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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
I have not posted much recently about what has been going on with me in therapy but plan to do so tomorrow. I have a lot to do today, and just got an email back from my therapist that was short but said what I needed to hear.
Anyway, it seems to me that most everyone here do post about their therapy as well as to offer support and encouragement to others. I find this most helpful to both give and receive feedback from others when I post about what is going on with me personally and in my therapy and when others convey what is going on with them.
I have noticed, however, that a very small few come and comment on the postings of others but never say a thing about their own therapy and what is going on for them as a result of therapy. I got to thinking about this and found myself feeling very uncomfortable with those persons who really don't disclose about self but are more than willing to say something about what someone else has posted and especially when it is some sort of platitute. I wasn't sure at first why I was so uncomfortable with this as most people do the same as me and post thoughts feelings, fears, triumphs and tribulations from therapy. It occured to me that the reason I feel so uncomfortable with someone who does not post about their own issues--their therapy and/or their thoughts, feelings, fears, etc, is because I (and others) am allowing myself/ourselves to be vulnerable while the one or two persons are not. I ask myself why don't they share too, and I don't know the answer. I am curious as to what others who share think of this as well.
RealMe
Posted by Wittgenstein on November 11, 2007, at 20:12:59
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
I don't know if I'd be considered a sharer or just a commenter/supporter (or as a neither - which is the category I automatically put myself in, as I come and go so much).
If the latter is the case, I wouldn't want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable on here. Personally, sharing in others' experiences has brought me a great deal - given me confidence to ask and discuss things in my therapy that I might not otherwise have dared - it's nice to find others having similar experiences, the same therapy method, who I can especially relate to. I really treasure some of the things people have written on here, reading them several times. Likewise, what we share in chat, when I log-on has given me so much. I want to thank those who have the courage to share the very intimate things they experience in their therapy.
For all those who support and don't exactly 'share' there will be more who don't post at all but who gain from those who do. For quite a while before I posted, I had read many posts in the archive - I wasn't ready to post at that point but Babble was still a great resource.
Why some people do not share as much (or not at all)? Perhaps this is something of self-confidence - I was going to post something the other day - went so far as writing it and then deleted it - thought "who would want to read this anyway" - that sums me up I guess! Hence why I come and go, will post several times one day (when feeling OK) and then not again for ages. I admire those of you who are able to update regularly, even when things are clearly particularly hard - but I understand why many can't do that. When I'm feeling bad I just can't - pretty much everything stops for me.
I'm glad you got the much-needed response from you T. I mailed my T after my Friday session - I was worried I'd offended him. We touched on the topic of the inevitability of someday ending therapy - I said but in an asking kind of way "I guess it's much more difficult for the patient than the therapist" (indirect as ever -- read into it and I'm really trying to ask "do I matter to you? I don't really matter to you do I?") - and he said among other things "therapists are NOT robots you know", which made me feel really guilty. Then a little later I asked how long he would continue working - he's past retirement - again I felt intense guilt afterwards emphasising his age as I sense it's a sensitive topic for him.
Anyway, he sent me a nice reassuring mail, with some humour in it too - put me at ease again. Then he asked me: How can you find the security with me that will enable you to speak freely?
I guess this is something we all try to achieve in our therapy but for me it's particularly hard - I'm so indirect and cautious - afraid I'll make him angry, that he'll reject me. Do most of you address your therapist by name? I never ever use my therapist's name (in e-mails I do but never in person) - he has only ever called me by my name once, when he was really trying to make a point - I know this isn't the case with other patients of his (one of his patients a few years back co-wrote a book about her therapy with him).
One time I posted a fairly lengthy text about several sessions that proved really important to me - they felt so special. I first regretted sharing about it as those moments no longer felt like they were 'mine' - but then when other babblers gave feedback the importance of those sessions felt reinforced. Perhaps others have similar fears when posting things so intimate.
Ok, sorry I blabbered on... not sure if this is what you meant :( - I meant well.
Witti
Posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 20:48:06
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board » RealMe, posted by Wittgenstein on November 11, 2007, at 20:12:59
Witti
You clearly were NOT one of the people I was thinking of when I set out to write my post. And, I have absolutely no problem with lurkers either. They are typically trying to get the courage to speak. I don't feel comfortable saying more, but certainly you were not one I had in mind, not by a mile. Most people that come and go, I figure are either busy or not in a good place or feeling better, etc.
Sometimes I am just not in a good place and don't feel inclined to share that as I don't want pity. Yes, I know it is my issue. I think I am supposed to be strong. I will post tomorrow at some point as I am not working tomorrow. Tonight I absolutely must achieve my goal of getting one more report written. That will leave me with two to write up tomorrow. Then, I will be caught up. I made a resolution not to book myself up so much henseforth so that I don't spend weekends and holidays playing catch up. Take care, and thanks for sharing.
RealMe
Posted by Daisym on November 11, 2007, at 22:57:26
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board » Wittgenstein, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 20:48:06
I think Witti hit most of the reasons I would give. Some posters are not confident in either the subject matter or in their ability to tell their own story clearly. I know of at least one person who doesn't type quickly so posting is a chore but she said she learns so much by reading. And often I don't think posters know what to say, or how much to say. There are several threads going right now that I'd love to jump into and debate some of the assertions made - but would that be uncivil? And if that isn't the intent of the poster - to really wonder about this or that - then it might feel like an attack or something. So it is complicated.
For me, I often write because I need to write. I love the responses but writing has its own intrinsic reward. Most of the time, my journal is just fine. But sometimes I guess I want someone to bear witness, or to challenge me or to help me with my questions. I like feeling connected here.
And lately, I'm much more of a come and go person. Life is busy, complicated, overwhelming and painful. I reach for words and they don't come. So I'm left with the plaitudes and cliches.
Is those better than nothing? I'm not sure...
Posted by JoniS on November 11, 2007, at 23:28:17
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
Real Me
Interesting thread.
I don't think other Babbler's habits bother me. The only thing that does is when someone totally unknown pops in and posts something ugly and insulting, which hurts the original poster. that's when we really appreciate those deputies.
I enjoy Babble so much that I am having to cut back on the time I spend here cause I am not getting my work done. I get up in the morning and start reading and the morning is half over before I know it. Or... like tonight. I start checking it 9ut before I go to bed and then 2 hours go by and I'm gonna get 6 hours of sleep. My 46 year old body does not like me for that.
I love Babble. but I have to cut back some :o(
Take good care!
Joni
Posted by RealMe on November 12, 2007, at 0:36:29
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by JoniS on November 11, 2007, at 23:28:17
I guess from what people are saying, I wasn't really clear, and maybe it was deliberate. I have no problem with people coming and going. I am on this board way more than I should be myself. Sometimes I end up with only three or four hours sleep at night--not good. Also, I don't mind it that some people mostly just lurk. I think it might be best for me to just leave the topic alone. I am afraid what I said is being understood not how I meant it.
RealMe
Posted by JoniS on November 12, 2007, at 7:00:51
In reply to RE: posting on the psych board - I wasn't clear, posted by RealMe on November 12, 2007, at 0:36:29
RealMe
I didn't see your post as a negative at all. I wouldn't worry about it.
Your posts show that you are obviously a sensitive, thoughtful and caring person.
I hope you are doing well.
Joni
Posted by arora on November 12, 2007, at 8:03:06
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
RealMe-
Maybe it makes you feel uncomfortable because when people post more about their therapy it gives more insight into who they are- so they seem to be an actual person, rather than just a cyber-name?
I guess it's so difficult to trust and get to know people these days, especially when we're all just anonymous typists at the other end of a computer- so when someone posts more in-depth stuff about themselves, they become more 'real'?... if that makes any sense, (I'm rambling, arent' I?)I don't say much about my therapy, because I don't have a T- (for financial restrictions at the moment) and my relationship with the last one was not good.
I'm doing my best to work on issues by myself, with the help of self-help and new age books... and when really bad bouts of depression come, I don't know quite how to deal with it.
I don't like to post here about it too much, because I feel like I'm trying to get answers from others who are struggling too, and I feel guilty about that... like I'm spreading my poison around even more dragging others down, and that's not fair.Maybe that's why I just usually post platitudes- often I'm sitting here crying into my keyboard, (not good for the keyboard, either- it makes it stick :-0 !) but I would feel even worse if I were to dump it onto someone else who is having a bad day of their own.
I don't know- just my thoughts.
I hated therapy, actually. So frustrating... I did so want to get somewhere, and she just seemed to not have a clue how to go about it, and was really vague. I gave up after 6 months... I'd have been better off buying a couple of crystals and some St.John's Wort, to be honest. :-}
arora
Posted by seldomseen on November 12, 2007, at 9:01:30
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
I just think it is hard to know what is going on sometimes in people's heads. . While I tend to be somewhat of a "here is what is going on with me" type person, others aren't. Platitudes are sometimes all people can manage.
Therapy can be so private sometimes and, for me at least, even though it is clearly a public forun, posting one's experiences on here can also paradoxically be a private experience.
Also, there have been some breaches of anonymity on Babble leading many to be a little more recalcitrant about self-revelation.
I also understand that you feel uncomfortably vulnerable when you post in what is the absence of others being as willing to be as vulnerable as you. I hope you won't quit posting as a result though. Personally I find your posts to be quite insightful.
Seldom.
Posted by Wittgenstein on November 12, 2007, at 9:50:51
In reply to RE: posting on the psych board - I wasn't clear » RealMe, posted by JoniS on November 12, 2007, at 7:00:51
Likewise RealMe,
I wasn't trying to be critical in anyway - I liked the topic you started as it made me think about Babble and what it means to me - even if this wasn't quite what you had had in mind when you started the thread.
I hope all is going well - and that you are able to catch up on your work and take things a little easier.
Witti
Posted by Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 10:12:27
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board » RealMe, posted by arora on November 12, 2007, at 8:03:06
> I don't like to post here about it too much, because I feel like I'm trying to get answers from others who are struggling too, and I feel guilty about that... like I'm spreading my poison around even more dragging others down, and that's not fair.
The nice thing about a board like Babble is that at any given time people might be feeling better or worse and can post accordingly. If a topic is too difficult for some people at some time, there is usually someone else around who is comfortable posting about it. And what is inside of you isn't poison. It may be hard to deal with, but it won't poison those around you. (I'm assuming you aren't talking about incivility of course. :) )
>
> Maybe that's why I just usually post platitudes-I hope you don't think of what you post as platitudes. Or at least... Sometimes we all post platitudes I guess, because platitudes are platitudes for a reason. We don't have all that many words to express sympathy or compassion or empathy. And how bad can it be to feel those things for another and reach out to that person to say so? Even when words seem inadequate or hard to find.
> I hated therapy, actually. So frustrating... I did so want to get somewhere, and she just seemed to not have a clue how to go about it, and was really vague. I gave up after 6 months... I'd have been better off buying a couple of crystals and some St.John's Wort, to be honest. :-}
That is very unfortunate, and too common I fear. I guess when you think of it, since fit is sooo important to therapy and since there are so many therapists who are very very different, it is more lucky than usual to stumble into a good relationship in the first try. I did, but it was pure dumb luck. I do understand the financial constraints that can make trying over again difficult.
Posted by Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 10:13:12
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board » RealMe, posted by arora on November 12, 2007, at 8:03:06
I was *sure* I clicked on that pernicious button this time.
Posted by Phillipa on November 12, 2007, at 10:42:47
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 10:12:27
Dinah oh but so true about the fit if not right I see no point in it it just makes things worse at least to me. I'm pretty introverted in reguards to my emotional past and feel I should work things out for me will start that thread suggested by Clear Skies no hyjacking by me. Sorry even about this. Phillipa
Posted by Deputy Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 11:23:13
In reply to RE: posting on the psychology board, posted by RealMe on November 11, 2007, at 16:43:21
> I got to thinking about this and found myself feeling very uncomfortable with those persons who really don't disclose about self but are more than willing to say something about what someone else has posted and especially when it is some sort of platitute.
It's fine to post your reaction to others *very carefully* using I statements and speaking more of your own issues in the matter, but please be careful about how you characterize the posts of others (such as referring to their responses as platitudes). It can be therapeutic to express yourself, but this isn't necessarily the place.
Unfortunately the more indirect you are in what you say (using the global you here), the broader the net of the people who may feel included. So being indirect is likely to increase the number of people who potentially feel accused or put down rather than reduce the number.
If you're in any doubt, it might be good to ask a civility buddy to preview your post. I generally do so myself.
If you or others have questions about this or about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways of expressing yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
Follow-ups regarding these issues should be redirected to Psycho-Babble Administration. They, as well as replies to the above posts, should of course themselves be civil.
Dr. Bob is always free to override deputy decisions. His email is on the bottom of each page. Please feel free to email him if you believe this decision was made in error.
Dinah, acting as deputy to Dr. Bob
Posted by Deputy Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 12:04:32
In reply to Please be sensitive » RealMe, posted by Deputy Dinah on November 12, 2007, at 11:23:13
Further posts on this topic have been redirected to the Administration Board. Please post followups there. Here is a link.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20071106/msgs/794605.html
This is the end of the thread.
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