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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12
Hi, all of my dear old friends: Happyflower, Phillipa, Muffled, Ladybug, Fallsfall, Gardengirl and B2Chica.....and to new friends I will meet.
I used to post as Allison.
It's a very long story. I went to my t for a church issue (my church of 31 years voted me out of membership after I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse.
I fought the system for 18 months to try and prevent the pastor from counseling any more women--in the end (on my birthday), my name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words: Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.
My t is an expert in spiritual abuse.
I get the whole picture, etc...he is struggling with himself; he has said: "I am torn, confused, scared and conflicted." We have had MANY conversations about what is going on between us.
The latest thing he said (!): "If I weren't married, I would probably go for it."
He makes me crazy; back and forth.....He is having his cake and eating it too!
An excellent book: Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter (when professionals betray, etc)......no, we haven't had sex.....It is so ironic; I am the client and can act anyway I want (except for flirting, which is my personality), I behave in a refined manner.
HE is the professional and is supposed to behave that way, but if I told you the things he has said and done.......unbelievable.
I realize it is unhealthy for me, but am not ready to leave right now.
A few things (out of 100's) he has said:
You are in my heart and in my head.
WE find it hard to end the session, WE find it hard to say goodbye.
If I were to kiss you, do you think it would take away the pain?To any who remember me, I just started school (psyc.) in the Fall, and recently won a women's scholarship; i was 1 of 10 recipients out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada; i was stunned!
I've been published in a psychiatric journal (LOL, no it isn't a case study)
Written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice to someone who speaks up against injustice)
My poetry website (faith-based), with 13,300 hits.....Elie Wiesel (survivor of Auschwitz) has written to me; I am so humbled and honored.
Okay, that's catching up, I guess.
hugs and Love to all,
Francesca (formerly Allison)
Posted by JoniS on February 1, 2008, at 8:22:56
In reply to Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12
Hi Francesca
I think I remember reading some Allison posts.
It is so good that you recognize the unprofessionalism. I sure do understand how close your connection is. But why, since you know that the "therapy" ? relationship is not healthy, why dont you begin seeing a different T and work with them to help you end the unhealthy relationship?
I know, we are all different, but that is what I would do.
Joni
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 9:24:40
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by JoniS on February 1, 2008, at 8:22:56
Hi, Joni: Nice to see you! Yes, we are all different. I don't want to see someone else; they can't help me; I've done so much research, etc.
If and when I leave it will have to be under my own steam (LOL).
I don't know if you (or anyone else) remembers someone named Jadah; she was in love (and having an affair for many years with her t).....she finally did leave.
He had said to me: "My colleagues would tell me to run fast and far, but I will never abandon you."
Unfortunately, abandonment has been a way of life since birth...never knew my father......even abandoned by 200 people in a church........
I can only do what I am ready to do, and it isn't now; still healing from a lifetime of abuse.
Smiles, Francesca
Posted by Bodhisattva on February 1, 2008, at 9:27:56
In reply to Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12
> Hi, all of my dear old friends: Happyflower, Phillipa, Muffled, Ladybug, Fallsfall, Gardengirl and B2Chica.....and to new friends I will meet.
>
> I used to post as Allison.
>
> It's a very long story. I went to my t for a church issue (my church of 31 years voted me out of membership after I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse.
>
> I fought the system for 18 months to try and prevent the pastor from counseling any more women--in the end (on my birthday), my name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words: Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.
>I can actually feel my heart rate increase after reading this. Who are they to pass judgment on you? That right is reserved solely for your creator. The creator who knows everything you've been through, knows the sacrifices you have made.
Unbecoming a child of God. ...Fine... then this I propose to you. He has created you in his own image, he has given you the free will in which to do with what he has given you what you will. THESE ARE NOT FREEDOMS YOU BESTOW TO A CHILD. Rest assured, he has created you as a peer.
> My t is an expert in spiritual abuse.
>
> I get the whole picture, etc...he is struggling with himself; he has said: "I am torn, confused, scared and conflicted." We have had MANY conversations about what is going on between us.
>
> The latest thing he said (!): "If I weren't married, I would probably go for it."
>
> He makes me crazy; back and forth.....He is having his cake and eating it too!
>
> An excellent book: Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter (when professionals betray, etc)......no, we haven't had sex.....It is so ironic; I am the client and can act anyway I want (except for flirting, which is my personality), I behave in a refined manner.
>
> HE is the professional and is supposed to behave that way, but if I told you the things he has said and done.......unbelievable.
>
> I realize it is unhealthy for me, but am not ready to leave right now.
>
> A few things (out of 100's) he has said:
>
> You are in my heart and in my head.
> WE find it hard to end the session, WE find it hard to say goodbye.
> If I were to kiss you, do you think it would take away the pain?
>
> To any who remember me, I just started school (psyc.) in the Fall, and recently won a women's scholarship; i was 1 of 10 recipients out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada; i was stunned!
>
> I've been published in a psychiatric journal (LOL, no it isn't a case study)
>
> Written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice to someone who speaks up against injustice)
>
> My poetry website (faith-based), with 13,300 hits.....Elie Wiesel (survivor of Auschwitz) has written to me; I am so humbled and honored.
>
> Okay, that's catching up, I guess.
>
> hugs and Love to all,
>
> Francesca (formerly Allison)Of your situation with your T, all I can say is be careful. It has infinite potential to cause you more pain.
Take care of yourself, and welcome back.
Posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 11:16:45
In reply to Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12
Hey Allie Gurl!
Nice to hear from you again, like the sort of new name, I think I know the other one from something. I admit I am surprised things are still hot and heavy, I thought he would have done something by now about it. lol
Well for me, a lot has changed for me, I fired that T 6 months ago. His boundaries changes kept hurting me, and I had enough. There were no doubt there were sparks between us, but now that I have a new T, who is an old geezer by the way, no attraction to him, things have gone better for me therapy wise. The last 6 months I have made more progress than the 2 1/2 years I was with the old T. I wrote a poem about it in a couple of threads above yours.I have given up on him in many ways, I still see him once in a while at the gym, but I don't even care anymore, if anything it makes me uncomfortable. He hurt me bad,really bad, and I hope that doesn't happen to you. Well I know he has hurt you, but I hope at least yours has a good outcome.
Have you showed him those crystal "ear rings" yet? lol ( I KNOW you know what I am talking about) lol
I am not hear much anymore, but it was nice to see you again and know you are okay.
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 12:13:42
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B » sassyfrancesca, posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 11:16:45
Happy Flower gurlfriend!! Yes, I have been reading your posts for quite some time. I am so glad you ha d a good outcome; Yes, I DID show him the crystal "earrings" LOL!!
I started school in the Fall (psych.), and recently won a scholarship (hard to believe!); I was 1 of 10 recipients out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada........e-mail me: wacalice@aol and I will tell you the latest.
As a student, I can be a member of a professional organization, and so joined the American Counseling Association, and made an impulsive move; I am going to the conference in HAWAII...guess who else will be there??
Sneaky, Sneaky, Francesca (my evil twin).
HUGS and LOVE, and missed ya a lot!
Posted by Phillipa on February 1, 2008, at 12:17:52
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 12:13:42
I remember the story wow how long ago was it? Seems like you've made progress in professional life and 31 years is a long time. Sorry you're lonely. Good to see you back. Phillipa
Posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 13:32:30
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 12:13:42
That great about the psych scholarship, and starting school, wonderful! I love school, it keeps my mind busy and I have met a lot of neat people.
Sooooo, I have to ask, were the ear rings attached to your ears when you showed him? lol
I might be there in Hawaii too, (if the school has enough money) I might be presenting there, I think it is that one, I know it is in Hawaii! lol Sooooo does he know?
Posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 13:43:42
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B » sassyfrancesca, posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 13:32:30
Opps, I am not going to the one next month! My prof. told me about it, but it isn't for another or so. darn! have fun! you better behave yourself!
lol
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 14:04:21
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B » sassyfrancesca, posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 13:32:30
Are you kidding??!!! Presenting??? Wow; yes it is the annual ACA Conference in Honolulu.......I can't believe I did something SO impulsive!!! It is the 26-30 (or close to that...in March)
But the plane fare was $964.00...that is amazing! I sent in my registration ($85.00), and need to book the hotel; if you were going you could share a room with me!!!!
sheesh; e-mail me so we can talk about this!!
This would be amazing if we got to meet...and in paradise of all places.
Know what I noticed? in 500 seminars, there is NOT ONE about emotional abuse.
There is however, "sand-tray" therapy; what a hoot; I just want to meet Bradford Keeney (fascinating and...a hottie); he is one of the keynote speakers; it amazes me they would have someone like that (shaman, spiritual, medicine-shaker, etc., etc)......
C'mon, back, ya crazy twin!
Posted by Happyflower on February 1, 2008, at 17:51:09
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 14:04:21
Hey Alley Gurl!
Nope I am not presenting at this one, maybe it will be the APA,(american psychological *ss) but I couldn't find the date of the conference, but I know my prof said it was in Hawaii, I remember that part! I am doing research with him and he said I could present as 1st author, that is if I work my *ss off this summer as his slave. It is about PTSD, and I know a lot about that, been reading all the old research that is being done on it, heck I have experienced it first hand. So save up your money, babe, then you can share a room with me, I won't be paying for it, the school will be! lol We might have to get matching ear rings! lol Okay, that is too kinky! lol Thanks for the laugh today, I needed it. This snow is bumming me out. I guess I will have to email you to get the earring story! lol My email had probably changed, so I will sent you a quickie! lol A 3 minute quickie, although 2 mins works for me! LOL Happyflowered evil twin
Posted by MissK on February 1, 2008, at 18:25:51
In reply to Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12
>You are in my heart and in my head.
>WE find it hard to end the session, WE find it hard to say goodbye.
>If I were to kiss you, do you think it would >take away the pain?And how is the crossing the personal / professional line helping you?
>I get the whole picture, etc...he is struggling with himself; he has said: "I am torn, confused, scared and conflicted." We have had MANY conversations about what is going on between us.
There shouldn't be an 'us' in therapy, as in a personal involvement on the part of therapist. Maybe you should see another therapist and see this one otuside of therapy if you and he want an 'us'.
Posted by widget on February 4, 2008, at 12:30:20
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK » sassyfrancesca, posted by MissK on February 1, 2008, at 18:25:51
Wow, I can't imagine hearing those words from my psychiatrist. How does it feel? Are you tempted?
I still love my psychiatrist after a mere 1 1/2 years which seems like forever. He has convinced me that what I seem to want (need) will never happen. I realize this will be a shocking question but can anyone tell me why an intimate relationship between client and psychiatrist is considered so damaging? Has anyone had this experience and can tell me why it is so bad? Why is love bad? I know the "reasons" given by my therapist, ie: boundary violation, would hurt trust, etc. but, as he pointed out, I have never seen someone who had such a relationship. He is suggesting it is a very bad thing for such a person. Is this always true? Still wondering....Widget
Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 4, 2008, at 12:57:18
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK, posted by widget on February 4, 2008, at 12:30:20
Hi, Widget: How does it feel to hear those words? Amazing.....it is excruciating to love someone for 5 years that isn't available.
I've read all of the research about why therapists shouldn't have outside relationships with clients, etc., etc....supposedly there is the power differential, etc., etc........My t considers me a "colleague"---Long story why.
I read somewhere that "the therapy room is the only place we call love by another name"----transference........This isn't transference for me; it is real; if I had met him anywhere else; I would have fallen in love with him; we are alike in over 30 different ways; we even have the same (rare ) eye disease....No (LOL) that isn't a prerequisite for being in love, LOL; we each know a man who has a very odd name and they both play the violin (that one blew me away)--they are 2 different people.
My t is going to convention in Hawaii---long story; on impulse I decided to go (I am a member of the American Counseling Association); I doubt I will see him; quite a lovely fantasy, though.
Hugs, Francesca
Posted by widget on February 4, 2008, at 13:30:11
In reply to Re: Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm B, posted by sassyfrancesca on February 4, 2008, at 12:57:18
Hi, Francesca, thanks for the reply! Given how you feel about him and how he feels about you, how do you keep from having a sexual relationship with him? Of course, you don't have to respond to this question but I can only imagine it being very tempting. But, again, I must say that only the person in the situation can understand how it affects her/him. Since this hasn't happened to me, I just don't know what I would do. It is my ultimate fantasy, though. (I answered your response to my older post, too.) Basically, asking if anyone can tell me from experience why this type of relationship is so forbidden? As I say in that post, I have heard the usual reasons but not from someone who has been in the situation. Actually, my psychiatrist's lack of response makes me feel inadequate and rejected. Thanks, Widget
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