Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 815401

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

attacked (verbally) in group

Posted by sunnydays on February 29, 2008, at 17:10:10

So I know this is not my issue, it's the other person's, but I keep getting ganged up on it feels like by everyone else in my trauma group. I cried almost the whole time. The leader tried her best, there's just so much tension and confusion in there. She said something about that I carry a lot of the feelings for the group it seems like, and she was trying to get people to own their own feelings. I'm not sure quite what she meant except that I feel like I am being verbally attacked over and over through no fault of my own. I talk to my T tomorrow (I hope, I don't think he was at work today so he better be there tomorrow). But does anyone have a take on it? The person has said that this happens to her all the time that people think she's attacking them. So it's definitely about her. But I just feel jumped on and like almost everyone in the group agrees with her. I'm at the point that I don't really want to go anymore except that I don't want them to win. So I feel stuck. And sad and hurt, and missing my T and I want him to respond to me, but I don't think he was there and I don't know why he wasn't there and I need him to be there tomorrow and so I hope he is.

sunnydays

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group

Posted by rskontos on February 29, 2008, at 19:53:26

In reply to attacked (verbally) in group, posted by sunnydays on February 29, 2008, at 17:10:10

Sunnydays, I think it means that the other people were projecting their feelings onto you versus owning them themselves. This allows them not to take ownership of the feelings and dump them into you lap. That is why you feel ganged up on. You being sensitive and wanting to help has allowed them to do this, and it seems a great many has done this and the leader is powerless to stop it, you must. Maybe tomorrow you need to be more silent and take back your power. Only speak if it is in your best interest and if your T there to assist you. Please don't allow this group situation to traumatize you further. It sounds like it could be. Not being there, it is hard to know exactly how you are allowing this, but you must find your strength to stand up to them. Either silently or tell them how they have made you feel and they must stop.

I hope you find your voice, or the leader helps. In therapy you should not feel this way, I don't like to see you hurt. You have been doing well and making progress. I wish you luck, you are strong. Tell yourself that and don't let them project their issues on you. I feel for you and your crying through a whole session. that is no way to have to have a group session. I send strong vibes for tomorrow ((((((sunnydays))))))

rsk

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group sunnydays

Posted by Kath on February 29, 2008, at 20:07:29

In reply to attacked (verbally) in group, posted by sunnydays on February 29, 2008, at 17:10:10

Jeez - that sounds horrible. I just started group therapy & I'm pretty darned sure the doctor leading it would NOT let that type of thing carry on.

I'm so sorry that happens.

:-( Kath - PS - maybe next time, could you start out the session saying that you felt attacked & that you are NOT okay with being attacked? Were they being verbally abusive? or saying mean things about you?

K

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group Kath

Posted by sunnydays on February 29, 2008, at 21:40:32

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group sunnydays, posted by Kath on February 29, 2008, at 20:07:29

The leader(s) are less experienced with groups (one was sick and had to miss last night), but she is really nice and I like her a lot. It's just that the people in the group were saying things like, "You're too focused on yourself," and "And you never even look at people," but you had to be there and hear their voices to hear the meanness in them. I will talk to my T - he's great and he has been helping me deal with this group situation and I know he has been advocating for me behind the scenes so to speak with the group leaders to help them with the group because they are less experienced. It's a university center, so they're training, and they are both really awesome people, the group is just getting very intense. But my T has told me he has to be careful not to do too much sometimes because he feels very protective of me. He's great.

sunnydays

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group sunnydays

Posted by Kath on February 29, 2008, at 22:08:07

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group Kath, posted by sunnydays on February 29, 2008, at 21:40:32

Holy - talk about "you-messages". They sure don't sound very nice. Of course I bend myself into a pretzel trying to find a way to say things so a person could NOT get their feelings hurt!!!

I can imagine the tones of voice. Anyone who would word things like that - well.

For ex - "well, I've found that if I look at a person when I'm talking to them, I sometimes am more likely to have a positive experience" or "well, I've found that if I think of how the other person might feel...." etc.

There are ways and WAYS of saying things.

Being in group with trainees sounds scarey to me. I'm so glad your T is so supportive.

I agree with rskontos that if you can find a way to protect yourself, it'd be good. How often is the group? Maybe it would be better to sit back if only 1 leader is there. If there are 2, maybe one of them would pick up on the fact that you were being traumatized.

I get really protective of people I like & especially if I think others aren't treating them well. It's probably a VERY good thing that I am nowhere near, etc. I'd feel like going trampling in like a big elephant & trumpetting!!! :-))

I hope things smooth out.

hugs, Kath

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group

Posted by Daisym on February 29, 2008, at 23:14:36

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group sunnydays, posted by Kath on February 29, 2008, at 22:08:07

Group dynamics are very hard. Sometimes the group needs to talk about the process of group and not "stuff" - if you know what I mean. When I was in group, usually I was the one who would bring it up, but lots of other people where thinking about it. You might want to start the next group by bringing up your desire to talk about group itself during your check in. (I assume you all check in?) I think Kath is right, use lots of "I" statements if you can. And I have called our group therapist and talk privately to her about what I was feeling and ways to bring it up.

But it seems really important to also look at what you can learn from this and if it is a pattern for you too - not just the other person who is attacking. Are you often the target of meanness (I'm NOT saying this is OK) - and/or do you "help" a group focus on a joint task by becoming that task? For a long time, I tried to "help" the group leaders without realizing I was doing it. I'd take on a lot of the group difficulties, including being the one expressing emotion. Luckily we had a very experienced group therapist who called me on it - often!

Group therapy was a hard experience but a really good one for me. I miss it.

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group Daisym

Posted by sunnydays on March 1, 2008, at 8:28:52

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group, posted by Daisym on February 29, 2008, at 23:14:36

Sorry, can't write much right now. But I do bring up the group dynamics, and that's what has provoked all this. They think it's dumb to talk about these things, that they are just little things that happen every day. I definitely think I am trying to help the leaders and I am working on that. I see T this morning, so will talk to him.

sunnydays

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group

Posted by Kath on March 1, 2008, at 14:28:01

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group, posted by Daisym on February 29, 2008, at 23:14:36

One of the stipulations in my group is that the leader will NOT discuss anything that has happened in group OUTSIDE of group. I sorta like that rule, as I know that 'what ya see is what ya get'. I think I might feel a bit insecure if I thot she was talking privately with ANY of us.

:-) Kath

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in group Kath

Posted by sunnydays on March 1, 2008, at 18:52:32

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group, posted by Kath on March 1, 2008, at 14:28:01

They don't talk privately with the members - interactions with my therapist are more like supervision, although they do have another person acting as their supervisor as well. My T and I will talk more Tuesday. He said I have a decision as to whether I want to go back or not. I don't know at this point.

sunnydays

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays

Posted by rskontos on March 1, 2008, at 20:14:33

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in group sunnydays, posted by Kath on February 29, 2008, at 22:08:07

sunnydays, I hope my post did not upset you. But to feel so attacked and the way you explained it further that they say you only talk about you and don't look at other people is like Kath says not very nice. I studied group dynamics in school and that is not how it should work and trainees should still step in an not let someone cry the whole session. I hope your t helps you find a way to protect your self and glad he is supporting you. Good luck if you go back. I got confused I thought maybe your t was running the group and just wasnt there the last time, my bad.

Again I hope I did not hurt your feelings with my ramblings in my first post.

rsk

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays rskontos

Posted by sunnydays on March 1, 2008, at 21:34:22

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays, posted by rskontos on March 1, 2008, at 20:14:33

No, sorry, I just haven't been up to responding much and there was a lot to think about in your first post. Didn't hurt my feelings at all. My T is not leading the group, and I think he's going to work very carefully with me and the group leaders to make sure I'm doing what I need to to take care of myself.

sunnydays

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays sunnydays

Posted by Kath on March 1, 2008, at 22:10:32

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays rskontos, posted by sunnydays on March 1, 2008, at 21:34:22

Sounds like you have a wonderful T & are well taken care of. I'm glad to hear it.

((((you))))

 

Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays

Posted by rskontos on March 2, 2008, at 9:31:31

In reply to Re: attacked (verbally) in groupSunnydays sunnydays, posted by Kath on March 1, 2008, at 22:10:32

Sunny, I am glad I just worried maybe I had gone too far. I was a little heated about how you got treated. I have been in groups myself but used my dissociation to protect myself. I think in one time an alter came out and took over. Not the best way to be in group but hey what can you do. Anyway, I second Kath, glad your t is helping you navigate this situation. I do have one friend that swears by her group. But then again she is a therapist and said this is the only situation that has worked for her.

good luck sweetie, you deserve the best.

rsk


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