Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 810261

Shown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'

Posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

I didn't want to hijack Maxime's thread above, but twinlead said, about choosing a T,

"I do think it's so important that they are respectful, empathic and nurturing."

My T is all three things, completely. It's my pdoc that yes, I'm still struggling with, in new ways. Basically we are getting along well and have made some very significant progress, but I feel like it's w/o the nurturing part. I don't feel nurtured by him at all; that's not his style. It's sad because I know now that I need more than this to get through. I do need a male who shows that a girl can be loved without being abused.

He takes me places that hurt me, and then leaves me--like I've always been left--to clean up the mess on my own. His rules are so rigid--as rigid as my father's. There have been astounding discoveries, and I'm so much stronger, but being on my own, having to prove my independence isn't always beneficial.

I won't change pdocs yet. When I said I could walk out that door and it wouldn't make a difference to you, he was very smooth--and correct. He said, "But you would walk out a much better person--well and having made tremendous progress." He's very adept at avoiding the main issue--that he doesn't believe in forming any type of dependent relationship.

I don't know. I just feel very sad about this. Not devastated, because I always knew it was an option. But after a session with him earlier in the week, I just broke apart the next day. Like an egg, and all my self-confidence, etc. just spilled out everywhere. Like Humpty Dumpty I have no idea how to put this all back together again, or even if I should try.

But, I was alone. I couldn't call my pdoc, and that's what crystallized this for me. I shouldn't have to go through this alone, but he has so many rules and strict boundaries that he probably wouldn't even call me back, and instead I have to sit with this until I see him again in 10 days or so. I resent that.

My T would be helpful, but she is away, which is fine. She will be back next week. Plus, this isn't about her.

Just whining, I guess, sorry.
antigua

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3

Posted by twinleaf on February 2, 2008, at 10:36:21

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

This is a tough one. I think most of the therapists we trust and do well with are nurturing in addition to being respectful, reliable, understanding and skilled at what they do. Most of them don't see becoming healthier as incompatible with being dependent for a period of time- which might be years long.I think that they trust in the process, and feel that dependency brings with it the chance to become self-confident, comfortable and trusting- and eventually independent. However, I do know that some very good therapists do practice a sort of "tough love" kind of therapy. It sounds like your pdoc is one of them! As long as you know what you ARE getting from him, and appreciate how valuable that is, and also know what you ARE'NT getting, it seems like it has been a very worthwhile venture to try to work out some of your father-centered problems with him. It sounds like he's really been helpful with those; maybe a more nurturing person wouldn't be as good in helping you with things like anger. I'd say, if it's really helping, keep on going! (and let him know how furious he's making you).

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3

Posted by JoniS on February 2, 2008, at 11:04:19

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

Sounds difficult Antiqua - you are courageous to hang with him. I dont know if I could do that, even knowing he's helping me. Keep up the good work and take care of YOU! :o)

Joni

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'

Posted by Phillipa on February 2, 2008, at 11:32:19

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3, posted by JoniS on February 2, 2008, at 11:04:19

Mine is the tough love too. Just do it her motto. Lucky are those who find nurturing therapists I wonder if the age of the client makes a difference in their approach? Phillipa

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3

Posted by Poet on February 2, 2008, at 12:44:07

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

Hi Antigua,

I think your pdoc sounds very cold and distant and I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all. My first pdoc actually called my T when I stopped seeing him to get her to encourage me to find another pdoc. He was somewhat formal, but had a good sense of humor and would tell psychiatrist jokes.

I wish your pdoc could show some empathy, I am sending him a hard cyber slap to the head.

Poet

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'

Posted by Daisym on February 2, 2008, at 19:00:04

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

It sounds very hard, Antigua. But you've said over and over again that you knew it would be and you are getting something out of it.

I'm wondering, though, if you haven't set up a reenactement of some kind. You so often had to hold what your father handed you, alone. And you probably told yourself often that even though he was hurting you, you some how were suppose to learn from it.

I don't know. It might just be the mood I'm in today, so if I'm all wet, ignore me. I wish I knew how to help. Too often I've felt that broken open feeling and the terrible, black aloneness that goes with it.

I guess I'd also like to say that you aren't alone. I'm out here in cyberspace - we all are.
Hang in,
Daisy

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' twinleaf

Posted by RealMe on February 3, 2008, at 1:41:22

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3, posted by twinleaf on February 2, 2008, at 10:36:21

I agree that a therapist needs to be nurturing and compassionate and atuned to the needs of each individual person s/he sees. Since I will be starting to see my T three times per week this week, I had concerns about becoming 'dependent' on him. He said he prefers to think of it as 'reliant on' rather than 'dependent on' as dependency and dependent have such a negative connotation for so many people.

RealMe

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' RealMe

Posted by twinleaf on February 3, 2008, at 11:01:20

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' twinleaf, posted by RealMe on February 3, 2008, at 1:41:22

That's a very reasonable way of thinking about it. I would love to know how you feel about going three times a week, once you get started- whether the work really is deeper and more intensive. My analyst has suggested that I go three times, also, and I am having some of the same worries as you- that I'll get so attached and dependent that I'll never be able to leave him. He doesn't seem worried about that, which makes me think that he mist have been through this process with other patients a number of times- and come out on the other side.

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'

Posted by Daisym on February 3, 2008, at 13:29:24

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' RealMe, posted by twinleaf on February 3, 2008, at 11:01:20

My therapist prefers the word "attached" - dependent implies a number of things that just aren't so.

Three times per week is really different than 2x -so many things fall away and you go right back to the deep work. It is kind of scary but hopefully it will be rewarding too.

The downside - it gets expensive!~

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger/TL/RM Daisym

Posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 15:03:05

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by Daisym on February 3, 2008, at 13:29:24

My therapist would like us to meet he just says as often as possible during this "tough" time. I am very resistant at this time. I try to find ways to get out of it....His schedule is more often since he is not taking new patients and he generally could meet me 3 times but I try not too. And expensive is right. I haven't tried the expensive card. I thought I wanted to get deep quick but I really know now the phrase" be careful what you ask for". Between the flashbacks, the feelings of trust (to or not to), and all the other things therapy has brought up, I told him the last session or the session before that I thought dissociation was just fine. LOL talk about denial. I don't like attached, dependent, reliant, or any of the words him or any one can come up with because ultimately it means trusting someone else. And my t says I know this is what you are struggling with. And we (my inner family) as a new friend called it recently and i liked that, is not thrilled at the moment. But then again I have not had back to back sessions like some of you had, just those that fall with one day in between. For me, as it gets closer to the day of my therapy, my inner voices reach a pitch I can hardly heard anyone, my flashbacks come at an alarming rate, and I am so anxious. So I guess maybe back to back might prevent that. I guess underneath everything I am more confused than ever....
so I need to get a new name.....
confused rsk

ps. I am getting so I am not even comfortable with my family....

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'antigua

Posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 15:12:20

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

Antigua,

my therapist is a p-doc.......and I often leave like you...but he is respectful, empathic and nurturing to an extent....and some days I like him and some days I am not sure...

Mine says we have made progress and I think we have.. I am not sure if I like the progress. You know about the stronger part...I guess now I am not sure I even like getting stronger...I feel i have been stronger just in even getting where I am...

The thing your p-doc said about walking out...well I could say that about mine and mean it. I could leave him now and maybe I would miss him and maybe I would not. I guess maybe we should switch p-doc. I don't want to form a dependent relationship. Mine thinks we should. I wonder if sometimes we hook with the doc and then discover how they work and sometimes it is not how we operate. Because it sounds like mine might suit you better and vice versa. However, that being said. I know sometimes you must go out of your comfort zone.

It sounds though like you have by staying with him. Maybe you can email him if you can't call him. I have emailed mine. I guess yours though with all his rules would not respond. Maybe you should try and get him to see that sometimes rules are made to be broken......and sometimes in therapy it isn't about him

ok now I have talk myself into being mad at him for his treatment of you......... rsk

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'antigua rskontos

Posted by Daisym on February 3, 2008, at 17:59:47

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger'antigua, posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 15:12:20

I don't want to hijack Antigua's thread but I really want to ask you what you vision of a dependent relationship is. Maybe you could start a new thread because I feel like there are a few of here that feel, felt and will feel again, the same way and perhaps we can help.

It is all very hard. That's for sure.

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger/TL/RM rskontos

Posted by RealMe on February 3, 2008, at 23:57:10

In reply to Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger/TL/RM Daisym, posted by rskontos on February 3, 2008, at 15:03:05

I am going to try therapy x3 per week for a month to see how it goes. Why not give it a shot for a specificed time period, and if you are too uncomfortable, then go back to x2 per week. I don't like relying on anyone either, but we all do all the time. We rely on the grocer to have the groceries we want. If we work, we rely on being paid for our work, etc. So, I will rely on him to do his job while he is relying on me to do my part. OMG. Did I really say that. Now I feel as if I may wet my pants. I am getting nervous about it. Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I will check in tomorrow night.

RealMe

 

Re: type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger' antigua3

Posted by RealMe on February 4, 2008, at 0:06:13

In reply to type of therapist/pdoc''slight trigger', posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30

You know your pdoc/therapist sounds a lot like the one I eventually hired. He was not warm and nurturing, and he was strict and rather rigid. He saw me once per week and only twice per week when he was trying to talk me into ECT. AFter, he said more than once per week he thought was bad for me. HUM. Now my therapist/pdoc wants me to come three times per week. I have made more progress with the second than the first. I will say, though, that the second has his rules too. No going over time. I pay if I miss the session. I also don't get extra time if I am late. I have to talk first, but that doesn't bother me. He is an analyst, and so I expect that. I just don't know what to say. I thought I liked my other guy a lot, but I now see he did me more harm than good, my perception.

RealMe


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