Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 818876

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Re: Reparenting

Posted by Phillipa on March 19, 2008, at 22:34:17

In reply to Re: Reparenting ClearSkies, posted by sunnydays on March 19, 2008, at 22:00:31

Gee I have no childhood books I wonder what happened to them? Must have left them when married as a teen in old house. I'm now rereading all my old Danielle Steele and Nicolas Sparks books. But that's just a period of about l5 years. Forgot them anyway. But I like reading about the 70's and New England and California and NY. Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting

Posted by Daisym on March 19, 2008, at 23:43:10

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by Phillipa on March 19, 2008, at 22:34:17

How many of us spent our childhoods hiding in the pages of books? I love Nesbit. I used to hide in my closet reading, especially Louise May Alcott. I spent whole summers at the library - it was my sanctuary.

The exercises I'm doing right now seem opposite of what you are doing and yet they are amazingly similiar. We spend a great deal of time working on trust and connection. My therapist wants to join me in the things that I find calming and soothing - so that I'm not so alone and don't feel I have to be. He keeps pointing out that I essentially parented myself as a child so he doesn't want me reparenting myself. He wants me to find comfort in relationship to other people. Gosh this is really hard.

Tuesday I was a wreck and feeling so young and small. So I took my stuffed animal with me 'cause I needed reinforcements. He loved it - it isn't the first time she has gone to therapy with me - he said he was really glad to see her again and asked me to keep her out on the couch with me, instead of in her tote bag. And we talked about how embarrassed I feel about needing these little-kid things to cope. He was funny, he said, "lots of "adult" coping stratiegies - alcohol, drugs, over-eating might feel less embarrassing but are they really healthier?" And he was just so accepting of it all.

I'll be interested to hear how this goes for you and which books you are revisiting.

 

Re: Reparenting Daisym

Posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 9:57:57

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by Daisym on March 19, 2008, at 23:43:10

I've just dug into the "Ring O Bells Mystery" after having finished "5 Children and It".

What's surprised me about the 5 Children story was how much of it I had no recollection of all reading - obviously, I had skipped over the hard words! So it was a discovery as much as a revisiting.

Reading the books does help take me back to a time before all the trauma in my life occurred, when I was able to soothe myself quite a bit with the books. It wasn't until I'd reached my early teenage years that things became difficult; my father's drinking career really took off, and my mother emotionally abandoned us children. (That's why I struggle so much with the Dr Bob stuff, BTW - it does trigger some heavy issues within me.) So reading the books almost allows me to get back to that original ClearSkies, before all the bad stuff happened to her. It is such a relief to find her still able to enjoy the stories and to recreate the environment in which they were read.

I'm taking it as slowly as I can, so I can relish the experience. I get the feeling I'll only be doing this once.

CS

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by rskontos on March 20, 2008, at 11:48:40

In reply to Re: Reparenting Daisym, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 9:57:57

ClearSkies, I don't think I can go back far enough and if I did I would be a pre-reading age. My memories of trauma are from the age of three or younger and I know I wasn't reading. But I too escaped into books as soon as I was reading and Louisa May Alcott was my favorite. I wanted to be the one that was the writer, Jo. Wasn't that short for Josephine. I read that book so many times it kept falling apart and then I had to check out of the libary. I would go to the libary and check out the maximum number of books allowed. My mother would complain she was tired of seeing the part in my hair as I was always looking in a book with my head down. In fact, I read while I ate and didn't think I could eat without a book to read!!! Those were the days of reading all I wanted to. I was one of those weird kids that read all my textbooks before I had to as well. I actually liked my history books.

But still, even though I can't remember the lack of trauma in any years retracing through those books might still be helpful? don't you think?

rsk

 

Re: Reparenting rskontos

Posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 12:01:40

In reply to Re: Reparenting ClearSkies, posted by rskontos on March 20, 2008, at 11:48:40

>
> But still, even though I can't remember the lack of trauma in any years retracing through those books might still be helpful? don't you think?
>
> rsk
>

I would think that if reading the books gave you solace originally, then reading them again will let you revisit those feelings. My family always read rather than talk to each other - at the dinner table, there were many times when we'd each have a book propped up under our plates as we'd silently read to ourselves rather than have to make small talk with each other! (The exception to this was Sunday dinner, when the books would be put away, and we'd painfully look at each other in mute silence. I sure did not look forward to those weekly meals.)

Why not take a Louisa May Alcott book out of the library now, and treat yourself to a series of afternoons by reading your favorites all over again? I went as far as seeking out some hard back copies in used book stores so I can have my very own, all over again.

CS

 

Re: Reparenting

Posted by earthmama on March 20, 2008, at 14:06:04

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by Daisym on March 19, 2008, at 23:43:10

This is really interesting to me. I was just thinking the other day of what a refuge books provided for me when I was a young child. I taught myself to read when I was three, and in retrospect, I think it was really a self-protective mechanism - since I couldn't physically escape from my environment, at least I could get out of there mentally for a while. I spent my entire childhood reading anything I could get my hands on...children's books, adult books, cookbooks, my mom's magazines, the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (dad was a member)....literally any printed material in the house. And then I was an English Literature major in college...go figure! LOL

I've thought about revisiting my childhood books, but I'm not sure if it would be soothing (remembering the comfort they gave me as a child) or painful (remembering the reasons I was so desperate to escape). Hmmm.

 

Re: Reparenting earthmama

Posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 16:01:30

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by earthmama on March 20, 2008, at 14:06:04

> >
> I've thought about revisiting my childhood books, but I'm not sure if it would be soothing (remembering the comfort they gave me as a child) or painful (remembering the reasons I was so desperate to escape). Hmmm.

I had hesitated for this very reason - and it's why I boxed the books up in the first place. It was a happy day when I found I was able to completely recall the warm and soothing feeling the stories originally gave me, right down to the dusty smell of the hallway where our bookcase was in the house, just by reading the books again. I believe that this is a gift that we're able to give ourselves as adults.

Nice to meet you, by the way, Earthmama. I am trying to post more often so I hope to know you better :-)

ClearSkies

 

Re: Reparenting

Posted by mair on March 20, 2008, at 16:33:55

In reply to Re: Reparenting rskontos, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 12:01:40

This thread is so interesting.

I too read constantly and reading (when I'm not too depressed or anxious to concentrate) is still a source of comfort and escape. I tend to buy books even when I know I'm not going to read them for awhile. One of the pleasurable things about taking a vacation is going through my stockpile of unread books and picking out the ones I want to take with me.

I told my T that, as a child, I used to be able to walk into my house and take the emotional temperature. The emotional temperature usually had something to do with my father's moods. If I thought I wasn't going to want to be anywhere near him, I'd grab a book and a snack and leave. I had a favorite tree down the street. That's where I'd hide out.

I, too, spent alot of time in the local library. Probably because I'm older than all you guys, I remember loving Nancy Drew mysteries (many of which were very dated when I read them) and a wonderful series of I'm sure very inaccurate and incomplete biographies of famous historical persons written for children. Part of the escape was imagining what it was like to be living in a particular time at a particular place. I still do it some.

One book I remember truly loving was A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. I bought it a few years ago thinking it would be fun to read it again. I wasn't able to make it past the first couple of pages. Given that, I'm not sure I'd get much of value by going back through those books now, even if I had them.

While very few of my favorite books survived, I've zealously protected and saved some of my own childrens' books. These are mostly ones which I read to them. Probably the ones I've kept are more my favorites than there's. They don't seem to care if I keep any of them.

Mair

 

:-))) ClearSkies

Posted by Kath on March 20, 2008, at 16:42:04

In reply to Re: Reparenting earthmama, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 16:01:30

So glad this is working well for you CS.

My ex-husband sold most of my childhood books. Took them to a used book store without even asking me. I was devastated & was SO shy & 'mousey' in those days that I couldn't bring myself to go to the bookstore, explain the situation & get them back.

Over the years I've been able to find some of them, which has been REALLY nice. Our local used bookstore man found me "Artie & the Princess" after trying for a couple of years! A lot of the ones I remember were just small - I think they were called The Little Golden Books - or something.

I hope this will be a wonderful healing journey for you ClearSkies.

luv, Kath

 

Re: Reparenting mair

Posted by Phillipa on March 20, 2008, at 19:02:13

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by mair on March 20, 2008, at 16:33:55

No not that old as my passion was Nancy Drew and the hardcopies were $l.00 when a kid and weekly bought one and read with a falshlight under the covers. Have no idea what happened to them. Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by rskontos on March 20, 2008, at 19:25:45

In reply to Re: Reparenting rskontos, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 12:01:40

ClearSkies, An excellent suggestion I think I will.

My family did not all read, but we did not make small talk. We just ate and left. Sunday's dinner was a trip to a bad restaurant where I could not take a book. Oh how I hated those dinners!

I am going to the library.

Thanks,

rsk

 

Re: :-))) Kath

Posted by Phillipa on March 20, 2008, at 19:32:46

In reply to :-))) ClearSkies, posted by Kath on March 20, 2008, at 16:42:04

Kath you jarred my mind I had them too and think my kids did too. Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by fayeroe on March 20, 2008, at 19:51:36

In reply to Reparenting, posted by ClearSkies on March 19, 2008, at 18:27:33

ClearSkies, I have not experienced that "homework" and I think it is a wonderful thing that your T suggested! I can only imagine how exciting it is to see your name on those covers and relive the stories.

I loved to read when I was a child and I hope that I have some of my books left at the ranch.

I, for one, lost some of my childhood time and I really applaud you for doing this exercise!!

xoxoxo Pat

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by earthmama on March 20, 2008, at 20:53:52

In reply to Re: Reparenting earthmama, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 16:01:30

Thanks, clearskies! Nice to meet you too!

I'm trying to be brave and come out of lurkdom, where I've resided for the past few months :)

 

Re: Reparenting mair

Posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 22:21:19

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by mair on March 20, 2008, at 16:33:55

Loved Nancy Drew - my older sister had them, but I'd read them too. Also the Bobsey Twins, and Trixie Belden. I think I would get them kind of mixed up in my head and assign some of the characters to my Barbie dolls.

My favourite Nancy Drew story was "The Clue In The Crumbling Wall".

CS

 

Re: Reparenting fayeroe

Posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 22:24:20

In reply to Re: Reparenting ClearSkies, posted by fayeroe on March 20, 2008, at 19:51:36

Funny enough (weird funny, not ha ha funny) many of books were presentation copies given to me from Sunday school - which I absolutely hated going to and have no good memories of! And yet here I have all these great books from them. I guess it was good for something besides instilling a love of jello molds.

CS

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by fayeroe on March 21, 2008, at 8:44:52

In reply to Re: Reparenting fayeroe, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 22:24:20

My book memories of those days are of my riding a mule, bareback, named Kit, 3 miles a dirt road to get a sack full of books from our neighbor, Mr. Thomas. Mr. Thomas had everything. No kid books, but none the less, books that I read. He even lent me Shakespeare. (I know that I can top the "oh, what a touching story") :-)

I had all of the PollyAnna books and one other set.....hmmmmmm. Can't remember the names but they were a brother and sister line of adventure books.

I also received books from my Mom's church. (I went to church to see my little friends...my mother thought I was "in line" with her beliefs..I never listened to the sermon)

You've really got me thinking about the reparenting work. I am going to do something today that I wanted to do while young.

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on March 21, 2008, at 18:27:58

In reply to Re: Reparenting mair, posted by ClearSkies on March 20, 2008, at 22:21:19

CS how do you remember the names? Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting Phillipa

Posted by ClearSkies on March 25, 2008, at 7:07:46

In reply to Re: Reparenting ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on March 21, 2008, at 17:27:58

> CS how do you remember the names? Phillipa

I don' t know - the good ones (or the ones I really liked) stick in my head I guess.
CS

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on March 25, 2008, at 18:41:49

In reply to Re: Reparenting Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on March 25, 2008, at 7:07:46

CS ever read a book and have no recollection of ever reading it as those old Danielle Steele books stole my memory? Love Phillipa Now there are some you don't forget different author but Nicholas Sparks Notebook and I think the Wedding and never will forget a contraversial book by Scott Peck Bed by the window.

 

Re: Reparenting Phillipa

Posted by ClearSkies on March 25, 2008, at 19:42:35

In reply to Re: Reparenting ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on March 25, 2008, at 18:41:49

> CS ever read a book and have no recollection of ever reading it as those old Danielle Steele books stole my memory? Love Phillipa Now there are some you don't forget different author but Nicholas Sparks Notebook and I think the Wedding and never will forget a contraversial book by Scott Peck Bed by the window.

Worse than forgetting a book, I have bought it once, and then read it and bought it again, not realizing that I'd already read it (even after glancing at the blurb on the back of the book). That's when I know I've been reading but not digesting - or that I've gone "off" a particular author, when their works start to run together for me.

Thankfully, this has only happened a handful of times. And a few of them were when I bought copies in one country, and the additional copies in a different country - they had different covers, you see (I was fooled!).

I am enjoying my kids books so far. Taking it slowly, as I promised myself. There are a few books that I vaguely remember from childhood, but I don't know the titles, just what they were about. One of them was about finding an elephant in your bathtub, and how to get it out of the house.

CS

 

Re: Reparenting ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on March 25, 2008, at 19:50:12

In reply to Re: Reparenting Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on March 25, 2008, at 19:42:35

CS thanks why we quit buying books bought so many over again . Alzheimers is beginning lack of hormone. Now how do you get an elephant out of the bathtub? Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting

Posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 20:30:50

In reply to Re: Reparenting Phillipa, posted by ClearSkies on March 25, 2008, at 19:42:35

I had to make a database of my books, because I was always rebuying them.

It didn't help that we had the annual book fair. Purchases there were usually not all that well thought out. But even now, I have to rely on Amazon telling me I've already purchased an item.

 

Re: Reparenting Dinah

Posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2008, at 18:53:00

In reply to Re: Reparenting, posted by Dinah on March 25, 2008, at 21:30:50

Glad I'm not the only one. Library now if want books. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Reparenting Phillipa

Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2008, at 18:57:35

In reply to Re: Reparenting Dinah, posted by Phillipa on March 26, 2008, at 18:53:00

The book fair was a wonderful thing.

At one time you could get books for a quarter. The last time I went prices were higher.

The stampede on opening day was fabulous. I'd run to the books, and my husband would run to the LP's. Then we'd switch. I'd easily spend a day there.

I wonder if they're holding it this year.


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