhh

Posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 22:39:16

In reply to Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled, posted by LadyBug on May 7, 2008, at 22:28:55

Thx for hugs guys.
She had sent me a nice email.
She thinks we ought to have a final session.
I emailed back last night bout that. Thot mebbe she'd respond today. She works Tues/Wed.
She may yet.
Maybe not.
Frik I hate this kinda SH*T.
Its SO STUPID. Why do I care?????
I am SO stupid.
I don't understand human interaction.
I don't understand being attached.
WTF IS the POINT???? of attachment?
I will attach no more.
I am feeling rather borderlinePD.
Sigh.
Normally I just do not attach. I just don't do it. Never do. Now I know why.
Ugh.
M

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled

Posted by Dinah on May 7, 2008, at 22:44:05

In reply to Arrrrggghhhh, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 22:39:16

I think you ought to have a final session too. And maybe she may not be a very constant and stable presence, she has been a consistently caring one. Lots of people go in to see therapist's just when they need to for one reason or another. Will her door be open if you need for a session here and there over the years?

I'm interested to hear what you have to say about the new therapist. Even if you don't develop a long term relationship with her. Learning things can be interesting and exciting too.

And maybe you can keep the memory of her consistently caring presence? Even if she wasn't consistently present in a physical sense.

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh

Posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 23:02:44

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled, posted by Dinah on May 7, 2008, at 22:44:05

> I think you ought to have a final session too. And maybe she may not be a very constant and stable presence, she has been a consistently caring one. Lots of people go in to see therapist's just when they need to for one reason or another. Will her door be open if you need for a session here and there over the years?

*yes, she can be a bit unreliable to my picky sense of what is reliable...or mebbe its just me and continual testing...
Sigh.
But yes, you make a GOOD point. She HAS been consistantly caring. I think its just me, and my lack of understanding the whole 'caring' thing. I cannot comprehend it. She said nice things in her mail. But I can't understand. Why does she say these things? Oh sure, I can logically come up with the "right" answer, but that doesn't mean I understand it.
I guess I don't understand how there can be caring, and then its just turned off.
She has said we can still have contact even though I am terminated. We went thru this B4 when I was going to terminate. But she will not stay in touch. She didn't last time. She's very busy, and I won't presume upon her. Time will go by, and that will be that.
Maybe I am being overly negative, but I doubt it.
I will not have her as T again. I have gotten all that I can from her. She has taught me what she knows. There is no more work to do w/her.
>
> I'm interested to hear what you have to say about the new therapist. Even if you don't develop a long term relationship with her. Learning things can be interesting and exciting too.

*Thank you. Yes, I hope she can give me some good info. And really, it will be a huge releife to work w/a T that is used to my issues. To be able to have all of me speak if it chooses to. I couldn't really w/old T cuz it made me feel too bad afterwards. Kinda ashamed of my wierdness, cuz i knew this stuff was new to her, though she handled it well.

> And maybe you can keep the memory of her consistently caring presence? Even if she wasn't consistently present in a physical sense.

*yeah...
maybe....
I just REALLY confused more than anything.
She said in the mail I could contact her while she was in town. I don't like to phone, cuz I hate it when phone rings when I in session. I said that in my second mail. But she not responded. She may just be really busy I guess.
I guess.
What I DO know, is I am an idiot.
Thanks for reply Dinah.
I tried to read your thread on your T.
I am sorry its not going well.
Are you going to start a new thread on it lower down?
Maybe you just need a break?
Leaving T's sucks all right.
:-(
Take care,
M

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled

Posted by raisinb on May 8, 2008, at 9:07:45

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 23:02:44

Muffled, I think you are uber courageous. You've been with this T so long, and many people wouldn't be able to leave even though the work was truly finished. And look at all the progress you've made! Just from reading the boards over the last couple of years I can tell that.

I am sorry it's hard right now. I think you should have a final session too. She'll probably say lots of nice things then. As for why she does it, probably because a) they are true and she feels them and b) she wants you to have good memories to take with you and try to keep when you might be having a hard time and not be able to have her there in person.

Yay for you!

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh

Posted by B2chica on May 8, 2008, at 9:38:13

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled, posted by raisinb on May 8, 2008, at 9:07:45

Muffled,
my initial reaction was a sigh of relief and the word "FINALLY".
but then i wanted to say, i hope you are feeling good about this.
but you've seemed to have SO many conflicts with her it just has never seemed to help you make any progressing, so i think that's why my initial reaction was the way it was.
didn't mean to sound so blunt. but i think you followed your instinct. and though it may be tough finding another i think this is the right move for you, i really do.
take your time and find the right fit muffled.

you are NOT stupid
and heck i don't understand human interaction half the time.
but i do think you need a final session, even if it only lasts 20 min. and all you do is talk about thanks for the memories and i'm moving on.
it is good for you to have closure.

and it doesn't matter what she says, of course she's caring, that wasn't ever the issue was it"?
its a professional relationship that wasn't complete. it was good but it wasn't an appropriate fit. that's all, nothing wrong, nothing bad, nothing horrible, just not the best (and that won't change). and you my dear deserve the best. you need what you need and she just can't give it.

(and you know her phone should NOT be ringing during session....bad therapist)

******************************
so here's a round of applause for our muffled.
you are finally being an advocate for yourself my dear. you are standing up for yourself and for your ikids. i'm so proud of you. and i think your ikids are happy too.


congrats on your strength and growth muffled. if you need support to make sure you don't back down remember us muffled.
print out any thing you need.
take us with you.
better yet take your ikids with you, they're better than anything. they KNOW she is not right for THEM. THEY deserve better.

BEST LUCK with the interviews!!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((muffly)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
b2c.

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled

Posted by Dinah on May 8, 2008, at 9:57:13

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 23:02:44

I don't think the caring is turned off. She always cares, even when she's not physically present. Contact with therapists outside the office always needs to be initiated by us, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

I know that she doesn't have all the qualities and training you need in a therapist, and I'm glad you've found someone who does. But I remember your saying how much you've gotten from therapy. How much better you are at self regulation. Being consistently, even stubbornly, cared about helps us change. I know it's not all you need, but I'm glad you can appreciate that part of what she's done.

I'm trying to forget stuff with my therapist until tomorrow. I must have dreamed about him, because this morning I woke up and dialed his number to "take back" everything I'd said. Only to not leave a message because I woke up enough to remember I actually hadn't told him any of those things, at least not yet.

 

GOOD points Raisin, THANKS!!! (nm) raisinb

Posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 11:32:52

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled, posted by raisinb on May 8, 2008, at 9:07:45

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled

Posted by Poet on May 8, 2008, at 11:34:22

In reply to Arrrrggghhhh, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 22:39:16

Hi Muffled,

I don't like attachments either. I have an intense need to be independent which as my T points out is not realistic. I'm human and well, evidentally attachment is something we do. Go figure.

I hope your auditioning the new T goes well. I can understand your old T wanting a wrap up session, if it happens I hope it goes easy.

I don't think you are stupid at all over attachment issues, just confused and well attachments and desiring them/not desiring them is a confusing at least for me.

Poet

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh/muffled

Posted by rskontos on May 8, 2008, at 11:40:05

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled, posted by Poet on May 8, 2008, at 11:34:22

Muffled, Good for you. I am with everyone. Like B2c I am glad you are looking for someone to help you. I think underneath it all you knew she wasn't for you but until you were in a better place you worked with what you had and now is time to go on to someone else that can help you more. It is ok. It is time. And being held back is hard . Man oh man I get that I feel the same frustrations right now. I hold back too.

You rock girl.

I am with Poet on attachments. I don't do them even with close friends. I can always move on. I just maintain a certain absence that allows that to be able to do. It is kinda of like the drifter in the movies, you have your emotional bags packed though ready to move on. I guess this is best that I can explain.

I hope you find someone good and deserving of you.

rsk

 

:-) B2chica

Posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 11:46:03

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh, posted by B2chica on May 8, 2008, at 9:38:13

B2, I read this post of yours and I smile and smile!!!!
You trying to watch out for me aren't you!! :-) :-)
B2 protecting Muffy :-)

FWIW, my T has been very good for the most part. There is no such a thing as a perfect T. They are human.
I was looking back at my journal, and it is mind boggling where I have come from, it really is. My T, in her caring, ever patient way, got me to speak, and helped me understand that lots of what I had in my head was not right stuff. She was as steady as a rock even when I was rangy tangy. I think she did well with the resources she has. I think she was just what I needed for that part of my journey.
But yes now, I know that I need something different now, and so does T, and she had been gently encouraging me that way.
Most conflicts were due to my thinking patterns.
Some were due to her misunderstanding stuff, but I can't blame her for that because I am a very poor communicator IRL.
LOL, I think sometimes she turns off the phone, but sometimes she forgets as it doesn't ring that often.
Actually my ikids, for all they couldn't quite feel they could trust her, DID like her very much. Cuz she likes nature and stuff and so do they.
But it will be good to be with a T that is knowing about DD's and as a result will proly cotton on faster to all the tricks they play. Hopefully she will be able to supply me with some help in dealing with dissociative stuff. I have read alot, but its nice to be able to confirm it with someone who has actually has experience dealing with it.
So THANKS B2!!!!
:-)
Nice to think of you watching my back!!!!
Made me smile so much. My face hurts, I STILL smiling!!!
Take care,
M

 

Re: Arrrrggghhhh Dinah

Posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 11:58:57

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh muffled, posted by Dinah on May 8, 2008, at 9:57:13

> I don't think the caring is turned off. She always cares, even when she's not physically present. Contact with therapists outside the office always needs to be initiated by us, but that doesn't mean they don't care.

Yeah.......arghh...see thats my 'thing', like if she cares, then presumably she'd think of me at this crucial time of leaving her, and so check her email, and so reply.....(no reply yet..)
Aw crap, bet she's GLAD to see the back of me!!!

> I know that she doesn't have all the qualities and training you need in a therapist, and I'm glad you've found someone who does. But I remember your saying how much you've gotten from therapy. How much better you are at self regulation. Being consistently, even stubbornly, cared about helps us change. I know it's not all you need, but I'm glad you can appreciate that part of what she's done.

* Your BANG on with that (again!) Dinah. "stubbornly cared about". And thats it. She has NEVER bailed on me, and I can be such a jerk. She has also taught me a great deal. Just by being herself and being accepting of me despite some of my history. So yes, the relationship itself was very educational. She was good w/the CBT stuff too. Helping me challenge the false beleifs I had etc etc. So I dunno why/how I came across as negative about her??? Of course we had our stuff, we ALL do with our T's!!!
Mebbe it was just frustration I was feeling cuz I knew I would have to change, but didn't want to cuz I LIKE my old T. But your right, she has done all that she can, and done it well.

> I'm trying to forget stuff with my therapist until tomorrow. I must have dreamed about him, because this morning I woke up and dialed his number to "take back" everything I'd said. Only to not leave a message because I woke up enough to remember I actually hadn't told him any of those things, at least not yet.

*Oh (((Dinah))) I can't imagine how you must feel. You have SO much more history w/your T than I do with mine. So if I am finding this hard, how much harder must it be for you right now :-(
I'm sorry you are having to go thru this.
But it sounds like you are trying to protect yourself, so thats good.
I hope your T can help you come to a descicion as to what you should do...
NOT easy.
Hang in there and keep posting.
Thanks for your support of me. Your good at putting things succinctly :-)
TGC,
M

 

Poet and RSK

Posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 12:02:24

In reply to Re: Arrrrggghhhh/muffled, posted by rskontos on May 8, 2008, at 11:40:05

Ya, attachment is a TOUGH one. Thanks for posting so I don't feel like such a freak about it.
Yeah, I keep a distance too.
Too scared to let people close.
I let T closer than ANYbody EVER.
Guess thats what makes it hard :-(
Take care guys,
M

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled

Posted by Happyflower on May 8, 2008, at 21:28:40

In reply to Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T, posted by muffled on May 7, 2008, at 19:36:21

You know what? I see you moving on as huge step in your recovery process. She wasn't fulfilling your needs, and you were smart enough to see that, and to move on. I am proud of you. And it is okay to still care about her.

I remember your walks and how she blows her nose! :-) But it isn't a black and white issue. You probably can still contact her and just say hi if you want, she said it was okay but your probably have to make the first move.

You can still celebrate the good she did do, but also congratulate yourself because it also allowed you to take care of your needs, and that is huge!

Knowing your needs and taking steps in getting those needs met, is so amazing, huge progress.
((((Muffy)))) good luck in finding a new T.

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T

Posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 22:17:33

In reply to Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled, posted by Happyflower on May 8, 2008, at 21:28:40

> You know what? I see you moving on as huge step in your recovery process. She wasn't fulfilling your needs, and you were smart enough to see that, and to move on. I am proud of you. And it is okay to still care about her.

*thanks HF!! Well, mebbe I smart, but she KINDA hinted too....LOL!
I dunno whattup w/feeling bout her. I SO confused.

> I remember your walks and how she blows her nose! :-) But it isn't a black and white issue. You probably can still contact her and just say hi if you want, she said it was okay but your probably have to make the first move.

*LOL, she's a treasure!
I DID email her on the night of the 6th. But no reply..

> You can still celebrate the good she did do, but also congratulate yourself because it also allowed you to take care of your needs, and that is huge!

*Yeah, it IS big. Thx for the encouragement!
Ya you done amazing things too.

> Knowing your needs and taking steps in getting those needs met, is so amazing, huge progress.
> ((((Muffy)))) good luck in finding a new T.

*Ugh, 'needs', hate 'em!
Thx for hugs and good luck.
Hope this one I found works out. Its my second try...
You take care HF.
M

 

Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T muffled

Posted by Happyflower on May 9, 2008, at 9:17:40

In reply to Re: Ha, it has occurred...muffled has dumped her T, posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 22:17:33

Just keep trying Muffy, you will find the right one to help. I have seen so many changes in you over the past year, and this last thing shows just how much you have grown. You are doing good work.

 

Re: :-) muffled

Posted by B2chica on May 9, 2008, at 14:03:18

In reply to :-) B2chica, posted by muffled on May 8, 2008, at 11:46:03

Now you makin ME smile!

yes, i am but actually i think
Muffly protecting Muffly!

i think T was ok too. there were some rough times.
but my old T (that i LOOOOVED) did tell me that at one point i will 'out grow him'. he said that is what happens in healthy therapist relationships. (at least for my situation). that there will come a time that i will have said all i can say to him and he will have given all the advice he can give to me and then it will be time to move on, either to without a therapist, or on to someone else.
and that's ok.
its a natural progression.
so maybe that's where you're at now.
now you are needing someone who knows more about DD. like you say.

later gater!
b2c.


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