Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 814340

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New office

Posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

Monday I meet my therapist at his other office for the first time. He recently opened an office closer to where he lives, and I'm suspecting he'll eventually want to stop seeing clients elsewhere and just see them here.

It's further away and harder to get to for me. And there might be times I couldn't go at all because of time constraints, or car problems. So I sort of resent this office.

And Monday I'll be seeing him for the first time there, because he's going to professional education later in the week.

I keep getting the urge to call and cancel. Even though it was my idea. He looked too happy, and I'm thinking he wants me to get used to this office.

I have actually said this to him. About resenting this office because I think he'll eventually only see clients there. He answered fairly neutrally, but in a way that makes it clear that eventually he does hope for that.

If I'm going to cancel, I need to do it tomorrow. I even have good reasons for cancelling, apart from my reluctance. But I'll know the real reason. And I'll feel kind of petty and small. Soooo.... I guess I go.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by rskontos on February 23, 2008, at 23:21:54

In reply to New office, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

Dinah, I think I know how you feel. I often do that same thing. In a moment of generosity you offer something you feel at the moment, but now that you have had time to think about, it feels different. You wish now you had not been so quick to offer. And so you now resent the office because that is easier than to resent him or yourself. I know that feeling because usually I end up being upset with my self and talking bad to me. Oh someone in my head does :(. But give yourself some space. You might find in time, the trip has it good points. It might not be so bad, maybe there are some better shops over there you can save up to visit while in that area. I don't know. Or you can dig your heels and resist. There is always a certain satisfaction in that too I have found. LOL sometimes doing the right thing, being an adult and acting right are sorely overrated ? :( LOL I will support no matter your choice.... you've got a friend. :)

rsk

 

Re: New office rskontos

Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 0:07:41

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by rskontos on February 23, 2008, at 23:21:54

I think you have something there. I'm pretty fed up with being grown up and acting right at the moment. So probably more inclined to be stubborn with him.

I'm sure I'll end up going. I've got some things I'd like to talk about before he leaves, even if he's only leaving for a few days. He'll be back next week at our usual times.

And I'm just now feeling connected to him after a long period of not really feeling connected. I made the appointment originally because I wanted to keep that feeling of connection high before he left. I'm all too able to lose that and fairly quickly.

I even know that while it may be his long term goal to move his practice to where he lives, it won't happen right away. I can't imagine many of his current clients would travel there to see him. So he needs to build a client base there first. Until then he'll divide his time.

I'm not going to like it, whenever it does finally happen. My car is getting older, and I might not always feel safe driving very far in it. And it could be hard to find a big enough chunk of time. I guess since I was driving three hours each way to see him for a while, this will be easy in comparison. But I wasn't able to manage to drive that once a week regularly, so...

Oh well. I have this nasty tendency to borrow trouble. Who knows what the future will hold. Things could change completely. I'll worry about it when it happens. Like with everything else in my life right now. :)

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by star008 on February 24, 2008, at 7:06:07

In reply to New office, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

my T is moving too.. this is the third time. it is not the location that bothers me but it takes me awhile to get used to new places and I am not really big on change.. good luck

 

Re: New office star008

Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 8:00:19

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by star008 on February 24, 2008, at 7:06:07

I hadn't even considered that part, but you're right. In this case he will obviously have new furniture as well. And in every case, the space between therapist and client will differ depending on the size of the office and placement of the furniture.

We've met in enough places now that I can find it "home" wherever he's present. But there are definitely different flavors to different places.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by seldomseen on February 24, 2008, at 10:30:14

In reply to Re: New office star008, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 8:00:19

...We've met in enough places now that I can find it "home" wherever he's present...

My therapist changed offices as well. Not too bad, basically he just moved down the street from where he was.

It was an adjustment, but a quick one. Besides, my therapist obviously so loved his new office that I hated to say anything.

Seldom

 

Re: New office

Posted by annierose on February 24, 2008, at 11:24:06

In reply to New office, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

I hope you do go. I'd be curious just to see it even if I decided to continue seeing him at his current office.

When therapists move their office, you have to move too. You didn't have input into the decision or help pick out the new space, you just have to accept it. And I think that's hard. It's our emotional space that is giving moved.

Let's us know what it's like. Maybe it will reflect another side of his personality that you haven't seen before.

 

Re: New office annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 12:28:32

In reply to Re: New office, posted by annierose on February 24, 2008, at 11:24:06

I wish it was just the emotional part I'm worried about. But while Mapquest says it's forty minutes away, and I generally leave an hour or fortyfive minutes to get to where he is now anyway, this will be highway driving. Not only do I not care much for highway driving, and particularly in bad weather, but we use our cars for a very long time - and the assumption is that we'll use the newer car for highway driving. Obviously I can't borrow my husband's car that often.

But... I'm not going to worry about it right now. I know it won't happen right away. The problem is that worries are sort of forced into my consciousness if I go there. Particularly since my car has been acting up a lot. I think I'll get my husband to check the tires.

(Why is it that cars fall apart promptly at seven years, but my husband believes firmly that all cars should last ten years?)

 

Re: New office seldomseen

Posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 12:43:09

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by seldomseen on February 24, 2008, at 10:30:14

You're nicer than I am. I complain vocally at most changes.

He's only made two major permanent moves, although he also keeps an extra office where the furniture is part of the set from his main office. At the extra office, I'm either too close (per him) or too far away. Which is what I do now, since after you're too close the only place to go is too far away and even further than that. I hate that awkward spacing there.

His first office I loved almost as much as I loved him. I used to tell me he could rent me the space and didn't need to be there. Warm but subtle pink or maybe peach shade on the walls, with filtered indirect light through the poured glass windows. When the light was right and reflected off the walls, there was the rosy glow that I would associate with heaven. The space between him and me was perfect. And there was a cool patterned rug on the floor so I could roll the balls on the rug into the curves at the corners and back in my imagination when I felt uncomfortable. Best of all, if I rocked back and forth, the world outside shimmered because of the waves in the window. Glorious old building.

The one I see him at now has the same furniture as before, but the additions are all angular art deco (I think). And it's got what he considers a wonderful view, and admittedly there's no direct sunlight. And he keeps the overheads off and uses lamps. It's ok, but it seems more like an office than a therapy office. And it's not terribly convenient, and parking is expensive. Instead of rolling the balls, I try to connect two different parking garages that are close together so that my imaginary car can go through both as it goes up or down floors.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by rskontos on February 24, 2008, at 14:04:32

In reply to Re: New office annierose, posted by Dinah on February 24, 2008, at 12:28:32

Dinah, maybe it is time with the new office and all, to think about doing a Racer and get you a new Dinah car, maybe a sporty model, with a new outfit, think scarf etc, and then you might even enjoy the ride? And tell your husband that you needed the car for therapy. LOL it was therapy inspired. I am so sure that will go over big. No seriously, car might should and some do but there are variables in all things.

I think you are doing a thing I do too. I borrow trouble sometimes. Go looking for it. Just tell him you are in denial about the new office. That if you keep cars as long as you do, then offices should never change.

I am sorry if I am not being more helpful. But I am with you on this. I would have a very hard time if my new T moved. I have a hard enough time getting to him. It is a 15 min drive and I allow 45 minutes and I am still not that early maybe 10 minutes. So if mine moved further away, I am just not sure about that. Plus the whole getting used to a new room. The safety features of that alone would freak me out.

rsk

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by raisinb on February 24, 2008, at 15:33:56

In reply to New office, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

It sounds difficult; I'd resent it, too.

It must be the season for such things. My T's practice is moving their office in May. It's not farther away, but it has parking. Perversely, I hate this, because I tend to park on a side street invisible from her office and wait until about thirty seconds before my appointment to walk in. I do this because I hate sitting in the waiting room, but my OCD tendencies won't let me be late--but I don't want her to SEE me sitting in my car, which she'll be able to do in this new place.

I think they should simply stay put!

 

Re: New office

Posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2008, at 15:47:16

In reply to New office, posted by Dinah on February 23, 2008, at 21:59:56

I had a really hard time adjusting to my T's new office when she moved a couple of years ago. It brought up a lot of issues/things to talk about. I thought it was no big deal, but then it seemed as if my warm, loving place had been taken away. All I'm saying is don't underestimate the impact it may have.
antigua

 

Re: New office

Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2008, at 16:45:39

In reply to Re: New office, posted by antigua3 on February 25, 2008, at 15:47:16

I went today. I'm not thrilled with it. I don't know if it's an issue to many people, but it is to me. The sofa was too large and soft and I don't like sinking in where it was hard to keep my feet flat on the floor. He said he was hoping it would encourage clients to get comfortable, curl up, etc. I told him my shoes were staying on, and no curling up would be done.

I guess it wasn't so bad getting there. But today was a nice day.

I suppose I haven't really explained. In order to get to this office, I have to cross the Causeway.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Pontchartrain_Causeway

Lots of people do it every day, and I wouldn't even have to do it in traffic.

But it's twentyfour miles of bridge. You zoom along at 65 miles an hour, with no shoulder, and a concrete wall on each side. The Causeway police are great, and there aren't many fatal accidents. But it is scary to contemplate an old car breaking down on it, or a tire blowing. To me it's like that scary stretch of highway that you hold your breath going over, but 24 miles of it. At least it's straight. Curvy bridges with concrete walls and no shoulders are the WORST.

And while the weather was great today, when the weather is bad it seems worse driving across that large lake. On a windy day it feels like you're going to take off, or flip over. When it's raining visibility is very poor. I know he does it nearly every day. And I should be willing to. But I'm just not a very confident driver.

But I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just not going to. I could get have a heart attack tomorrow and all that worrying would have been for nothing. I'll worry when it happens.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by rskontos on February 25, 2008, at 16:52:25

In reply to Re: New office, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2008, at 16:45:39

Dinah, you did it once. And that is an accomplishment. So for now be Scarlett in Gone with the Wind and think about it tomorrow. No need to do everything in one day. Small steps and you did one for today that is great. And of course, it is naturally to find something you did not like, I am sure I would hated the whole place. You, in your diplomatic fashion only faulted the couch. How did the actual session go, you only focused on the couch and the driving there? Did the session itself go well?

you did good kid, it was a big step for you actually and you made it. So celebrate that for what it is.
rsk

 

Re: New office rskontos

Posted by Dinah on February 25, 2008, at 17:32:00

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by rskontos on February 25, 2008, at 16:52:25

No, I don't think I even mentioned the drive, or my worries about that. And the sofa was just mentioned for a few minutes, while I oriented myself after the drive and getting lost and all.

The session was fine, although in retrospect I find it a bit amusing.

I really don't think I did anything all that good today. If it was foggy or rainy or windy yes. But it was a lovely day and the waves sparkled in the sunshine.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by MidnightBlue on February 25, 2008, at 18:42:28

In reply to Re: New office, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2008, at 16:45:39

Dinah,

I've been over that causeway and I would NEVER drive over it you are brave! I think he is asking too much. And I hate sink in sofas.

MB

 

Re: New office

Posted by rskontos on February 26, 2008, at 6:47:21

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by MidnightBlue on February 25, 2008, at 18:42:28

You know I guess I never thought about the furniture but since Dinah you mentioned you disliked the couch and Midnight Blue says the same thing about soft couches I guess maybe therapists might have one thought on what might make make patients comfortable and then we have one idea on what makes us comfortable. I know this is off topic a bit but just struck me as a part of the thread I had never thought of when moving and how it would be a part of your discomfort level and how your t might not either.

Dinah, was the session amusing good or not so?. I hate driving long distances too. Hopefully you have quite a long time before he ever transitions to the new office totally. Has he ever said?

Do you think you got anything out of this session? What did feedback did he give? About the new office? I mean I guess he realizes the significance behind it right?

rsk


 

Re: New office rskontos

Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2008, at 10:21:28

In reply to Re: New office, posted by rskontos on February 26, 2008, at 6:47:21

It was amusing in retrospect. It got a bit heated during the session. I didn't realize until afterwards that what we had been discussing with such energy was utterly ridiculous because I really didn't even believe what I was saying.

I was thinking about the sofa. He looked so sad, poor thing, because apparently I wasn't the first to not like it. Only one client had taken advantage of the curling up without shoes offer. More people than that had said it was too soft and too hard to get out of. I imagine it must be really difficult for older clients. I'm thinking that part of the problem my be the large number of cushions. In his regular office, I move the cushions to the side as I sit down. I tease him that it must be fun to watch his clients come in and move the pillows as if they're marking the territory. I didn't feel comfortable enough yet to move the cushions in that office. I did try to make him feel better, and even offered the fact that the therapist on In Treatment had a throw on the sofa for clients to wrap themselves in, if he was wanting that sort of thing.

We didn't talk much about the new office other than that. We talked about a decision I had to make.

 

Re: New office MidnightBlue

Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2008, at 10:26:52

In reply to Re: New office Dinah, posted by MidnightBlue on February 25, 2008, at 18:42:28

My husband and I, like many other people, thought about moving there after Katrina. There were a few drawbacks to that, but the deciding one was the Causeway. There is weather that neither of us would want to drive over the Causeway in, yet my son would need to get to school. I would get pretty peeved if I had to pay for sessions I had to miss because of Causeway weather.

I'm not going to worry about it yet, though. As long as his client base is here, he's not going to move there entirely.

I've always found it utterly amazing how the weather is worse over the lake. I'll have to see if I can look it up some day. I guess first I'll have to remember if Lake Pontchartrain is actually a lake. :)

 

Re: New office

Posted by annierose on February 26, 2008, at 12:28:37

In reply to Re: New office, posted by Dinah on February 25, 2008, at 16:45:39

Tell me more about the physical space of the office and his roots to it. Is this his own office space ... where he will see most of his clients? Is it bigger? nicer? more reflecting of his personality?

As I recall (and my memory is fading with age ...) he worked out of a church before(?)

It was nice that you came to his side of the bridge this week. The bridge holds many metaphors.

 

Re: New office annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 26, 2008, at 12:51:37

In reply to Re: New office, posted by annierose on February 26, 2008, at 12:28:37

It's very bare. Just a very small plain room with the sofa and two chairs. All very lush. I think that reflects his personality. Lush. I like that to describe him. Not as in *a* lush. lol.

His other office has leather captain's chair type furniture. I like it better but it probably doesn't reflect who he is as much. Although I suppose leather can be seen as tactile... I like it not only because I can perch instead of sink, but because it looks cleaner to me. You could conceivably take a cleaner to it. Hmmm... Maybe that's leftovers from In Treatment. :)

The new office still looks temporary. I don't really remember how long he's had it, and I don't know what his plans are for furnishing it.

Could you say more about the metaphors? I don't always get stuff like that.

I think I see it more as another example about how I'd do anything, and have done anything, to keep in contact with him. I don't want to get any negative comments from anyone over this, but I sometimes am amazed at how much power they have over us. My therapist hasn't misused it, bless him. And in the end perhaps I'd draw a line if he did. Because I'm sort of a line drawer. But I amuse myself sometimes by wondering how far I'd go if my only other choice was losing him.

 

Re: New office Dinah

Posted by rskontos on February 26, 2008, at 14:51:33

In reply to Re: New office rskontos, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2008, at 10:21:28

>>It was amusing in retrospect. It got a bit heated during the session. I didn't realize until afterwards that what we had been discussing with such energy was utterly ridiculous because I really didn't even believe what I was saying.>>

Maybe, you were arguing about this because the real argument you were not ready to have yet?

Like I said, he just didn't understand the sofa thing and he got un-validated from his clients. Sounds like he will have to adjust his furniture at some point. A chair option is probably in order.

I get the bridge metaphor but I will wait to see what Annierose has to say.

You are right, they do have alot of power and control. I am only beginning to see this. rsk

 

Re: New office

Posted by annierose on February 27, 2008, at 6:45:04

In reply to Re: New office annierose, posted by Dinah on February 26, 2008, at 12:51:37

Hmmm ... well the bridge metaphor seems to hold so much stuff.

You were making a bridge to see him in his new office even though it is farther away.

The bridge connects the old office to the new office ... and there's water under the bridge too (the aftermath of the hurricane).

I just woke up ... so I'll need to ponder more about my thoughts at the time I wrote the first post.

"In Treatment" --- wow. My initial feelings about the clients have changed from week to week. At first I didn't like Laura, but she has grown on me. Of course I see her as seductive but this is her issue that brought her into therapy. I can't stand Alex now --- what a jerk! And so controlling. Sophie is such a mess too. I didn't like how she spoke to her mother. I never liked the married couple --- couldn't relate to them at all. My favorite episodes are still with Gina.

 

Re: New office annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2008, at 11:47:09

In reply to Re: New office, posted by annierose on February 27, 2008, at 6:45:04

I like that! And it's so true.

I guess I ought to clarify that when I said I wonder how far I'd go, I didn't mean sex. After all, the idea isn't to send him screaming into the night. lol.

In Treatment. I'm disliking Paul more and more. I'm really glad that my therapist isn't that good an actor. It looks like Alex is going to show more vulnerability next week. Good thing. He was so one dimensional before that - just like my very dominant puppy. I was waiting for him to lift his leg, or roll Paul over with a grip to the neck. I don't feel like I really know Sophie yet, which makes sense with an adolescent, so they must be doing her part well. Or maybe I just like it because it mirrors the relationship between my therapist and me more than the others. Laura really bugs me because no one seems to notice that this isn't love. It's fascination on his side, but if he ever comes to... And on her side it seems almost as much about power as Alex's sessions do. She's just better at it. I dunno. It's not my version of love anyway. Maybe it's someone else's.

Some of the episodes have provoked discussions with my therapist. Oddly enough, not about Sophie. Too close to home I guess. That therapist is really losing it and it looks to me like he's hurting his clients. Not just Laura, which is pretty obvious, and Alex, which is also pretty obvious. But Sophie seems to be trying to tell him something, and trying to tell him she's trying to tell him something, and he just doesn't seem to be hearing it so she's telling him more and more forcefully. When he dismissed what happened with her to Gina, I really hope he was just downplaying his own negligence instead of really dismissing what she was saying. What does she have to do to get the adults in her life to listen to her?

Other than tell them straight out, of course.

Gina's being way too easy on him.

 

Re: New office annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2008, at 12:23:13

In reply to Re: New office, posted by annierose on February 27, 2008, at 6:45:04

lol. I was just trying to take a shortcut to find out how everything turned out and ran across a discussion board. Someone said what I think is my main problem. In order to believe that Paul is burned out, we need to believe he was once a good therapist. Alex said he's one of the best. But even with Sophie, I don't see that.


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