Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 816351

Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I'm just so mad

Posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 11:55:04


I have to vent. I'm so mad at my T for what she did this week. I'm so tired of having to deal with Ts' personal cr*p. I keep needing a T to deal with my Ts. How f*cked up is that? All I can think now is: it's time to break that cycle. Ts suck. I won't do this to myself anymore.

 

more venting

Posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 12:50:32

In reply to I'm just so mad, posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 11:55:04

I just need to keep venting. Thank goodness no one is obligated to read this. Only if you want to....

One of the things my T said to me on Monday was that I "had crossed the line." But every single time I've brought up researching her on the internet, she would make light of it, often making a joke and saying there can't be much out there on her. And I've said, "you'd be surprised how much a person like me can find" (I'm a good researcher). If it had been a problem, she had a zillion opportunities like these to say to me, "You know, [crushed], not only do I think this is not productive to your therapy, but it makes me uncomfortable and I'd really rather you not do any more internet research on me or my family."

Then if I had continued, I think her anger may have a place, and that she could tell me I crossed the line. If you never indicate to me that there's a line, then it's simply not fair to punish me for having crossed it. It's not my line. That's not where I think the line is. I happen to think anything on the internet is fair game, but if she asked me not to, I think I would have respected her request. Even if it had been difficult.

Another thing that keeps bothering me is one of the things she sort of yelled at me this week was that it was time to start talking about what this is about and not "acting out." I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO HER ABOUT THIS FOR THREE YEARS. The fact that she's utterly failed to help me figure it out may be part of why I keep "acting out" because I'm still trying to understand what it is about. But suggesting I haven't been talking about it, or trying my freakin' d*mnedest to work on it, is outrageous.

 

Re: more venting

Posted by sassyfrancesca on March 5, 2008, at 13:46:07

In reply to more venting, posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 12:50:32

It sounds to me as if she doesn't know what she is doing....just from the little I have gleaned from what you have written.

Unless you are threatening them with piano wire....or violence, you haven't "crossed the line"....they are supposed to be trained to handle ANY situation; sounds like she has her OWN issues she has not dealt with.

That is my armchair assessment, LOL, LOL

Hugs, Francesca

P.S. Even if you are "acting out" WHATEVER that is supposed to mean (I always ask people to DEFINE what they are saying)........that's okay; a client can behave any way they want to!!

Sounds like your t is "acting out."

 

Re: more venting sassyfrancesca

Posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 13:49:04

In reply to Re: more venting, posted by sassyfrancesca on March 5, 2008, at 13:46:07


thanks, sassy. i agree that she's the one acting out and actually "crossing the line" here. Ironic, huh?

but normally she hasn't been like this. so i don't want to condemn her just yet. i am leaning towards quitting right now, though. and i'm very, very angry at her.

 

Re: more venting

Posted by sassyfrancesca on March 5, 2008, at 14:49:54

In reply to Re: more venting sassyfrancesca, posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 13:49:04

Yes, sweetie! Ironic.....All you can do (if you choose to) is tell her the truth, and see if she is going to be authentic in her response.

Hugs, Sassy

 

Re: more venting

Posted by annierose on March 5, 2008, at 19:01:11

In reply to Re: more venting, posted by sassyfrancesca on March 5, 2008, at 14:49:54

I'm going to offer a different perspective. Maybe she is just being a human being. She thought about the information you found out about her and decided that it made her feel uncomfortable. So she changed her mind and decided you should no longer gather information about her personal life via the internet. Maybe she asked you in a harsher tone than you expected, and as you said, this is the first time in 3 (?) years she mentioned something.

So this isn't her typical behavior.

I think you need to balance the long term relationship you have built vs. this one incident where you do not see eye to eye.

I'm not saying that she handled this the way you wanted. But don't throw her under the bus just yet. Just like any relationship in real life, this will take time to talk it through. And unlike real life, you will have to wait for the next session and maybe another session after that to finally feel at peace. In order words, part of your pain right now is that you are holding on to your anger. You don't have access to her 24/7. You have to wait until your next session, unless you decide to call.

I have been through my fair share of ruptures. While I'm in the midst of them I doubt the entire relationship. But as we talk and talk and talk it out, we always come to the other side, both learning something new about the other person.

I think you both deserve another session or two to be heard.

 

Re: more venting annierose

Posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 20:32:19

In reply to Re: more venting, posted by annierose on March 5, 2008, at 19:01:11


i haven't thrown her under the bus. but i have to say, if i don't get an apology for how she mishandled this, then i don't see how i can move on.

i have a strong sense the relationship wasn't good for me anyway. this could be my very effective sour grapes defense mechanism, but it could also be true. and i have to strongly consider that it might be.

thanks for your input, annie. i agree that she is human and may have just realized she had the boundary. i just really think she should have started by stating that there was a boundary, instead of attacking me for crossing it.

 

Re: more venting crushedout

Posted by Abby Cunningham on March 6, 2008, at 18:20:11

In reply to Re: more venting annierose, posted by crushedout on March 5, 2008, at 20:32:19

crushedout, please see my post above, where you first posted about this. I had a very similar experience and ended up terminated by a T who has big issues which she brought with her into therapy with me.
Abby


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