Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 816325

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is this just how it's going to be? anxiety

Posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

no matter what I do I cannot find a way to resolve my anxiety. Sure, there is temporary relief, but every morning, between the time of 8 to noon there is this dull dread, occasionally crescendoing to panic. What should I do?

I've tried journalling my worries with limited success. I don't know what I'm anxious about, or else I would talk to T about it.

I don't know why medication won't work. It makes me sleepy, not less anxious (tried cymbalta for this, xanax, klonopin). Every morning just the same old tired routine. I cut out all my caffeine. It helped a little bit.

I've tried meditation and guided relaxation, but slowly that has become associated in my mind with increased anxiety.

I'm afraid of being late for my day's appointments, for work, for life.

I'm afraid to leave the house.

I'm afraid to stay at home.

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety

Posted by seldomseen on March 5, 2008, at 11:13:53

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

No, this is not how it's going to be. This is temporary and it is just anxiety, nothing more. The dread is most likely not rational.

Now, having said that - God I would rather be in my bed depressed than anxious. It's such a nasty nasty feeling.

I've never had much luck with meditation or relaxation.

I have had some luck with distraction techniques to stave off panic: counting backward from 1000 by 7's, mentally visualizing and naming all of the animals' enclosures at the sanctuary where I volunteer, calling someone, and singing (yes singing - it is actually the most efficacious for me). But sometimes nothing works.

I just recently started on buspar. While I won't say that I am as happy as a hindu cow, it is helping.

Good luck llurpsie, stay safe

Seldom.

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle

Posted by muffled on March 5, 2008, at 11:30:39

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

Excellent suggestions by seldom.
I find being around trusted people helps too.
Sometimes I goto my sisters and just sit. Sometimes it even stays when I am there, but I feel safer when I start to panic, and I can dose w/xanax and sleep as need be.
Oddly sometimes being anxious, I think I could NEVER sleep, but plop, off I go....
I agree w/seldom , anxiety isn't always. It does seem to ease for times.
You have quite alot going on in your life my dear Llurpy.
T wise...I dunno, do you feel safe with this T mostly?
Me and my T were just talking yesterday bout how she feels safe with me, and I feel mostly safe with her, 'cept when we were in the car and she waving her hands about. I felt kinda bad bout that. That she feel safe but I don't. She say that she feel safe with her hubby, even when they have a (rare) rip snorting fight. I feel mostly safe with my hubby, mostly cuz he not much bigger than me and so I could proly take him down.
I wonder if stuff like emdr, or touch, or tapping, or hypnosis, etc therapy might be useful to you if you could tolerate it?
Does vigorous excersise help w/anxious at all? Maybe the runners 'high' would override the anxiety? though I tend towards paralysis when I anxious.
Wish you the best LL.
Take care.

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety

Posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2008, at 12:47:05

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on March 5, 2008, at 11:30:39

Sleeping is nice and strange could sleep all day with no meds but come night and meds can't sleep. Good luck lurpsie. Love Phillipa

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle

Posted by ClearSkies on March 5, 2008, at 15:47:20

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

My experience with meditation and guided relaxation has been that I've had to make them daily habits in order to find them beneficial. When I've reached for them in crisis time - omigod I'm really anxious, I'd better meditate Right Now!! then I might as well stop before I start. It works best for me to pick the same time of day and stick to it; and to do the meditation whether I feel that I "need" it or not - after several weeks' worth of this, I find that my body starts to become relaxed in anticipation of the meditation process, which is a wonderful gift in itself. That I've chosen bedtime to do this meditation has made night something I now look forward to, instead of a time I approach with great anxiety, which used to be the case.

For me, the magic was in creating the habit - this was what created the relaxed state of mind.

I still take medications as prescribed, but I see them also as a tool for creating that relaxed state, rather than the cure for my anxiety. The real tools are still up in my head.

Oh, and a cup of tea is hard to beat! Can't run around with a cup of tea in your hand...

take care,
CS

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety

Posted by Angela2 on March 5, 2008, at 16:17:11

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

I'm really happy for going out and doing things even though you're scared. That is so good. Also, a book called "From Panic to Power" has helped me in the past. (Now I've ordered her tapes as well).


(((((Llurpsie)))))

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle

Posted by Sigismund on March 5, 2008, at 18:29:29

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

Dread (which you've mentioned before) is mostly without an object.

I can remember feeling a lot of it. In my case the drugs that helped with it were the ones that aggravated it (benzos).

>I'm afraid of being late for my day's appointments, for work, for life.

You feel like you are wasting your life then?

It wouldn't seem so odd to me if you did.

Your life is finite, time is passing, you don't understand anything (speaking personally here). That's reason enough to feel dread?

I tried to make sense of it for years, without much success.

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety Sigismund

Posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2008, at 20:46:42

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on March 5, 2008, at 18:29:29

Sigi as we get older each day means more as there are less and of them to me this is dread. Right or wrong how I feel love Phillipa. now remember feelings can neither be right or wrong they just are.

 

Dear T... (violence triggers)

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 20:52:38

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by seldomseen on March 5, 2008, at 11:13:53

I want to be myself, but I find that I am unable to be authentic, to feel pain when Im in here. I am still afraid to show you weakness. I still feel unsafe. I tell myself that I dont need therapy. That I can do this alone. I want to feel better, but I cant release my emotions in here. I put on my mask.

Im worried about what you think of me. Am I fooling myself when I think I can be the person I wish to become? Am I glossing over the negatives and playing up my assets in order to win your approval? I feel that I am. Why do I want your approval anyways? Youre not hiring me. Youre here to help me heal. But I push you away. I keep you at a safe distance, and I wonder afterwards why Im wasting our time.

Every morning I wake up with optimism that turns to dull dread within an hour and panic as I pace around the cottage, looking for some kind of distraction. Some days Im able to break the cycle and leave the house when Im still feeling okay, but other days I just break down and go back to bed after taking a klonopin and drinking a cup of tea. I just shake, or hold my breath counting the ticks of a clock with ever-increasing gloom and panic. I wait for h to come home to give me some distraction. I wait for someone to write me an email so that I can read it and respond and get out of my head for a bit. I wait. For what? I didnt want to tell you because I dont want you to think Im crazy.

I function. Kind of. I have intrusive thoughts. They are scenes of horrific violence. Im driving along the street and I imagine that Im in a head-on collision. I feel the collision and then I snap out of it, but I lose a moment or so. I cook and I imagine that I put my hand on the burner. I imagine that I cut my fingertips off with the chefs knife. I walk into my house at night and expect a burglar to strangle me. I flinch at nothing. I shudder at daydreams that give me goosebumps. I lose my connection with reality, with the things that I am engaging in. I cannot maintain a hold on the present without effort. I pinch myself or pick at a hangnail or hold my breath to stay here. Im afraid of what will happen if I leave the present and go off into my daydreams. I feel I will be destroyed. I didnt want to tell you because I dont want you to think Im crazy.

I have nightmares too. I wake up sweating most nights, and my naps are filled with terror. Why am I so afraid?

Im really scared to give you this letter. What will you think of me? Will you be disappointed in me? Will you be frustrated with me, or even angry with me? Why do I need reassurance that you wont hurt me?

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety seldomseen

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 20:55:00

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by seldomseen on March 5, 2008, at 11:13:53

thanks seldom,
you are a gem. I'm going to do a babble search for buspar. Maybe I should cut my fingernails and do some slow scales on the violin in the am. My equivalent of 'singing'.

I have plans when I feel good. Llurpsielists. But they seem to fall apart at the same time I do.

-Ll

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety muffled

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 20:58:56

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle, posted by muffled on March 5, 2008, at 11:30:39

> Excellent suggestions by seldom.
> I find being around trusted people helps too.
> Sometimes I goto my sisters and just sit. Sometimes it even stays when I am there, but I feel safer when I start to panic, and I can dose w/xanax and sleep as need be.

yeah, xanax helps, but it knocks me out cold. I only use xanax for emergencies.

> Oddly sometimes being anxious, I think I could NEVER sleep, but plop, off I go....
> I agree w/seldom , anxiety isn't always. It does seem to ease for times.
> You have quite alot going on in your life my dear Llurpy.
> T wise...I dunno, do you feel safe with this T mostly?

I guess you'll have to read my post below...

> Me and my T were just talking yesterday bout how she feels safe with me, and I feel mostly safe with her, 'cept when we were in the car and she waving her hands about. I felt kinda bad bout that. That she feel safe but I don't. She say that she feel safe with her hubby, even when they have a (rare) rip snorting fight. I feel mostly safe with my hubby, mostly cuz he not much bigger than me and so I could proly take him down.
> I wonder if stuff like emdr, or touch, or tapping, or hypnosis, etc therapy might be useful to you if you could tolerate it?

my T suggested emdr, but I'm not sure how I'd pay for it. my insurance is already paying for T and mT; I doubt they'd pay for emdrT too.

> Does vigorous excersise help w/anxious at all? Maybe the runners 'high' would override the anxiety? though I tend towards paralysis when I anxious.

At some point in the am, I could probably be convinced to leave the house to exercise. but after a while I'm reduced to hand=wringing, hair-pulling (but not pulling my hair OUT!) and pacing. Then hope is lost.

> Wish you the best LL.
> Take care.

thank you dear muffled

ll

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety ClearSkies

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 21:02:27

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on March 5, 2008, at 15:47:20

(((((((tea)))))))))

I wonder why my anxiety is always so bad in the morning. evening is fine n dandy.

you wanna trade for a while?

-Ll

meditation habit. I hope to set up a little nook for myself soon, preferably one that won't include flaming paraffin bombs (aromatherapy burners). Current cottage has uninsulated groundfloor. 60 degrees in the am. not conducive to meditating or much of anything.

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety Angela2

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 21:05:02

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by Angela2 on March 5, 2008, at 16:17:11

I drove a total of 4 hours today. and I have a 'thing' about driving. so that's something. I only got scared a few times...

thanks for your encouragement angela

-Ll

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety Sigismund

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 21:10:53

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on March 5, 2008, at 18:29:29

> Dread (which you've mentioned before) is mostly without an object.
>

Okay, I have a couple specific fears- fear of being late (there is a traumatic story there). fear of being fired for being late. Fear of not waking up because my alarm clock wasn't set correctly. etc.

> I can remember feeling a lot of it. In my case the drugs that helped with it were the ones that aggravated it (benzos).

I cut out my caffeine and benzos about 3 weeks ago. about 5 days with no benzos. It wasn't the best 5 days. I drink a little green or oolong tea here and there, but still avoiding the heavy hitters- coffee and assam.
>
> >I'm afraid of being late for my day's appointments, for work, for life.
>
> You feel like you are wasting your life then?
>
yes. I suppose I am wasting my life. or at least I feel that I am.

> It wouldn't seem so odd to me if you did.
>

uh oh! I have odd behavior! (perish the thought!)

> Your life is finite, time is passing, you don't understand anything (speaking personally here). That's reason enough to feel dread?
>
> I tried to make sense of it for years, without much success.

what's the end of the story??? you leave me hanging!! does dread evaporate? does it become more keenly felt with age?

lifespan

 

Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Phillipa on March 5, 2008, at 21:44:34

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety Sigismund, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 21:10:53

Lurpsie I've heard others say they mellow with age. Love Phillipa

 

In the long run nothing matters LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Sigismund on March 5, 2008, at 21:59:23

In reply to Re: is this just how it's going to be? anxiety Sigismund, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on March 5, 2008, at 21:10:53

>does it become more keenly felt with age?

Not in my experience, Lurps.

 

Dread

Posted by Sigismund on March 6, 2008, at 14:30:29

In reply to is this just how it's going to be? anxiety, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 5, 2008, at 7:37:02

In an attempt to put my sense of dread into words, we spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with seperateness.

 

Re: Dread Sigismund

Posted by llurpsienoodle on March 6, 2008, at 16:37:04

In reply to Dread, posted by Sigismund on March 6, 2008, at 14:30:29

> In an attempt to put my sense of dread into words, we spent a lot of time in therapy dealing with seperateness.

separation of what and what?

ego and superego?

church and state

parent and child...?

can you elaborate? Thanks sigi, you're the best :)

hope the weather is nice where you are. not too many floods :(

-Ll

 

Re: Dread llurpsienoodle

Posted by sigismund on March 7, 2008, at 4:01:54

In reply to Re: Dread Sigismund, posted by llurpsienoodle on March 6, 2008, at 16:37:04

Separateness between me and others.

I don't really understand what the big deal here was, but I seemed always to be playing tennis from the wrong end of the court, not to speak of feeling too much radical uncomfortableness for no good reason. I guess you could call it social anxiety.

We certainly did a lot of stuff in therapy about where I was.

I suppose I have always been looking for somewhere to hide.

You know how you can't think sensibly about some things? I better stop this. I know where it leads.


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