Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 818102

Shown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Just wanted to tell you...

Posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

....that my grandson (first grandchild) arrived last Sat. March 8th. The labor and
delivery went as well as possible. He was placed for adoption at the
hospital 48 hours after he was born. I spent the entire time with him
and my daughter (except for 2 hours that I left to go home to shower)
My daughter handed him to his new parents and we left the hospital
empty handed. This has been the hardest week of my life!!!! I cry
because I love him and want him. The adoption is open but I don't
know if I have the strength to see him only to have to say goodbye all
over again. I KNOW without a doubt this is what is BEST for him. To
have a mom and a dad. My daughter needs to finish high school and go
on to college. She will be a part of his life and I know one day he
will thank her. His adoptive parents are awesome!!!!! They couldn't
be better parents and they have extended family to love him as well.

I had an appointment with my T on Wed. this week, 2 days following the
adoption. I spent the hour telling her every detail of the labor
right up to the placement.(Crying my eyes out the whole time) She
made very little comment. I thought she seemed cold to me and it made
me mad!!!!!! I don't know if she didn't know what to say, or if she
blocked her feelings not to show any. Anyway when the hour was over,
I said, it's time to go and she said, uh huh, so I got up, she said,
thanks for sharing that with me, I said nothing back as I was in too
much pain. She said see you next Tues. I left without saying
anything. I never do that but she hurt me. I didn't need that. Now
I don't want to go back. She will be out of the country for the next
3 weeks anyway so why go get things stirred up and have her
gone...........I hate therapy sometimes and lately it's been bad!
I thought she'd at least offer to let me call her anytime. (I know I can anyway) She's
pissed at me for some other things anyway. I don't want to go Tues.
but I know if I don't, she'll be even more pissed at me.

I hate therapy sometimes. I want a real person to talk to that I know
isn't playing by therapy rules and crap.
Anyway, I thought I'd share this with you as I think I mentioned what
was happening in my life a few months ago. The pain of this was far
worse than I ever imagined it to be. He is the most beautiful baby
I've ever seen and the best baby I've ever been with. He was a
miracle baby and he's changed my life forever.
I love him with all my heart and miss him more than I can say. I took
the week off work to be with my daughter. She left a voice mail for her T and she sees him this week. He's been good to her!
She loves this baby, her son, more than she
ever thought she could love anything in her life.
Please don't expect any replies from me with this. It's too hard and
I don't have it in me to do. But if you do reply to me, know that I'm
thankful for any thoughts you might share.

Thanks for letting me share this with you. This is the hardest thing
I've ever gone through. Harder than leaving my husband last August
after 23 years of marriage.

LadyBug

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by Phillipa on March 15, 2008, at 14:15:25

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

I'm sorry and you're very brave as is your Daughter. As I know none of the circumstances of the birth and family situation Just know that I feel for you. Agree that the therapist could have shown some more compassion for you outwardly but maybe you're right she was processing the info. You sound like a strong lady as well. Phillipa

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by crushedout on March 15, 2008, at 14:36:36

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23


wow, ladybug, that sounds very intense. i think you will be happy because you did the right thing and you will find peace, but it's hard to imagine the pain you are going through right now.

i can relate to the therapy part of it, though. my T is also pissed at me and acting out about it, which is wrong. i don't know where the line is. and i really don't know when to cut bait, but i've been feeling lately that i should soon.

i know this is a terrible thing to say on this board, but right now i'm just thinking the whole thing's a crock and a huge waste of time and money.

:(

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by rskontos on March 15, 2008, at 14:37:23

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

Wow, Ladybug, you have been through SO MUCH, and as Poet would say a big cyber slap on your T's head. Whatever she might have been pissed at you about you deserved more than uh thanks for sharing.


Here is a hug (((((LadyBug)))))). Maybe with some distance you might change your mind about seeing him, the emotions are very raw now. Give it some time before you make any decisions about the future, it is a long time before that precious baby grows up and you might want a relationship with that grandbaby. You have time to decide when these raw emotions subside some.

take care,

rsk

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you...

Posted by raisinb on March 15, 2008, at 20:34:13

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

Wow, that's so much to go through. I hope you are okay and taking care of yourself. It's so painful, too, to share something sensitive in therapy and then to feel rejected on top of the stuff that caused the pain in the first place.

I don't know what happened in your session. But, my therapist is sometimes very cold (in my view), but then later I find out it was because she loses herself in listening and thinking and forgets to be reassuring. She's clueless (or at least was) to the fact that I need a response when I share something vulnerable.

Maybe if you feel up to it, you could share how hurt you were with your therapist and tell her what response you wanted instead?

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by KAL44 on March 15, 2008, at 22:06:26

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

Take care of yourself and know that people care. Therapists should not get mad at patients either. I am sorry for that too.

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you...

Posted by LadyBug on March 16, 2008, at 7:49:59

In reply to Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug, posted by KAL44 on March 15, 2008, at 22:06:26

I woke up at 4:00 am, I can't sleep my heart hurts so much. I can't stop crying. I miss this little guy more than I can say. I love him like nothing else in my life right now.
Do I call my T and leave her a voice mail? I don't think she gets it at all and I'm sure this is probably something she's never dealt with with any of her other patient's. Or do I cry in silence? Can I face my co-workers when I return to work tomorrow and just break down on them? I can't face the world right now.

My T is leaving this week for 3 weeks, not that she will be of any help to me anyway. She's mad at me right now. I'm an emotional mess. I look up open adoption on the internet and find nothing positive to read about it. I want this baby back for me and for my daughter so our hearts will stop from breaking. I know I'm tired and when I get tired, I get emotional. I can't stop crying. Will it ever get better, I'm having my doubts?

We are going to go see him next Sat. to take him a *little* Easter Basket. Will it help me? Or hurt me more. I don't know what to do with my pain right now. There is a support group that the adoption agency has once a week for birth moms and their parents. I can't wait till Thursday to go but until then, I can't stand how I feel. I know I can call my daughters case worker too but she isn't going to help me during the middle of the night!

I'm afraid for the first time ever to call and leave my T a voice mail about this. I don't think she has a clue! I'm afraid like a little child.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'm lost and broken.
LadyBug

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by rskontos on March 16, 2008, at 11:43:26

In reply to Re: Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 16, 2008, at 7:49:59

Ladybug, why in the world would T be mad. This is enormous emotional time for you. This is very hard thing to go through. I think you need to see this child and have all the time in the world to work through it. If this was mine situation, I have a daughter close to your daughters age, I think I would need to work through with the child in my life, not to isolate myself. That is my best guess since it is not happening to me. Babies you can love even if they are not related to you, so this one is so special to you. Yes go on Easter, take the basket. I think that each visit will bring some healing and some peace. Take pictures, video too. So that when it gets so hard to handle you can look at them, watch the video and know you will see him again. And when he is old enough you probably will be able to take him places, to the park, to swing, for walks etc. He will be around a longtime. Long enough for both of you to have a relationship with him. Go, change his diaper, give the basket. I think it will help and know in your heart, each leaving of him will get easier. And he is the luckiest of babies, two adoring families to love him to pieces. How wonderful is that. Don't deprive him of knowing you....you are special too.

rsk

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by Daisym on March 16, 2008, at 16:47:14

In reply to Re: Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 16, 2008, at 7:49:59

Love hurts are two of the truest words ever written. I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Can you write a letter to your grandson and tell him how much you love him and how brave his mom is for allowing so many people to love him? Tell him about his birth - kids love to hear about this later. Write about your family and what you think he will want to know about your parents and grandparents. You can keep this letter for much later in his life but it will capture for him all your love and help him to understand how hard this was for everyone.

Doing the best thing is very often not doing the easy thing. My prayers are with you.

 

Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug

Posted by Dinah on March 16, 2008, at 17:58:49

In reply to Just wanted to tell you..., posted by LadyBug on March 15, 2008, at 13:18:23

I know it was hard. But you and your daughter did such a beautiful thing.

((((Ladybug))))

 

Re: Thanks EVERYONE

Posted by LadyBug on March 16, 2008, at 21:49:19

In reply to Re: Just wanted to tell you... » LadyBug, posted by Dinah on March 16, 2008, at 17:58:49

I just want to say thank you to all of you for all your kind words and for taking the time to reply.
I have my ups and downs or should I say I have my downs and then farther down.
Thanks all for letting me share.
I don't know what my T will have to say to me this week. She better be kind.
I canceled my appointment a few weeks ago with just a few hours notice. I had been to court that day and just to mentally wiped out to go see her.
I sent her 2 emails which is a boundary breaker. She doesn't allow email, too old fashioned I guess. I told her she didn't understand what I was going through and she wasn't there for me like I needed her to be. She's been cold towards me ever since. I just might have to kick her in the butt!!!
LadyBug


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